its been a while!   
11:01pm 28/11/2004
mood: amused
music: summer love been a while. I dont know why but i just felt like writing here tonight! Dont know if i will keep it up or if its just a mood im in tonight!
Thing is...I have things on my mind! Things that I have find myself thinking about more and more everyday! I have always been the ease bored kind of typ! I never stick to something, I change boyfriends like perfymes and I never end what I started! I have been doing good in life anyway..I´m happy to be me! But this summer was soooo great! Its all I think about now! You see, thing is...I didnt get bored this summer!!! I could have stayed in Ayia Napa forever! Working, life like a 20 year old girl should! Meet new people, have flings, do stupid stuff...then fall in love! Its all that and soo sooo much more that beeing a 20 year old is all about! I see all my friends here in sweden going of to collage, uni or jobs. Making money. starting famillies...cause thats what everyone else does!
I dont want that! I mean, sure, when I´m 30-40...but not now! At this very moment I dont even want children!

Alex told me, one time during one of our very rare fights,that I´m a free spirit and if not carefull...i will fly away! And the more and more I think about that I realise its true! It just sums me up!

And so now I start to worry! What if this is how I´m gonna be the rest of my life!! i dont want to be like this when I´m 80!!! I want to be bale to lthe life I want! without having to worry about my restlesness!!
I know I´m reading to much into I do with everythinng!! all the time!!
Ok...well....i think this was all i wanted to say this time.

So don´t miss the diamonds along the way   
01:55pm 02/09/2003
mood: awake
music: Diamond road - Sheryl Crow (I fucking love this song)
Its the middle of the day and I have nothing to do. I need a goal in life. Or a new goal anyway.
Last week my goal was to make it through the week but I can´t have that goal anymore. Cause now I know I will make it. Soooo, what should I have as a new goal in my life?
I need something to keep me focused and determined. I can´t think of anything right now but as soon as I do, I will write it down here.

I wont be online tomorrow and the day after that. Cause my computer is getting an upgrade and my dad is going to take it to his office to do that! yay for new upgrades! I´m gonna get MacOS X! woohooo!
And for all you non Mac people out there MacOS is the Mac version of Windows.

I painted my nails devil-red before. They look feisty.

Umm...not much else to say.
Talk to you all in two days!
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boys! sometimes a girl just needs one.   
04:43pm 31/08/2003
mood: bouncy
music: Steve McQueen - Sheryl Crow
I am so glad to be back home.
A little update in the life of me.

My room is now paradise. Since I am bed bound now for a couple of weeks (need the rest) my dad made my own little heaven for me. I have my TV at the end of the bed. My Laptop on my nightstand. The Stereo beside my laptop and all my records and movies beside me. Heaven.
I got home two days ago and I slept all day yesterday and woke up this morning feeling rested and happy.

I try and I try to get back in the game at the loft but to be active there you have to give up so much of your time. Time that I´m not willing to give up. Its sad but its true. So, I just have to face reality and say that I wont be back on the loft.

I feel like I have a lot on my mind but not sure how to say it all.

I guess I´m just happy to be alive and well (finally) and to have the friends that I´ve got.
OOH btw! Lola and Alex might be getting back together!!!! yay!!! it for now!

::EDIT:: I need new icons. Gonna make some!
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09:30pm 27/08/2003
mood: bouncy
music: Its so easy - Sheryl Crow
Yes I´m home. I´m awake and I´m cured!!!! This is the best day of my life!!

Happy birthday to meeeeeee
happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeee
happy birthday dear LOTTA!!
Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

This is what I got.
Mom and dad: Two book´s, 1000 kronor, a flower, The Two towers.
Brother: Michelle Branch CD "Hotel Paper"
Martin: A glittery heart and Sheryl Crow´s CD "C´mon C´mon"

But now I´m dead tired, to beeeeeeeeeed!
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08:45pm 22/08/2003
mood: thoughtful
music: top of the world
I know, I´m as suprised as you are.
I should be at the hospital right now, but our car broke down and I am stuck here till my uncle fix it.
Not that I mind. The oparation isnt until Sunday anyway so its no biggie.

