Chessa's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Chessa [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

finally, a moment all to myself. [23 Jul 2006|01:43am] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | silence... ahhh. ] the restaurant is open. actually, we just ended our third whole week being open. hence, no journal updates. its almost two in the morning right now, and the only reason im still awake is because im waiting for rob to come home so i can sleep. pretty much my whole life has been waking up at 830 every morning, go to the restaurant all day, get home super late, pass the fuck out, and then do it all over again. this week its been later than the past couples weeks because for some ungodly reason we put an ad in the pennysaver for late night bowling thursday thru saturday. thats right, you can now bowl at the landmark house until 1130pm three nights a week. in other words, shoot me in the face. weve been taking sundays off, but tomorrow were doing a family reunion brunch for some people, so instead of sleeping the day away, i get to go to the restaurant the same time as every other day of the week. arent i the lucky one? in much better and more cool news, yesterday (as in the 22nd, it just ended an hour ago) was mine and robs two year anniversary :) it kind of blew because we had to spend the day working and were going to just go straight to sleep when he gets home, but still. two whole years. that is an awful long time if you ask me. i wouldnt trade him for the world though. love you my boomer <3 oh, and to update, sara and i are fine. i know i know, but its fine. she sent me an invite in the mail to noels 2nd birthday party (which im psyched about), and we hung out at main street coffee one night for a couple hours. catching up and that sort of thing. noel is huge now, shes totally lost all of the 'baby' look she had to her. she is definitly a little kid now, and shes the most beautiful little girl in the whole world. all this anniversary and noels birthday... wheres my baby? i hate the stupid rule about not being allowed until im done with school. i hate it. and although every one of my friends knows that i want a baby more than anything in the world, theres no reason why they cant hear it again. i just feel like its something im missing... 1 comment|post comment

i am 19! [20 Jun 2006|08:56pm] [ mood | calm ] [ music | iPod on shuffle... currently gwen stefani, danger zone ] i just got home from hanging out with my step mom :) she took me out for my birthday to get my nails done, and then we went to pizza works where doug works and got some foodie. so now i have the fakey nails on, and its the first time ive ever had them done! i love them, and they are so pretty. i got them airbrushed with this white and black design, and then the lady did the not airbrushed parts with glitter. i feel so girly. jalisa is going to be so proud of me, she loves when im girly <3 so my birthday went well. as soon as i woke up rob had my stuff set up on the computer desk for me. he got me two things of truffles, 'underworld:evolution', and bejeweled for the compy. and then he left around four and came back with the BIG one: a mini fridge for my (our) room! its very exciting, being that weve been looking to buy that particular mini fridge for about a year and a half now. because it was my birthday i was excused from going to the restaurant and being slave labor for the day, so rob and i just kind of sat around the house, which was nice for once. then tuesday me and my daddy went out for dinner, like we do every year. that was a lot of fun too... its pretty much the only time throughout the whole year that its just me and my dad. that might in fact be a good thing, haha, but it is nice to have some time together. the only thing that was bad that was in any way related to my birthday was sara, surprisingly. the week before my birthday she IMed me and said something like 'its almost your birthday, itll be the first one in a couple years that i wont see you for'. we havent talked in a while, and we havent seen eachother for longer than that. im aware of this. so i IMed her something back about us maybe hanging out, which i know wont happen, but thats the polite kind of thing to say, right? so i didnt hear from her for almost a week, and then she decides to IM me the day after my birthday with something to the effect of 'i think us hanging out for your birthday would be weird and awkward... or like, ever'. was that really necessary???? i dont think so. we obviously dont even talk anymore, and she could have stopped after weird and awkward. that to me, was just rubbing it in. it bothers me that we dont talk, and she didnt have to be a bitch about it. ugh. im going to go for now, rob and i have a zillion movies to watch from blockbuster. well... six, but thats almost a zillion. post comment

a quickie... [09 Jun 2006|11:16pm] [ mood | excited ] this is going to be a short update, because marisa is on her way here right now. im very excited though, because marisa is up for the weekend :) shes coming to pick me up now (because rob is over at steves for the night with my car) and we, along with the whole rest of the gang, are all going up to the jay. i was trying to explain to rob, but its kind of weird. they are like my group of friends, and i never had a whole group before, lol. i mean, in high school most of my friends didnt talk to eachother, so i couldnt hang out with all of them all at once. but my friends from gcc, theyre all so great, and we were totally inseperable at school. and then school ended, and everyone went home. i havent seen any of them since school, so im so excited to be able to hang out with everyone for the night :) when everyone goes back to school in the fall ill be able to see them too, because i will definitly be going out to gcc to hang out whenever i have the chance. time to go for now... post comment

