Kaycoa La'ani Dayton's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Kaycoa La'ani Dayton

[ website | I'm a Barbie girl...in a Barbie world ]
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[18 Sep 2003|11:03am]
[ mood | indifferent ]
[ music | Jimi Hendrix ~ Crosstown Traffic ]

So it seems that I've been invited by a mystery person, I know who he is now, to go to California for the weekend. I've of 2 minds on if I should go or not. My mom said that I should go and my dad said that I should because this guy has had several women linked to him...blah blah blah. -laughs-

I have until really Saturday morning to tell him if I'll be on that plane. I may make him wait and then at the last minute get on the plane.

I've been spending a lot of time with Sunny. Tuesday I went with her to the doctor. They were just as baffeled as she and TJ were as to why the baby didn't move for a week, but all the tests came back normal. Bradley is a little on the small side, but he's healthy. They don't see any reason why she wouldn't be able to carry him to term. Ohhh a Christmas baby! And they did something that no one has been able to do - they talked her into removing her bellyring. -laughs- I swear it was like taking her favorite toy or something. She fought the entire time. She said something about them removing her last ounce of sexiness. -cracks up- She is one weird lady.

Last night I had the strangest dream. I'll have to tell Andie about it because it involved someone that we both know and I have a weird sort of history with.

While I was typing this, I was thinking about my possible weekend trip, and I decided that, while this guy I'd be going with is a great person, I'm going to stick to town for a while. I've been gone for too long and there are people that I still need to see and things that I have to do. Maybe I'll go another time.

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[15 Sep 2003|09:52pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]

It's been almost 8 weeks, yet he still has this hold over me.

Today I got a dozen purple roses at work. There was a note with them and it simple said, "I'm sorry". Then last night I got a strange phone call. Only music played...his music...the song he sang for and to me that night when he performed. Very few people knew about my favorite flowers and even fewer knew about the song.

Who ever is behind this one sick fuck.

But after that call, I took a walk. I needed to think and so I left. I know I'm good at running, but I didn't go far. Somehow I ended up in front of his apartment. Isn't that something. I guess in the back of my mind I was hoping to see a light but it was dark...really dark.

I sat on the bench across from the building just thinking. Then I had to go home, with the escourt of a wonderful police officer who at first thought I was "lady of the night". I hated to burst his bubble but I told him only in a former life was I that. He commended me on getting out the business and was on his way.

Then I went to bed...

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Fun times ahead... [12 Sep 2003|02:41pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Good Charlotte ~ Girls and Boys ]

Fun times this weekend! I can't wait. I've already had to tell a few guys that I was going to be busy all weekend and they were needless to say a bit upset about that. -laughs- They'll get over it - if not, it's their loss.

I found 2 pictures. A picture of my oh so sexy mom and then one of my and Sunny's father.

My mom (and Andie's mom)

She was 15 when she got pregnant with me and dad was 18...

My dad the evil bastard that he is...

I'm off to pack a few things and then clean up more around here.

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[07 Sep 2003|06:08pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I'm back, safe and sound in my room, but I'm not too ready to show myself. I got home late Saturday/early this morning and I crashed at my brother's place. He brought me home not too long ago. I took my dogs and went right to my room. I have to call um...a friend and let him know that I arrived safely and he doesn't have to worry anymore -laughs softly- Then I need to wash the remainder of the henna off my body.

I think I'll call Kal and Shi on Tuesday or Wednesday to tell them that I'm back if I don't make it out of my room. I really am sleepy.

But yes, I'm home, yay for that.

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Everything's fine... [04 Sep 2003|12:02pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

I went to the doctor today and she was a bit too happy and smiley for me. She told me that everything was fine. She still wants to give me a complete physical before I leave to make sure that everything is completely out of my system.

