A Dream come true?   
02:39pm 24/01/2007
 
mood: amused
music: Stupid Girl - Pink
Oh. I just woke up. Yay. I had a dream about him last night. He was wearing a plaid like shirt....the base of the shirt was a creamish color and it had plaid in a light red, a dark red, and a light brown color...it was short sleeved. It was our first time seeing each other and we kind of just stood there and looked at each other and smiled for awhile. Then he walked over to me and said I got this for you. And he handed it to me. I unwrapped it and was like...what is it? It looked like this huge lollipop type thing that I got in Italy once. It was crystal clear candy in the shape of a bell and it looked like it had something in the middle of it. I was like....um? He said you have to get thru the candy to get to the center and find out what it is. I asked him what it was and he said it was a ring. I was like oh. Then I hugged him and we stayed that for a loooooooong time. He smelt intoxicating. Just really awesome. I didn't eat the candy but I melted it down in some boiling water...the ring was BEAUTIFUL! It was white gold and a princess cut ring. I don't really know what it is supposed to signify or anything....but I'll look it up later. God. I woke up in a GREAT mood.

-

PLUS!!! It SNOWED LAST NIGHT!!!! It has melted away now though. Aww. I have so much stuff to do today...and I really don't feel like doing anything at all. I mean...I'll do the stuff in the house that I need to do...but I really don't want to go outside of the house. It is freaking freezing out there. I just don't feel like taking a shower I guess. Haha. I'm thinking today I will:
-make a cup of tea - done.
-have some toast with strawberry jam on it - done.
-hopefully speak to him today :) - done!!!!!! :)
-start reading a new book - done.
-do my ironing
-play a little animal crossing - done.
-clean my room up a little bit
-call my brother - done.
-look for new job on job center website!! - done.

Ok. I'll come back later and tick off the ones that I actually do. Hah. This ought to be interesting....and add other stuff that I've done if I end up doing anymore.

Oh!! I just remembered that I dreamed that we had tons and tons of cereal in the cupboard downstairs as well. Like...many different kinds....kinds that I haven't seen in years. I don't know why I dreamed of that...but it was weird. I checked when I went downstairs, but we don't have any new cereals. Darn. I was really looking forward to eating some different cereal.
 
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Books   
03:51am 24/01/2007
 
mood: artistic
So I've decided to write down the books that I've read this year....hopefully I'll keep this up. I've always wanted to know just how many books I read in a year....maybe this will be the year to find out! Who knows??

1. Tick Tock - Dean Koontz
2. Twenty Something. The Quarter-Life Crisis of Jack Lancaster - Iain Hollingshead
 
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Resolutions   
02:01pm 06/01/2007
 
mood: artistic
music: Big Brother Little Brother
New Year's resolutions:

- Lose weight (duh)
- Get in shape/start exercising more often
- Try to write more often, whether it be on here or in my journal or poems
- Take better care of myself
- Write down every book that I read
- Try to be nicer to my family even when I don't want to!!
- Take out more time to do things that I enjoy


Ok. That's all I can think of right now. I might update later!!!! Peace!
 
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Hahahah.   
04:14pm 02/01/2007
 
mood: hopeful
music: Olive - You're Not Alone
So...I've noticed that I come here when I'm mad to write out my feelings. I read the stuff that I wrote back to myself...and burst out laughing. Haha. I'm so funny when I'm angry!! The truth is...I would never say such hurtful stuff to people in "real" life....so that's pretty much why I write it out. Hoping that the person that I write about and am angry at will never find this. My god...that would suck if someone actually found this and saw me writing shit about them. Haha.

Right now I'm just finishing my make-up off and then I'm gonna go to Argo's to *hopefully* pick up my nintendo ds and get animal crossing. I hope they have the ds in stock!! That would totally suck if they don't. I've been wanting this thing for over a year and I finally get the money for it...and I can't find it ANYWHERE! Argh. That really ticks me off.

Oh. Last night I got mega fucked up. Haha. I remembered that I had a beer from last week that I bought....and when I went walking around yesterday I stopped at a shop and got another can of beer. So...I had 2 pints, 2 joints, a bottle of wine....and countless amounts of cigarettes. Heh. So it was a fun night. I talked to my brother, my friend Dancy....and Caine. *sigh* I like him a lot. I wonder if it really will be a "story book ending" as Nichole keeps calling it?? Only one way to find out really. I can't believe he is coming all the way here to see ME! YAY! I wonder if he is any good in the sack? He's gotta be better than that guy from last week..hahahhahaha.

