katie's Journal

Friday, May 4, 2007

6:09PM - Hi

Hi everyone.

It's been a long time. Just wanted to let everyone know that FOR THE LOVE OF NANCY dvd is selling on amazon for only $5.98.

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Friday, February 10, 2006

7:19AM - Anorexic Pictures

Hi everyone,

It's been a long time. I just came across this great CD-ROM with almost 200 pictures of women suffering with anorexia. These pictures can be a great thinspiration for some and for others it can be a wake up call. Which ever way you view it is a personal choice. If anyone would like me to send them a few of the pictures just email me and let me know. The only thing I ask is that you are 18 or older. I don't want to get in trouble. If you are not 18 just tell me you are (how am I going to know). ~Katie katievic413@aol.com

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Tuesday, July 12, 2005

7:21PM

Hey, has anyone read any good ED books lately? I am reading "INSATIABLE" right now but need another book because I am almost done. Reading about others and thier problems with food helps me get through the day especially when they talk about not eating it gives me control over what I eat through the day. I also watch lots of movies and shows about eating disorders. Does anyone else do this or am I the only one?

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Thursday, September 23, 2004

5:02PM - ANA MOVIES

Hi Everyone. It's been a very long time. I thought that I would let people know that I have a huge collection of ANA/ED movies. Lots of people have contacted me through other site asking for copies so I thought I would do the same for any of you. Here is a short list of what I have.

1. For the Love of Nancy
2. Best Little Girl in the World
3. Sharing the Secret
4. Little Miss Perfect
5. Mary-Margaret Life Stories
6. A Secert Between Friends
7. Kate's Secret
8. Dying to Dance
9. Dying to be Perfect
10. Hunger Point
11. Perfect Body

I have over 100 titles inclunding talk shows and other programs that go back many years. If you would like a complete list just let me know. I don't get on this website much often because I am real busy but I check me email everyday. Take care~ Katie katievic413@aol.com

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004

7:50AM - HYDROXYCUT

I have been eating more then I want to but I still slowly have been losing weight. I am not sure what my weight is right now because I have my period and when I do I refuse to weigh myself. On other days I will weigh myself 10 times but not when I am bloated like right now. I have been taking the diet pill hydroxycut and I think that it is really helping me. It says that it reduces appetite but I don't notice much of a difference but I do notice that it has been boosting my metabolism because I have going to the bathroom between 3-4 times a day. I know that noone wants to hear about that but I used to be addicted to laxatives and that it not a fun thing to do. I feel that I go to the bathroom as much with the hydroxycut as I did with the laxatives and I still get that great feeling of empty and lightness. My stomach looks so flat compared to the way it looked just two weeks ago. The best thing about it is that a bottle of it only costs $14.00 for 58 pills. That is much cheaper then other diet pills. The trick is that you have to take 2 pills at a time at least 2x a day. ~ Katie

Current mood: content
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Monday, February 16, 2004

10:35AM - RESOURCE LIST

Many people have asked me for a list of books and movies that are inspirational for eating disorders. So here is a short list of both movies and books they may help anyone who needs it.

Books
1. Anorexic by Anna Paterson
2. Good girls do swallow by Rachael Oakes-ash
3. Good enough... by Cynthia Nappa Bitter
4. Stick figure by Lori Gottlieb
5. Wasted by Marya Hornbacher
6. Best little girl in the world by Steven Levenkron
7. My body my enemy... by Claire Beeken
8. Slim to none by Jennifer Hendricks

Movies
1. for the love of nancy
2. best little girl in the world
3. perfect body
4. kate's secret
5. sharing the secret
6. little miss perfect
7.hunger point
8. dying to dance
9. dying to be perfect
10. life stories mary margret
11. catherine death of an anorexic
12. a secret between friends
If you would like a list of more just let me know.

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Saturday, February 14, 2004

1:46PM - DOWN SIX POUNDS

Down from 115 to 109. Finally I have been able to stick with my plan. I will admit that there have been a few times that I have binged this week but I just made myself get rid of it as soon as I finished it. Purging this week has been real easy for me except for yesterday I don't think that all of it came up and it took me a few extra times before it finally did. Back on the road to my goal of 100 by March 6 which is the day that I leave for my cruise. I will still hate that I will have to wear a bathingsuit but at least I will be lighter and not as fat as I have been lately.