hot hot hot. [31 May 2006|04:40pm] [ mood | hot ] rob and i went out on sunday and we saw x men 3, and I LOVED IT. sooo good. and im a nerd. after the movies we went out to a late lunch/early dinner at the red lobster, which is always good. im never not in the mood for seafood. the days seem like theyre going by so slowly. i dont know if its because the weather is warmer (which is definitly is, excessively) or because im not really doing anything but working at the restaurant or what. last week took forever to get through, and this week isnt looking much better. ive been smoking more too, and i dont know why that is either. a pack used to last me two full days, and now its a day and a half max. its strange. theres only 12 days left until my 19th birthday!!!! i just made a birthday list earlier today and i put it on the fridge. this is what it says: -massage -dinner with daddy -$$ for canada -for the air conditioning to work in my jeeper -for everyone to be not cranky for (at least) the day haha, yeah. i dont know, i was trying to think of what i really wanted, and there isnt anything thats sticking out in my mind. rob says that he want to take me up to canada and stay the night up there. not just to drink, but he wants to go into the casino. i think its a great idea, personally, but we are poor people. so thats why the money is on the list, to help mine and robs gambling. because thats really all we need, is for someone else in my family to develop a gambling problem. ha, good times. we cant run the dryer in the house because its so hot, so we are washing the clothes and hanging them out on the line. but i have a problem with this. i hate it when my clothes are dried out on the line, because im a weirdo. see, they get all crunchy and they smell all funny, and i just dont like it. so when i do the laundry i go through and put everyone elses clothes out on the line, and i hang mine in the house on the drying rack. no dryer useage, and no stinky crispy chessa clothes. mmmm. post comment

[26 May 2006|02:12pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | yo momma on mtv ] i dont know why, but my shoulders have been killing me lately. i think ive been sleeping weird or something... i think i need a massage. everything at the bowling alley is going well :) yesterday we cleaned a zillion chairs and my nails are all gross, but its okay because they look beautiful. the new closing date is june 15th, so were shooting to open on july 1st. it works out actually because thats a saturday. its killing me not working now though, i still owe about a million dollars from dance, and my phone bill and all that... i hate having to ask my parents for money all the time. even when i was working at penneys, i was asking them for some money. but now, i have no income at all, and i just feel like such a mooch. ugh. but i did just get my tax refund back, which is nice. maybe rob and i will go do something this weekend. we were talking about going to the movies, because we havent gone in so long. x men 3 came out today, and i want to see it SO BAD! so maybe well do that :) i have my appointment at canisius on june 5th. i have to meet with this stupid dr macdonald to make my schedule and stuff. im excited to finally know what im going to be taking in the fall, but at the same time, im worried that im not going to be able to get into the classes that i want to because im regestering so late. blah. i have to go for now, more work to be done at the restaurant... its the new story of my life. 1 comment|post comment

fashion show!!! [29 Apr 2006|06:00pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | the 90's station on yahoo... counting crows for now ] im at gcc right now, and we have an hour until our second show!!! the one at three was amazing, as expected. there werent really a whole lot of people there, but the seven o clock show is going to be sooo full. so we were here earlier, and this girl from penneys in rochester came in to do our makeup for us. i got mine done first, so this girl is doing my makeup and shes like, i know you. and i said my name, and shes like, oh my god you used to hang out at the house in south byron. im like, whats your first name? and its adriana!! she used to date jon finch, and she would always hang out with me when i went there. shes amazing, and i love her. i havent seen her in seriously like two years. i will definitly get her email or something before we leave tonight :) im out for now, prep time post comment

