megan's Journal
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Friday, June 11, 2004
11:48PM
tonight twas a fun night at work/in town.
Thursday, June 10, 2004
4:34PM
you cant have any regrets. everything youve done in the past has made you who you are today, so never ever take anything back.
someone said that to me once. i just remembered. i like acting on impulse.
so much has changed since last summer, it's weird. i don't really like it either. but oh well, life's a biatch.
Tuesday, June 8, 2004
4:36PM
BSDFJsdfjkhjksdfoisjdfklllllllll
that was my temporary release.
i need a non-commital pacey type for a more permenant release. STAT.
Saturday, June 5, 2004
7:27PM
i hate all this sappy shit that they do for seniors.. maybe i'll understand it all next year, when im actually a senior, but for now it just seems stupid. i think i'm going to be happy more than anything else. i'm not the type to be emotional about this ish. yeeea hard asses of america, yeaaaa!
ps when we came home from the yankee game today, there was a random mexican guy in front of our house on a ladder cleaning our gutters. no one knows why or how or who he is/was. strange. my dad gave him like twenty bucks. ooookay charlene, okaaay.
Current mood: 
mellow
Current music: heart attack ack ack ack ack ack
Friday, June 4, 2004
12:35PM
can you hear them? they talk about us. telling lies, well that's no surprise
can you see them? see right through them. they have no shield, no secrets to reveal
it doesnt matter what they say, in the jealous games people playyyyy
Wednesday, June 2, 2004
8:40PM - sugar rush!!!
i wanted to take this oppertunity to say that i am in love with ingrid suzanne, caitlin mcnair, and gianna scott. i am in love with these three girls. you think i'm kidding.
bing- i call you more than i call ... well... anyone. you understand so much that no one else does. you feel the pain of the prick(s). you are my life.
caity- there is no one else i could ever have a 2 hour conversation with about topics ranging from penis to blowjob to wait, more penis. you are crazy, insane, AWESOMEEEE. i love every minute i spend with you. even when your singing opera about wingnut and piles of gay.
gigi- you're the only person ive ever met in my whole life who is exactly and equally just as weird as myself. (oh that is such a compliment and you know it) and us together, we are the greatest stalkers in the land. unbeatable, unstopable, a little bit scary infact. i love you.
i couldnt of asked for three better best friends.
(random insert) i also love farrah a lot.
i love all of my friends at school, i pretty much love the entire junior (ALMOST SEXY SENIORS!) class.
i love everyone who has ever been there for me. i love everyone who has given me advice, who i've had serious/stupid/crazy/long/short/incoherent conversations with. i love my family, my millions of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. i love the awesome people i met at nylc who i'll never talk to again in my life. i love the duh crew, i love every random person i'm obsessed with who doesnt have the slightest idea. i love all of my old tollgate friends who i will also probably never talk to again, with the exception of emily, who i love like a sister.
so if your reading this, i defenitely love you. so if your ever upset or think you have no one, dont fret. you have me, silly. i love you.
Current music: welcome back ma$e!!
Tuesday, June 1, 2004
9:51PM
it's JUNE.
the party starts now.
OKKAYYY PETE!
Current mood: 
quixotic
Current music: jimmy eats your ass
Saturday, May 29, 2004
6:23PM
excerpts from an article titled "friends, friends with benefits and the benefits of the local mall," in the new york times magazine. read this. it's very interesting.
"Most of the teenagers I spoke to could think of only a handful of serious couples at their schools. One senior in Chicago, who'd been dating the same girl since sophomore year, told me that none of his friends want girlfriends and that he's made to feel like a "loser" because he's in a relationship. As if searching for reassurance, he turned to me and asked, 'Do YOU think i'm a loser?'"
"Brian, a 16-year old friend of Jesse's put it this way- 'Being in a real relationship just complicates everything. You feel obligated to be all, like, couply. And that gets really boring after a while. When you're friends with benefits, you go over, hook up, then play video games or something. It rocks.'"
"With so many teenagers willing to hook up, Emcho and Haris say there's no need to rush a relationship. 'A lot of guys get in relationships just so they can get steady (expletive),' Harris told me. 'But now that it's easy to get sex outside of relationships, guys don't need relationships.'"
"'I've got five girls in my phonebook I can call or text message who will give it up to me,' he says, 'but I don't just hook up with anyone. you have to be careful. i have this huge crush on this girl who knows a lot of the girls i know, and i don't want her to find out that i hook up a lot and think i'm dirty.'"
