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"Freakish"-Saves the Day |
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I was supposed to go to the Crystal city JeffCo with Becky today, however EVERYONE AND THEIR MOTHER EFFERING SUCKS AT GIVING DIRECTIONS! We got directions from 3 people and NONE of them were right! lofl So Becky and I came up with OUR directions from where we went and what we saw. Here they are. Just TRY to follow them...they're the most understandable directions EVER!!!
Take I-55 south to Pevely. Go right past the McStop.
Stay on this road forever. You will never get to a
stoplight that is near a Dairy Queen, so don't even
try. Don't start that with me. Not again. No Dairy
Queen will you find. However, you will see the
Yokohama-Your-Mama Plant. Keep driving. There will be
a PigglyWiggly, take a left there. This will lead you
onto a place called Horine Churches. It is delightful,
but you must keep going. Go. Yes. That-a-way. If you
see Camp Cedarledge Logde, you're going the right way.
Right around here, you will see a Dairy Queen (but not
THE DAIRY QUEEN). Turn in here. Go through the
drive-thru because you're going to need some food. You
have a long way to go. I recommend the Mini
Cookie-Dough Blizzard.
After Dairy Queen, you continue on Plass Road. You'll
pass the Unimin Pevely plant, Jarvis Road, Sleepy
Hollow, and then you'll see a golf cart. It is
necessary to get in the golf cart, drive it right into
Persimmon Pond, drive it right back out again, get out
of the golf cart, dry off, get back in your car, and
as you're driving, make sure not to hit the roadkill.
It's icky. Take a left at the roadkill. You'll find
Soupy Valley. Go through it. Then find a place to turn
around because you totally went the wrong way back
around Plass Road, dummy.
As you turn around, you should laugh at the POOKER
Excavating sign because it's hilarious. Then you'll
find the Soupy Valley Church. Go inside and pray that
you'll find a way to get wherever it is that you think
you're going. Leave the church feeling refreshed, pass
the awesome plastic deer in somebody's yard. You'll
see Rainbow Drive, Dusty Road, Happy Lane, Goldman
Drive, Beckett Street, and Kelly. Just Kelly. When you
get to Kelly, you should turn around again. You've
gone way too far. Just go home. You can try again
tomorrow.
Okay, now that it's tomorrow, you should go past that
guy on his bike who's really smiling a lot and shout
"WE ALL LIKE RIDING OUR BIKES!!!" It'll make him feel
cool. Turn past Bruno's Flooring. Go on the
doot-doot-doot things. Now stop. You're annoying the
crap outta me. Really, stop. Get off on 21 (even if
you don't want to, and you're scared.) Try left first
because neither of us has any effing clue. Take the
road past the Covered Wagon RC Park and Boleydane
Kennels. Don't even stop at the $100 house. It's not
worth the look, and definitely not worth the $100.
You'll see Heads Creek and BJ's Storage, but don't
stop until you get to Cruzer's Bar. Go on inside. It's
TEEN NIGHT!! WHEEEEE!! Take a load off. You still have
a long way to go.
Okay, time's up. You'll see a sign a little distance
past Cruzer's (off Klable Road) a sign that says "Dry
Fork Road." Dare you to lick it. It'll be awesome.
Come on. It'll be hilarious! Cuz then it'll be a wet
"Dry Fork Road" sign. Okay. Fine then. Don't lick it.
Loser. Pass right on by Rhonda Sue. She's a big woman.
Don't hit her. Nope, not Belcha. Or Swaller. Once you
see a sign that says "NOW LEAVING CIVILIZATION",
you're home free. I bet you're so freaking happy,
you'll go right. Beware of the smithereens, however.
They're icky, too. But by now, you're exhausted. So
get onto 141 and go North. That'll take you home,
because you should just give up.
Didn't I tell you?? :) Ohh yayy...tornado coming right at us..I'm peeing my pants. I'm SO SCARED!!! I had to write Brad a big long thing and sent it to him on yahooIM just in case I die today....Man...I've never been through a tornado...I don't ever want to be. I wish I had someone, a guy preferably, whose name starts with a -B- and ends with a -rad- , to comfort me. That'd be nice. *sigh*
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