Blurty for reb.

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Saturday, January 31st, 2004

Time:8:43 pm.
blahh wow its been so long since i wrote something.. my life sucks so much, my parents are being stupid fucks and telling me that i would have to go to rehab but they will never do anything about it.. the only thing that is great in my life is aaron. we have been together for about 3 months and i love him. he has helped me and he is the shit.. but im still trying to decided what im going to do with my life

i fucking got caught snorting by my parents but i guess that was my own fault since it was in my back yard with aaron. but i have to go.. i might keep updating but i dont know.. i have better things to do
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Saturday, March 8th, 2003

Time:7:50 pm.
Mood:horny.
met some guys at the rave and we had some, lets see how shall i say this, "fun". damn they were hot like a fucker. got some x. keeping it under the loose tile in my bathroom. im expecting a call tonight to go out with jake and cally (they are gonna hook up) and then some of the guys we met: paul, matt, chris, and uh i think jarrett. i think they took care of the liquor. im in the mood for some pot but i dont know if they got any yet. we will find some though. i am so excited they are picking me up in five minutes but the parents are supposed to be watching me because i came home high the other night. im "grounded". yeah right ill sneak out the back later but no problem. i am going to go get ready. i lifted a new tube top i hope matt will like it (he is damn fucking hot). oh there they are got to go.
Comments: 3 bongs - just roll it up and smoke it.

Time:12:27 am.
Mood:not good.. not bad.
Music:xing over by red oil.
today was an okay day. i had detention so i had to clean the bathrooms which was gross but i guess i brought it to myself.

i talked to rebecca today about how we arnt friends like we used to be but she was the one that thought that i was a freak and didnt want to be seen with me. when i was in 9th grade we were best friends and then i 'changed'. i and if i was going to tell the truth i am glad that we stoped being friends. she can be a real bitch sometimes.

when i got home from school, my parents had just come back from there family therepy and they were still fighting. i hate it because they really makes things much worse for me.

i am going out with Ted, Jake, and Samantha this weekend and it should be fun but i havent seen Sam in a long time so it might be kinda aquward but i am excited to see her.
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Sunday, March 2nd, 2003

Time:12:48 am.
today wasnt that bad, jake talked to me today about my problems. he said that he didnt want to lose me... i love him so much. i ditched history today and got to smoke.

tonight i went out with jake, josh, tom and mary. we drove around. there was some dumb ass party but its not like i anyone would go.

had to come back since i now have a "curfew" but im gonna sneak out in about 5 minutes. well i got to go get ready i will update later.
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Thursday, February 27th, 2003

Time:4:30 pm.
damnit damnit damnit. i might be going to rehab. and i mean rehab rehab not a joke rehab. it is in colorado and i would be there for the rest of the school year and maybe the summer. this is only if my parents catch me one more time which they won't or the better not. well i must go.

i better watch out.
Comments: 2 bongs - just roll it up and smoke it.

Tuesday, February 25th, 2003

Subject:misrible
Time:8:17 pm.
Mood:frustrated with life.
today was misrible... jake was mad at me for no fucking reason. he told me that i was reclusing myself from the world. and that i wasnt acting "normal" but what ever i wish he didnt feel that way because i can usually talk to him about anything. i also just got a paper back it was an F, i really dont need that now. sometimes i just want to stop my damn life and start over.. for the better.

i was going to go to mazda park with jessica and ted but i didnt feel like driving all the way there. i kinda wish i did because i was really bored and i had nothing to do.

i wish somebody could fucking help me.
Comments: 2 bongs - just roll it up and smoke it.

Monday, February 24th, 2003

Time:10:08 pm.
school blew.

got detention and it only was a record time, i stayed detentionless for one class. now that is a record. but i think we have to clean up the homecoming dance. psshhhh like i would ever go to that anyway. it is just a bunch of preppy ass slutty girls showing off their hot bodies for their selfish jock boy friends.

i guess i will just go and "clean" it up. they dont ever watch us anyway.

going to go snort. later
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Saturday, February 22nd, 2003

Time:11:36 pm.
Mood:numb.
as i promised x_deathtoyou, i will now tell of my life and how i became who i am.

a few years ago when i was in 9th grade, i was the perfect girl everyone wanted to be. i was the popular, smart, liked no loved, and adored. it was as if i saw the image posted all over tv and movies. i wanted to be the one my parents would love. when i did not accomplish that i was worried. i didnt know how to get them to notice me. i couldnt get their love by doing what i was doing so i began to take a different approach on life. i thought because i wasnt loved by the very people that brought me to this world then it wasnt worth living. i then started to hate everyone and everything. and to this very day i hate life. i turn to things like cutting, smoking, using, and drinking. i dont know why i do it. i know it is wrong. yet i do it anyway. i do it and yet it doesnt help. everyday i try to relieve the hatred i feel for my parents who will never accept me. and yet it doesnt nor will ever help. but i do it anyway. and will continue to hurt myself physically and mentally forever. and where will this get me? i have yet to discover of i would not be writting this now. why? why? why? i ask myself all the time.

i would like advice and how you feel of what i wrote.
Comments: 2 bongs - just roll it up and smoke it.

Time:11:27 pm.
after i recieved a comment earlier about cutting i began to think. it was from x_deathtoyou

yeah... the same thing happened to me.
my "father" told me that if i ever cut again i would never see daylight just because he said so.
and now he checks my wrists every so-often.
i continue to cut tho... on my stomach, legs, shoulders, anywhere...


and after thinking, i read it in a weird and different way. i see it as 'WOW, at least someone cares'. but in a way i guess i can see how it could be shit. i just need someone who cares and understand. do you?


HELP DAMNIT HELP
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Time:6:03 pm.
damnit damnit. the parents saw my scars. but its good because they only thought to look at my wrists those dumbasses
Comments: 7 bongs - just roll it up and smoke it.

Friday, February 21st, 2003

Time:11:56 pm.
ok. i was looking at some people with the same intrests and three seemed similar to mine. x_deathtoyou and self_harm_help and dysfunctional are pretty cool. i hope more of you will respond.

found some cool bands

+fLaSh cAb
+addition
+lamp post
+sharp mark
+empty space
+prophylaxis

anyone heard of them? let me know
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Time:11:15 pm.
has anyone seen the firenze cd? its comunist and i cant find it anywhere.

here is my cd wish list. if you see them anywhere let me know.
1.)patton hill- shammed
2.)bedford company- altec
3.)coke jet- twelve ounce
4.)F7- diners identification
5.)L.C.R depot- modeful and pitched

let me know if you see them. i suggest you download and find them fast.
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Time:11:11 pm.
went to mazda park with ted and jake. watched them skate and shit. jakes board broke and a wood peice shot into this preps leg. it was some funny shit. he cried like a bitch.

just got home and listening to some salvador. their new cd dali just came out tuesday if you are looking for some metal.

blasting it.
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Time:10:58 pm.
new journal.

my other one became real shit.

just trying blurty so it should be pretty good.

all you preps and posers stay clear.
Comments: just roll it up and smoke it.

Blurty for reb.

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You're looking at the latest 14 entries.