ummmm... things. [17 Apr 2006|08:17pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | robs playing amplitude ] i am sicky. ive had a headache for over two weeks straight now, and its crappy. robs calling his doctor tomorrow and making me an appointment, because they are weird and they are closed today. stupid doctor. i ate lamb yesterday for the first time, and i like it. my aunt robin made it for easter, along with every other thing imaginable. besides the lamb, we had a whole turkey and a ham. it was crazy. i was sad about the turkey though, because it wasnt done when it was supposed to be, and then they put it back in the oven and by the time it was done everyone had already eaten, so it was a whole turkey that no one touched. poor lonely turkey :( i put my notice in at penneys, and this is my last weekend working. my parents bought a bowling alley because theyre weird, and im going to be working there and everything. i want to be able to be available to help them when they need the help. and besides that, for my edf class im supposed to have 30 hours of classroom observation done by the end of the semester, and with work, theres no way im going to get them done. i just need more time in a week, day, whatever, to get everything done. theres never enough time. im kind of nervous about not working though. the bowling alley isnt open yet, and theres still a lot to do before it is. we arent going to start making a ton of money right away, and its like, my job to be worried about money. i just have a lot of things that need to be paid, a lot of things that need to be bought, and im worried about it. ugh. talisa is home right now, shes going back to school tomorrow night. i talked to her a little bit ago and she told me she would call me after they were done eating so i could stop down. i havent seen her since summer i think, so its exciting that we get to hang out for a while. rob is harassing me to get off the computer, so im going to do that now... post comment

so its been almost a month... [15 Mar 2006|01:47pm] [ mood | sick ] megan had her baby! six weeks early, but shes healthy. Arianna Elyse was born on sunday morning, and i cannot wait to go see her. i have to wait a couple days though, because right now i am sick with the plague. yes, the plague. i just woke up on sunday all sick, and its bad bad bad. good thing this is spring break week, because i would not be going to school. soooo spring break. rob and i went out to dinner last friday, to celebrate that we have money :) we went to red lobster, and it was delicious. mmmm. it was nice to just go out and spend some time together. hes been working a lot for the past couple weeks, and we dont really get to spend a lot of time together with me at school and work and dance and him working 11 hour days. ugh. but i love that man. i love him i love him i love him <3 so anyways, saturday i spent a lot of money, haha. i bought new pointe shoes, which were badly needed, and i went to penneys and got an eye exam and glasses :) they are red, and i can see, and it is wonderful. and also, saturday night we finally watched the new harry potter movie, and if you havent seen it, you should. i <3 harry potter. yesterday i went and got a massage. mmmm. i definitly needed that. and then i went and got jalisa, and her and i went up to the galleria and went prom dress shopping. not that i will ever go to another prom, haha, but jalisa is hooking up with my cousin justin, and hes a junior this year. we went into cache and tried on the most expensive dresses ever, and of course, thats where jalisa found the dress she wants. gorgeous, yes, but its like 300$. mine was about the same last year, but my mom made me pay for half of it. gross. oh! the concert last week! most amazing show EVER. sara ended up not being able to go because she had class, and if she misses one more she fails. so my dad went with me, and we had a really good time actually. <3 nine inch nails <3 so i told sara that i would take her shopping at h&m for her birthday instead, being that the concert tickets we supposed to be her birthday present. so we talked on the phone yesterday before i left for my massage, and she suggested that we should go shopping this week sometime. but between me working and her working, and her living a half hour away, this week is a no go. she was like, chessa, since when did it become so hard to hang out? and to me its like, we both work and go to school, and you have a baby. since all that happened. isnt that obvious enough?? sara is where i want to be i guess. shes engaged, she has a daughter, she has her own apartment... they have a little family. and i am just so envious... post comment

baby shower [19 Feb 2006|04:21pm] [ mood | full ] today sara and i went to megan henrys baby shower. it was kind of boring, but it was nice to see her. she is HUGE! its a little girl, and if she looks like megan, shes going to be gorgeous. beat those boys away with a stick. thats whats going to happen. so mandi did this thing in her journal, ten things you probably dont know about me. so im going to do it, because im cool. 1. i want a baby more than anything in the whole world. 2. i love chinese food more than normal people. 3. my mom is my best friend. 4. i know a fair amount about cars because of my dad, but i dont like to admit it. 5. im scared of gaining weight. 6. i lie about stupid things that theres no reason for me to lie about. 7. i had an eating disorder for a long time. 8. i LOVE to cook. 9. i like it when things are drawn out step by step, because i have zero creativity. 10. i want to have a wallaby for a pet. in other news, i got a new phone yesterday! ive had the same one for over a year, and it broke, hardcore. on friday, the whole top half snapped right off the bottom half. jesus. so my new one is super cool, and i love it <3 so there you go. bam. im a nerd. and right now im going to go take a napper i think. im a little sleepy, and theres nothing else to do, haha. post comment