Anyways. Gotta go. Peace!
 
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Fuckin new year.   
02:24pm 01/01/2007
 
mood: pissed off
Man. I was having such a great start to the new year today. Everything was hunky dory...even if I had to come home in the clothes I was wearing from last night. Nothing could burst my bubble today. Yeah. If only that shit was true.

As soon as I got in...my mom started digging in on me. What the fuck?! She hasn't left her bed for the past 4 days and she goes off on me because I didn't do this...or I didn't do that. Fuck off! I just got home. I want to shower and go do something that will start my year off right!! No. We get into this huge fuckin arguement about how I supposedly don't do shit around the house. Which is complete and utter bullshit. I do fuckin EVERYTHING in this house! I can't stand living here anymore. I want to get out of here so so so so so bad!!! I really wish I lived on my own. Once you have been out on your own and you move back with family members...it fuckin sucks. Not only do I live with my mom...but my fuckin nan as well! They both drive me up the fuckin wall. I can't do ANYTHING right!! I just spent 2 hours in the kitchen going through everything and throwing shit away and organizing everything. My mom doesn't even come in and talk to me...she showers (first time in 4 days! the dirty whore!) and leaves. Well thank god for that. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this shit. She keeps saying I need to go find a job. I FUCKING HAVE A JOB!!!! It is a brand new company that starts this week. I don't see how she doesn't understand this?! How does she not?! I'm so glad that I have 2 bottles of wine saved up. I am so getting drunk tonight on those. Plus...I think I might have a joint or two laying around here somewhere. I can not wait until it is night fall and she is in her bed (AGAIN!!!!) and my nan is in bed. Then I will get to shut my door and block them from my mind at least for a few hours. I can't wait. Fuckin bitch ruining my new year. Dumb whore.
 
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Dream   
03:01am 29/12/2006
 
mood: tired
Ok. So I had this dream.

It was this sort of talent contest for 3 different groups. For some reason mine was being run by my 8th grade teacher Mrs. Hardy. Now the people in each group had to wear a certain type of outfit designed by the teacher and carry a certain type of pillow looking purse thing. The dress that I had to wear was white and had a slit down the right side that came half way up my thigh. Then we had to wear dark gray tights and black mary jane looking shoes. We also wore long white gloves. My hair was really long and I wore it up...kind of like a pony tail. I remember I got there early...and there were this sort of stall things that had like a shower, bench, and a sink, table, and mirror with lights in it...although they were really small. I took a shower and got ready and all that. While I was in there I saw my friend Nate and then my friend Jason from college. There was also a gym where all of these stalls were. The 2 guys were going there to work out before the talent show started. After I was done getting ready I went and waited in line....there was a huge, long one to get my ticket. You can only be admitted if you had tickets and it kind of looked like a security check point because it was behind a chain link fence and some people were trying to get it. I got in....took a seat in my section, I remember the chair being kind of like a bar chair because I couldn't reach the ground and my legs kept swinging back and forth.

Then...all of a sudden it was the next day. Don't remember any of the talent stuff at all. I remember I was laying down on my stomach in front of the tv and it said that at the talent thing the night before that my friend Nate and my friend Jason had been murdered. And not only them....but tons and tons of people that were there. Apparently some of the people that couldn't get in had gunned the place down....killing whoever they saw. I cried and cried. Then....I wake up and it is the morning of the talent show again. It was very surreal. I went about and everyone did and said the same thing. For some reason I was late doing stuff that day. My ex...don't know why the hell he was in there...picked me up and decided he wanted to talk or something and go for a drive. I remember getting out of the car and him chasing me....but it was on this dirt road sort of thing. Then there was this group of black guys and they started chucking rocks at our heads and his car. I kept running because I had to warn people of what was about to happen. So I ran into the stall place....and cleaned up as fast as I could. I remember I had to use a girl from another group's mirror. They were wearing red. I had to use the mirror in order to put my mascara on. In my dream I had the LONGEST ever lashes. It was great. Just as I was almost done with my mascara...I still had to do the left bottom lashes. A hand grabs me and accuses me of murder. Apparenty one of the black kids died or something and my ex. And I got blamed for it. Don't know why. So I had to go wait and I was crying because I didn't want to go to jail or anything. OH yeah. When I was getting ready I saw Nate and Jason and told them to hurry up and get ready because they wouldn't seat you if you were late....which I said late was past the time of the the gunning down. I remember I had to get up in front of everyone and they found out I wasn't guilty or something. So I rushed back and finished my mascara then sat on a bench in front of the building waiting for my class to show up. I remember we won the pillow/bag contest.....but then I woke up.

