i am the one and only   
09:29am 15/05/2004
 
mood: awake
music: none
how comes no1 updates any more!?i seem 2 b the only sad idiot that is @ my comp long enuf (or karls comp) 2rite down my life story on an internet page....i saw mari last nite...hairspray galor!hehe looksgd tho! and thnx 4 writing in my leavers book btw, hope u had fun @ pizza hut!i went 2 nandos wiv hannah (karls cousin), sam cook and karl...it woz gd actually. got 2have a proper chat wiv sam which i aint in ages...makes a change. then @ bout 9.30 we wentoutof nandos and wandered till we got 2 the train station @ 10, where we saw alex spencerwho'd made a new drunk frend lol. this girl from liverpool (aparentlywasnt drunk but sum how i dont think so), she woz so funny, she woz tlkin 2 evry1 that wlkd past and she woz singing...weird lol. but yeh we watchd her 4 bout 30mins then went back 2 karls...hannah got a very nice long 20min convo 2 alex the love of her life...altho he dont knowit yet, and she managd 2 walk smackbang in2 a lampost while tlkin 2 him!haha!it woz so funny, but alos cringingly embarassin 4 hannahs sake lol. ne wayz thats bout it fromlast nite. i stayd @ karls (no surprise there) and now him n hannah r still in bed while im sat @the comp waiting 2 get ready 2 go 2 a job interview@ 11...gd luck 2 me! altho i went 4 1 @ debenhams but they didnt want me....:(:(:( never mind, im sureill get a job if i dont give up...i need money 2 pay 4 various things in the next month or so...i.e karls birthday present along wiv my dads, and new summer clothes, and photos @ the leavers ball. they r£4 each and i want 1 wivme rach jodi and manda, and then 1 wiv karl on my my own...shud b gd, ill treasure em 4eva lol. ne wayz kiddies...wish me luck + im sure ill update b4 ne of u!byebye cat x x x
 
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back 2 life - back 2 reality   
08:55pm 12/05/2004
 
mood: happy
music: some garage set of karls - gods gift or summit lol
well, jodi and rach invitd me round jodis 4 a talk, and things were actually sortd within 30mins! so thats that all dun n dustd.thank god.@ the mo im @ karls and im looking @ the tylney hall website - www.tylneyhall.com - coz me and karl r staying there after the leavers ball!! in the 'conservatory suite' where the likes of sean connery have stayd. the cost is £34 a night!! but coz my mum works there she gets it cheaper....4 £50!!! argh!lol!we've got our own sitting room,bathroom wiv shower and bath/jaccuzzi, 4poster bed. we can use ANY fo the facilities! then we r goin shopping in london 4 karls birthdsy the next day! hes buying me a present wiv his birthday money (hes getting £500!lucky fucker!!) - ive told him not 2 - but he wants 2! bless! i love him soo much! he has put up wiv alot from me lately! ive been a bitof a bitch 2 b honest! im not actually that nice 2 him! and he puts up wiv it! i love him so much and appreciate the way he loves me 4 who i am and appreciates evryfing bout me 2!! i love him more than ne1 of nefing else in mylife - maybe coz he is my life - i dotn care bout becoming '2 dependent' coz he is evryfing 2 me and wivout him i wud b nuffin - so it dusnt matter how dependent on him i bcum coz no matter wot - if i EVER lost him then i wud have nuffin (in my mind) 2 live 4! that may sound drastic - but he is my boyfriend, bestfriend, sex partner (lol), shoulder 2 cry on, problem solver, backbone, and basically evryfing a girl cud ask 4! wud it b 2 far saying i think hes perfect s a boyfrend and evry girl shud b jealous of me?! actually i dont care - he is!! aww!! i love my baby!! x x x x love yall kat x x x (p.s - mari i sawu 2day - im giving my leavers book 2 joanne 4 u 2sign - where have u been lately?? comment on my blurty!! plz)
 
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must b love....love love.....doo doo   
06:38pm 22/04/2004
 
mood: hungry
music: gemma fox - girlfriend's story
wel kiddies - im stil happy in love wiv my wonderful bf!he is actually my best frend, and the 1 i love....and shag lol! all rolled in2 1. ive never met ne1 that clicks so well wiv me b4!we get on soooo well.....yeh there r the odd argument/disagreement...but on the whole we have such a good relationship! we spend evry minute we can wiv each other! and i cherish evry1 of those mintutes!i love him more than ne1! and i know all my blurtys must b starting 2 sound the same - but i rly cant express how much i love him.......so i just go on n on about it and hope thatll give u all the picture lol! ne wayz....2keep ur interest - we have sooooo not long left of skool!its well scary!!our exams r soooo close!! im pooing my pants as we speak.if i start really wrkin now i think im gonna b alrite....its just getting in the swing of things - its so hard its unreal!but u know im sure ill b fine. im cracking on wiv art right now. our exam is in like 2weeks!so im getting that over and done wiv!and i bet u can gues who my final piece is about - yes u got it! karl! aww lol!!