valentines day is tomorrow [13 Feb 2006|07:27pm] [ mood | distressed ] and today is miss jessielyn bouchards 19th birthday!!! so happy birthday to my jessie!!!!! rob came home on friday :) i made him this big dinner, i made lobster and crab ravioli, crab cakes, and seafood stuffed mushrooms. mmm, good stuff. so we spent the whole weekend together because i didnt have to work or anything, and it was amazing. hes the best ever :) he started work today, and im actually a little worried right now because its 730 and hes not home yet, and he has no cell phone, and its super crappy outside :( i just hope hes okay, and i wish he would call or something. or just come home. that would be better. i deleted my myspace account and my facebook today. i dont know... i guess its just a thing. i just got sick of it. the end. but actually, robs home right now, so im going to go. okayyy bye. post comment

so yes, im finally updating [01 Feb 2006|04:16pm] [ mood | hungry ] havent done it since three weeks ago, so its about that time. rob is in albany for another week and a half, he left on the 22nd (which was our year and a half anniversary :( ). he got this new job for combined insurance, and they do all their licensing out in latham near albany. saddest thing ever. we havent really gone two days without seeing eachother since we started dating, let alone three weeks! ugh, its hard, and it sucks, but i think were both doing okay considering. i just cant wait until hes home with me, and neither can he. mandi stewart found me on myspace, and i was so excited! we used to be BEST FRIENDS wayyy back in the good ole days, and i think about her often. so weve been talking for a couple days now, and its so cool. i love catching up with an old friend. not that im like, a zillion years old or anything, because thats what that just sounded like, but you know what i mean. i FINALLY got the other side of my belly button done on saturday. it looks soooo cool. i cant wait for it to heal so i can have the barbell in there. eric did it for free too, which is also cool, because i have no money and get paid biweekly and get no hours at work. i wish it was christmas all year just so i could have big paychecks, because that would be sweet. i started my observation hours with herr schneider yesterday. its a lot of fun being back at pembroke, not really for the students (yuck) but more for old teachers, especially herr schneider. i really like being on the other side of the classroom... taking notes on how he teaches, not what he teaches. i took seriously a whole page of notes today, just on how he was teaching. its really interesting, and when youre in a class to learn, you really dont think about what the teacher is doing to help you. he also told me about english as a foreign language (EFL) instead of ESL (second language). ESL is for if you want to teach here in the US, EFL is for teaching outside of the country. i just called canisius a few minutes ago to ask about that and their required observation hours, but the guy i have to talk to is busy, so hell (hopefully) call me back soon. so yes, on that note, rob and i are going to move to europe. not like, tomorrow or anything, but when im done with school. i wanted to teach ESL anyways, doubling with german of course, and i can certainly teach english in europe! i was talking to herr schneider about it, and i guess they are just dying for english teachers in european countries. so good for me i guess, hopefully theyll pay me a whole bunch :) but yeah, we talked about it the one night for like, three hours, and weve pretty much decided. maybe not even stay over there for forever, but how can you know you want to live in one place for the rest of your life if you never go anywhere else? in other news, i hate philosophy. i was telling rob on the phone the other night, i cant tell if hes not teaching anything or im just not getting it, because i leave that class with absolutly nothing. we dont take any notes, he just talks the whole class and we have discussions and all that, but im not getting anything out of it. so i dont know, i dont like it either way. and im going to have to take two more philosophy classes at canisius :( thats it for now, im going to go eat some pasta and do some laundry. when my mama comes home were going to clean my room, because i hate it >:o so bye for now :) post comment