"At the Valentine's Day gathering, Irene and her friends laid out the unwritten etiquette of teenage hookups: if you want it to be a hookup relationship, then you don't call the person for anything except plans to hook up. You don't invite them out with you. You don't call just to say hi. You don't confuse the matter. You just keep it purely sexual, and that way people don't have mixed expectations, and no one gets hurt. But invariably, most people do. Many teenagers told me they were hurt by hookups- usually because they expected or hoped for more. But they often blamed themselves for letting their emotions get the best of them. The hookups weren't the problem- they were the problem."
"When i asked Melissa whether she thought hookups worked equally well for girls and boys, she surprised me with her answer. 'It's equal,' she said. 'Everyone is using each other. That's fair.'"
"'Guys who are 16, 17, 18, they're just totally clueless,' says Irene. 'They'll be like, 'I kind of want you, but now that i have you, i don't really want you anymore, so maybe i should break up with you and have you as a friend with benefits.'''
read the article, it's actually well done. and while reading it, it made me a little sick (reading about how 13 year old girls give 21 year old guys blow jobs) it's all so true. it really scares me that this article is in the new york times magazine, and old people everywhere (ie my mom) are reading it and know what the real deal is. eww.
Friday, May 28, 2004
2:28PM
i really cant believe this year is over already, this is absolute mayhem. i remember the first day of school like it was yesterday. if junior year went this fast, i cant even imagine what senior year is gonna be like.. damn.
math final today, it was bleh. french on tuesday and physics on thursday. then i have sat2s and acts to look forward to. THEN it's finally summer. i'm excited for summer. not sure why, because i'm not really doing anything, but still.
i wanna go to the beach.
Current mood: 
tired
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
5:21PM
proof
bizarre
kuniva
kon artist
swift
marshall
Monday, May 24, 2004
8:54PM
i'm obviously too lazy to start a new xanga so please eliminate that last entry from your minds, also seeing as i'm too lazy to edit it.
so i'm watching 7th heaven. and i'm pissed. a) simon camden got SOOOOO HOT while he was away, holy crap! seriously! it angers me. why didn't he look like that before when i used to watch the show religiously? (no pun intended, har har) b) matt camden. you idiot. why would you go for that stupid sarah. nooo. you're supposed to be with HEATHER. she's heather, come onnn. back from the beginning it was supposed to be matt and heather! he obviously loves heather more than sarah so why not just go for it? damn it sometimes you have to screw stuff up and hurt people. it's just what needs to happen. you only live once, matt camden, you should know this, you have cancer. and you blew it you ho bag. all i have to say is that if matt and heather aren't together when 7th heaven ends, there is a very large problem with the world which will never be corrected and we're all doomed to marry annoying jewish girls with bad accents and ugly hair. c) ashlee simpson is a butt. no really.
ANYWAY now that i've blown off some steam about primetime tv... i hope when i'm in the tanning bed D.C isn't looking at me through a tiny peep hole camera, because that would be absolutely gross. now i'm going to go look for some food.
Current mood: 
aggravated
6:51PM
i like xangas soo much better than blurtys so i think im going to make a xanga to write in instead.
holllaaa
so i'm in town today with kuniva and who do we run into but the lovely paul muldoon. he was carrying around an umbrella in the 80 degree weather and his fro is larger than your mom. what a freak.
i finally heard the cicadas today, ewww.
i think it's gay that we're still in school so im just pretending im not anymore and it's working out pretty well.
so this will probably be the last you'll hear from me on the blurty front, but be sure to look for the xanga
peace out my little whores
ps bing my rendition of sixteen going on seventeen is the shizzatt so dont be hating.
Current music: the stranger by billy or shall i say WILLIE joel
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
10:30PM
random thoughts of the day:
-it's soooo gay when people make things up for absolutely no reason. yeah i understand lying when you have a reason to, but randomly saying you just ate an apple when really you didn't eat anything? lame!
-the girl on made is such a floozie/whore
-when you feel the need to constantly/publically tell someone you love them, you know theres a problem. this refers to the many xangas i read written by girls at school and it's all so fake!
-my biggest fear is life is getting genital warts or crabz. ewwww.
-so first you get hiv, then when you start to have symptoms it's called aids. this i did not know.
-i had very little hw tonight
-cicadas are revolting and it's even more revolting that dr seuss brought one in today in a jar
-funny how the seemingly 'perfect' families are the ones which are the most screwed up
-why do i update this blurty so much
-
Current mood: 
enthralled
Current music: tv
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
7:03PM
consider this an invitation
TO MY GANGSTA NATION
Sunday, May 16, 2004
12:40PM
this weekend has been so busy ive barely had time to breathe.
started work at winberies, come visit me on the weekends.
car wash was aweeesome we made ridiculous amounts of money, thanks to everyone who helped/came.