im getting my leavers book @ the weekend.....well actually maybe not. coz i NEED money 4that...and well erm the money i will get will b going 2wards our £300 phone bill!!!!!yikes! (£50 of which is 2 karls mobile ALONE!)scary stuff!! ne wayz peace out guyzi want my garlic chicken pizza!!!!yummy! love kat x x x x x x x x x x x x
 
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Alterations   
06:41pm 16/04/2004
 
mood: happy
music: rasmus - in the shadows
well as u can c ive changed the colours on this. i like em better pink me finks!ive spent soooo much time wiv karl l8ly. we've had near 2 no arguments.which is an improvement.we both know we need 2 stop or we r gonna lose each other.i cant bear 2 lose him. he is my world and i am his. we have actually becum 1 person me finks! i know they say 'friends cum b4 bfs' well i dont bleve that no more. i fink wen u r in love wiv sum1 they mean more 2u than ne1 in the world. my friends r very important and i stil do have time 4 them but karl cums b4 evry1 in my life. so yeh lets just hope i b wiv him 4eva n eva coz otherwise im gonna b in a bit of a steep hill downwards aint i? but i trust karl wiv my life so i have no worries.apart from wen im stupid and start arguments,that makes me fink that i dont deserve him. coz he dusnt deserve 2 b treated like shit, wen he means evryfing 2me!i wish there woz a way i cud tell him! we have been 2getha 4 2months on sunday.we r goin out 2nite then im stayin over! i dont fink im ever gonna get over him....*fingers crossed i never need 2 fink bout gettin over him* but i wot im tryin 2 say is ppl fink that u have relationships wen ur 16 and they dont mean ne fing even tho they do @ the time. but i fink this is different.ive never had a proper bf b4, no1 2 appreciate or love me. same wiv karl wiv gfs so each of us is the others 1st love. that means alot! i wanna b wiv him 4 the rest of my life!!!
well there u go - thats my life in a nutshell - karlkarl and more karl. not that im complaining!!! <3 <3
luv kat x x x
 
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love + london   
09:57am 01/04/2004
 
mood: lazy
music: none im 2 tired 2 listen 2 it lol
well yesterday we went 2london wiv the skool.we went down oxford street - i got a plainpink vest top coz i needed 1 - werent 2 gd - we only had an hr. we also went some other shitty places. cant memba where tho!then we went 2 c we will rock u.it woz kinda weirdbutgd i thought. i think the lion king musical woz alot better tho.coz its a better storyline.but the singin in we will rock u woz amazing. me n karl managed 2 have a kinda fall out coz i woz being a bit selfish and got stressy he wanted 2 go down oxford street wiv his frends.i can actually admit that this1 woz my fault!and im so sorry i done it coz i dont other people from skoolor even worse karl finkin that im rly selfish - which i kinda woz yesterday.its just im used 2 bein wiv karl evryday and havin him 2 myself most the time.and wen it didnt happen it came as a bitof a shock 2 me.but we r fine now.i slept round his last nite and we r not goin 2 skool 2day coz we didnt get back till 12.30last nite!!hes still in bed so im gna go make him so toast soon coz i love him. im sellin my tap shoes on ebay and they r @7.50 so far! woohoo!lol. i thought they werent gna move off the £1.99 starting bid! but hey lol. im giving karl the money coz he says hes gna buy me a pink n black schotthoody coz i want1. he wont take the money but im gna make him take it. i dont want him 2 spend 2much on me coz i dont want him 2 fink he has 2 buy me things 2 make me happy.im perfectly happy wiv just him. but i spose if he wants 2 buy me things then its his decision.im not gna turn aroun and say no but if hes goin wivout things just 2 buy me stuff then im gna have 2 beat him up!lol. ne wayz not much else 2 say! love yall kat x x x
 
