dammit i really need to keep up with this. Nothing's really happened at all over the last few weeks. I've been out with Emma a lot and went to see Kill Bill on Saturday, it was real good :] I went to the doctor's last week cause i'm always tired and they're doing blood tests:( i don't like injections much. I got home today and slept until about 7 though so i guess i want to know if it can be made better.
We're potato printing in art tomorrow! It's so silly :/ i'm all covered in ink from today also, what a mess! Erm..... I miss danielle! It's so sucky cause i really want to speak to her in the evenings and such but i'm so busy with school stuff and the constant sleeping that i just don't have time :( she must think i'm neglecting her or something. I'm gonna make it up on saturday hopefully, we're going to the fair *yay* Oh how i love the feeling of impending death by shoddy fairground rides.

meh, not much to say, more because i can't be bothered than that nothing's happened. Started WLC, kinda cool but i feel totally like 'the new girl' or one of the many. Don't think there's any likeminded people really but i guess it doesn't matter. I just want lessons to start now.
I'm gonna go have a bath.

wow, has been a busy few days for me.... thursday i picked up my results, did way better than i expected, 1 A*, 6 As, 3 Bs and a C (damn that IT half GCSE). After that Paul and I went to Frankie and Bennies for a wonderful, paid-for-by-my-lovely-mummy meal. That evening i went to Jamie's and got heartily drunk, enough so that i was dancing to drum and bass and talking to people i can't stand. Friday morning i woke up pretty hungover, and went to london with my mummy and daddy. We went to the tate modern where i managed to drag myself around without collpasing. The instillations are good though, there was a room dedicated to Bill Viola's Five angels for the millenium which consisted of 5 tv screens showin films of people ascending and descending into water. It was maybe the most eerie thing i've ever experienced becuase the room was completey dark and there was the sound of running water and a little tinkly melody in the background. i want to be able to do something like that.
In't evening i went to the pitz and met up avec paul and danielle and we rocked out to Nomme Louis (they were so good! it being their first gig and all i really can't believe they didn't win.) The last band were a big plie of yuck, i walked out from complete boredom before the finished their first song but was forced to go back in at the end of their set by the bouncers. The last few minutes of their set was basically them playing thr same riff over and over while topless and headbanding at the same time. This started Paul shouting various abusive things at them and lots of nipple showing from Chris, Panda and Paul. They left the stage to screams of adoration for about twenty 12 year old girls and shouts of 'Go Busted' and such from Paul. Everyone was there, which was nice, Paul got incredibly drunk and rambled to terry the whole way home, accasionally slipping in phrases like 'sex doll' which didnt impress my daddy too much. When i got home i ate crumpets and fell asleep.
It's now 12:20 on saturday after noon and i'm sitting in front of my computer wearing pajamas with rabbits holding umbrellas on. Yay!

wow so it's been so long since my last entry that i can't remember what i've done, so i'll just update on the last few days....

i went to Barney's on thursday afternoon, we ate lots and i sat on the internet till the early hours not doing much. I downloaded a couple of Invader Zims and left my laptop there to download more. Also i introduced Barney to it, hehe Gir voices all the way! Came back (to danielle's) on saturday which took three hours, goddamn railworks and strikes! When i was in Nuneaton station there were dozens of people with cameras about, they kept staring at me. It felt like a scene in Jacob's Ladder, very surreal, i'm starting to think i made it all up. I thought i'd try to look a little less out of place and took a photo of the 'Mind the Gap,' it's a nice photo. We sat outside Northampton for about 20 mins and my CD player batteries ran out so i had to listen to a bunch of 12 yr old treebos grunt to eachother and a little kid play with his ringtones... i almost slit my wrists.

Sunday i dont recall doing anything but eat.

Monday; today, i went up MK, met paul for lunch (of sorts), met mark and wandered round the city, bought a mighty cheap visor which is totally sexeh and some Pukka stationary, it's so yum! i wanted to get a bad too but i can't afford it :( Maybe after i finish my work i will get one. Met Paul again after work and we all bummed about together, Paul is so yay! he makes my insides go mushy >_< Then mark brought us home and me and danielle have been sitting about being bums, as usual.