There´s a whole lot of singing that´s never gonna be heard. Disappearing everyday without so much of a word somehow. I think I broke the wings off that little songbird. She´s never gonna fly to the top of the world right now. I wished I´d known you. Wished I´d shown you. All of the things I was on the inside. I´d pretend to be sleeping.

I just want to give a big hug to everyone. Specially those who have stayed with me as my friend all this time.
CAT, Thank you for being you. I´m so sorry for last time. Please forgive me?
Jil, Sweety, you are an angel and I am so sorry I kept what was going on from you and Q! You are my girls and I love you!
Q, Same thing I said to Jil, I´m so sorry I kept all this from you! I have missed you!! Love ya!
and last but not least Ky You crazy girl. You always make me laugh and you have stayed my friend for so long now! I dont know how you can stick with me! =) RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Ok, now I really gotta go! See ya soon I hope!
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I´m so strange.   
06:37pm 21/08/2003
mood: blank
music: Heartbeats - Jose Gonzales
Yeah. This will be my last update for a while. I´m going to the hospital tomorrow and I wont be back until late Spetember I think. My operation will be on Sunday.
I wish I didnt have to go through this. I wish I had a some what normal life instead of this...thing I have.
Anywho, music is my life and I have my minidisc with me where ever I go, even the hospital.
My playlist at the moment:
Love me like that - Michelle Branch
Faint - Linkin Park
Eat you alive - Limp Bizkit
Heartbeats - Jose Gonzales (LOVE this song)
Why dont you and I - Alex band, Santana
Godspeed - Dixie Chicks
Roadtrip - RHCP

Yupp yupp. I´m tired.
I love you.
Please be here when I get back?
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10:06am 19/08/2003
mood: blah
Time for an update!
I am going back to the big H on Friday.
Martin gave me the advice of being selfish. Maybe I should start to be more selfish. Cause lets face it, everyone else is!
Yeah, so new selfish Lotta says she is sorry that she hasn't "reported" to her online crew the past days but I just didn't feel up to it!
I might as well go back to the hospital since I now am suffering from insomnia and haven't slept in four days.
I wonder why I am so black under my eyes!! (sarcasm)
Amy Studd makes me wanna gag.
I think I will make myself a Cosmopolitan and go watch some Sex and the City episodes.
Lotta signed of at 10.14
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I guess...   
10:31pm 11/08/2003
mood: depressed
music: Heartbeats - José Gonzales
Its been a while, and I have stuff that I need to get of my chest, so here´s an update...

Yupp, I´m back in the hole. The place I go when things get to much. When I cant deal. Cause I´m a weak weak person. I need to get a fucking life and stop feeling sorry for myself but I just cant. The worst part about me being in the hole is that no one can go with me. I´m all alone here. I wont let anyone go with me. This place is just for me. I know I hurt people by doing this but I don't care. That´s the thing...I don't care.
Why should I? Life just keeps on fucking me so why shouldn't I fuck life?
I not I'm not being fair and I know I am acting like a brat/selfish bitch but I don't care.
Why I´m I acting like this? Why am I back in my hole? I will tell you, its cause of several reasons.
1. I will soon be back at the hospital. They found a way to cure me they think. But its not 100%.
2. I have to go through another operation.
3. I cant go to England to see LH or Cat (I´m so sorry)
4. Martin.
5. My mom is crying almost every night and I know its cause of me, cause of my illness.
6. I miss Lola.
7. I feel like this is it, like this is all I can this is where I stop fighting for my life cause I know I will never get it anyway.

Wow, now I have depressed everyone who reads this too. Good work Lotts!...well what can I say?