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moi again   
10:59pm 30/03/2004
 
mood: tired
music: get low - lil john + the eastside boyz
well ive spoke 2 jodi and rach 2 sort it out and all is gr8.they both agreed they r happy 4me but its weird not havin me around as much. which is gd! im glad we got it sorted! i dont wanna loose my 2closest frends! karl sent me this email earlia -
hi baby! i will always love u too baby! and we wont start to drift apart cos wen we argue it makes our relationship stronger and we both appreciate how good r relationship really is compared to other ppls. When im wiv u i love evrything u do, ur body language and evrything, its just weird! lol! cos ive never loved another girl as much as i love u and have never cared bout anygirl like u baby! i didnt wanna really have a break, i was just sayin that cos i was annoyed! and no i couldn't do a week without u cos i would miss u. love u lots baby xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUCH
Wen he says stuf like that 2 me it puts a lump in my throat!! ne wayz enuf - i cud tlk bout him 4eva!
london trip wiv the skool 2moro.then stayin over karls. not goin in thursday! cant b fucked! loev yall kat x x x
 
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y is every1 unhappy about my happyness?????   
07:17pm 30/03/2004
 
mood: aggravated
music: naughty girl remix - beyonce ft lil kim
well im STILL wiv karl! and i love him more than ne1 in the world! we argue sumtimes but i love evryfing bout him! i havent spent a day wiv out him since we've ben 2getha! he makes me feel good about myself. 4 once in my life ive found sum1 i love and they love me back. its a special thing and i deserve 2 b happy 4once. or aparently not! 2day i went back 2 karls @ lunch wiv him coz he 4got his p.e kit and i thought id walk wiv him so he didnt have 2 go on his own. wen i cum back i go basically str8 2 science after registration. and emma - who i must say is a very nice person lol. sed she didnt wanna b bitchy but my 'best' mates were slaggin me off @ break sayin that karl is takin over my life and that i wasnt a gd frend ne more! wtf!!! well that pissed me off sooooo much bcoz ive always been there 4 my frends! wen jodi had all her family problems - who woz there? or even better who wanted 2 b there? wen rachels dad had a heart attack - i woz the 1st 1 she rung. i woz so upset hearing her so distraught! i care so much about my best frends! and altho now i care so much about karl 2, dusnt mean i care less about them. i am aware i spend alot of time wiv karl but i stil spend time wiv my frends. manda and jodi were wiv me friday nite. rachel an hardly c me ne way bcoz she has brian as a comitment and she works aswel now. i understand that! but i still expect her 2 b my frend. she has this idea im not talkin 2 her. i thought she woz bein off wiv me - wot am i ment 2 fink? i try tlkin2 her about brian. she gives me basic answers. i keep finding ut fings that im the last 2no. only little fings i.e. sum1 we know text rachel sayin she lookd fit. jodi and rachel talked about it and i wasnt even told. frends r metn 2 share fings liek that. i wanna know if they get a fone call or a text message. i dont bother tellin them ne time karl rings or texts me or if we argue coz they rly do act like they aint interestd. well im fed up of it! they r ment 2 b my frends and r moanin how im neglecting them! 2 me it looks like the other wy round! wen woz the last time jodi rachel or manda rung me?? sam still rings me and understands im just happy 2 b in love! she stuck up 4 me and i respect her 4 that. i have no respect 4 ppl who cant confront me if they have a problem wiv me! especially ppl who r ment 2 b my best mates!it upsets me 2 know that they can sit there in a room full of ppl and start a group discussion about me and my bf. then wen i walk in the tutor b all sarcasitic and say ' o look i recognise that face. looks like a frend we once had' yeh maybe it woz a jk but i dont wanna b outcast coz i have a bf @ our skool. yeh so wot jodis not wiv chris ne more! so its alrite 4 her 2 do stuf under the covers wiv him wen im round her house, but its not alrite 4 me 2 b in love wiv sum1 and wanna b wiv em the time i can b wiv em! sorry but that needed 2 b let out!! o well i spose time will tell whetha they r true frends or not! i dont wanna loose em but if they feel they wanna loose me then i spose its 4 the best!luv kat x x x
 
