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Why Not?~Hillary Duff |
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Happy Easter Everybody. We had a quite an interesting nite, Tace n me. We were just doin' the normal stuff, when she wanted to show me this website, and while we were online, she got an im. From who else but Robert. It was really odd, cause he's never online, except for the other day. When he found out it was me typing, he started going on and on about how much he missed me and we could fix everything and it just made sense to get back together. My mind started to change....but then i remembered how better off i am now. He told me how he got offered some publication for some of his poems in Britian, and that they were gunna give him 4000 dollars. I guess when i finally convinced him that it won't happen he told me he would never love anyone. For one reason. He has testicular cancer and it's too late to save it, he only has 5-7 yrs to live. Naturally, I was a bit shocked, but truth be told. It's very possible. Let's just say he doesn't have a 'full package', a certain birth defect, and it was bound to happen. However, he told me months ago that it shouldn't happen until he's like 30 or 40 and all they would have to do was 'cut them off'. Meaning, he couldn't have children, but could still be sexually active, yada yada yada. When I asked him about that, he said it had already spread and the doctors just told him to live life normally, and that when he did go, I would be a rich woman. Apparantly, he already wrote out a will including everything to his name..the 4ooo dollars and an engagement ring. I believed him....but he told me that he was just going to stay away, to protect me from further pain. Then suddenly, he just got offline...HE NEVER DOES THAT.
I was really upset and confused...all these emotions running through me. So, just as a friendly call, believing I needed all the friends surrounding me as possible to get my mind off of it, Tace called Nate. OMG...he was sooo rude!! I mean, the nate i knew last summer, and the one she's known for years, has always been soo sweet and caring, and even when in a bad mood never ever rude. He just acted like he didn't care...about anything. He was at a bar he said drinkiing w/his friends. He never drinks. He's such a goodie goodie. I mean, I don't care what he thinks of me..and he can treat me like sh** all he wants, but I mean, him and tace have been friends for years!!! and that's how he treats her?? ugh..it made me so mad...in addition to the news i had priorly recieved.
Later that nite, while watching a movie, Tace's boyfriend Joe called. Now I've been friends with him longer that i've known her. He's kinda an asshole, but shaped up in the past year. They've been going out for 4 years, and he bought her an engagement ring. It's really really beautiful. Them too are so cute, and it just like tugged at my heart a little. I mean, 2 weeks ago, I 'knew' that I would have someone for the rest of my life. I had all that. But somehow, it all slipped away. Not all my fault, and I've finally come to that conclusion.
When I got home, I told my mom about the conversation I had with Robert, detail for detail. She said he has to be lying, or at the very least, exaggerating. First off, robert never ever goes to the doctor. And, if it had spread everywhere, he'd have like 6 weeks to live, not 6 years. And if he did have it, but it didn't spread like he said...they could save him...or at least give him chemo. It happens to a lot of men...most of which are saved. And then I thought about it....i hope my mom is right. I pray he's lying. For his sake, along with his mom and other family. Cancer is a horrible thing to dye from, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I mean, if he does have it, I feel like I'm abandoning him....I hate that feeling. But if he is lying.....he better never except to look my way again. He is an attention getter, and that is the worst thing you could say to try and get someone back. I love him to death, everyone knows that, and he'll always remain a little piece of my heart. But, i've finally stopped crying over him. I've finally started to move on. I can't go back now. Ecspecially if he's lying like i'm starting to think he was.
Well....i gotta go make easter dinner. I get to see Ryan on Friday...I'm so excited!! OMG...what am i gunna wear??? The troubles of being a girl!!! LOL!
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distressed
cheerful
lonely
listless
confused
complacent
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naughty