I wonder if I saved anyone from death. I can't believe I remembered that much.
 
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Where ever you are I'm all alone, and it's you that I want   
01:15pm 17/12/2006
 
mood: pissed off
music: Promiscuous Girl - Nelly Furtado
Man. What the fuck.

Everytime I do something that I enjoy...I get shit for it. I can not wait to get out of this fucking hell hole! All I did last night was call an old friend and congratulate her on having her first child. My mom gets pissed because I was on the phone to her. I was already feeling depressed anyways. And now my mom is being a mega bitch. (surprise, surprise) I just can't do anything right. I get a job...thought she *might* be happy about that....hell no she's not. I don't know what else to fucking do to make things "right" in her eyes. It is impossible to live up to these non existent standards that I don't know the limits or boundaries to. I'm SICK OF IT! She wanted me to go shopping with her today....and she left without me....and as a side note...clean the fucking house, it's a tip. THANKS BITCH! I don't even use any of the other rooms in this house. I stay in my room because I can't stand to be near anyone else in this house. And I'm the one that always has to clean this shit hole. I can not wait to get my own fucking place!!!!

Anyways. As I was talking to my friend Carmen last night....she said she was planning her wedding. I asked her all what she wanted to do and all that and she said she wasn't really sure. I asked her the colors and the flower selection that she wanted and if she wanted it to be formal or informal. After I thought for a moment, since I know her well...I told her what I imagined her wedding to be like...and she said that it was exactly what she wanted. Which was odd because I had recently said this to another friend. Then Carmen said that I should plan weddings or something because I "obviously" have a knack for it or something. Which I thought was pretty cool...until she said "Those who can't plan" just like from that movie The Wedding Planner. Which kinda brought the mood down to here_. I was like wow. Thanx! I feel SOOOO good now. I don't know if she meant it as a compliment or what.....but I felt like shit after that. I got off the phone fast and had a few slugs of vodka. Which didn't really help...but I did have a good cry. That felt pretty good. Crying seems to make things better with me....I don't know how...but it does.

I don't know what it is...but when a family member of mine that I am currently living with talks...I kind of have this buzzing sound in my head while they're talking....maybe it's a bullshit censor or something. Haha. I'm so funny.
 
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Woo! A job!   
10:34pm 16/12/2006
 
mood: bored
I FINALLY got a job!!! Wooohooo! I started last week...and just found out that we aren't going to be actually starting until after the new year...which sucks. I really wanted to start work now so that I could get out of this house every single day! Fuck.

Also. There is this guy that waaaaaaaaay back in the day I used to have a crush on....and now he likes me again. He is actually going to consider moving here to be with me. WHAT?! How crazy is that shit? I haven't even seen him in like 4 years. He found me on myspace and we've been writing these kind of "love" letters back and forth. He is coming here in Feb to see me!! I'm excited. Maybe a little too much? I dunno. I wonder how this will end? Hopefully....very very GOOD. Heh.

I'm smoking cigs in my room. I feel guilty for that. But not guilty enough to stop. :)

That's all for now. *muaw*
 
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Fuck the world.   
06:38pm 14/11/2006
 
mood: depressed
Fuck this life. Fuck this world. I fucking hate everything right now.

My mom just yelled at me because I don't have a job yet. Fuckin bitch. She thinks I'm not trying to find a job...I applied for 8 different jobs last week and I didn't hear anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that? Take someone hostage just to get a job or what? ARGH! I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs.

The truth is I'm fucking depressed. I can't get out of bed to face this world. Nothing good ever happens to me. EVER. Fuck this.
 