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10:41am 06/08/2003
mood: amused
music: Nancy Boy - Placebo
Me and Cat werent bored this morning...not at all....nope.

lil ol me sittin in my tree says: blah
Lotta says: blah
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: b.l.a.h.
Lotta says: BlAh
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: bLaH
Lotta says: BLha
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: blAH
Lotta says: HALB
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: LAHB
Lotta sSˇger: BHAL
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: ABLH
Lotta says: HLAB
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: ALHB
Lotta says: AHBL
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: BALH
Lotta says: *to tired to think anymore* blah
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: blah.
Lotta says: blaH
lil ol me sittin in my tree says: i won

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a little sad. a little blue.   
09:06pm 01/08/2003
mood: loved
music: wherever you will go - The Calling
I miss Lola. I really do miss her. I talk to her almost everyday but I miss her so much anyway.
Its hard you know. Cause when you have a person like Lola is your life, it just makes everything much easier. She is the one person that know me so well that I don't even have to say what I´m thinking, she knows anyway. I have known her since we were kids. I have seen her almost everyday of my life.
And when you have a person in your life that mean so much to you, that you do see everyday you soon start to take that person for granted. and you should never take a friend for granted. they don't deserve that. never...
Lola sent me a letter today and in it she wrote this:

One of many things that are so great about you Lotta, is that you never have any expectations on your friends. You just let them be who they are and you love them for it. You never make people feel bad about themselves, you do the opposite. You always let me and all your friends know that you love them. That´s very rare.

*tear* lol...I mean, c´mon!! Isn't that the sweetest thing ever!!! I MISS HER!!!
Its weird not having her around. Its always been Lotta and Lola. Look! even our names look the same!!
I'm not complaining. Cause I try my best to have a social life without her, lol, but I mean, sometime you just need that person. Her.
The bright side of this is that I have started to hang with my other friends more and more. It was Lola´s idea! lol. And they are GREAT! I do have some awesome friend! Not to mention the one´s I have online!
So, maybe, when it comes down to it...I will make it without Lola! =)
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09:48pm 30/07/2003
mood: amused
music: Every you, every me - Placebo (live in Paris)
I was randomly watching Nickolodion (sp?) and a satire on Harry Potter came on, called Harry Bladder. The show itself was useless but what was hella funny was this black kid playing Ron...he had this red wigg on his head and it looked SOOOO funny!
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04:13pm 29/07/2003
mood: accomplished
music: Respect - Aretha Franklin
Look what I did all by myself!!!! Arent you proud of me Cat????
I sure am! =)

Mmmmm, Alexxx! *droooool*
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MY GOD!   
10:43pm 28/07/2003
mood: horny
music: Swedish Chef (in my head)

Love you Q and Jil!
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02:15pm 24/07/2003
mood: amused
music: someone told me - Eskobar
Sooooo, update. I proper one.
I don't feel like typing but yeah...I´ll do it anyway.

I missed Cat when she was on yesterday. I thought she wouldn't come on until today. But when I got home this morning, she had e-mailed me saying she would be on all Wednesday, not Thursday like I thought.
And now she is on her way to Scotland, so...this sucks.

So what was I doing all day yesterday? Well, First I went to the airport to say bye-bye to Lola. She is going away to stay at her grandparents on the mainland for a while. Cause she and Alex broke up (I think my heart is just as broken as Lola´s) and she wants to get away. Which I understand. But I´m gonna miss her sooooooo much!!! My BEST friend wont be around anymore! =(
But I will visit her and she said its only for a few months.
I just feel for the two of them right now.

Then, after dropping her of and saying goodbye. I went with my brother to McDonalds. yumm yumm, nuggets!

Then Martin called and me, my brother and him went to the beach. Damn, Martin is sooo hot! LoL.
You should see him in his tan!!! *drool* brother and him played beach-tennis while I watched and worked a little more on my tan!
Good times, lol.