go see troy, it's super super super good (and not just because brad pitt is hot, although he is)
later
Thursday, May 13, 2004
4:51PM - i just wrote a novella
so i've been thinking about marriage a lot lately. lol weird i know, seeing as i'm 17 years old. but still. i absolutely positively cannot even imagine spending my ENTIRE life with ONE person. these couples that have been married for 50+ years.. how do they do it? i don't think i am/will ever be physically capable of loving someone so much for such a long time. my biggest fear ever is that i'll think that i have found the right person, i'll get married, then i'll meet someone else who is my soulmate. what to do, what to do.. get a divorce and mess up the marriage you already have? no that'd hurt everyone and everything way too much, especially if you have kids. cheat on your husband/wife? uh, no. cheating is the most undecent and disrespectful thing one could ever do.. and talk about having a guilty conscience.. so are you supposed to just settle? stay with the person you're already with, even though you know that there's someone else out there who's meant for you? damn it.
i was watching oprah today and she was talking to cameron diaz about marriage. they were saying how the whole concept of marriage and spending your life with one person was once a good idea, but it's getting outdated. our society is evolving and with all of this constant change, the concept of 'forever' is just becoming old. i couldn't agree more.
maybe i'm just too young. when i get older ill someday understand how it's all supposed to work out and everything will fall into place. what kills me is these young kids that think they've found their soulmate and the person they want to be with forever. ok, you're like 14. you havent even lived like 1/5 of your life yet. there's so much more out there!!! even finding real love at 17, that just blows my mind. while im jealous of everyone with the awesome relationships and the 'true love', i'm also really glad that i don't really know what it feels like yet. personally, it's something i couldnt handle right now. i'm not mature enough. also i think lots of people claim they're in love as a security, having someone to fall back on. i just realized recently that it's ok to have no one to fall back upon. it's not worth holding on to something that's not there. so yes. i don't want to become a nun. i really don't! i'm sure as i get older i'll meet someone and i'll think that it's it, im in love.. but what if i'm not?! what if i just THINK i am?
i have to stop thinking about this, i'm getting scared. i just want to be room mom! with cute little football playing children! is that so much to ask???? hehe. i'm going to go lay outside in the sun. peace out.
Current mood: 
contemplative
Current music: tv
Monday, May 10, 2004
7:21PM - desparate times call for procrastinatory measures
one thing first... WILLYandBING!
BASICS
:x: Name = megan
:x: Birthday = 1/31/87
:x: piercings = ears and cartelidge
:x: tattoos = none
:x: height = 5'9.5"
:x: shoe size = 9
:x: hair color = brown
:x: siblings = 1 brother
LAST...
:x: movie you rented = i honestly can't remember
:x: movie you bought = the rules of attraction
:x: song you listened to = freek a leek by petey
:x: cd you bought = i dont buy cdsss
:x: cd you listened to = a mix in my car thats actually pretty damn good
:x: person you were thinking of = bing bc i just texted her
:x: friend you made = that'd have to be MARIO. hahaha
:x: Cry = a while ago
:x: Library Book Checked Out = davinci code which i kept out for like 8 months. oops
:x: Movie Seen In a Theatre = should of been mean girls but that biatch was sold out.. so it'd have to be the girl next door
:x: Book Read = reading bergdorf blondes.
:x: Cuss Word Uttered = well i just yelled outloud "with a big dick!" because i was singing to freek a leek.. does that count?
:x: Beverage Drank = drinking coke
:x: Food Consumed = vegetarian chilli
:x: Movie Watched = shawshank redemption
:x: Time Showered = last night
:x: Shoes Worn = gap flipflops
:x: Soda Drank = COKECAIN. haha.
:x: Thing Written = my name on an appointment card
:x: Sleep: on the ride home
:x: Ice Cream Eaten = really good it was b&j but i forget what its called
:x: Time Dancing = i think thatd have to be country line dancing throughout school
:x: Big Car Ride = boston over spring break
:x: Crush: ur mother.
:x: Annoyance = people who yell at me for tanning
:x: Disappointment = sigh.
:x: Web Site Visited: this one, biatch.
DO...
:x: you have a crush on someone = eh i dont know, not really
:x: you wish you could live somewhere else = sometimes
:x: you think about suicide = no
:x: others find you attractive = well i know your mom does
:x: you want more piercings = yes
:x: you drink =
:x: you do drugs = no
:x: you smoke = no
:x: you like cleaning = who doesnt
:x: you like roller coasters = nope, sorry teeth i will not be accompanying you on any great adventure roller coasters
:x: you write in cursive or print = mixture
:x: you read the newspaper = sports section
FAVORITE...