As she was telling me this, she had a smile of her face. How could someone have a smile of their face when they tell you that your body is done destroying something that was created by two people who loved each other? That literally made me sick to my stomach. I don’t even know if she noticed that I tuned her out after she said the remainder of the embryo (it was really a fetus by this time - 3 1/2 months) will be out of your system with your next menstrual cycle. She was so cold about it all. Like I would be happy about that. Who in their right mind could possibly be happy hearing that their body turned on a baby that was in the process of being formed? –shakes head- That’s not something to be happy about at all.

Sunday can not come soon enough for me! I want out of this hotel, out of this city and state. I just want to be back in my house in my own bed around people who love me.

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[31 Aug 2003|06:01pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]
[ music | Nelly ~ Shake Ya Tailfeather ]

Today was just one of those days where nothing goes right. I woke up this morning feeling really sick, but I knew that Sam was counting on me to be there since I told him I was leaving 2 weeks earlier than planned. I ate a light breakfast, knowing that it would soon be coming right back up and I headed to my dressing room by the beach so that I could get ready for the pictures we were going to be taking.

Yesterday my doctor called me and said that she arranged for me to see one of her former practicing partners today. I did that a couple hours ago and she gave me some really good news. Good enough to make me want to go out and celebrate, but with this good news came the strict advice that for the next couple of days I really take it easy and get a full 8 hours of sleep. I told her that I would try and do that since I don’t sleep well at nights.

After I saw her, went back and did more pictures. Sam and the other models noticed the complete 180 that my emotions and over all attitude had taken when we came back from lunch. I didn’t want to tell them why, I just told them I was feeling better than I did this morning and they should be happy that I still wasn’t in a sour mood.

I called and left a message on Joe’s answering machine telling him everything that had been going on. I didn’t know if my mom told his parents and word got to him yet. I had to call a couple of times about 4 or 5 times so that I could get everything out. There was close to a months worth of stuff that I had to tell him. The last time I called his machine I simply said that I loved him, hoped he was doing well with whatever he was doing, wished him luck with Murmur and that if he ever saw me around town to say hi and I hung up. I was surprised that I was as strong as I was throughout the whole thing and when I got done, it felt like this huge weight was lifted off my shoulders, yet there was still this huge hole in my heart. –sighs some- That’s to be expected when you break up with someone you really love right?

The weekend that I get back from Florida, Shi wants to have a girls weekend. I have no problem with that. I have a lot to tell her and Kal. I told Andie most of it, but I still bad that I’ve been keeping this from them. They’re my best friends sisters and I’ve kept this from them for about 2 weeks I think. I think it’s time I told them all I’ve been going through since Joe and I broke up at the beginning of August.

I’m going to go. I haven’t eaten since this morning and I think I smell steak -laughs-

Love to Andie, Kal and Shi…and I can’t forget my family, but they already know I love them -laughs-

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[29 Aug 2003|12:15pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Ataris ~ Boys of Summer ]

I woke up this morning to the shrill ringing of my cell phone. It was my daily morning wake up call. I promtly ended the ringing and went back to sleep. Some time later it rang again. I looked at the phone willing it to turn off when I noticed the New York area code. I half expected it to be Andie, one of my parents or my sister, but it was something that I didn't want to hear.

Good morning, this is to remind you that Joe and Kay have an anniversary today...

I completely forgot to cancel that reminder, not that I needed it to begin with, but I just didn't want to be reminded of it. It was then that it finally hit me that another anniversary was here and I was alone yet again, but this time I knew there wasn't going to be a knocking on my door where he was standing on the other side. And that in a way, it was by my doing that it wasn't ever going to be like that again.

That set my mood for pretty much the first part of the shoot. I didn't want anyone to touch me, be around me or even talk to me. I just wanted to be alone and sleep the rest of the day away so that tomorrow I could start over fresh pretending this day never happened.

