Kelly's Blurty
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kelly's Blurty:

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    Sunday, February 8th, 2004
    10:40 pm
    yeah so this is my second time updating tonight.

    just thought i'd jot down exactly why my roomate annoys me, because if i dont get it out afraid that i will FLIP on her at any random occasion.

    so...she went out last night.. never came home...then calls me at 10:30 tonite to ask me to come pick her up from literally 2 blocks away!

    yah sure court...i'll drive my car with no gas 2 blocks to come get ur coked up ass cause u dont feel like walking, so that when u get home u can mess up the house, take over the tv, eat all the oranges i bought, and let your dog piss and shit everywhere.....yeahhhhhhh.

    ugh great....i think shes home now...

    Current Mood: annoyed
    8:23 pm
    watchin the grammys....yay beyonce won. shes cool

    just talked to H on the phone. hes on the bus ride back to albany. i told him that im probably not gona hang out tonite after i pick him up cause i have homework and then i wana go to sleep early cause tink's vet appt. is tomorrow morning.
    he was like, ok thats cool. im probably gona go get something to eat w/my friends.
    thats ok with me and all, but then these things pop into my head, like the time he asked a "hot" waitress for her phone # just cause his friends dared him.
    that sucks.
    i hate him for that.
    he made me lose trust in him.

    what am i thinking....

    (i dont trust anyone...never did....especially him.)

    but it still makes me think.
 today was day 2 of my training to b a server, and it suprisingly went well.
    tomorrow im working till close, and i think im actually gona have a couple tables to do on my own...

    hmmm...what else to say.....

    yeah i duno.

    my mom visited me for a hot second today, brought me my mail, tink form oranges...and thats about it. i owe so much money its depressing. yuk.

    i have no idea where court is.....not that i mind her not being home...I LOVE IT. she annoys the shit outta me. more and more each day as a matter of fact.

    i gota get ready to pick up H now. more later.

    Current Mood: okay
    Saturday, February 7th, 2004
    8:50 pm

    You are going to Marry Colin Farell. He is crazy
    and often drunk, but he is capable of being
    sweet. He is very mysterious and cute.

    Which male celebrity are you going to marry? (now 12 (i just added more, and still more to come!)results that have pics!)
    brought to you by Quizilla
    7:55 pm
    you're toxic, im slippin under....

    things are going good with me and H. scary. very scary. cause this is the point where i start getting all attached again, and then something always happens and i end up getting hurt. im scared. i love him and i dont wanna hurt.

    so thursday nite my sister came up :-) and it was so fun. i got off or work ( which was my first day of training, and it wasnt so bad.. yet) around 9. then i came home and she was already here. we went and picked up sarah, got stuff to drink, came home and we all just hung out. played card games, drank and had an awesome time. im glad she got to get away and have a nice night w/out alex. i feel bad for her sometimes, cause its like she lost part of her youth by moving in and playing house with him so young. i guess she really didnt have any other choice, but must suck.

    thursday nite H went out. i wasnt too thrilled about that. i never know who or what hes doing when he goes out. h eknows so many girls from the bars sux.

    so last night i went to happy hour & got bombed....wayyy to drunk. i left happy hour and went to evan and josh's house. was even more drunk there, and then i walked over to H's apt. and slept over there. this morning when i woke up i puked so much. i always throw up the next morning. and i continued to feel like shit all day. H left for plattsburgh today and i guess he'll be there till tuesday. i miss him.
    another thing which sucks is that i promised josh that i would hang out tonite, and i really really dont wana. i feel like shit, and i havent even showered and i just dont want all that pressure of hanging out with him. just cause i hooked up with him once, doesnt mean i wana do it again, and he doesnt seem to understand that.

    so aside from all that...i havent heard from blair in two days :-(

    im so afraid he will be sent away.

    i dont wana think about it.

    oh and did i mention i HATE being sick????? i have a sore throat and a cough and my nose is all fucked up. AND i have to work at noon tomorrow, so im sure to feel like even more shit by then!!!! boo on that.

    for some reason im in a better mood than i have been lately. hmmmm. hope it stays like that.

