Kelly's Blurty
 
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Below are 10 journal entries, after skipping by the 20 most recent ones recorded in Kelly's Blurty:

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    Thursday, January 29th, 2004
    2:08 am
    so true
    The story of life is quicker than the wink of an eye.
    The story of love is hello and goodbye. Until we meet again.
    ~ Jimi Hendrix
    1:50 am
    btw
    and p.s. if anybody comes across this diary...i want a new look. this sux

    i want a pretty diary
    1:48 am
    alright...i fucking need to go to bed.

    i need alot of things.

    should it be this hard to be happy? i really dont think so...

    how come its so hard for me...

    i think i know why

    Current Mood: distressed
    Current Music: still the damn tv
    1:47 am
    ha..i wish
    breast implants!
    YOU HAVE BREAST IMPLANTS!!!


    what's YOUR deepest secret?
    brought to you by Quizilla
    1:44 am
    who is my soulmate?? gee i wonder
    cartoon
    Why did you take this quiz if you don't care?


    Who's Your Soulmate?(with pics.)
    brought to you by Quizilla
    1:41 am
    bored and not going to bed like i should
    HASH(0x878a55c)
    Reincarnation: You are nice enough to go to heaven,
    but Earth won't be as fun without you. So you
    shall come back as someone or something else.
    As a real optimist and lighthearted person, you
    always see the good in things. People probably
    respect you for your wonderful personality and
    love for life. People like you make the world a
    happier place (please rate my quiz)


    **Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics)
    brought to you by Quizilla
    1:38 am
    this is pathetic
    Alone
    Lonliness dominates you. You can hide it well, but
    its there, and your friends can see it. You
    constantly feel alone, and need to do things to
    fill your time. Your afraid to tell people
    this, but sooner or later it gets out in a bad
    way, and you think you screwed up everything.
    And when you are in love is when you are sad
    the most. (Please Vote)


    What Emotion Dominates you?
    brought to you by Quizilla



    eww im a loser
    1:32 am
    and i'd just like to say for the record: i miss opendiary sooooo much :-(

    i dont like this site....my diary isnt pretty like it is on opendiary, and im not used to the way this site works.

    GAH i dont like change....isnt that obvious yet?

    Current Mood: blah
    Current Music: tv
    12:52 am
    effing boys...
    guys suck. thats all that needs to be said.

    so last night H never called me...well, actually he did, at 4:30am, yeah.... fuck that.

    so i call him today and he answered and prceesed to tell me that he had to do something after work and he'd tell me about it later..so then later comes and he calls....im at sarahs drinking (right next door to his apt.) does he invite me over??? no...i ask, how come u never called me last night? he says..." i went home and went to bed"

    bullshit.

    yeah u were in bed...with who?


    is this what im willing to put up with just to have him in my life?? just to be able to say he's mine?? or somewhat mine...

    this is so pathetic. fuck this.

    so after eating and drinking alot of smirnoff @ sarah's, i walked home and she went to dylans.

    now im just sitting here bored and thinking about how much i suck cause i am a JERK for letting this whole H thing control me.

    cant let go....


    anyway, tomorrow me and sarah are looking at this apt. her landlord owns. we have no intention of renting it, its in a bad section of quail street and to be honest it looks like a crack house, but we said we'd look just to be nice.
    omg i cannot wait to live with sarah. i will actually have a roomate i can do things with, even little things such a food shopping and cleaning. courtney NEVER gets ot of bed, and when she does...shes sniffing coke. i know, i cant talk too much about it cause i do it too on occasion, but c'mon, shes getting bad. she hasnt gotten out of bed yet today, and its what? like 1am??
    i still havent figured out if im worried about her at this point , or just fed up with the fact that she is going down a really bad path...


    so tomorrow tink is going to the vet :-/

    i hope that his skin condition is just that, and it can be fixed with meds. my little baby, i love him.



    found this quote from a song by alicia keys...
    Where did we go wrong, baby
    Did this cold, cold world turn us in a stone
    Well
    Now all that battle
    Is your ego and your pride
    It's ticking like a time bomb
    Ready to ignite
    Hurt me to fight
    So who's gonna rescue us from ourselves
    When are we gonna wake up


    God i wish things were they way they used to be. it gets to me so much, and i hate that.



    blair called me today and told me that he missed me. i miss him too, but i dont know how i feel about him at this point. im too wrapped up in H, too wrapped up in trying to not let go, making sure some girl doesnt take my place, making sure that i am the "most important", even tho he hasnt treated me with importance in months...

    so i think im gona visit him sat.
    i love him alot...
    but not the way i need to. sometimes i wish i was head over heals in love with him...it would make everything so much easier. maybe then, just maybe...i wouldnt be obsessed with H, and maybe i'd actually be happy for a change.

    tonight when i was hanging out @ sarah's watching tv, an olive garden commercial came on, and i started to think about one of me and H's first dates to that place...i was soooo infatuated with him, and i thought everything he did, said etc. was so great. he was fun, sweet, everything i liked...we used to have fun. he used to be crazy about me, the way i was with him. why do things have to change?


    so tomorrow, i have to take tink to the vet...go to class, then look at an apt. with sarah....i better get to bed.

    night.