All that changed to a degree with Sam told us to take off for lunch. I walk the 3 blocks back to my hotel room and when I enter there were flowers and my favorite candies all around. For a split moment my heart skipped a beat thinking that he had remembered and done all this, but as I began to read the cards that accompanied the flowers, my heart fell. They weren't from him. They were from my brothers and parents. While I love them for doing that to try and keep me in good spirits... -shakes head- it didn't too much work. t only made me feel more alone.

But I have to get out of this mood so that Sam isn't completely aggravated with me.

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[26 Aug 2003|06:15pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | The Beach Boys ]

Things are going okay here. We took some pictures last night and I thought that I would be comfortable doing them, but I wasn't. Sam, the photographer, said that he understands completely so they went back to the regular swimsuit pictures.

I'm coming back soomer than I thought too. I've only been gone for like a day or two and I miss Kal, Shi and Andie and that's really all, well I miss my family, but I miss my girls more. I'm only going to be here until September 7th and I'll be back on the 8th. I need and want to spend more time with Andie because we haven't in a long ass time.

Tonight is some party thing. I have to pretend to be happy around people I don't know...oh joy!

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[25 Aug 2003|11:24am]
[ mood | cranky ]

I've been up since 6 a.m. but not for taking pictures, today is just for scouting places to actually take the pictures. Pfft! I'm cutting out early and going to my room. Maybe I'll be able to get a hold of Andie and we can talk.

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Changes… [24 Aug 2003|04:16pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | The Clash ~ Complete Control ]

Well I’m safely on my way to Miami. I was able to get an earlier flight so I took it. I hate that I wasn’t able to see Andie before I left, but I’m going to call her when I get to Miami and then I’ll call her again when I get to Key West.

I got an e-mail from him last night. He sent me another picture from when I was in California. This was a picture that I hadn’t seen and didn’t know what taken. I added it to my other pictures and updated my lap top background. It’s so cute –laughs- The 3 pictures of us and some little writing thingys.

I think I was able to successfully able to escape being noticed by someone’s father and brother yesterday afternoon, but on the way home, I went by the music shop and it was really busy. I was half tempted to go in, just to say hi, but –shakes head- I guess part of moving on mean not doing what you would normally do, right? I’ll call in a couple weeks to see how everyone is doing.

I made up my mind about what I going to do about the dilemma that I’m in. I wrestled with this all day and all night and I told myself the decision that I made was the best one, but now I’m not so sure. So I have to go back to thinking.

Andie… )

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It's no one's fault but my own [23 Aug 2003|03:38pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

I went to see my doctor today for my regular check up kind of thing. I found out why I've been so sick lately. There are ways for me to get "over" this sickness. One I am completely against because it goes against everything I believe in and the other...well let me just say that I'll get worse before I get better, and there no telling how long that will take either.

-sighs some tucking my hair behind my ear- I'm literally between a rock and a hard place. Do I go against everything I believe in, everything I've been taught just to save myself from more sickness, or do I let my body naturally handle this until I physically can't take it anymore? I talked to both my mom and dad about this already and they said they'll support me no matter what my decision is. And the other person I need to talk to...-laughs bitterly- Well he's not around. Left a few messages for him and nothing. I don't know why I bothered to do that. It's obvious that something else is going on in his life, but I'm just as important.

I asked my doctor how all this will effect what I have planned for the next month. She said that I'd only be sick, there are no antibiotics to help me get better. Just take it easy and not push myself so hard when I feel that I'm getting sicker or I feel that I can't handle it.

-sighs again running my hand through my hair- I need a fucking drink.

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[22 Aug 2003|11:54am]
[ mood | rushed ]
[ music | Linkin' Park ~ Lying From You ]

Well, I just booked my flight information. I leave the 24th from JFK at 5:20 p.m. and arrive in Key West at 10:52 p.m. with about a 2 hour layover in Miami. Then for my return back to New York, I’m leaving Key West on September 28th at 5:25 p.m. and arrive back at JFK at 10:45 p.m. with another 2 hours layover in Miami. I got all that for $627.50. I don’t think that’s too bad at all. Since my flight is this Sunday, I have a lot of packing to do. My mom is going to come down and stay here at my house while I’m gone, which I’m sure Andie won’t too much mind, and she said that she would call me if anything important comes up.

