Below are the 11 most recent journal entries recorded in Kat KaPOW's Blurty:

Tuesday, May 11th, 2004
12:01 am	i hate computer. back in action. so i'm getting ready to play an all girls noise show in providence at the end of the month, but there are 2 potential problems.. one is that i'm playing with my boyfriend, which i certainly hope will not be a problem, especiall since he's going to be dressed up onstage as a gian computer, and the other is, that it's a noise show and i play dance music. carl was thinking that maybe we can splice in some noise stuff in the middle of my songs, but that means i am going to have to change the lyrical structure and everything and get used to all new songs, and i'm just not sure i have time to do that (the show is in 2 weeks). i really hope that it isn't completely stupid if i play this show. i am hoping that everyone will be accepting and maybe i can make some new friends and girls to play music (or noise) with when i move there. but we shall see. Current Music: tv - aqua teen hunger force! (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 5th, 2004
7:24 pm	clawsmo! so i finally finished my long awaited zine, clawsmopolitan. carl did me the wonderful favor of illustrating the cover and i made color copies so the cover looks fantastic. the inside is crappy looking, d.i.y. all the way, but i've just wanted to put this together for so long and i am happy that i finally got it done. it is a zine that makes fun of cosmo and other women's/life advice magazines and is set up with the same types of articles but done in a satirical way. it's not very big but i think i got my point across: that those magazines suck. i am pretty sure this will be the only issue because i got the point across, but if it ever suits me again or people are really amused by it, then i will do another. it is free so if you want a copy let me know: gogo_kittykat@yahoo.com or im KattKapow. ..not that anyone reads this journal. doh! Current Mood: good Current Music: the vapors "turning japanese" (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 12th, 2004
2:30 am	happy birthday to me! i live in a tree! tecnically since it's after midnight it's my 23rd birthday.... well not technically since i wasn't actually born at this hour so nevermind, but you know, april 12th.. smewhere around this day, technically or not, it's good enough to celebrate another hopefully more than insignifigant year... i wasn't expecting to do much on aprol 11th as a prequel to my planned birthday festivities, but karen took me to see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind (again!) and then out for shots and full drinks (which she paid for!) at our usual hangout. it was so sweet. even though it was just karen and i, it was almost nicer that way. i cried during eternal sunshine.. again! i thought maybe this time around it wouldn't get to me, but jim carrey and kate winslet are sooo good in it, that you can't help but totally attach yourself to the characters and hence get emotional. on a basic level, i am totally kate winslet's character, clementine, and my longtime boyfriend carl, is jim carrey's character, joel. at first glance and at the beginning of the movie, i couldn't stand clementine, also not surprising since she is "me"... but as it goes further into the story and you see clementine with joel you begin to love her and love their relationship and want just as desparately as joel does, not to have her erased from the memory. what really got to me was the specific part where joel and clementine are in bed together, and she asks him why she is like an open book and shares so much and he's so closed off about sharing things, then he responds with "just because you talk constantly, doesn't mean you're always communicating".. i'm not sure if that was the exact quote but pretty close. anyways, that scene was a PERFECT illustration of my relationship with carl and our ongoing personality conflict. that point is when i completely attached to myself to their characters and got emotional. i couldn't bleieve the similarity in these fictional characters and my only life, right down to the in-bed-conversation. it was so poignant and beautiful. i did NOT want this woman to disappear out of his life, and even moreso, his memory. i could go on for probably another hour about how amazing this movie was and specifically how important it was to me. it is so touching to know that fictional characters are just like me because it makes me see a universal humanity and makes me feel so much less ostracized. all i have to see is if you haven't yet, see this movie. it will definately make you think about things in your own life and be the best movie you've seen in a very long time. everyone i know who has seen it agrees with the latter statement. i'm just happy that i got to see this again on my birthday; i just wish it was with my own "joel". he is coming down next weekend but i'm not sure it'll be the same. we have a party and another (much more packed) bar night planned for tomorrow (well technically tonite), but it is all bittersweet without him. i will enjoy it how i can, but i really can't wait until we can just see eachother and celebrate together, alone. it is *almost* (so don't take offense, friends..) as though the rest of the universe doesn't matter since i have him. that is dangerous, i know, but that is my (almost!) reality. i look forward to celebrating many more birthdays with this amazing person. i'm so thankful that i've found the person i've always hoped for, and i'm only 23. Current Mood: good Current Music: black eyed peas "hey mama" (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 8th, 2004