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Haven't you people ever heard of closing the god damn door?   
09:04pm 26/08/2006
 
mood: annoyed
music: I Write Sins not Tragedies - Panic! At the Disco
You know there is stuff that you just shouldn't think about and you just hate yourself when you start to think about it? Well...lately I've started doing that and I hate myself for it! Like thinking about my scumball ex....I mean...ewww. I don't even like him...don't care to ever think about him again...but then there were times when I was with him and you just can't help but remember and smile...and it makes me feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. Ick.

Also I think about all of my so-called "great friends" who don't even bother to call me or even send me an email or even attempt to keep in contact with me. And it pisses me off!!! I mean....I'd expect that from aquaintances but not my best friend. Ever since I've moved here which has almost been 8 months now....guess how many times she has called me? 2 times. TWO FUCKING TIMES!!!! And the only reason she called is because she was sad or something wasn't going perfectly in her world. How can I still call her my best friend if she doesn't even ATTEMPT to keep in contact. I have to call her and when I do call her her stupid ass bf is in the background talking the whole time and I can't get a word in edge-wise. She pays more attention to whoever is in the room with her than she does to me when I'm on the phone from halfway across the world!!! It pisses me the fuck off. Argh. I just wish that I could have things back to how they used to be. I wish I was an ignorant little child again...then I wouldn't be half as sad as I usually am. The only person that actually keeps in contact with me is my friend Justin...which I'm grateful for. I really do care about Justin....I always have....ever since I layed my eyes on him. I miss him SO much! He could always make me feel better about myself no matter what I was feeling. He would tell me I was beautiful when I was wearing my trashy but comfy pjs, haven't taken a shower and my hair is everywhere and there wasn't a stitch of make-up on my face. We would always have a laugh no matter what we were doing. God...I miss him. Anyways I can't do this for much longer otherwise I'll start crying or some shit and I don't have anything to help numb the pain. I just need to get good and fucked up....drunk...high...whatever....both would be awesome! I'll go and see if I can't rustle up some kind of alcohol downstairs....I'll have to wait till later tonight though when everyone else in the house is asleep...that might be awhile though. Grrr.
 
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Blah   
04:37am 26/08/2006
 
mood: blah
music: Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
I keep meaning to write on this thing...or in my real journal on paper. I've had so much going through my brain lately that I don't know what to think about anymore. It would probably help if I actually had someone to talk to about this...but I don't. Ever since I've moved to England...it kinda sucks. I thought I'd move over here and lead this great incredible life. Yeah. Right. My life just feels so stagnant right now. I'm trying to look for a job but it was hard enough looking for a job in the states...it is EVEN harder looking for a job in an entirely different country and I really don't know how things work here yet. I still can't believe that I'm going to have to rely on public transportation when I do get a job. I'm so used to just jumping into my car and going, I can't do that anymore. I hate living with my nan and my mom. I feel just like a teenager again. It really blows. My mom complains when I drink...yeah...like I've never done that before! I mean...I'm 23 years old for god's sake! She thinks I'm an alcoholic when I get drunk...HELLO!!! This is what people my age do! Duh. I think I'm gonna go to bed now...but I know I'll just lay awake like I usually do until the sun comes up. Blah. The life I lead is dull. dull. dull.
 
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:(   
07:46pm 16/05/2006
 
mood: crushed
So I just found out that one of my good friends died this Saturday night. I had to find out on myspace of all places in a bulletin. How horrible is that? It still doesn't seem like it's for real but I went and signed his guest book that his family set up online for people to say stuff to him or the family. I hadn't cried till I read what everyone else wrote. I will truely miss him so much. He was always happy when I saw him. I don't think I ever saw him on a bad day at all. He even woke up with a smile on his face, and that's hard to do. Especially after a night of drinking. He could always make me laugh even when I didn't want to. I really wish that I had told him that I've had a crush on him for the past year. Damn. I always thought that I had time to. Fuck. I can't do this right now.
 