I registered for my classes. When I come back I’ll be starting Monday, October 6th with some remedial dance theory class. I could have sworn I took that already, but according to my counselor I didn’t take it and it fulfills part of my dance major requirement. So in total I’m taking between 15 and 20 hours worth of classes, but the majority of the classes are dance ones where I make my own hours. I’m pretty much done with the law aspect of my education. The next step is actual law school and I know for a fact I’m not ready for that. If I don’t go on to law school, I’ll be satisfied with working as an assistant at the firm I already work at.

I talked to Tami last night for a bit. She fell asleep on me while we were talking. -laughs- I told her that she needed to get some sleep, but she said she was fine and that she would have to be up in a couple hours to feed the girls, but –shakes head- she still fell asleep. She woke up when I blasted The Clash in her ear, I told her to go to bed and that I would see her before I left New York on Sunday.

I still haven’t been able to catch up with Andie. I honestly don’t know how living in the same house, we manage to miss each other as much as we have. It almost like we’re strangers in the night and even then we don’t see each other because I’m either in my room working out some dance steps or she’s out with her friends. Summer really has got us spending less and less time together and I hate that.

Owen called me this morning and said that I left my bracelet in his car Sunday night. I was freaking out and thought that I lost it on the street somewhere. I was on the verge of crying. Joe gave me that bracelet and ever since he gave it to me, I haven’t taken it off. I’m supposed to meet Owen for lunch in about 20 minutes when he gets out of his meeting so I best get dressed and head out.

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[21 Aug 2003|02:16pm]
[ mood | busy ]

I’m going to be doing something completely unlike me. The photo shoot I have coming up in the Florida Keys is one that I’m really looking forward to. Ever since I found out about this shoot I was adamant about not exposing various parts of my body, but now…-shrugs some- I’m finding it more and more interesting. I looked at a few of the photographers pictures and they are absolutely wonderful. He’s gotten permission to be on a few of the beaches in the Keys at night so he’ll be able to do his nude night stills of me and a few other models.

I told him about my tattoos and sent him pictures of it. His production/stylist team scanned the pictures and e-mailed me what the finished pictures would more than likely look like. Chinese symbols across my stomach and down my left side to match what’s on the right side. I had the one small tattoo on my inner thigh removed earlier this week, yesterday to be exact, so the redness and swelling should be gone by the time I’m well into this shoot.

I know I’m shocking a few people in my family with this new attitude that I have, but they have to face that in light of what’s happened to me recently, I need to explore different parts of my life that I closed off. One of those parts being my free spirited nature. But by no means am I saying that the 3 months and 5 days Joe and I were together I wasn’t anything but true to myself, because I was, I’m just exploring, or in some cases re-exploring, parts of my life back from when I was dancing and stripping in California.

I talked to Kal last night for a bit. I told her how my mom was shocked that I didn’t drink any alcohol at my cousin’s reception and how I’ve gained about 10 pounds in the last 6 weeks. I don’t know how or why I’m gaining weight. I’ve been eating the same foods I’ve always eaten; I’m still doing the same amount of exercise, if not more, so I shouldn't gain weight.

Someone I met in California called me earlier and asked if I was still going to Florida because he wanted to meet up with me –smiles to self- I told him the hotel I was staying at but he insisted that I stay with him –laughs some- I had to kindly decline though. I’d be keeping weird hours and I don’t want to bother him coming in at times when he would be asleep or visa versa, but I assured him that we’d meet up once I got settled in my hotel and I had my photo shooting hours.

I need to get down to the Dance Centre and see if I can find replacement instructors for while I’m gone, or I may have to cancel a months worth of classes.