    Current Mood: drunk
    Tuesday, January 27th, 2004
    11:23 pm
    #1
    alright, so im starting over....i deleted my previous entries from this summer, just cause i dont feel like looking back and reading about how obsessed i was with food. yeah so anyway... im bored. real bored, and H hasnt bothered calling me, not that comes as a suprise. we are so off and on...more off than on, and yes, it sucks. i have literaly spent the past six months not being able to get over him for the simple fact that i cant let go!!

    i wish it was that easy...

    yeah so i need to clean this fuckin apt. its nasty, and i doubt that'll happen anytime tonight. court wants us to take a few lines to get us energized so we can clean, but i really dont feel like coming down from that shit...i wont be able to sleep and i know i'll wana kill myself by the end of the night.

    fuckin a. Why wont he just care about me the way he used to?

    sometimes i think, u get to that point in a relationship, (especially when u are as on and off as me and H) where too much has happened...too much is damaged and u cant go back, no matter how hard u try. fuck that. it sucks but its true...and i think we both know it..yet, we still continue to torture eachother. its a fucking addiction.

    i was looking up lyrics b4, and i found this eminem song that is the definition of what our relationship has become...(aside from the baby part).

    I Love You More


    [Intro]
    You still love me?
    Take this [2 guns cock]
    You ready? 1..2..3! [2 shots]

    [Chorus]
    The more you put me through
    The more it makes me wanna come back to you
    You say you hate me, I just love you more
    You don't want me, I just want you more
    I buy you flowers, you throw 'em at me
    I know it's sad but it's makin' me happy
    The more that you slap me, the more that it turns me on
    Cuz you love me and I love you more

    [Verse 1]
    It's sick,but who could ever predict
    We'd be doin' the same shit
    We say we do it for our baby but we don't
    We do it for us,it's lust
    Cuz neither one of us trust each other
    So we fuck 'til we bust
    Then we cuss each other,out
    We know what it's about
    Shout 'til I throw you out the house
    You throw me out the house
    I throw you on the couch
    Punch you in the mouth
    Fist fight 'til we turn this mother OUT
    And apologize after
    Laughter,pain,it's insane
    We're back in the same chapter again
    And it's sad but it's true
    When I'm layin' here wiyh you
    There ain't nothin' anyone could ever say ever do

    [Chorus]
    The more you put me through
    The more it makes me wanna come back to you
    You say you hate me, I just love you more
    You don't want me, I just want you more
    I buy you flowers, you throw 'em at me
    I know it's sad but it's makin' me happy
    The more that you slap me, the more it turns me on
    Cuz you love me and I love you more

    [Verse 2]
    Cuz I hate you,do you hate me?
    Good cuz you're so fuckin' beautiful when you're angry
    It makes me wanna just take you
    And just throw you on the bed
    And fuck you like I don't even know you
    You fuck other and I fuck other people
    You a slut but I'm equal, I'm a mutt
    We're both evil in our ways
    But neither one of us would ever admit it
    Cuz one of us would have one up on the other
    So forget it
    We can make accusations, people spread rumors
    But they ain't got proof
    'Til they do it's just the two of us
    It's you and me, cuz any chick can say that she's screwin' me
    But you gotta believe me to a degree
    Cuz if you didn't I wouldn't be hittin' it
    Yeah I would cuz the sex is too damn good
    If I ran who would I run to
    That would be this soft and warm
    So it's off and on, usually more off than on
    But at least we know that we share this common bond
    You're the only one I can fuck without a condom on
    I hope, the only reason that I cope
    Is cuz of that fact
    And plus I can bust in that
    And that's why...

    [Chorus]
    The more you put me through
    The more it makes me wanna come back to you
    You say you hate me, I just love you more
    You don't want me, I just want you more
    I buy you flowers, you throw 'em at me
    I know it's sad but it's makin' me happy
    The more that you slap me, the more that it turns me on
    Cuz you love me and I love you more

    [Verse 3]
    I could never understand it
    That's why I don't try
    From junior high until we both die
    It's silly ho why must we try
    Is it really so rough
    That we must always call each other's billy goat's gruff
    Try to pull each other's legs
    Until the other begs
    We're liein' to ourselves
    That's the beauty of it yeah
    Cuz we truly love each other
    That's why we always fight
    And all we do is shove each other
    Every other fuckin' night
    And it's clear it ain't gonna change
    It's pent up rage
    We both have
    We both feel like we've been upstaged by someone else
    We've both been
    Someone else's someone else
    Problem is neither one wants help
    It's an addiction and it can't be fixed
    Our family's mixed up
    There's a baby sister in the mix
    And it hurts cuz the pieces to the puzzle don't fit
    And anybody who thinks they know us dosen't know shit
    And they're probably just tired of hearin' it all the time
    On every song, every lyric, and every rhyme
    All the hoopla, all of the whoopdy whoop
    What you put me through, fuckin' whoopdy doo
    But I won't be made a fool of
    If this is true love
    You wouldn't do what
    You did last time
    You wouldn't screw up
    This time
    Cuz this time girl
    I'm tellin' you what
    You do it again I'm fuckin' you up
    No matter what...

    [Bridge]
    What you say, what you do
    I'ma hunt you down til' I find you
    No matter where you run, I'll be right there
    Right behind you, in your nightmares
    All the flowers and the candy
    All the times that you threw it back at me
    You say you hate me, you gon' hate me more
    When you find out you can't escape me whore

    [Chorus]
    The more you put me through
    The more it makes me wanna come back to you
    You say you hate me, I just love you more
    You don't want me, I just want you more
    I buy you flowers, you throw 'em at me
    I know it's sad but it's makin' me happy
    The more that you slap me, the more that it turns me on
    Cuz you love me and I love you more

    when i read this i was like shhhhiiiiit....yeah so i like to look up lyrics, im a dork.

    ughhh i dont want this to be my life...i dont want my mood to be affected on wether he calls me, pays attention to me, shit i'd like it if he acknowledged my existance these days. but i cant let go...

    Current Mood: aggravated
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