last night it felt like norah jones [11 Jan 2006|09:41pm] [ mood | loved ] by the way, i love the song 'she says' by howie day. LOVE. And when she said she wants somebody else I hope you know that's she doesn't mean you And when she breaks down and makes a sound You'll never hear her the way that I do And when she says she wants someone to love I hope you know that she doesn't mean you And when she breaks down and lets you down I hope you know that she doesn't mean to christmas was awesome. i gave rob a lovely seiko watch, and i got it all engraved and everything so on the inside of the face it says 'Robert Watkins I Love You', so it matches my iPod :) besides the name, obviously. and he got me the most gorgeous ring ever, so be jealous girls. it is however on my right hand. rob tells everyone that its a 'non-engagement ring'. all im thinking though, is if this is what my non-engagement ring looks like, my real engagement ring is going to be a BEAST. this one is 24K white gold with 1.5K diamonds, theres fourteen diamonds (i counted), and theyre all in a little ring around the band, and its just fantastic. new years was good too. jalisa came over and we got really super drunk drinking vanilla vodka and wild cherry pepsi, which, incase youre wondering, is amazing and you should go get some and drink it right now. rob drank too, which was funny, but he somehow drank half a fifth of jack daniels and was not drunk, which made me mad a little because i wanted to see him drunk. but oh well, it will happen sometime. and i love him. sara and jordan got an apartment!!! they moved in on saturday, its out in bergen. the place is amazing. the building that they live in used to be a school, so theres lockers in the hallways, and super big windows that go all the way up to the ceilings, which are also very high, and its just awesome. im so happy for them, because theyve needed this for so long, but at the same time im a little sad, because now she lives a half hour away from me, and when rob and i move over the summer then we will be A WHOLE STUPID HOUR away from eachother. i know were not there yet, and i shouldnt worry about it, but its just sad to think about. i mean, im excited about getting our own place, and im certainly excited for sara and jordan and noel... but why does jordans work and where im going to be going to school have to be in opposite directions? :( ...and i wanna wake up with the rain falling on the tin roof while im safe there in your arms... so moving on to something fun and happy, sara got me addicted (although it didnt take much) to project runway on bravo. its on wednesday nights at ten, and im about to go watch it, and you should too. because its awesome. so thats it for now, and there will be more updates soon post comment

searching [08 Dec 2005|02:21pm] [ mood | okay ] ive been thinking a lot lately, and i feel like i need something... i feel like i need to believe in something. i dont know, its probably common in people that dont belong to an organized religion. i mean, i believe in something, just nothing thats defined. and i feel like i want to be in a group... be a bhuddist or a muslim or a hindu something. i want to look into different religions and see if i fall into any of them. i tried the whole catholic thing like, for my whole life, and that didnt work out too well. there are too many things in catholicism that just dont make sense to me. ill talk to sara about bhuddism, being that she is one. i feel like there is a higher power of some kind, and i just want to figure out what i believe and where i stand i guess. its weird. on a completely different note, rob and i had an amazing night last night. im not telling what happened, because thats between us, but the point is, i love him. more than anything, i love that man. post comment

you [07 Dec 2005|04:26pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] i love the light in your eyes when you smile "So dear I love him that with him, all deaths I could endure. Without him, live no life." post comment

no subject, or all subjects? [01 Dec 2005|02:12pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | no music, i need to charge the ipod ] that whole banko thing... that huge last entry? scrap that. the same day that i wrote out that entry, i got home and talked to rob about it, and then rob got on myspace and banko had left him a message on that monday saying how he was going to kick his ass and blah blah blah. which means that the whole time i was talking to banko and trying to figure stuff out, he had already sent that message. needless to say i havent talked to him since, and i dont plan on it anytime soon. or ever. besides that though, things are alright. school is almost over, theres only two weeks left. its crunch time. im a little stressed, but its okay... just end of semester worries. i have two major papers to write, one for english and one for history, a theater project, and about a bajillion things for my EDF class. stuff that ive never even heard of that shes like, 'oh yeah, i assigned that in the beginning of the semester.' a reminder would have been nice. ive started my christmas shopping and i only have a few more things to get. i got robs BIG present, but i still have to get a few more things for him, and i have to do saras and jordans presents too. and im pretty sure that after that im all done, and we can start putting money in our bank account again and not have negative money. good thinking. and maybe even start saving some money for next summer for when we get our apartment! :o who knows how thatll go... rob and i dont seem to be so great at the whole money saving thing. but we can do it if we try, im sure. rob didnt wake me up this morning for some reason, and then my mom woke up late and didnt even realize that i was still at home until almost ten this morning. sooo guess who only went to one class today? it was me. i dont know why rob didnt wake me up, ill have to ask him about it. the extra sleep was nice though, im just so tired. i work every single day (besides wednesdays and thursday, when i work at the college, like right now), and school and dance... i dont get a whole lot of relaxing time. usually when i work during the week i go straight to penneys from school, so i dont even go home until like, nine or ten at night. it sucks. i cant wait until the semesters over and i have my surgery so i dont have to work... i just get to sit around the house and do absolutly nothing for a whole week, maybe more. im psyched. speaking of the surgery, i had my foot appointment maybe... two weeks ago? i really like the doctor, and i go in for my surgery on the 21st of december. i figured id stick it in there because theres no dance, no school, nothing. just work, but i took a week off from the 21st to the 28th, and dawn told me that if i need more time to just let her know. i know im going to be on crutches (spelling?) for sure, and i dont really know how long itll be until i can stand on it and walk and stuff. itll be a pain in my ass, but at least itll be taken care of, finally, and i wont have to worry about it anymore. oh yeah... and I GOT ACCEPTED TO CANISIUS FOR NEXT FALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats right guys, im psyched. and they sent me a lovely little checklist of everything that i have to do so im all organized. im so excited, you have no idea. rob and i are going to see 'charlie and the chocolate factory' tonight here at gcc. theyre doing it as a play and i have to see it for my theater class. itll be good, i would go see it even if i didnt have to have to. im hoping that maybe after the play rob and i can go out to chinese or something, we havent in a while. and im skipping dance to see it, so i might as well make use of the time, right? it starts at seven, and i guess its only an hour and fifteen minutes long or something. no intermission. robs friend lorelei (i probably butchered that spelling, jeeze) is working on it, so maybe hell get to see her. that would be nice for him, as far as i know he hasnt seen her since the spring semester when he used to come and get me and stuff. i guess thats my life, up to date, in a nutshell. im going to read for a little bit i think... sara gave me 'the butcher boy' to read, and i havent had the chance to really sit down with it and get into it yet. bye guys! post comment