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[19 Aug 2003|01:31am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Justin Timberlake ~ Senorita ]

Is it possible to die of a broken heart?

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With this ring... [18 Aug 2003|11:12am]
[ mood | hungry ]

Yeesh! I JUST got home from the wedding! Well okay not just, but within the last hour or so. See what happened was at 10 a.m. I got a frantic call from my cousin and she told me that one of her bridesmaids got sick and wasn’t going to be able to be in the wedding and asked me if I wanted to be in it. I asked her about the programs and she said they hadn’t printed them yet and could easily add my name. I said that I would do it so she put my name in it and I was off to the Tropicana to get my dress and do all that other stuff that needed to be done. On the way there I called my date/escourt and told him about the change of plans. He met me there about an hour later.

When I got there I was taken to dressing rooms where the other girls were, I picked my dress, then I had to see the hair dresser so that she could look at me for an hour and decided that she liked how I already did my hair, Shirley Temple curls with some red highlights.

bridesmaid dress

I got ready, while got ready. Owen That was right before the wedding. Isn’t he cute?! For the wedding her put on a blue tie because the read one didn't match what I had on. I wasn't able to get a picture of him with it on, but just image the same tie...only in blue though -laughs-

Sooo the wedding starts at like 5:15 and it was going really well until the minister started talking about marriage and different values and things like that. My mind drifted, I became…sad and even cried a bit. No one really thought about it my a few people that I talked to before had an idea what was wrong. My mom almost made a big deal about it but I got her to stop.

The wedding last about an hour and in between the end of the wedding and the beginning of the reception, I was able to go back to my place, grab some things that I needed to get and then I went to Joe’s parents to drop off the journal I’d been working on since Joe and I got together and the drum I got for him...and some other things. They didn’t really question why I was bringing the things over, they just accepted it. I told his mother that I would see her for lunch and all she had to do was call me. I went back to the Tropicana right as they were finishing up my cousin’s pictures and were to announce that we were coming in.

That was all nice. Good food and partying well into the night. A few people went to an all night club after that so Owen and I joined them. I didn’t get into a bed until at least 2 a.m. I woke up at 8 a.m. when Trey brought me my McDonalds breakfast. -laughs- He still knows what I like. We talked and he asked how Owen “behaved”. Owen was a perfect gentleman and corrected anyone that asked if we were a couple. I told him about what happened in my last relationship.

That brings me to now. It’s 12:15 p.m., my stomach is growling so that means it’s time for me to get dressed and find something to eat.

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Late night decisions... [17 Aug 2003|04:44am]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | The Clash ~ Complete Control ]

My cousin’s wedding is in about 13 hours and I’m still up! Sunny brought by some dresses for me to pick from. I’m having a hard ass time deciding! They are all so great! I’m going to need 4 more events to go to that would require me dressing up formally so that I could wear all of these. But I called my date for the wedding and he came by, he's actually, umm still here right now, but he brought by the suit he's going to wear. I have to fix it a bit so that it hangs better on him. Damn he looks good in a suit. -laughs- Here are the dresses I have to pick from.

Dress 1
Dress 2
Dress 3
Dress 4
Dress 5

You girls should really head out to Tami’s shop when it opens in October. Sunny and her have some knock out things! Just ask Andie, she constantly gets things from them…more than I do sometimes. And that reminds me, Andie, Tami has some things she wants you to go through and pick out what you like.

Before I leave for the wedding I have to make a pit stop to the hospital to see my 2 new cousins. I found out too late to see them today so I’ll do it before the wedding!

I'm gonna get some sleep before my head hits this keyboard leaving a mark on my forehead.

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It's not far to Never Never Land...just you wait and see [15 Aug 2003|09:50pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | *N SYNC ~ Sailing ]

I'm completely back from California and I had a great time! Wednesday I went to the premiere of Freddie vs. Jason. I sat next to one Mr. Lance Bass throughout the whole movie. That man is hot! I think he has a girlfreind though. But anyways, that was one scary movie. I think I may have accidently bruised Lance's arm during the course of the movie. After it was over, I apoligized so many times but he was cool about it.