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everything that u do makes me want u MORE ++   
04:54pm 29/02/2004
 
mood: flirty
music: overnight celebrity - twista
just got back from karls. ive been there all weekend. went out 4 a meal on friday 2 nandos, then got back and slept downstairs. then on saturday we went 2 reading, then dave came round and finishd wiv vicki, and then startd gettin wiv sam!lol! sam lyks him now, bles. well theyll prob b 2getha soon no doubt! then sam n dave went and me n karl slept in his room wiv the double bed. didnt get up....techinically till bout 2 this afternoon, had a shower each, i went home. got in bout 4.40. now im missin him loadz :( he makes me so happy. this weekend has been a bit weird, i wont go in2 friday nite coz its a bit personal, but last nite the same sorta fing happend but 4 a different reason. karl woz goin on about sumit and i didnt lyk it, he woz sayin that im not gna b wiv him 4 long coz i fancy sum1 else. and i cudnt tell whetha he woz bein serious or not, so i ended up rly cryin! (wot a dick lol) i didnt want him 2 c me cry...but he did so there u go. but it woz gd in the end coz we ended up huggin and he sed sorry and i sed i woz sorry 2, and then he sed he dusnt deserve me if hes gna upset me, but HE DUS deserve me! and then he sed he loved me <3 <3 <3 i stil dnt know whetha he woz bein serious or not bout me fancyin sum1 else. but i dont fancy ne1 else apart frm him, hes the only 1 i wna b wiv, and its gna stay that way. i know fings change but im not gna finish it, so the only way itll end is if he finishes it. i dont fink he will, but u neva no, @ the mo fings r rly gd, and im happy tho so theres no point of comtemplating summit that more than likely wont happen.....well @ leats 4 a v.v.v.v.long time ne wayz. well now i gotta do sum wrk so i can have the rest of the week free. luv yall kat x x x
 
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comitments   
10:48pm 24/02/2004
 
mood: happy
music: fresh from yard - beenie man and lil kim
well ive been with karl now 4...lets c...a whole 2dayz officially!go me!lol! im so happy. its not lyk if jus got with him4 the sake of it, i actually wantd him so bad. and now ive got him! and im gna treat him so gd, he aint ever gna wna let me go (pretty women). lets hope he dusnt let me go! coz i dont wna let him go! ive rly fallen!its such a short amount of time! but i feel so close 2him. i dont fink im in love. i know i love him. but i dont fink we've been 2getha long enuf 2 b in love (bere in mind im not exaggerting and altho we have only been 2getha 4 2dayz we have been seeing each other un officially 4 over a month previously). i dont wna lose him! and hope i dont! he keeps wanting 2 c me! which i rly lyk but i hope he dusnt c me 2 much and get bored! am i worrying 2much?? who knows! but hey im allowd 2 have an attack of the old paranoi once in a while ay?! i fink im gna lose my virginity on friday coz im stayin over karls alone and i know he wants2. i feel ready 2 coz i feel comfortable with him. he's seen evry part of me (sorry bout the case of t.m.i) and i trust him. wen we had a shower 2getha that woz more exposing (physically obviously and i spose mentally in sum sense) but it felt so normal. i dnt fink i cud of eva dun that b4, but my confidence around him is so high! omg im so happy!! i hope it all lasts! i wna stay with him 4eva n eva. i know i wont but hey i can fink it. amd u do neva no. sum couples stay 2getha frm skool!! well nitenite luv a loved up lil kat x x x
 
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miss taken   
10:20pm 22/02/2004
 
mood: ecstatic
music: g unit - i wanna get to know ya
omg im well happy. im goin out with karl now!! i know we were kinda ne wayz but it feels so much better coz now i no how he feels about me. i spent the whole of 2day with him. im so happy i can actually say hes my bf now. awwwwwwww!! i wna scream!! lol! ne wayz thats all kiddies luv yall kat x x x
 
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the 1st tears!   
06:20pm 08/02/2004
 
mood: relieved
music: whats ur fantasy - ludacris
omg!! on friday i cryd my 1st cry over karl! it woz weird cryin loads and not finkin of adam! it felt quite bad, the fact that i compared it 2 me + adam. coz thats history and i dont wna remember the amount of times he broke my heart in2 fractions! but yeh friday i woz a bit hormonal + cryd 4 no reason rly. i fort karl didnt want me etcetc. and then i just felt lonely AGEN but it woz all ok coz he rung me wen he got in + he woz fine with me. so i woz ok after that. then i went round his house yeserday and we were just messin around. i woz beating him up. it woz rly funny lol. i kept biting him 2. lol. then he wlkd me 2 the bus station. i feel so safe with him. i brought 1 of his hoodies home and he gave me his gloves. then i slept with his hoody last nite.....coz it smells lyk him....how sad!!lol! then 2day woz quite emotional. i askd ashley (karls best mate - wel 1 of em) wot karl sed bout me the nite b4. and he sed it woz up 2 karl 2 tell me. so i askd karl and he wudnt tell me. then he sed he'd tell me 2 my face. and i startd gettin rly worried. i spoke 2 mhed + ashey and they wudnt tell. me then mhed sed it woz a gd fing. so i wo ok. then sarah told me that ashley told her it wasnt gd. so i got annoyd. so me mhed ashley n sarah were in a convo 2gether discussin it. and eventually ashley told me that karl had sed he lykd me as a frend but nuffin more. so i got rly upset coz i fort he'd been usin me. so i startd takin it out on ashley + mhed! then karl rung me and told me that he told ashley + mhed he only lykd me as a frend. then he got rly pissd off coz i sed ur using me then. and he sed look kat i lyk u more than a frend!! i just find it hard 2 say how i feel. thats y i havent told u. or ne1 else. and i havent usd u!! i wud neva do that! so i woz a bit better after that. i fink the whole fing woz a mishap of communication. i duno. i fink im 2hormonal!lol neva mind! im stayin over there on valentines day. hehe. ne wayz i have 2 do sum maths so byebye! luv yall kat x x x
 