    blahhh i dont wana go to josh's. i hope he forgets to call me. but he wont

    alright im off. gona search the web. i suck. i hate being sick

    Current Mood: sick
    Wednesday, February 4th, 2004
    12:34 am
    gc lyrics
    How can it be easy to forget you when I think about you all the time
    I never know how I miss you when I never had you, you were never mine
    I move on, but I can't go on without you
    Said I try, don't know why, what to do without you
    Can't move on, can't move on
    It'd be cool if we never met, if we never locked eyes
    Then I'd feel so happy, not knowing you're so fine
    I move on, but I can't go on without you
    Said I try, don't know why, what to do without you
    Can't move on, can't move on
    I get so nervous when I'm around you there's nothing I can say
    I wish you'd get outta my head, I think about you every day
    I move on, but I can't go on without you
    Said I try, don't know why, what to do without you
    Can't move on, can't move on without...
    I move on, but I can't go on without you
    Said I try, don't know why, what to do without you
    Can't move on, can't move on, can't move on, without
    Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004
    11:49 pm
    me and H havent fought yet. but im still pensive. i dont feel happy and relaxed when im around him. but when im sitting at home and he calls, and is all nice on the phone im happy. im fucked up. i duno. i really duno what to do.

    i talked to joe today. we both came to the conclusion that we are addicted to bullshit relationships. we need to go to bullshit addicts annonymous.

    i also talked to darren today. hes supposed to come up tomorrow night. i wana hang out,. we'll see what goes down.

    i bought my books today. $220 down the drain.

    im also pissed off at court. but lately, thats nothing new. she came home tonight in my freaking pants that trish gave me for xmas, and my puma sneakers!!! HOLY SHIT JUST ASK TO BORROW SOMETHING!!! WOULD IT KILL HER?

    thursday is coming way too fast. i dont wana suck at training!

    ok im gona attempt to clean or go to bed, or do something.

    my throat hurts like a bitch.

    i hate when it hurts. it'll only get worse too

    Current Mood: sick
    11:09 am
    nothin much else is new.

    got class @ 1:25. yuk.

    supposed to see H after class, but i havent called him yet so i dk.

    he called me @ like 11something last nite and said he was going to bed; i didnt really believe him but i didnt say anything, i was just like " ok".

    then i had a missed call from him @ 2:30am.

    see, i dont think he was really in bed.

    im always second, third, fourth guessing him. i dont believe anything he says. nothing.

    why am i doing this?

    blair also called, but i didnt hear the phone ring cause i was sleeping.
    i miss him and i feel so bad still for all the crap that happened when i visited him.
    God i wish i just wanted to be back together with him. it would make everything so much easier.

    my sister is coming thursday! and i cannot wait :-)
    i miss hanging out with her. i just hope that court will clean her shit out of the living room soon cause i dont want my sister to see the apt. like this.
    its so annoying. court will start a project, (like this new one with her clothes all in the livingroom) but she doesnt now instead of not going out and getting fucked up everynight, and actually putting her freaking clothes away, she'll just leave them in the living room; so it looks messy and there is no room for anyone to sit. lovely.

    i really need to get on top of things with school, bills, etc.
    neeeeed to buy school books, pay express & my phone bill.
    damn i have no $!!

    thursday im starting as my 1st day training to be a server. holy shit im so nervous about it. i am sooooo not looking forward to this, plus it doesnt help to know that one of my bosses is just waiting for me to fail so she can be proven right. i hate that bitch. i didnt even do anything to her, and she hates me for no freakin reason.


    i IM'd dave last nite while he had an away message, just saying " hi, i havent talked to u in a while, i just wanted to say hi"

    no responce

    yes, i admit that it was really asshole-ish of me to cut him off like i did, all cause he slept with robin on new years....yes i had no right to be that pissed, and yes...i know we werent going out, but still...

    all he ever did was tell me how he cant wait for us to hang out when we are on a break from school, and all this other shit. so when xmas break comes...i amd the one calling .i am the one asking to hang out. he was totally weird when we did even hang out. i just dont appreciate how he built it all up, and then just blew me off. and to add salt to the wound....we were supposed to go to that new years party together, and just cause i couldnt go, he takes that skank robin. grr.
    but besides that....

    i miss him. alot. and i wish that i never called him up and gave him attitude and then hung up. cause that was the last time i talked to him and it sux.

    i seem to have a way of chasing ppl out of my life. and then sit here and wonder why.

    gota get ready for stupid class now.

