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k to the iz eight

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[07 Oct 2003|04:39am]
I called cristie today and she was crying, and tehn i told her i havent cried in a while and that i wasnt gong to cry today...

Im no officially a glassjaw song.

Three times alone this week, I have been made into a liar.
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[05 Oct 2003|03:53am]
It will be amazing. I'll even let you listen to metal. We'll drive around aimlessly drinking joobee and laughing. I'll tell you every stupid little thought that comes to mind and you can laugh and smile and sip. We'll try and get lost in a neighbourhood we've never seen before, (and you'll laugh because I write neighbour with a U in it.) I'll sit cross legged in the passenger seat and giggle at you. You wont know why, but you'll smile about it anyway. I'll stare at your hand forever contemplating if I should touch it, and if I do, stomach elephant stampede is guaranteed. We could wait til dusk and go to a park and have a swinging contest. Betchya I'd win too. Don't think so? Oh, you're so on. After everything calmed down and the bugs are talking in whispers we'd drive out to the middle of nowhere. The windows down and the music up. We'd pull out the blanket and cuddle and look at the stars. The wishes would be revealed. We'd play atleast three rounds of the "imagine game".

I'd aim for the triangle, and hope you wouldnt reject me.

I should stop now. My stomach hurts.
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[30 Sep 2003|01:33am]
"what do you do when your whole foundation falls apart? I dunno.. they don't teach you that in school"

I'm sick. I'm mentally deranged. I think the stupidest things, and I just don't tell anyone. I love myself inside my head, and I'm really glad that you can't see what's inside here, because I wouldn't have friends. You'd all lock yourself away from me, and I would be sitting home alone every night. Just take my word on it.

I just need to walk. Walk for hours. Its too cold and my ankle hurts. I need to do so much I think. I need to stop thinking so much. Everything is falling apart. I don't know why. What is the point of all this shit? Kevin is being charged with Manslaughter. Mans laughter. HAH. What the hell. Steve left. Poof! just like that.

I failed my Chemistry test. Whatever. I can't live when it's not warm. I'm a summer girl. I need the sun. Maybe this is all due to an Iron difficiency? Maybe I'll end up standing on the street corner, with a sign around my neck that says something about deep that no one else would understand. I think,... the word would be MANSLAUGHTER. It's not deep, but it's fucking me up nicely. Yes, Manslaughter I think it will be. I don't know if I'm actually going to save this, I don't want you to think I'm weird. Then again, who the fuck are you and why should I care?

"She wasnt held enough as a child"
"Her parents divorced at an early age"
"He father was an alcholic"
"The kind of family that keeps Xmas lights up all year"
"Sexual Abuse"
"She listens to emo"
"Is she breaking down?"
"Maybe she drinks bleach"

I'm so lost today, nothing makes sense. I have to wake up early tomorrow. I have to do shit. shit. shit. Everyday is the same shit. It all ammounts to nothing, then you die. You die, and you stop living. Everything you ever loved is gone, and you are stuck alone in a box in the ground. Everything you owned will eventually end up in the trash, as the people that you gave it to die off too. Nothing you do in life really matters.
Nothing. nothing. nothing.
Love isnt anything either, you could love someone so much, but two years after you both die, no one will ever know. Ever. ever. ever. I guess it doesnt really make a difference though, If you love or if you end up locked away somewhere, right? Because you die. and you die alone. No matter how many people you take with you. Everything on this earth dies alone. Everyone has to figure this out eventually. Everyone does.

I dont just think in here, I act. It doensn't bother me that you can't see it. It's comforting. I can do anything in my mind, and you have no clue what I'm doing to you. I'm not crazy though, unless I act on it in real life, right? Or unless I talk about it. I never said they were dangerous things, more like silly things. I'm not going to try to explain because you wont understand and I don't really care if you do understand.

I have this friend. We're going far away to chase the sun. No one can find us. It will be summer in the winter and we will be there together. We will laugh and cry and yell and run and everything is going to be alright for the whole time we are gone. I'm scared though, and I know she's scared. And I've been told I'm just running away from my problems, and I don't think that is your buisness. We will be the same person some nights when we stare at the sky and i tell her all the stupid things i think and hope for her to tell me that im not crazy and then her tell me the things she thinks and we will be alright.