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<3 <3    
09:43pm 05/02/2004
  wel wel kiddies, karl actually came round my house 2day! lol! 1st 4evryfing. now hes gone, i can smell him evrywhere stil!lol!bles me!i wel lyk him!i felt so comfortable just doin stupid fings lyk blowing rasberries in his face n biting his ear lol. we didnt do ne fing but it woz rly nice just spendin time wit him lol. o dear i c myself bcumin attatchd quickly....yet agen. o wel. i dnt c it as 2much of a problem 2 b honest.ne wayz all is wel. on a bit of a downer wit jodes rite now. nuffin i cant handle tho.dats it 4now. im eatin pizza ;) nitenite katherinyo x x x  
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carry on smiling..and da world will smile wit u   
07:41pm 02/02/2004
 
mood: cheerful
music: yeah - usher, lil jon + ludacris
lifes rly gd @ the moment. im gettin rly close 2karl. i stayed there agen on friday. we got it on agen lol.we were 2getha on his floor.it woz rly nice coz i feel asleep n woke up in his arms.quite romantic.saturday we went 2 da cinema on r own 2getha.we saw scary movie 2. da film werent brilliant.it woz just nice bein wit him tho. he had his hand on my leg da hole time. i woz lyk awww. n den wen we wlkd back 2 his we were holding hands, n den he had his arm round me. n kept stoppin me n gettin off wit me. it woz just rly nice lol. its rly gd @ da mo. we spoke after skool on da fone fuck loads!we've just been tlkin nonstop lol!but ill update more l8r coz im feeling lazy lol.byebye.kat x x x
 
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its gna b a bright sunshiny day   
09:14pm 25/01/2004
 
mood: bouncy
music: sumfing on radio 1extra
mornin gorgeouses! im in a gd mood 2day. i had a wel deservd long sleep last nite! friday nite me sarah sam ashley n mhed went round karls.omg ive havent been dat pissd 4 yrs!! how embarasin. wel me n karl kinda did a few fings but u no lets not go dere lol. we r goin 2 get wreckd agen next weke. n we'll prob stay over coz his mum n dadll b out all nite. lol ill behave myself dis week.maybe. on da adam front, wot am i on? dere is no adam front. i rly dont feel ne fing 4him ne more. hes so pathetic, he knows im not tlkin 2 him so hes ignorin me 2. shows how much he needs 2 grow up! ne wayz i feel nuffin but bubbliness lol so im gna go n save sum space 4 a bit of a moan wen i need 2. luv yall kat x x x
 
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change of heart.....i fink literatly   
08:54pm 20/01/2004
 
mood: bouncy
music: pump it up vs the jump off
omg its rly weird. i love/loved adam so much! evryday i wake up hes dere, lyk my heart is broken, my shoulders r weighd down, n my brains in full wrk out mode! but on sunday i woke up, n felt nuffin, i felt almost bouncy. n its coz all of a sudden i felt nuffin. he woz stil dere. those feelings were stil dere. but dey didtn worry me @ all. it woz as tho i cud move lyk a feather.nuffin weighin me down. its stil here. it feels gd. i do stil have very very strong feelings 4 him but its as tho ive controlld them, preventd them frm takin over my life. but 2day @ dancin. he woz just dere. n him dere stressd me out. siobhan woz flirtin her fat ginger ass off wit him. i duno wot i felt. it def were jealousy. but it put me in a mood. a big mood. im gd agen now but u no it just pissd me off havin 2 hear it 4 45mins. ne wayz I DONT CARE. im not just tellin myself it eitha. i actually feel deep down dat i dnt care.luv yaz kat x x x
 