Current mood: hopeful
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Thursday, February 12, 2004

6:18AM

I can not stand this anymore. Everyday I won't eat anything then at around 3:30 I start to binge. Of course after I do that I always purge and the rest of the day I continue to eat because I have already blew my diet. So today I am going to start another fasting process and the only way that I will be able to do this is by having to update everynight on how my day went because for some reason it is real easy to lie to friends and family but I always feel guilty if I think about lying to you guys. (people like me). Wish me luck.

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Tuesday, February 10, 2004

8:59AM - A VERY LONG TIME

It has been a very long time since I have updated my journal. The last few months I have been real busy with school and have also been sick many times. Last week I read some of your journals and it inspired me to get things back undre control. Since then I have already lost a few pounds and hopefully will lose a lot more. I am going on a cruise in a few weeks and hate the fact that I will have to put on a bathing suit. Even if I lose so much weight before I leave I still will hate that. When I was at my lowest of 92 pounds I was never happy about letting anyone see me almost naked like that. But if I see the numbers on the scale go down at least I will know that I can do something good and maybe I don't look as bad as I think. I plan to update often this time and look forward to reading your journals for support and inspiration or thinspiration would actually be a better word to use.

Current mood: uncomfortable
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Friday, September 5, 2003

2:33PM - STUFFED

I know that I have written much about my weight lately. WHY? Because I am so sick of myself. Everyday I tell myself that this is it, I will begin to lose again and everyday I find myself stuffing my face with whatever I can. I have not weighed myself in about 3 weeks because I am scared of what I might see. I think that tonight I will so I can see that horrible number that tortures my thoughts and will finally become motivated to be the old skinny me that I once was. I can not fail this time because I want to stop hating myself and I don't want to go back to purging.

Current mood: frustrated
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Tuesday, August 26, 2003

8:52AM - It's Been a While

It has been a while since my last entry. The dinner from hell actually went a lot better than I thought it would. There were more people there than I thought was going to be and we sat with his brother and cousins. The food was great and it was self serve so I did not have to fill my plate and eat a lot. I started college again last week and I am happy to be back. I have been as concerned with my weight and diet so things have been a little easier for me. I am actually doing a project on eating disorders for my class so I know that I will do good since I have one and know so much about them.

Current mood: cheerful
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Saturday, August 16, 2003

5:20PM - Dinner From Hell

I have to leave in a few minutes to meet my boyfriends parents for dinner. Most of his family will be there that I have not met yet and I have been stessing out so much that I broke out with hives or something on my face. This happens a lot to me. Earlier today I could not deciede what I was going to wear I told him I was not going. I am such a baby. I finally cooled down and found a pink top that is lose fitting but looks cute with a jean skirt that I just bought. At least I know that after I eat my shirt will cover my stomach so I won't look that fat. Somethimes gettting dressed for me is such a struggle if I can't wear sweats and t-shirts to hide my body. His parent's don't care for me that much because I am a little older than him so that is making this night that much harder. I wished his parent's accepted me the way my family does him.

Current mood: nervous
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Tuesday, August 12, 2003

7:48AM - OLD JEANS

I haven't written in a few days. I was not feeling well this weekend I think I had a small cold. My boyfriend came back from vacation and I saw him last night for the first time. Things were really good between us I think the time apart was what we really needed. I have this huge surprise for him for his birthday that I have been planning I hope it all works out well. I was feeling ok about myself the other day until I went to the movies on Saturday and saw myself in the mirror in the bathroom. I looked horrible I can not believe how much weight I have gained since I started going out with my boyfriend 2 years ago. I don't know why he would still want to be with me I look like a totally different person. I want to look the way I used to so I am going to grow my hair long again and workout extra hard. My goal is to fit into my old jeans by christmas. I have so many pairs of jeans and pants that I can't fit into and soon I will because I refuse to buy new bigger sizes.