Then I went with Martin to his grandparents. They are so great!! They fed us strawberries and milk! yumm yumm. Then we all went to see little adorable kittens at Martins grandparents friends house.
They were soooooo Cute!!!!! you just want to eat them! Me and Martin played with this one kitten who was grey and black. We named his Shibby! lol
Martin is thinking of buying Shibby! I think he should!!

Then after that, I just went home with Martin. To his house. His parents are in France for three weeks. That's three weeks of no-parents-house all to ourselvs-heaven lol.

So I stayed there and got home just now. To find the e-mail Cat sent saying I HAD to get online yesterday. shit.

anyway. Q and Jil!! I cant wait till we have our cool chat!! Jil needs to get back so we can have one!!
I want one NOW!!

I hope your having fun Jil!

Ok, gonna go back to Martins house now.
Buh bye!
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12:03pm 22/07/2003
mood: loved
music: WDYAI - Alex/Santana

anyone agree with me when I say that Alex must have been sent from heaven for our viewing pleasure, raise your hand!

again, *Droooooooooool*
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I hate to think of subjects, cause I can never come up with a clever one, so just fudge it!   
09:25pm 16/07/2003
mood: sad/angry/devastated/sick
music: Blue American - Placebo
Hmmm...I´m in the worst mood ever! I feel sad/angry/devastated/ could never guess what happened! SOMEONE BROKE INTO MY CAR!!! MY CAR!!!!!!!!!
Can you believe that!! They broke in, stole the car stereo and messed round in it. What's even worse, is that in the car stereo was my bran new Placebo CD "Sleeping with Ghosts"!!!! I bought it for myself as a present the same day!!!!!!!!!!! I had it only like...5 hours. *cry´s*
How can people be so mean?? I have never done anything to them and they just brake into my car and take things that are not theirs!! Dosent people have concisense anymore? Its such a mean thing to do!
I mean, I glad its not worse, they didnt brake anything...and its not like I cant live without my stereo and CD but its just that it was mine. Someone else has my stuff, that I paid for, with my own money that I erned.
What happend to mine and yours?
And its the creepest feeling, knowing some stranger was in my car. Touching my things.
I had to look in the backseat 10 times before I could even get in it again.
AAAArrggghhh! How can anyone be so mean? I just dont get it...
I want MY things!!!
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This is something you have to know! lol   
10:31pm 15/07/2003
mood: Bored out of my mind
music: Placebo - Nancy Boy
Ok, I´m so what I´m going to do is, I´m gonna name all the records that I have in my recordshelf at the moment. Its not a very big shelf...and I have three HUGE boxes with records in my closet...but I´m not gonna name ALL of them too...cause that would take forever and I´m not that bored...yet.

Ok so here goes.

Eskobar - Til were dead
Eskobar - There´s only now
Blur - Modern life is rubbish
Blur - Parklife
Blur - The great Escape
Blur - Blur
Supergrass - In it for the Money
Supergrass - I should Coco
Placebo - Sleeping with Ghosts
Placebo - Placebo
Placebo - Without you I´m nothing
Placebo - Black Market Music
The Hives - The Hives
The Hives - Veni Vidi Vicious
Red Hot Chili Pappers - BloodSugarSexMagik
Red Hot Chili Pappers - By the Way
Red Hot Chili Pappers - Californication
Lifehouse - No Name Face
Lifehouse - Stanly Climbfall
Foo Fighters - There is Nothing left to lose
Foo Fighters - One By One
Coldplay - Parachutes
Coldplay - A rush of Blood to the head
Kula Shaker - Kula Shaker
Kula Shaker - Peasants,Pigs & Astronauts
Pearl Jam - Pearl Jam
Aerosmith - Big Ones
Manic Street Preachers - The Holy Bible
The Cranberries - Everybody else is doing it, so why cant we?
Silverchair - Freak Show
Korn - Follow The Leader
Guano Apes - Proud like a God
Puddle of Mudd - Come Clean
The Calling - Camino Palmero
Soundgarden - Superunknown
Tracy Bonham - The Burdens of being upright
The Sounds - The Sounds
Dido - No Angel
Jefferson Airplane - Feed your head
The Cardigans - Gran Turismo
FatboySlim - You´ve come a long way, Baby
R.E.M - Automatic for the people
Thin Lizzy - Live and Dangerous