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lalala   
09:55pm 17/01/2004
 
mood: weird
music: evanesence - evrybodys fool
just prankd adam coz i felt lyk it!! oops neva mind. i have an attitude rite now dat i dnt rly care bout him. rly i do but im not finkin bout him all day evry day now. its everyother 10mins kinda fing lol. wel on friday im goin over karls n eitha stayin dere or @ sarahs.so dere u go i have a life lol. ne wayz i cant b botherd 2 rite. luv yaz kat x x x
 
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sleeps   
07:14pm 16/01/2004
 
mood: awake
music: i promise - stacie orrico
wel we r settin up broadband 2nite or 2moz bout time! erm i got my mum 2 get me these herbal tablets 2 help u sleep.i spose sleeping pills but not as serious coz i fink its just a temporary hormonal fing ratha than havin a problem sleeping fullstop kinda fing. wel i spoke 2 adam last nite while i woz @ charlottes (i went dancin wit char n helpd da lil kiddies. i taught em single timesteps lol...funfunfun. actually it woz ok) but yeh spoke 2 him breifly n rung him bc 4bout an hr later on. he woz bein nice sumtimes but gettin stressd wit me rly easily!! fuckin idiot! i duno hes just been a bit weird lately. lyk hes on his period or sumit lol. but den agen maybe its me coz im on mine :S who knows?! wel ill update if nefing rly gd or rly bad happens otherwise ill just mention it coz im feeling so much beta now i can sleep properly. n ive realisd (fanx kerrie) i have loads of frends n dey can help me thru ne fing (along wit herbal sleeping tablets lol hehe dey taste lyk baby poo tho - not dat i no wot baby poo tastes lyk but dats how i imagine it 2taste) but yeh im fine @ da mo. i just no im NOT givin up coz hes obviously speacial if i can feel lyk dis. but neva mind, nuffin much 2 say...(delivery report - adam - o yay lol not - i always get dem, coz he turns his fone off ALL da time! idiot! he says da battery's low - has he neva herd of a charger?!?!) ne wayz fank u and gd nite lol kat x x x
 
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poo poo n more poo   
06:05pm 14/01/2004
 
mood: blank
music: dipset anthems - diplomas + camron/juelz santana
heya.wel last nite i cryd agen 4 da 3rd nite runnin.i duno wots rong wit me lately!!i just cant seem 2 get it in2 my hed dat adam dont want me. i feel horrible. ive lost jodi 2 chris coz she dont listen 2 me ne more.n if she dus shes just lyk yeh dats lyk me n chris. n i NO dat her feelings 4 chris r nuffin compard 2 mien 4 adam! im sory but as i sed yesterday i luv him sooo much n dont care bout wot ne1 else finks! id do ne fing 2 have him 4 my own. but yeh we all no dat by now so deres no point of goin on bout it. ppl keep sayin hes not worth it, ur a pretty girl find sum1 decent, u can do so much beta, try n move on he dusnt deserve u. ITS NOT WOT I WNA HEAR! i no evry means wel n dont wna c me upset so dey r bein truthful. but all i want is adam! y cant i move on?! i dont wnt ne1 else. i cant even look @ otha boyz! hes da only 1 i want. n its been dat way 4 a yr! aint dat sayin sumit bout my feelings 4 him? isnt dat tellin ppl pretty maybe (yer rite) but im obviously not pretty in adams eyes n dats all i wna b!i woz txtin julie n adam didnt go 2 french coz he couldnt b assd. aparently. y dus he have 2 lie?? am i rly dat bad he cant stand cumin round my house? o god knows. den i sed 2 julie 2 tell adam ill ring him b4 dancin n ive tryd his fone evry 1/2hr 4 da past 1n 1/2 but its off so hes obviously tryin 2 avoid me! i cant understand wots chngd. sundya i woz in his room chattin watchin eastenders, fri nite we tlkd 4 over an hr now hes avoidin me n makin excuses 2avoid cumin round ,my house!!! wtf is rong wit me?! y dont he want me???????ppl say but ur rly nice, funny, pretty, clever, its his loss is he dont want u.wel rly??? wel if he can c all dat dont u fink he'd realise wot hes missin??? obviously not! kat x x x
 
