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Bush - Everything Zen |
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Well, it's been awhile since I've written here, hasn't it?
Let's see. College is... different. Last week I got exceedingly homesick and had a mini-breakdown over the phone with Thomas. I don't miss my house, exactly, but I miss life as it used to be, with high school fully understood and more or less manageable, with Thomas only two minutes away, with everything familiar and safe. College isn't bad, but it has taken a great deal of adjusting. My classes are at strange hours, my meals are at different times, my friends live right near me and are constantly distracting, my homework isn't homework so much as reading and memorization and very little actual work, and I must travel at least a hour to see Thomas.
That has been the worst. I can handle not seeing him for a few days on end - we've had enough separations of a moderate length for me to used to it - but the fact that I can only see him for a few hours, and only once or twice a week is very distressing and difficult for me. I get stressed out traveling to see him, in fear that the day won't go well and it'll be the only time I see him, and then I get upset, and then he gets upset and things just spiral downward from there. It's most unfortunate, and I'm not sure how to deal with it. And we're rarely alone. It's not that I miss the physical activities so much - although I definitely do, particularly right now - but I miss just cuddling with him, and the silly physical games we play, all the teasing and wrestling and tickling. It's interactions like that that often ease tension in the relationship, and I really miss having the freedom and comfort to really play with him. His roommate Will is a constant hindrance, whether or not he's actually physically present.
Everything seems to have moved so fast. Orientation (which was a brutally hot, busy and boring affair) feels like it was positively ages ago, but I've only been here for about four weeks now. My classes plunged me unceremoniously into work work and more work, and that cycle seems to have been in place for months already.
And now, with Thomas so far away and the whole transportation issue so complicated and difficult, I never sleep enough on the weekends to make up for all the sleep I miss during the week. Surekha (my neighbor) is also to blame for that. She's the type of person who gets up at 9:30 or 10:00 every day, regardless, and then comes to wake me up out of boredom. I like her, though. She and I and Rachelle have a very teasing, silly friendship, almost like the ones Rachelle and I had with our sisters. It's good. All that laughter is good for me. I do like my roommate - she's funny and cute and considerate - and Surekha is spontaneous enough to make sure we all relax and have fun.
I'm taking four classes, which doesn't seem like much after all the classes I took at LHS, but it is quite enough. My Greek 101 class is by far the hardest and most time-consuming. The actual concepts are not bad, and certainly similar enough to Latin to be understandable. But all the memorization is tricky. Even once I've technically memorized the forms (as in, I can reproduce them in order), I have a hard time looking at the letters and connecting them with the proper case. Thomas has been his usual unbelievably helpful and supportive self, but it's hard for him to help me, as our classes are learning at different paces and covering the subjects in a different order.
REL 200, my Theories of Religion class, is my most interesting class. There's a fair bit of reading for it, but the hardest part is just understanding these vague and sometimes confusingly expressed concepts. I've decided I don't really like the way theological theorists write. They take far too long and their points are often obscured.
CLCV 318 is, well... why am I taking it? Why take a 300-level seminar class my first semester? Because I can. I asked the professor for permission to take her class, and she granted it, so here I am. It doesn't seem too hard or too taxing, which frightens me. I must be missing something. And I'm unsure of what the professor expects out of me.
CS 110 is just boring. We're covering HTML, which I know already. My professor emailed me and asked to talk to me to make sure I was in the right class. We decided I am - after all, the stuff we'll be covering next is unknown. I fear that my boredom and inattentiveness now will trip me up later when I have to study for my midterm exam. Also, the partner I have for the final project isn't very helpful sometimes. Not bad, just sort of indecisive.
Is there anything else I should cover? I love my campus. It is lovely and it makes me happy.
Fighting with Tommy does not make me happy. We've had several bad times already, the worst being the time we were completely unaffectionate and ended up crying at some godforsaken T stop on the Green/Orange line. But then we made-up and hugged each other and saw a very silly movie and it all turned out okay. It always does, but it's so scary and miserable in the middle and I always think it will never end.
But he loves me and I love him, and that is what matters. He wrote me the absolute sweetest journal entry last night, but that is the subject for another entry.
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