9:44 am	down and out it's amazing how everything in my life can be fine and i'll be okay and then all of a sudden one bad thing happens and it's like my world is coming to an end. right now, i am pretty depressed and not even feeling like going to school or printing my photos or doing any of the things i usually like doing just because i didn't get this lame job that i wanted and thought i definately would get. i guess that's what happes when you get overly sure of yrself and count your chickens before they're hatched. i just feel like a total loser now and realize i should have never quit my old job. i don't know why i always revert to the response of not wanting to go anywhere or do anything, just be completely avoidant, but that is what my impulses are telling me to do right now: stay in bed. i'm going to ignore them but i wish i didn't still have these unhealthy thought patterns. Current Mood: depressed Current Music: talib kweli "get by" (cuz this song always lifts my spirits) (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 7th, 2004
8:18 am	take my awesome quiz!! :) THE REBEL is the make-up style that suits you the best. key colors: black, silver, hot pink, and anything sparkley what is your make-up style? brought to you by Quizilla (Comment on this)
Monday, April 5th, 2004
3:13 am	hey, i just joined this community. just wanted to say hello to all the le tigre family and friends.. you are all awesome! does anyone know when the new album is coming out? i heard april.. well guess what, it's april, so where is it?? xo kat Current Mood: anxious Current Music: erase errata (Comment on this)
1:39 am	a perfect example of culture clash one thing that happened this weekend which really upset my boyfriend and sorta put a damper on things, was when we decided to take a shower together, and one of the random people staying in his house walked in on us. the radio was on at the time, and the shower was loud enough so you could tell someone was in there. i was embarrassed and hoping the guy who walked in didn't see anything, but the ghetto shower curtain was coming down, and i'm quite positive he looked right at me and my big butt sticking out. i didn't want to face him after this incident, especially because he was staying with carl's roommate sara, and i didn't know him at all, even his name. it would just be awkward. if it was a friend i would have probably laughed it off. my boyfriend completely flipped that the guy did this, and he got out of the shower and screamed at him, but the guy didn't seem to understand what he was so upset about. "it's not like i've never seen naked people before.." he wasn't apologetic and seemed really confused by carl's angered reaction. but this guy is here from amsterdam and doesn't know carl very well. my boyfriend carl is a very private person and tends to be very shy about his body especially. then, later, i noticed, when the kid who walked in on us was taking a shower, his friend opened the door right up on him, to speka to him in dutch. i showed carl, "see! it wasn't an accident that he walked in on us, that's socially acceptable to them.." and carl seemed completely weirded out that they'd do something like that normally. it just shows how our culture is still so ashamed of our bodies and sexuality when it comes right down to it, especially when we're compared with european cultures. they are much more open. it can be hard to believe that when you think f how many sexual images and messages we ingest in a day, but when it comes to personal stuff, most of us are still just that, personal. i just thought it illustrated a good example of culture clash, and perhaps my boyfriend will be rethinking his glamorized perception of amsterdam, where he wanted to move to before he knew much about their culture. Current Mood: bored Current Music: TV! adult swim. (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 4th, 2004
7:04 pm	fotographically challenged it was a pretty good weekend, a couple ok parties. i probably got a little too drunk for my own good at the second party because i was supposed to be shooting off a roll of film for my photo project, which of course i didn't end up doing. the responsibility escaped me, and i just danced and got high until i passed out. i am now gonna hafta scramble to take an entire roll of film (of 36 exp. UGH!) tonight and tomorrow day so i have something to develop in photo class tomorrow. i already skipped class last week because i didn't have anything to develop. of course, i had the whole week, NO! 2 weeks actually!, to shoot.. but i am a procrastinator and never think about it until like- now. i should be excited for this project cuz it's fashion and i love that, but i kind of need to take a whole bunch of stuff into account that i'm not sure i have time for: models who will be able to get into the studio at an opportune time for me, outfits, and theme. i'd like to be able to have that all taken care of and develop that stuff for tomorrow but that's impossible.. i can't even get anyone to model for me thus far. it will again have to be put off til next week. agh! i hate how much this photo class monopolizes my time, money, and brain space. i had no idea it would be so crazy.. and it's just an elective that i'm taking for fun! i keep telling myself "don't worry. it'll be worth it when you are good at the craft. you'll have this forever." to try and keep myself sane while i'm spending 7 hours in the darkroom, or whatever it is that's ridiculous time consuming. so maybe i should start thinking more about these school projects and less partying, especially while the semester is winding down. i want to go out with a bang, and a good bang. Current Mood: crappy Current Music: blink 182 ft. robert smith (yeah that's right) (Comment on this)