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:(   
08:31pm 13/01/2004
 
mood: depressed
music: down low - r kelly
(i actually rote dis last nite b4 i went 2 bed but only savd it on my hard drive) I rly duno wots rong wit me?! Am I goin crazy? Is it just me imaginin fings between me n adam? Wel 2b honest I don’t fink it is! Bcoz fink bout it.how many times have I been over his house wit my frends n deyve sed how much he flirts n u can tell he wants me?! Fuckin loads! N rach especially would NOT tell me sumit dat aint true.if she had da slightest doubt she wouldn’t get my hopes up. Evry1 finks he dus including me apart frm im da only 1 it hurts 2 hear dat he dusnt! I want him more dan nefing!! Id do ne fing just 2spend 1 whole day wit him. Im so happy wen im wit him.n den wen I speak 2 him n he acts a prick lyk he dus a lot (unless its me bein paranoid but im sory he is a dickhed even sarah sed wen I showd her those txts 2day) it just hurts so bad. I cant stop cryin its so PATHETIC! Wots wrong wit me?! No1 can help apart frm adam.ppl say move on u can do beta, hes a dick ne way, find sum1 beta, ur a pretty girl u don’t need him. But I DO! I DO NEED HIM! Its been so long of me relyin on him 2b dere on da other end of the fone, 2 b dere wen I rly wna tlk 2 him, 2 b dere wen I wna flirt, 2 b dere wen I need a frend, 2 b dere 4 a laugh, 2b dere wen I go over his house. N I don’t want 2 find ne1 else. I just want him! Ppl cant understand. Sarah dus but den I feel awful goin on n on bout how upset I am coz she knows how I feel but she must look @ me n fink look luv u aint even been out wit adam so don’t cum cryin 2 me sayin how it hurts wen ive just split up wit my 2yr bf, u don’t know da meanin of heartbreak. She prob dusnt but I cant help but fink it. Wel I just duno maybe Im more sensitive dan her?! Or just more of a drama queen?! Y do I get attatchd so easily! Y can I neva let him go?! O 4fucks sake im off agen! Y cant I stop these tears?! Y don’t he want me? Mind u I don’t blame him. I usd 2 b confident n look in da mirror finkin hey u look alrite 2day n ppl luv u ne way so who cares. Now I look n fink fuck! u ugly bitch!no wonda he don’t want u! n wen I c myself cry I fink omg get over it. Its lyk I have 2ppl in me but da weak 1 is actually stronga. Y dus life have 2 b so hard?! Y do I always lose? Y cant 4 once in my life I get who I want! N den I would b da happiest girl alive! Y cant fings b simple and he want me as much as I want n NEED him. Y cant my feelings rebound off him n return 2 me so dat we r equal n den we can b happy. Deres no1 dat can appreciate him more dan me! I LOVE evryfing bout him. Manda woz tlkin bout she cant go out wit ne1 who she don’t lyk dere trainers, she sed she gets embarassd by sum1 who is dressd not2 her standards. Wel I usd 2 b lyk dat. A year or 2 ago. N do u no wot? I don’t care adams smaller dan me, I don’t care hes quiet @ skool, I don’t care he cums home n plays football wit a yr6, I don’t care he gets stressd wel easily, I don’t care he goes dancing, I don’t care if hes fatter dan other boys I no, n u no wot I DON’T CARE WOT NE1 ELSE FINKS OF HIM COZ I LOVE HIM N WOULD DO NE FING 2 MAKE HIM HAPPY. Coz I no I could make him happy. I just wish he’d give me a chance 2show him. But u no itll prob neva happen. So I feel slightly beta now ive let sumit out but not gr8. I hate my life @ da mo. I wish sum1 could save me! Wots hapend 2me? Y cant I stop cryin n hurtin! I miss him so much n I only saw him yesterday, n spoke 2 him bout 1hr ago!!! Kat x x x
 
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adam adam adam n ....more adam   
06:24pm 12/01/2004
 