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London!   
01:02pm 02/09/2005
 
mood: confused
I am so confused!!! I just got back from London like 3 days ago....& I miss it terribly. The more I stay here the more I hate it here. It was great seeing all of my family & family friends that I haven't seen in 10 years. Every single one of them kept telling me that I should just move over there. I am seriously considering it. There are so many upsides to moving there! There are definetly more job opportunites over there for me. I have family over there that would be there for me whenever no matter what. I think I might have more people that I know over there than I do here. When I was over there I had stuff to do every single day...here I am bored outta my freaking mind! Granted I did get to hang out with Nichole a few times since I've been back but it just isn't the same as it wass in London. I had so so so much fun over there. I can't remember the last time I felt so happy just to be around people that I loved & loved me back in return. America just feels so lonely. In London there are people every where so I never felt lonely at all. I didn't even miss being here. The whole plane ride home I was wishing that our flight would get cancelled & we would have to return to London indefinetly. I hate being here! It doesn't really add to that I don't want to be with Chris anymore either. He wants to get married & start a family ASAP. I don't. I don't feel like being with anyone right now. I feel that I need to be single right now to focus on myself & do what I really want, just for me. I've always been focused on how other people felt...and never about myself. I finally want to do something just for me. I want to be single for awhile & lose this stubborn weight, go back to school, & start my own life before I settle down. I am so not ready for that. I'm only 22. I talked to everyone in London about what I should do & they all agree with me. I'm too young to settle down & I still have tons of time ahead of me to do whatever it is that I feel like doing. I want to travel to various places, but with friends...not a boyfriend. When I was in London I felt so....Free. It was the greatest feeling ever. Then when I came back I feel like I'm trying to keep my head out of the water but someone keeps plunging my head back under the water. I hate that feeling. I even went to the bar, where I normally have tons of fun, but I didn't enjoy myself as much as I enjoyed myself in London. I hate it here in South Carolina!!!!! I know it will be hard to actually move to London, but I feel it's something that I need to do. I want to. SO BAD! I need to talk to my mom later tonight & find out exactly what I need to do in order to move there. I've made up my mind. I want to live in London!!!!
 
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Rock & a hard place!   
04:53am 11/07/2005
 
mood: confused
Have you ever been stuck between a rock and a hard place? Well....if you haven't I really hope that no one ever has to go through it. Right now...I don't know what to do. My friends & family are telling me that they don't like my bf anymore. They don't think that he is good enough for me or that he is too controlling and such. The more they tell me.....the more I see it. Like the comparison that my brother was giving me last night. He told me that for his whole life he pictured me with some one really smart, someone that read as much as I do...and so on and so on. He told me that between Chris & I am way smarter than he will ever be. I never really thought too much about this before. That was before tonight. I was talking to Chris & all he was doing was talking in a fucking baby voice & stuff. I don't find that attractive at all. We just hit our 9 month mark as of the 10th. Every other sentence when I talk to him starts with "When we move to Michigan" & everytime he says this it is like he is taking a dagger and stabbing me straight in the heart. Right now I seriously don't think that I can move there. I mean I know it's not until March of next year....but still. I saw this program earlier today where 2 of the gurls were from Michigan. They both said that in Michigan...all they do there is get married & have babies & live out the rest of their lives. I seriously don't want to do that. I still have a lot more to get accomplished before I start popping out babies. The thing that kills me right now though is....this is the first guy that has ever loved me and this is the first guy that I have ever loved. I'm not ready to settle down. I thought I was...but the more I think about it the more I am against it. My mom offered to me to pay for my ticket to England to come and stay with her for like 2-3 weeks because apparently according to everyone in my life (my brother, my best friend, & my mom) they think that I need a vacation away from Chris. Now that I've been thinking about it for the past 2 nights....and days...I'm seriously considering going over there to see what is going on there. I haven't been there since I was 12 years old. So it's been like almost 11 years since I've been there. So....this week I am going to get my passport. I really think that I am going over there. I do need a vacation away from him. Right now I just see TOO much of him. Every single fucking day I see him. Maybe it was wrong to move in so fast with him. I guess I was just too much in love at the time to see what would be better for the future. I bet if he didn't move into my apartment so fast it wouldn't be like this right now. There is nothing that I can do about it now though. If I miss him for the 2-3 weeks that I'm in England then that means for sure that it can work out. For now though....I just can't stand him. I hate that he gets pissed off at me for every little thing that I do. I mean seriously he should NOT get mad at me for going out with my best friend on the weekends. If he had any trust in me at all he wouldn't get pissed everytime I come home from the bar drunk and such. It's not like I would cheat on him. The more he thinks that I'm going to cheat on him the more I want to! Wow. I so don't believe that I just wrote that. AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do! I hate being in this position. I don't like hurting people at all. Every time I think of a life with me and him together all I can picture is me cooking day & night, doing the dishes, cleaning the house, & just boring shit for the rest of my life. I never pictured my life like that. He wants me to move to Michigan with him where his mom, dad, 2 sisters, brother, & his grandmother live. Some little secluded town called Mt. Pleasant where the mall is like half an hour away. I'm sorry...but I never ever pictured my life as such. I don't want to move to a place where I can't meet people or where my friends live. Especially any of my family or my best friend Nichole. I know I can't live without her near me. Fuck no! Ok....I'm gonna go have a cigarette now because I am so completly stressed out right now. I hate this!!!!!! I feel like I can't talk to anyone about this though, so I might as well write it all out here since no one I know actually reads this. (I think) I hope he never does. So...if anyone has any kind of advice....I beg for it. Thanx. I'm out.
 