Friday, April 2nd, 2004
7:12 am	startling. please read. so i'm searching through the different communities on this website, and i find not one, not two, not even a few, but MANY communities dedicated to girls with eating disorders, not for help and support to stop hurting themselves and do something productive and positive to help their lives; but PRODEATH (or as they put it PRO E.D.) these are communities where the members, mostly young females, post nothing more than their daily calorie intake and how upset they are with themselves over what they ate that day and other girls giving them "tips" to meet their neverending "goals" of emaciation, terrible advice that hurts not only them, but the HUNDREDS of girls who are members or watchers of these communities. the list of names on those communities seemed longer than any other community i looked at. i knew this was an epidemic just from being a woman and having so many friends who have greatly hurt themselves with these disorders over the years, but i feel like some kind of "in the dark" adult now, as i'm mortified at the "PRO" eating disorder, PRO"ana" (anorexia), and "mia" (bulimia) stance these girls feed to eachother for one another to choke on. i attempted to e-mail one of the girls who ran a community and tell her how much it hurt me to realize this kind of behavior was going on and promoted but the e-mail was returned.. the user has ceased to exist.. as all those other girls will in some way if this is not some week long fad diet or phase.. and with the obsessive nature of their journal posts, it's obviously a very detrimental mental illness. i just hate to see this spreading any worse than it already is. no more beautiful, talented, intelligent young women should waste their lives away so literally. if the energy they used in worrying about calorie intake and sugars was put into something creative, liberating, and helpful to them and others, the possibilities for them would be endless. i just wish they could see. but i realize now in seeing all of the active members of these communities (and mind you, this is only ONE internet blog community!) that i certainly can't e-mail all of them and try to save them before they inevitably die either physically or definately mentally and emotionally. i can't help but have my heart break in the worst way.. it's like i almost want to take their pain as my own and fight it off for them. i can't bear to know this is reality, and it's a reality my future daughters will have to fight with, and it's a reality that's killing so many women who could have been and done so much better. so if you are one of those "pro E.D." (PRODEATH, let's not sugarcoat..) people and somehow stumbled across my journal here, don't be afraid to e-mail me. i will talk to you about anything, listen, and try to be as unjudgmental as possible yet come from a standpoint of genuine urgency to help. or if you're not "pro e.d." per se, but battle an eating disorder, same thing.. i want to listen to your story and try to support you in a positive way, unlike the PRODEATH camp. i'm not trying to come off as a jerk to anyone who considers themselves pro e.d., but i want to offer a truthful option to them and dismiss their delusions. i really do feel for all of you who suffer, and if you have an eating DISORDER, you do suffer. i'm sorry that this post may have exhausted some of you in reading or maybe just the issue in general does, but please, this is a big deal. our generation is killing themselves off. this affects us all. with love and sincerity, kat gogo_kittykat@yahoo.com Current Mood: depressed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
6:38 am	oh phooey. You Are High Maintenance You want the good things in life Expensive clothes, nice food, and a perfect boyfriend And while it's good to aim high - you're scaring Mr. Perfect away No guy will treat you like a princess if you insist on acting like one Chill a little... and see how much better a big heart is than a big wallet. Are You High Maintenance? Take This Quiz :-) Find the Love of Your Life (and More Love Quizzes) at Your New Romance. (Comment on this)
6:15 am	insomnia i tried to drink some coffee to sober up on the drive home and i was too drunk to remember that coffee usually makes me bounce off the walls for 12 hours and that's why i tend to avoid it... oops. remind me not to drink coffee at 2:00 in the morning on a weeknight because this is what happens.. i end up joining some "internet community" (which is an oxymoron, isn't it?), making ridiculous bite-sized graphics of myself, and obsessively taking "what kind of ___ are you" quizzes until the sun comes up and thensome. at some point in this insomniac internet frenzy i am going to have to deal with the foreboading of my inevitable drive to boston in a few hours to "surprise" people with a visit. but how much more surprising will it be if i fall asleep on the way there and crash into the toll plaza of the masspike. Current Mood: energetic Current Music: broken social scene (Comment on this)