The Beatles - The no.1 hits
Tracy Chapman - Best of
Blur - The Best of
Queen - Greatest Hits 1 and 2
The Beach Boys - Best Of
The Shadows - Greatest Hits

Great Expectations
Bridget Jones Diary
Lord of the Rings
Moulin Rouge
The Craft
Romeo and Juliet
Dirty Dancing
Studio 54
Crule Intentions
Buffy The Vampire Slayer

That didnt take as long as I thought...I need to get more records...maybe I should do all of them...
Mind you, I also I have about 30-40 CD´s with mixed music that I burnt. But the ones on this list are all albums that I bought with my own money...most of them before I discoverd that art of burnning CD´s.

Ok, well...think I will hit the sack...

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01:04pm 14/07/2003
mood: amused
music: Pink - Aerosmith
So, time for an update!
Ahh...I crack myself up! I seriously do. I´m so funny!! This morning (5 min ago) I sneaked up on my brother and screamed REALLY loud in his ear I WANT BREAKFAST! NOOOOOOW!! (hahahahah) and he was so scared that he jumped out his chair and literally flew into the wall, with a BIG bang!! AAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOOOooo...
maybe you should have been there...

Last night, I had to work the night shift at the café (I'm back to work, and maybe I should tell you that its a clothes store/café) and that's when all the drunk people come in cause they want a coffee after all the clubbing....anyway. It was me and this guy named Calle who worked and Calle is one funny drunk people always says dirty words to you and tries to grab your boobs and last night was no exception.
This one time, a girl and a guy was ordering cookies and the girl suddenly said to Calle "I would really love to suck your dick" and all Calle said was, in this VERY funny voice like an old man, "OOopsydaisy"...Hahahahahahahahah...yeah...maybe you should have been there too...cause it was hella funny at time. I almost wet myself!

Hmm, what else can I tell you...well...I got to chat to people last night! yay!!
I had a little chat with Q, which was sooooo GREAT cause its been forever!
I little chat with my bitch, which is always GREAT!
and a little chat with my cousin.
Q thinks I´m a perv btw...which...lets face it...maybe I am! lol

Then before the night shift at work (it starts at midnight) , I spent all evening at Martins! yay! His parents are out of town! even more YAY! I had the best time! I mean, we have seen each other all week, cause he came into the hospital everyday...but its just so great to be with him, just me and him.

Ok, well, I need a shower, really bad! So...of I goooooo!

*Naked men to everyone*
*naked guitar to Q*
*naked you-know-who to Jil! =)*
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02:53pm 12/07/2003
mood: weird
music: Every you Every me - Placebo
Hehe! hiiiiii!
This is gonna be quick, but IM COMING HOME TOMORROW!!!!! I hope anyway! They told me I could! yayayayayayayayay!!

*waves to everyone*

I have watched Falshdance 5 times this week. so good. I wish I could dance like that...*does the ugly dance*...close enough.

I have also found a new love. Placebo. I know I´m late in thinking they are great (rhyme!! YEAH!!) but they are! lol

Ok, need to go.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE and naked men to everyone!
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12:11am 05/07/2003
mood: crazy
music: Song 2 - Blur
Its midnight, I just got home from driving for about three hours!!
Let me tell you folks.
There is NO feeling like driving, alone, fast in the middle of night!!
What you do is, you go out on the freeway, where there is no speed-limit.
Then you put on "go with the flow" by Queens Of Tthe Stone Age really REALLY loud.
Then you just GOOOOO! FAST!
Woooooooohoooooooooooooo! Makes me feel like I´m flying!
I want to do it again!! I´ll just have to wait till tomorrow night...
I´m not setting a very good example here I´m I? in school!

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