mood: bitchy
music: r kelly - vibe
Jan 12th 04
Wel yesterday I went over 2 adams. We didn’t do much, got on alrite tho (went wit sam). Den I rung him later last nite n he sed hed speak 2 me online but I sed no ill ring him ne wayz dis is r msn convo:
nice bath?
ok
ur fone on?
no
how cums?
coz it aint
wot u up 2
nuffin.im tired
u?
not a lot.go 2 bed den
i mite do soon
go 2 bed wit sam couldnt ya
no i can fink of sum1 else id ratha
wot me(not bin 2 cocky)
dat woz hard werent it
u should no(boffin)
huh?
i dont no.goin mental
wot woz u bout 2 rite?
hold on...
i bet tho if i came 2 ur house and got in ur bed u would throw me out(not dat i would b der in da first place of course)
y do u fink dat?
dunno
wel sumhow i dont fink i would
k take ur word 4 it
y havent u been over my house yet?
dunno really
y u want me 2
u can cum over weneva u want but u neva wnt2
i cant b arsed 2 cum over on my own tho
how cums?
wot
'i cant b arsed 2 cum over on my own tho'
wot bout it
how cums
coz there is no dat can cum wit me
wel its not lyk ud b sittin in my house on ur own
wot would evry1 else(like sam jodi etc)b der
no
wot den u aint makin sense
i sed it aint lyk ud b sittin in my house on ur own meanin id b dere
wot bout ur mum and dad
depends wot time u were dere
dey dont get in till
7
da fing iz dat its easier 4 u 2 cum 2 mine coz its on ur way home.
its harder 4 me coz it iz right out my way
yeh but its a change init
suppose
wel i can just cum get u frm skool n den my mum or dad can take u home
cant b arsed
fair enuf
i no wot will appen if i cum round urs(no offence)
i say we change da subject hay b4 we get into an argument
yeh alrite but i werent suggesting ne fing wen i sed 2 cum round mine
i no but...........o never mind
so r u goin 2 go 2 da monday nite lesson
no
y
dnt wna
fair enuf
i wel lyk u
wot
i wel lyk u
how like
u no how
m8/bf
2nd 1
y ask?
im soz but it wont work.i dont feel da same
i no
by doin dat u just make things more difficult
by doin wot?
sayin all dis shit
k i wont say it den
alrite
have u eva?
eva wot
felt da same
dont fink so.y
k
your true love will find you. Something good will happen 2 u at 2.25 tomorrow. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Whoever breaks this chain letter will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten years. Tomorrow is national kiss day. Send this to 15 ppl in 15 mins
i hate them
Wel yeh so its not brilliant. Afta dat he went offline. I sed 2 ashley:
your true love will find you. Something good will happen 2 u at 2.25 tomorrow. Get ready for the biggest shock of your life. Whoever breaks this chain letter will be cursed with 10 relationship problems for the next ten years. Tomorrow is national kiss day. Send this to 15 ppl in 15 mins
i told u i werent gettin my hopes up4 a reason
huh?
i told u i werent gettin my hopes up4 a reason
why did u say that?
he dnt want me
ohhh
is he stil online?
im goin
Wel den I went n woz layin on my bed listenin 2 music coz I woz tired n bored (ive actually neva dun dat b4 lol) n I get a txt finkin its gna b a reply frm layla. Heres r txt convo:
‘where r u?soz bout dat – my comp went bit mad.cumin bk on?adz’
‘in my room n no im not’
‘wot ave I dun now.ash h is on 2 me now.wot ave I sed (or not sed)
‘nuffin.im not allowd bc on’
‘ave I dun ne fing rong den?’
‘duno have u?’
‘wel ash sed I had rly upset ya?aint got a lot a cred so ave 2 txt u frm internet’
‘k’
‘plz cum round mine’
‘y do u want 2 cum over?’
‘I don’t, I want u 2 cum over here’
‘cum where?plz try 2help coz I cant understand u’
‘2my house.not 2do ne fing, not 2 tlk bout ne fing specific just bcoz’
‘I dunno just I feel(don’t tell ne1) dat if we r in ur house alone dat u will try it on wit me and I don’t fink im comfortable wit dat (no offence)’
well yeh deres a bit more but dats bout it.WOT A FUCKIN DICKHED! But da fing is I sed 2 rach 2day (I didn’t rly tell her or jodes bout it all – couldn’t b assd 2 b honest) ‘rach I rly luv him n id do ne fing 2 have him. I only saw him yesterday n I miss him so much!’ n I do. Even tho we aint 2getha I just luv bein wit him. I feel so secure n safe.and dats how it is on da fone. But by txt or msn its nor rly da same.txt is ok but I HATE tlkin 2 him on msn.he dnt understand y tho. But yesterday @ his house we did fuck all.just watchd eastenders, had a chat u no da usual but I felt so safe in his house n I didn’t wna go!!I wna go bc dere now! N he dnt understand y its such a big deal 4 him 2 cum here. Its just I luv my house 2 but its so lonely n I fink once ive had him here wit me in my room it mite make me happier. I no its prob 4 da worst coz da more I c of him da stronga my feelings 4 him r gna get but I cant help it. I luv him so much. I wish he luvd me 2!
Kat x x x
 
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