Later on that night I saw the one and only Brian. Not Brian McKnight, but Andie and mine's Brian...Miller. He went clubbing with me and my girls. While we were alone in the booth talking, the first words out of his mouth were have you gained weight? At first I mumbled, "wouldn't you like to know..." and I told him it was muscle and he didn't believe me. He's convinced that Joe has me on this weird eating diet. He asked me about Joe, but my oh so wonderful friend changed the subject. No need have have an angry male best friend on my hands. I remember what he told me he would do if Joe ever hurt me. Joe would be a very very sorry man and that he would wish he never hurt me. -shakes head- I love Joe and I would never wish that upon anyone that I love. Things happend after that. Things that I know, for everyone involved, need to stay in California, but I wouldn't change what happened -shakes head- Not for anything in the world. Well I take that back -looks at the papers that I recieved in the mail earlier- I wish I would have drank anything.

Thursday was the Steve Harvey taping. That was some funny shit! I'm too lazy to tell everything that happend, but let me just say that come September 11th, ya'll better watch the WB. It's gonna be hot. We stayed for the taping of 2 shows. The first taping was by far the better of the 2. The second one was...boring and lasted way too long.

I got a few numbers before I left California though. There were more than a few guys sweatin' me before I left this morning. So I told them I'd take their number and call the next time I was in town -laughs- I ain't got a care in the world not to take at least one of them up on their offer for dinner.

Come Sunday night, I have a date to my cousin's wedding. But I can't take credit for it. My brothers set it up for me. And Against Trey's better judegment, he gave his blessing of sorts. Though he quickly added that I should go alone incase the walls have eyes. -laughs- I love my borther for looking out for me.

I hate is that since I haven't seen Joe, I haven't seen or heard from his mother or father and I usually see or talk to one of them like once a week. I don't know if anything is wrong. I hope nothing is wrong. I haven't been to my aunt's shop in weeks so I haven't been by the music shop either. I'm hoping that if I see his father, I can give him the drum too. I found one that looks a lot like Joe's old one that was stolen. I really need to get it out of my house. It reminds me too much of him and what we had.

I have lots and lots of things to tell Andie if I see her before I leave on the 24th.

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[15 Aug 2003|12:49am]
[ music | some comedy crap on tv ]

Another long day. Full update tomorrow. I heard about the blackout and it had me a bit worried. Called and talked to Sunny. Everything is fine there. The hospital generator kicked in so there is nothing to worry about.

I'll be back to New York at about 10 a.m. or so. I can't be away any longer...too many things on my mind. For now I sleep.

ILY tho

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A couple pictures [14 Aug 2003|08:22am]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Kelly Rowland ~ Stole ]

I don't think I need to say who I'm standing with, but yeah, let me just say my night was so made when he took that picture with me! -laughs-

Here we are again. No that isn't Sunny behind us. I did a double take when I saw her. I saw Beyonce and I heard a few people saw that Kelly Rowland was around. I wanted to get a picture with her just to see if we really do look alike.

I have to get ready for breakfast, then after that we're going to the spa to get ready for tonight. The perfect girls night out followed by drinks at a bar or maybe we'll go clubbing. Did ya notice my long hair? I'm trying to see if I can get it longer than Tami and Sunny. -laughs-

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Freddie vs. Jason! [14 Aug 2003|12:54am]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | Jewel ~ Who Will Save Your Soul ]

I'm in LA now and oh my god and I tired! I went to the premiere of Freddie vs. Jason and it was so freaking good! I can barely think straight right now and I do have to say that I'm afraid to go to sleep. -laughs- There was a down side though. I thought I saw someone who looked like Joe and that got me down majorly.

I'm going to sleep. Better update after the show I'm going to tomorrow.

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