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OH MY GOD!!!   
11:50pm 05/07/2005
 
mood: nervous
HOLY SHIT!!!

I just did something that I should not have done. I hacked into my boyfriend's email account and read some of his emails. He has been writing my mom emails & I have been very very curious about what they were emailing about. Well....I just read it and he is going to propose to me by the end of the month!!!!! AAHH!! I'm nervous. Now I know that I am going to be on the edge of my seat all freaking month long wondering when & where he is going to ask me. OH MY GOD!!! I need some wine & cigs stat. So that is what I am going to go do. Walmart. Here I come.
 
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I hate fighting!!!   
05:10am 05/07/2005
 
mood: pissed off
music: The hum of this computer. GRRRRR!!!!
Everytime I write on here I always say....wow I haven't written on here in forever. Well....it took me forever just to remember the name of the site! I don't know how it came to me...but thank god it did. I really need to update a whole bunch of stuff on here & try to write everyday. I used to, so it should not be that hard to do. Who knows? *shrugs shoulders*

Anyways. I still don't have a job. It sucks. I hate not having any money. Which means I can't do anything unless someone else is providing the dough for me. I hate not being able to buy the stuff I want. I mean...if I want a pack of gum, I have to ask someone if I can borrow some money to get it. Pathetic. I know. I do go out on some weekends with Nichole & she pays for me to get shitfaced which I totally love her for. The only thing with that is....it's like a double edged sword. I go out with Nichole & have the best time ever...laughing all night....shitfaced...yay! The way I like to be. It's when I get home & Chris is home. Every single time I go to the bar we fight. I don't know why. I mean....he complains that I'm drunk when I get home. DUH!! That's why I went to the bar in the first place. The whole reason to go to the bar is to get drunk. I mean....it used to be to hook up to, but there is no way I'm doing that now. I love Chris way to much to do that. Everytime he gets off from work and I've been to the bar that night....it's like he hates me or something. He makes me cry, he trys to leave....yells at my best friend. He is just a huge prick when I go to the bar. I don't understand why though. I don't go out that often. Maybe every other week...only ONCE a week!!! I never hang out with any of my friends anymore. I hang out with them once a week & he's a complete prick about it. I used to hang out with my friends all the time. Now I'm kind of scared to incase we get in a fight. I HATE FIGHTING!!! Anyways. I felt like venting. Thank you for reading it if anyone did. It's much appreciated. :)

Oh yeah. He asked me to cut back on the drinking. HA! That just makes me want to go get shitfaced even more! He also gives me a curfew. Sorry dude, you are so not my parent. I have my own apartment, I can come home when I fucking feel like it. So...=P.

Peace. I'm out.
 
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La de da....   
03:10am 07/03/2005
 
mood: naughty
music: Family Guy on Cartoon Network
I know I haven't written on here in a year I guess. I dunno. I have been sick for like the past two months & it sucks. Right now my bf & my bro are both sick as well. Guys are such babies when they are sick. I mean, yeah, I'll show you a lil bit of sympathy & help you out & stuff. But geez! Rolling around on the ground & saying your gonna die is a bit much don't you think?? Yeah. Exactly.