:x: song = currently it's SLOW MOTION by juv
:x: thing to do = sleep and talk (in person not on the phone thats gay)
:x: thing to talk about = everything.. the future, food, people, teachers, boys, girls, lambs.. haha what
:x: sports = field hockey, crew
:x: drinks = coke
:x: clothes = i have so many favs.. anything collared and striped
:x: movies = titanic
:x: singer = TWISTA!
:x: holiday = christmas or benito juarez's birthday
:x: Disney movie = MULAN
:x: word = bi***ka, or the word WORD. haha
:x: guy name = Conner, Christian, Ryan
:x: girl name = Karlie, Chloe
:x: eye color = green, blue on a dude
:x: flower = rose
:x: piercing on a guy = nada
:x: actor = george clooney!
:x: actress = keira knightley? is that how u spell it?
HAVE YOU EVER...
:x: cried over a girl = i cry over dr judy all the time
:x: cried over a boy = yes.
:x: lied to someone = yes
:x: been in a fist fight = no
:x: been arrested = no
:x: Been out of the country?: Yes
:x: Gone skinny dipping?: yes
:x: Had surgery?: yes
:x: Ran away from home?: when i was like 5
:x: Pulled an all nighter?: yes
:x: Gone one day without food?: dont think so!
:x: Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: no everytime i sleep with someone of the opposite sex (which happens all the time) sex always immediately follows
:x: Slept all day?: yes
:x: Killed someone?: no.
:x: Been betrayed?: yes
:x: Had a dream that came true?: oh yes
:x: Broken the law?: yes
:x: Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: no
:x: Stolen anything?: No
:x: Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes
WHAT...
:x: shampoo do you use = herbal essences
:x: shoes do you wear = flipflops
:x: are you scared of = douches and cervical caps
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
:x: pretty = eh
:x: funny = sometimes
:x: hot = right now, im sweating like a motha
:x: friendly = fakely friendly
:x: amusing = yeah
:x: loveable = I hope so
:x: caring = not particularly
:x: sweet = no
:x: dorky = no im supa fly
OTHER
:x: Do you live in the moment?: i dont know
:x: Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: no
:x: Do you have any secrets?: of course
:x: Do you hate yourself?: no
:x: Do you like your handwriting?: no
:x: Do you have any bad habits?: obsessing
:x: What's your biggest fear?: getting married. haha no really.
:x: Are you passive or aggressive?: can be both
:x: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: my breast size! no im defenitely completely kidding. id be not as shy around new people
:x: Do you think you are emotionally strong: for the most part
:x: Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: no regrets
:x: Do you think life has been good so far?: its been aight
:x: Do you think you are good looking?: this is the 38th time you've asked me this
:x: Are you confident?: sure
Current mood: 
blah
Current music: WE'RE NOT GONNA TAKE IT ANYMOOORE
Tuesday, May 4, 2004
7:17PM
it turned colder, thats where it ends...
so i told her, 'we'd still be friends'
and we made our true love vow
wonder what he's doin now..
summer dreams, ripped at the seams, but...
those summer niiiiights
i love grease. i love summer.
how is it only tuesday? seriously. mother thrusting pelvis.
Current mood: 
bouncy
Current music: hanson. i know.
Sunday, May 2, 2004
10:18PM
(entry has been deleted due to misinterpretation) can't have people thinking the wrong things!! :)
ill leave you with this-
w-h-o-r-e-s for life.
parents are so gay!
Wednesday, April 28, 2004
5:36PM - my new favorite song!
-bubble toes, jack johnson-
it's as simple as something that nobody knows
that her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes
on the feet of a queen of the hearts of the cards and her feet are all
covered with tar balls and scars
it's as common as something that nobody knows
that her beauty will follow wherever she goes
up the hill in the back of her house in the would she love
me forever, i know she could.
i remember when you and me, how we used to be just good friends
wouldn't give me none
but all i wanted was some.
she's got a whole lot of reasons
she can't think of a single one that can justify leaving
and he got none but he thinks he got so many problems
man he got, too much time to waste.
his dreams are like commercials
but her dreams are picture perfect and
our dreams are so related thugh they're often unrelated.
it's as simple as something that nobody knows that
her eyes are as big as her bubbly toes
on the feet of the queen of the hearts of the cards
and her feet are infested with tar balls and ..
well I was eating lunch at the D. L. G.
when this little girl came and she sat next to me
i never seen nobody move the way she did
well she did and she does and she'll do it again
when you move like a jellyfish
rhythm don't mean nothing
you go with the flow
you don't stop
move like a jellyfish
rhythm is nothing
you go with the flow
you don't stop
it's as common as something that nobody knows it
her beauty will follow wherever she goes
up the hill in the back of her house in the wood
she'll love me forever, I know she ..
if you would only listen
you might just realize what you're missing
you're missing me
if you would only listen
you might just realize what you're missing
you're missing me
***
Current mood: impressed
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