deep breath [09 Nov 2005|02:09pm] [ mood | hungry ] im just thinking about a lot of things right now. ive been talking to sara about it, and i know rob doesnt know yet, but im planning to talk to him today. let me start from the beginning. last friday roxanne and i went to fuel. had a good time, etc. we were dancing, and i turn around, and theres banko standing right there. i was obviously shocked, but i went up to him and we talked for a minute or so, then i suggested going outside for a smoke. so banko went outside, roxanne was looking for her smokes, and rob walked in to come get me. so we went outside to leave, banko was sitting on the step and we just walked past him. roxanne was a little mad that i was leaving, but i had to work in the morning. so we went home, went to bed, and that was it. so the whole way home i was thinking about it, and i felt really shitty about not even saying goodbye to him. i mean, i know im not obligated to or anything, but i havent seen him in a long time, and i knew rob would be mad and probably a ruckus would have occured, but i still felt bad about it. so monday morning when i was at school i got on myspace and i was going to message banko and appologize for not saying goodbye because i felt way bad about it. he had left me a message like, 'wtf, you cant even say bye to me?!!?' so i sent him one back saying sorry, and i tried to explain that i just didnt want to make rob mad. i dont need to start shit in my own relationship for anyone. so he sent me a message back again, saying that he was sorry that we couldnt be friends because of rob, and everythings robs fault, and whine whine whine. so then i got really mad and sent him one back, because its really all his fault that we cant be friends. i mean, if he could just get over me and not talk shit about my boyfriend, then rob would have no problem with him at all. he doesnt like rob purely because im with him. so i got really mad and sent him a bitchy message about it. sara and i have been talking about it, and i would honestly love to be able to be friends with banko. hes a good person really, just not in this particular situation. rob would be totally fine with him if he didnt talk shit about him, and if he didnt like me. sara told me that she talked to banko online the other day, and he was saying how he wished we could be friends and everything. she tried to explain to him what im thinking (which is also the logical thinking in this situation), but i guess he wasnt really paying attention, and he was really hurt by friday night. i knew he would be, thats why i appologized... but anyways, so sara and i were talking about it some more today, and i just tried for the last time. i sent banko a super long message on myspace telling him exactly what i thought, exactly why rob doesnt like him, and how i think things could work. i really tried to explain myself completely, and either he gets it, or he doesnt. if he doesnt, then im really done trying. i explained to him that rob is the most important thing in my whole life, that hes the man im going to be with for forever. and im not going to risk my whole relationship for anyone... because if banko and i were friends as things stand right now, he would talk shit about rob, and rob would talk shit about him, and that would be miserable for me. why would i choose to be friends with someone when i know that that friendship would be a terrible thing for both my home life and my relationship? so i tried to explain to him that being friends is better than nothing, and if he can just put everything aside and just be my friend, and if he could be civil (at least, they dont have to love eachother) to rob, then maybe things could work. but rob would have to see that... because im not going to hang out with someone if its going to be at risk to mine and robs relationship. some people might read this and say, 'why the fuck would you tell rob you want to be friends with banko? thats the dumbest thing ever.' well, we went through this at the end of winter, with banko actually. i was talking to him online and not telling rob about it... i was actually talking to him in not a 'just-friends' manner. rob found out, and we got into a huge fight about it. its not that i would have ever considered cheating on rob with banko, or anyone for that matter, but i would have been equally upset if rob were talking to someone else the way i was talking to him. so i understand why he was mad, and i understand i was wrong. thats why, even though i have zero intentions of anything like that and i just want to be friends, im telling him about it. communication is the best thing for a relationship, and i have no plans of fucking this one up. even if this whole thing does work out, if banko tries one thing, im done. im not interested in anyone else, and im not interested in creating problems in my relationship. it would be nice to be friends with banko, even though im doubtful about this whole thing. yes, it would be nice, but i know my priorities. i know where i stand in my life right now, and i know whats important. it would be fun, but its not worth trading everything else that ive worked so hard on. so i dont know, that was my vent. im going down to get some food now, i just had to get that all out. i feel better now :) post comment