Current mood: determined
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Friday, August 8, 2003

2:49PM - American Idol Here I Come

The American Idol concert is tonight. I don't know if I made my goal weight for the week because I have not weighed myself since Monday because I have my period and I refuse to be in a bad mood for the concert tonight. I paid a lot for these tickets and want to actually enjoy myself I will be in the fourth row floor level real close to see CLAY. I will be starting my fast tomorrow and will weigh on Monday. Wish me luck with the Concert and the weight.

Current mood: excited
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Wednesday, August 6, 2003

10:02AM - Another Fight

I hate this. I just got in another fight with my boyfriend. He is going away today with some family for his birthday and this just pisses me off. I want him to go and have a good time and I know that I need some time to myself but I can't help being a bitch. I know that I am acting crazy and want to be nice but I don't know why I act the way I do sometimes. I know with him being away for 5 days it will be easier not to eat and lose more weight which is what I want but at the same time I think that this scares me because when he gets backs I will futher into this and it will be that much harder to eat anything. Now I usually only eat when he is around to stop him from worring about me but I don't know if I will be able to do that with him not watching me the next couple of days. I am not sure what I weigh today or how much I lost since Monday because I have my period and don't want to weigh myself until it's over. I feel so bloated. YUCK!!!!

Current mood: bitchy
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Monday, August 4, 2003

9:06AM - MONDAY,MONDAY

I hate Monday's because it's a new week with new shit. Wokeup at 4:30am for workout before work. I weighed myself this morning lost another 2 pounds which makes 7 total since Thursday. I had a huge binge the day before I stopped eating so I know that most of it was extra weight from being stuffed like a pig. I really haven't stopped eating totally because I work out almost everyday and need something so I don't pass out when I run. Everyday all I have eaten are salads with only lettuce, tomatoes, cucumbers, and vinegar as dressing once a day. I wait to eat around 2-2:30 because it will hold me over so I don't eat at night which is the hardest time of day for me. Hope to lose three more by Friday.

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Sunday, August 3, 2003

11:35AM - LOST FIVE POUNDS

I lost five pounds since Thursday. Most of it is probably water weight and because I was so bloated but I don't care. I first day of not eating was hard but then it got easier. I have only had lettuce and water or tea. I hope I can lose another 5 pounds by friday because I am going to The American Idol concert and want to feel good about myself. I think I am going to luch today and plan on getiing a real salad with tomatoes and cucumbers but I will only use vinegar as dressing. Hope I can stick with it this time.

Current mood: accomplished
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Friday, August 1, 2003

8:22AM - Please Let Me Not Eat

Today will be the fisrt day I am trying to go without food. I am hoping that I can do this for three days this way when I start to eat again it will only be very small amounts. When I eat anything now I get even more hungry and want to eat all day. I have done this before and was able to live on just salads without feeling hungry at all. I hope that I can stick with it this time. Tomorrow I will either be very happy or very pissed off depending on how today goes. My boyfriend knows that I want to do this and promises not to mention food when we are together. He is not happy about me doing this but knows that I will be a lot happier and not a bitch as much if I lose weight. I hate the way I look and take it out on him.

Current mood: frustrated
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Thursday, July 31, 2003

11:42AM - OBSESSED

Is anyone else obsessed with movies and books about eating disorders like I am? I must have over 30 movies and books about this subject and some movies I have many copies of each. At first I thought that it was because I have an eating disorder and can relate but I really think that is more than that. Maybe I envy the people in the movies and their strength do be what they are. Maybe it is because in the movies it looks so much easier to have an eating disorder than it really is. -Katie

Current mood: blank
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Wednesday, July 30, 2003

9:46AM - TO TIRED

Slept late today so I did not have time to workout before leaving for work. I feel so tired I can tell that it is going to be a bad day. Had a bowl of cereal this morning why did I do that now I will look fat all day. Got into a fight with boyfriend again. Nothing major but everything just gets on my nerves lately. I know that it is all my fault because I have become such a bitch about everything. I hate the way that I look with my clothes off so I always hate being close to him that way becuase I don't want him to see all my fat.

Current mood: tired
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