So there concludes my slightly dull weekend. Thankyou.

well i've been here for nearly a week i guess. It was ok at first but now i'm just missing home way too much. My only joy here is what i'm going to cook for dinner and going to the supermarket if we're out of food. I'm feeling pretty depressed today so everything will probably be different tomorrow. I'm in one of those places where i feel completely worthless, i hate everything i do and everything i feel. There's nothing particularly special about me, i can't be bothered to keep in touch with most of my school friends, i used to get so much happiness out of meeting new people on the 'net but now i just don't see the fun in it. Also i put on some weight over my exams and i can't get rid of it now so i have no self confidence. Somehow i feel that if i was at home and had stuff to do instead of having so much time to sit around and pick at every little thing i hate about myself, i'd be much happier, at least i'd be able to ignore everything that bothers me.
Hm i guess it's time to go listen to Marilyn Manson and cut myself now. Heh. Why doesn't sarcasm come across on the internet? Seriously... i'm gonna get a glass of ribena and watch the Big Brother final. Oh my i am such a lameass.

eeeeeeeee it rained today :D i was so happy i went and sat in the graden and got rained on. But now it's all dull and sad-looking. I can't wait for winter. Just a quick post really... i'm home now, it's nice to sleep in my own bed, but i loved staying with Barney, he makes me popcorn and curries. Not together though, that wouldn't be very nice i don't think. Mummy bought me a lovely t-shirt yesterday, it's pink and has a picture of a glass of lemonade on it with a smiley lemon. It has some wtiting too but i forget what it says right now. Hopefully, Paul's coming over tomorrow, i'm not saying that he definately is because i don't want to tempt fate, it seems to happen to me all too much.
I'm going to go and watch the fairly odd parents now and make a cake for grannie and some cookies for barney. Maybe not at the same time.

hmm just an appreciative Stephi entry, she's so great, always online when i need to babble at someone. AND she's sooo perdy AND she has awesome musical taste AND now i sound like i have a crush on her, oh deary me, Chris will be after me with a gun or something soon.

niggle one: well i can't actually put into words how much i'm missing Paul, i feel kinda empty which is dumb because i'll be seeing him in 3 days and it's all only because i'm an hour away from him. This doesn't bode well for the two weeks in france :/ every time i talk to him i feel like i didn't quite make the most of it, or i acted a little too offhand and as soon as i hang up i just feel empty again and although i have nothing left to say, i just want to hear his voice.

niggle two: you know how everyone just takes it for granted that we all think the same, all our morals and boundries are pretty similar? Well what if that's not the case? What of everyone has much higher or lower morals than me? What if the emotion that i feel is depression is really happiness? From my small research into psychology, i know that people mirror eachother's emotions and ways of thinking, but somehow i wonder whether that mirror can be a little broken. Where do you draw the line? What is normality?

there were more niggles but i doubt anyone actually reads this so i'll stop for tonight.

whoo, first proper entry. Here ensues a large amount of public paranoia, moaning and the occasional happy moment....

today: i woke up early for once, 10:30 no less! i made cookes yesterday, they're quite lovely. I spoke to Ben last night, i love being an agony aunt heh. I hope he can be happy with everything soon because he really deserves it.
I rang Paul completely randomly around midnight, just to say hey because i've been missing him so much. I ended up being on thephone for ten minutes and missing him even more, i dont think i can put into words how much i love him right now. Oh and Danielle rang me from Lesbos this morning, i miss her too! This summer (and pretty much from now on seeing as i'm moving schools*sigh*) is probably going to be the longest we've ever spent apart, which kinda sucks because she's awesome. But i think she's having a nice time, despite the occasional earthquake etc.
obviously... not much has happened today yet....

eeeeee i got a blurty, it has a nice name :) more soonly.