I just found the best site ever! It is grouphug.us. Everyone should go & check it out. You confess your deepest, darkest secrets and it is all anonoymous. It's fantastic!

I really don't feel like getting a job. Bleh. I mean, I want one....but I want it to be one that I like. The whole searching for a job thing sucks the biggest balls. I don't even know where to begin to look for a job. I wish someone would just call me & offer me a job. That would rock my socks! I did have a job set up for Verizon, but I forgot to put a ticket that I got like 2 yrs ago on my application because I honestly forgot about it. When they did the background check on me it came back & now I have to dispute it or something like that. The thing that sucks is that the training class starts tomorrow. For some reason I think that tomorrow I am going to be really depressed & want to cry all day long. How pathetic is that? Very. Maybe I'll just watch sad movies all day so I can disguise my depression. I kinda want to get wasted too. I'm real smart. Let's go to the store & waste my last few dollars on some alcohol and a pack of cigs....when I'm supposed to be quitting. It sounds like so much fun though. Getting wasted by myself. Woohoo. What fun. Haha. Vices! Damn!
 
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Hugs!!   
03:06am 26/03/2004
 
mood: tired
music: The hum of the computer





*HUGS* TOTAL!
give killercurls more *HUGS*

Get hugs of your own
 
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Chinese Element   
02:27pm 23/03/2004
 
mood: groggy
music: Whose Line is it Anyway...on tv
Chinese Element of Wood
You are the chinese element of Wood. People who
are under the element of wood are practical,
focused and like to learn. Wood, you are a
natural leader, but you also like to control a
lot, you're never still and especially hate to
lose. The color of wood is blue/green and your
symbol is the dragon. Spring is the season in
which wood shines, and it's months are
January/February. Your weather condition is
rain. Wood is the direction east, and your day
is Thursday, while your planet is Jupiter.
Animals under your element are usually scaled.
People under you are the Mongols. Your sense is
sight, your taste is sour, your sound is
calling and your virtue is benevolence. Your
organ is the liver. You were created by Water
and you control Earth.


Which of the 5 Chinese Elements Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
 
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Long time no write...   
02:13pm 23/03/2004
 
mood: drained
music: Whose Line is it Anyway....on tv
Well...its been forever since I've written anything on here. That's crazy!! I looked back on old journals & I can't believe that I used to write so much on here...I always say I'm going to start doing it again but I don't. Whoops. I should though...that way I can look back & laugh or cry, whichever emotion fits best here.

At work I know almost every program that we have...the only one I don't know is Oxford, which is fine with me! I don't wanna learn it at all. My favorite program has to be...eSecuritel...which is where I file insurance claims for lost, stolen, & damaged phones. I get called "bitch" a lot on there....but I still love that program. My name is on about every single account that we have...hehe. My supervisor wants me to become a supervisor as well....but I think they make less money than me, but I really have no clue. I'm full time at work now too!!! More money for Laura! WOOOHOOOO!!!

I finally have a roomie....I've been looking for one since January because my old roomie moved out one day while I was at work....which left me paying for the empty room. Which sucked big balls! I met my new roomie at....The Icehouse....which is MY bar! How hilarious is that? We get along pretty good....first guy roomie that I've had besides my bro, but he doesn't count. He has his room hooked up, looks like Club Rob up in there....hahaha. There are beer signs & mirrors all on the walls, plus the neon beer signs....and a ball with different colors of lights that spins around....oh yeah, and a candy machine!!

I think I've turned into an alcoholic....I drink pretty much every night at the Icehouse. I LOVE the Icehouse though. It's a place where you go & you usually see people that you haven't seen in forever & it's always a reunion up in there! Plus we pretty much know all of the regulars up there, so that's cool as hell. I got drunk as fuck last night....I drank 2 beers out of the bottle....and shared 4 pitchers w/Nichole but I drink a lot faster than her.....so I was druuuuuuuuuuuuuunk & for only $5.00!!!! Hahahaha. How awesome is that? VERY!

Anyways, I'm starvin like Marvin...and I think I'm going to make some soup so my stomach won't hate me too much....I'm feeling the after effects of all of that beer from last night....which is a daily thing. Laters! *muaw*
 
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