every day, it seems like nothing could get any better... [02 Nov 2005|01:06pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | san andreas fault by natalie merchant... again on the ipod ] ... and you prove me wrong every time. i had the most fantastic weekend ever. im not going to detail everything that we did, because that would take ages. but heres a breakdown: -statue of liberty -empire state building -museum of natural history -museum of modern art -times square -HA! comedy club -china town -little italy -we ate at zoe, which is the restauant my cousin jesse works at -hung out at jesses apartment for 6.5 hours -three story toys r us, complete with ferris wheel -two street preformances -two authentic NYC taxi rides, complete with cutting across three lanes of traffic -and a whole lot of subway our slipknot concert got cancelled, i guess the drummers dad died. at first i was pissed, but when i heard that the guys dad died, i was not so pissed. i dont blame him in the least. but pretty much, we did a whole lots of stuff. and i loved every second of it. and i love rob for taking me there <3 i finished the book sara gave me, 'life of pi' by yann martel. it was AMAZING. the whole thing. i love reading something that makes you think about it... its so interesting when you read it, that youre still thinking about it when youre done. i actually just read a play like that today, its called 'fool for love' by sam shepard. its about this guy and this girl, eddie and may, and they love eachother, but eddie just disappears all the time. like, for months, and then he always finds her. and he tells her he loves her and he wont leave and all this, and they go through this huge thing, and at the end they hug and kiss and he tells her hes just going to look outside for a second, and hell be right back. so he goes out, and then she starts packing her suitcase, and this guy martin whos there with them is like, are you gonna go with him? and she says, hes already gone. and he tells her not to be like that, and he said hed be right back. and she just says hes gone, and he was. and she knew from the second he said he was walking out the door that he wasnt coming back, and she didnt fight him or anything. to me, it was just so sad. it made me so so sad just thinking about it afterwards. 'your pale blue eyes strawberry hair lips so sweet skin so fair your future bright beyond compare its rags to riches over there' sara and i are doing something tonight, weve decided. she just needs to get out of the house, so im calling her after i get out of work and were going to figure something out. itll be good... we always do good things. were just that awesome speaking of going out and doing things, roxanne and i are going to big bad fuel on friday. that should be interesting. ive never been there, but i just hope its not too terrible. 'build a dream watch it all fall down' post comment

and i am the shadow at your side [27 Oct 2005|02:33pm] [ music | ipod on shuffle, but only in one ear so i can hear whats up. ] i dont even know sometimes... sometimes theres so much in my head at one time its so hard to put it down coherently. so this may skip around, just a warning. sara and jordan are officially engaged, for real. and im the maid of honor, bitches. sara and i have discussed this in depth and legth and other such things, and its going to be awesome. we will be team perfect wedding, and everyone will hate us by the end. but itll be okay, because everything will be perfect, so eff them. hahah. i love sara. robs birthday was a sucess! the day before his birthday i gave him the ddr pads because i knew he wouldnt be able to use them the next night. dinner turned out wonderfully, and we brought the dinner (that i made, from scratch, with live lobsters) to the hotel suite that i rented for the night, and we had dinner and went to sleep and it was wonderful. roxy called me a little bit ago and told me that anna rolled over for the first time :) im so excited. i had a dream yesterday while i was napping that rob bought me a little baby wallaby and i bought her a little baby blanket and named her lily and fed her in a bottle, and then i had a baby and lily and adah were friends. awww. i want one. like this. http://www.gotpetsonline.com/cgi-bin/Eware/view_ads.cgi?fcad_id=26343 www.setgame.com ... that is super hard. i dont get it. pimpin should be here soon, she said shed come in a half hour early because she loves me. and i brought some pizza because roxy and i went out to lunch and didnt finish it all... and its a cheese pizza, which means pimpin can eat it because shes a lesbian. and lesbians dont eat meat, obviously. ummm. pimpins here, so im out. bam. ps- everyone should listen to 'this is the night' by clay aiken. because it rocks uncontrolably. so there. post comment