    Current Mood: indifferent
    Monday, February 2nd, 2004
    8:49 pm
    at 11 this morning i got a voice message from H telling me that he's ready to be in a relationship with me again and that he loves me...

    well holy shit like i havent heard that one before.

    but do i go running to him like always? or am i smart and tell him, sorry but no.


    and the countdown begins.........
    Sunday, February 1st, 2004
    1:51 am

    i just realized that its feb. 1st.

    which means valentines day is in less than two weeks.

    which means that i will from now on be obsessing about what H is doing and who he is with on valentines day.


    ugh now im depressed.
    1:37 am
    *I am: tired
    *I hurt: blair
    *I love: tink
    *My favorite word: ultra ghetto (yes i know its two words)
    *I have: a bellybutton
    *I want: to have alot of money and time to do whatever i want
    *I hate: albany when it's cold
    *I cry: too much
    *I fear: never getting over him
    *I hope: that i can ge truely happy one day
    *I feel: like i dont wana work tomorrow!!
    *I waste: $$$ like whoa!
    *I talk: like the ultra ghetto girl that i am. jk
    *I listen: to music
    *I break: my nails
    *I see: with my eyes...
    *I smell: the $10 worth of pepper jacks that i just housed :-/
    *I taste: fooooood
    *I work: @ a resteraunt
    *I remember: when i was dating blair in high school and how corney we were. lol
    *I sleep with: no one
    *I hide: my drugs
    *I pray: to God
    *I walk: to sarah's cause im too lazy to drive most of the time
    *I drive: my honda
    *I burn: fire???
    *I breathe: air???
    *I play: mind games
    *I miss: my sister
    *I learn: i duno....i feel like i never really learn
    *I feel: we already did this one so now i feel annoyed
    *I know: that its mad cold out yo. jking!
    *I dream: dont remember much of what i dream
    *I fall: on the ground
    *I await: the day i figure out what i wana do with my life
    *I live: in albany
    *I die: later i hope
    *My hair: is short but once was beautiful and long :/
    *My makeup: is pretty
    *My dream: yea...dont have one
    *My obsession: is pathetic
    *My most attractive feature(s) hmmmm...
    *My favorite thing to do: hang out w/friends
    *I'm wearing: pj's
    *I'm eating: um, nada
    *I'm drinking: arizona iced tea as usual
    *I'm listening to: access hollywood
    *I'm thinking: about this survey cause i really can't do much more than one thing at a
    *I find: that life just sucks sometimes
    12:37 am
    "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about."


    i hate when quotes like this one make me think....
    12:32 am
    You beleive in it. But have lost your faith in it.
    Youv probably had quite the past with love and
    arnt ready to go back to that. You tend to push
    people away and because of this no one tries to
    get close anymore. Will you ever love again,
    maybe someday.

    Do You Beleive in Love
    brought to you by Quizilla
    Saturday, January 31st, 2004
    11:24 pm
    i wish H thought this
    You're Perfect ^^
    -Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
    means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
    the kind of chick that can hang out with your
    boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
    care about presents or about going to fancy
    placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
    being around your boyfriend.

    What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
    brought to you by Quizilla
    11:15 pm
    ha ha
    Soroity Slut
    You're Soroity Slut Barbie! You're easy and you're
    really cheesy! Have fun with the entire
    football team.

    If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
    brought to you by Quizilla
    10:55 pm
    so i went to fishkill today to visit blair. it sucked. im an asshole.

    we arent speaking right now.

    i cant seem to get along with many ppl these days...hmm. that should tell me something.

    back up in good ol' albany, and its a sat. nite and i am sitting here doing nothing.
    darren came up here for the night and hes chillin with pam and dave and kate. i should be hanging out with them, but they are assholes and have to go to paulys. i fucking hate paulys. and i really hate the fact that im not hanging out with them right now. i love hanging out with them. its always fun. but i cant go to paulys. just cant.