shoot the moon and miss completely [13 Oct 2005|03:08pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | just the silence ] so, its been a while, as usual. i just took off my gloves, and my fingers always feel so little when ive been typing with them on and then i take them off. ahh. its just one of those strange feelings, like how you feel when you get off an elevator. how do you explain that? who knows. rob is coming to see me soon :) well, i think anyways. he told me ealier that he would, and i called him about fifteen minutes ago and he said he was coming, but im only here for another hour and fifteen minutes! he should hurry. i miss him. i dont know what the fuck is going on, but i just tried to turn on my ipod and its like, dead. maybe the battery is just dead or something, but i dont remember it being that bad the last time i used it. who knows... ill just plug it in when i go home later. my mama made homemade beef stroganoff last night, and we all know how much i love me some stroganoff, and it was so effing good. i want some more right now, but i dont have any. i ate french fries for lunch, lots and lots of french fries. and a king size bag of peanut m&ms, because they dont have the normal sized ones in the vending machines anymore. pimpin got her hair done yesterday, and i havent seen her like, face to face yet, but she sent me pictures online last night... SEXY SEXY PIMPINNNNN!!!!! shes coming in to work at four, and i cant wait, shes awesome. i get my very last check from south side deli today :( last weekend was my last weekend because of penneys. it was so sad, i guess i didnt realize how much i liked working there. im not saying i dont like penneys, its so much fun, its just that i didnt realize... robs birthday is one week from today :) im excited, because he is going to be surprised and happy and excited. and i love it when he is all of those things <3 and i love him allllllll the time. anyways, im going to find a game to play until rob and/or pimpin get here, whichever comes first. so bye! 1 comment|post comment

i hate dirty aim express [29 Sep 2005|09:05am] [ mood | sick ] [ music | iPod shuffle, bitches ] but im using it right now anyways. im in the library at gcc right now. i forgot about this stupid english paper that were doing workshop for today in class, so i said eff english. i was sicky yesterday, and i forgot :( yeahh, sicky i was. tuesday i was feeling kind of crappy and i left school after my classes and didnt stay for my work study. yesterday though, i was blowing my nose about every two seconds and coughing and blah. craptastic. so i stayed home for the day, didnt go to school, called into both jobs, and didnt go to dance. pam was a little pissy when i called, but what are you going to do, im quitting anyways. speaking of which, a couple weeks ago i filled out a jc penneys application online just for fun, and they called me on monday. i went in for an interview on tuesday, and bam i got the job. its at the jc penneys in the eastern hills mall, and im going to be working in the childrens department :) pretty much im going to be cashing people out, cleaning up the fitting rooms, and like, setting up displays for holiday stuff and such. i think its going to be pretty sweet, personally. im hoping that theyll be giving me a fair amount of hours, being that im driving a considerable distance to get there. well see how it goes, im excited about it. so i will be quitting dirty south side deli, and talking to the work study people and seeing if i can go down to two days a week... i told the lady at penneys that i cant work on wednesdays or thursdays because i have dance those nights... monday dance isnt until 815, so there would be plenty of time for driving out there. wednesday and thursday, not so much. in more frightening news, my brother is now the eighth grade class president at pembroke. shudder. i have everything all figured out for robs birthday, im psyched :) now all i need is some money, and some... other stuff. dont you worry about it. ill tell after it all happens. ugh, i have a history test in ten minutes. i dont want to go up there early though, because my english class that i just didnt go to and my history class are in the same room. so that would be bad, and i would feel like an asshole, and thats no good at all. ugh. i hate history, and i have tests. wish me luck... post comment

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]