    so...H called me friday and asked me to come over and told me that he is ready to have a real relationship again, and blah blah stupid me goes running over there. and the same old shit happens again... and again...and again. i swear.....i feel like a child touching the burning stove to see if it hurts.
    why do i keep putting myself in this position? when i left his apt. i was like, "call me when u decide to be serious about actually caring about me" and he just pretended as if nothing was wrong, and was all chipper and was like " bye call me later"!! ughh. ass.

    so friday night was happy hour at the post and i must say....good times. i was bombed by 11, then we went to this kids house, played cards and drank a lil more there and then went back to the post. after having a couple more drinks, i started to get in a bumbed out mood and asked sarah to walk me home. so all in all, i went out, got tanked and was in bed by 1. it was so hard to wake up this morning.

    blaah i dont wana go to work tomorrow. yuk its a long volume.

    this fight with blair is really stressing me out. i hate how stubborn we both are. it sux.

    i want sarah to get off of work soon so she can come and keep me company.

    ok im done for now.

    Current Mood: bored
    Current Music: i got the magic stick
    Thursday, January 29th, 2004
    11:57 pm
    this is for u
    you're always innocent
    because you're never honest
    so wrapped up in your perspective
    morality has become an opinion
    10:44 pm
    i decided to make a choice... do i want to keep holding on to something that just cant work? or do i want to try to let it go, and try to get over it?

    for the first time, i think im making the right choice. its killing me, but its the right choice.

    courtney was right...too much has happened, too many things went wrong and too much has changed, u just cant go back. thats what i realized, and H doesnt seem to give a flying fuck either way. all he cares about it going out with his friends and all the attention he gets from girls. that may be nice and all, but i can guarentee he wont find someone who will love him HALF as much as i do. she may be prettier, smarter, richer...all thoes things, but she wont love him like i did.

    maybe he'll realize that one day, till then....

    i have to live with not having the one person i want in my life.

    ughhhh i just got in a fight with blair. its not fair that im taking out all the stress and unhappiness im feeling about H on him, but hes the only one that will put up with my bs.
    why am i SUCH a jealous person?!! i even get jealous about things that dont concern blair and other girls.

    he is my technically isnt supposed to concern me, but i cant help it.

    i looked at a couple apts with sarah today...found one thats pretty liveable. we shall see..

    after the apt hunting, we all had liz court and sarah. it was nice. being in the company of ur gf's when u are at a really shitty time in your life, is so....less stressful

    jackie from work called me tonight too. she asked if i wanted to start training to be a server this friday night. hmmm. no thanks. first of all, i NEVER get friday nights off...second of all, im scared as hell of sucking at being a server and all the other servers in the resteraunt joking on me...especially steve. grr.
    i seriously have this anxiety about going up to strangers and talking to them. thats why i think i'll suck. oh that and the fact that i will probably forget EVERYTHING.

    i also took tink to the vet today :-/
    my little baby...he screamed thru the whole visit, but he was biting. i have to give him meds 2x a day, and then go to a follow up in 10 days. i hope he's gone be all better by then.

    i wana see my sister. i miss her :-(
    sunday they are having ppl at their apt for the football game, and my dad is gona be there. i havent talked to him since xmas eve, i wana see him too...but of course, the one day i would get to go home and see my fam, is the ONE day this whole week that i have to work. a long volume no less. yuk.

    im bored and lonely. i dont know what to do with myself.
    court went over to her friends to smoke. i didnt feel very social, not in the mood to leave the house right now.

    i just wana be laying in bed next to him.

    i guess in the end, im really gona see how strong i can be. cause this really is tearing me up inside. i never knew loving him would hurt this much. never.

    im an asshole for the way i flipped on blair on the phone. i wana call back and say sorry, its not your fault. im pissed cause i am in love with someone who has turned into a person i dont even know anymore.....

    fuck this. why does life have to suck sometimes? why cant things go according to plan. this bullshit was not in my plan.

    to think, i was so excited about living in albany cause i would get to be with him all the time and we would just be in love forever. i guess forever came alot sooner to him than it did for me.

    Current Mood: lonely
    2:31 am


    i need to fucking sleep

    WHY am i so awake?
    2:22 am
    like a wave crashing against the shore, i'll keep coming back for more
    2:18 am
    thinking about it...
    if you hold on tight to what you think is your thing you may find you're missing all the rest...
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