I need summer.
I need warmth.

I'm afraid no one is going to say "don't go"
I'm afraid no one will notice that i'm gone.
I'm so afraid.
4 comments|post comment

[20 Sep 2003|07:19am]
Isnt it strange how as of late I've been going through the most
and writing about it the least.

It's all in my mind though, where you cant see it
and you cant judge me on what i think
how i percieve.

Im sick. Slept for 14 hours last night. My mom drugged me.

I failed my mission. I will try again on monday, and possibly let you know how it goes.
3 comments|post comment

[14 Sep 2003|02:33am]
Dear Andrew -

I am going to Australia. In February. Backpacking.

The end.
3 comments|post comment

god bless the USofA, and all the beautiful boys there-in. [11 Sep 2003|03:32am]
[ music | taking back sunday - summer stars ]

mixtapekate: goodnight american, avoid tall buildings.
alacklusterlove: Bye bye.
alacklusterlove: Avoid having a worthwhile currency.

itakethestairs: i don't. i'm the prototypical middle-class american that abuses alcohol. i'm sure you know all about that type.
mixtapekate: nope never seen it
mixtapekate: but i imagine it to be like married with children
itakethestairs: no, that was fiction.
itakethestairs: it ends in divorce long before that.

2 comments|post comment

[09 Sep 2003|08:41pm]
TAKING BACK SUNDAY - tonight - Jimmy Kimmel show
Someone tape it for me and ill pay you.
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[09 Sep 2003|04:20pm]
My brother, in kitchen, (in deep oprea-style voice): It's another saturday night and I ain't got no body
Me, In bathroom, (in squeeky girly voice): I got some money 'cause i just got paid
Both, walking into the hallway, and dancing: How I wish I had someone to taaaaaaalk toooooo!

My brother is in love, and I'm just stonned.

The last two days have been pretty intense. My mood swings have been psychotic, and my hormones have been even worse. I've been super happy, super upset, super in love, every emotion has been amplified by a million. I downloaded some accoustic Taking Back Sunday videos, and there wasn't ONE that didn't make me cry. Almost every song I've listened to in the last two days has made me cry, and not cause I'm sad either, just because. Because it's a sad song, a beautiful song, a nestalgic song... you name it, I'm crying over it.

My mother and I have been absolutly at each others throats. She's upset about the whole Austarlia thing, I think she finally realized that I'm going for real. That I've already set aside a good ammount of money, and that I'm acutally going through with it. She said something though, that I'll never forget.

"I'm pretty sure I'll die disappointed with you"

I figured out that The get up kids wrote a song about her. About the whole situation, really. They accidentally thought my mothers name was Amy though. So, I cut that part out. *grins*
if you could go anywhere right now, where would you go, and would you miss me? )

I decided it was way to nice of a day to go to school, so I picked up my bestfriend, and headed to Jon's house. We went downtown, and there we purchased tickets to go see Taking Back Sunday/Saves the day/Moneen. Again, with the crying... haha. It was an amazing day. Jon made me an amazing mix tape :) I dropped him off at the college, and then Cristie and I went to subway. We looked at a some guitar tab magazine that was full of punk bands and giggled. There was a picture of glassjaw in it, and i was tempted to buy it, but Australia = better.

So, tonight I'm going out for coffee with Stef and Tanya. I really love both those girl, they are so honestly themselves. Not afraid to not fit it.

"You have two tongues, The one in your mouth, and the ones in your shoe... It's the ones in your shoe's that count" - My psych prof. He's all about Action over Words. Ill show you all.

One day you'll shine brighter than the brightest star )
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i'm goign to get down to the bottom of this tbs/brandnew dispute. [08 Sep 2003|12:16pm]
Did I ever tell you that everything I know about breaking hearts I learned from you?
Well, it's true. ANd I know, I've never done it with the grace and style you have. I settled
instead for making long term plans based on my mistakes.

There's nothing worse... I swear you have no idea. The jealousy that became me
thinking, "he always had it way too easy, he's getting what he deserves". And I told myself
that all I did was what I had to. But don't believe me
don't believe me, don't believe me.

And now, all I've got is this twenty
dollar bill that says you're up late night
starting fist fights vs. the fences in your back
yard, and whispered rumors of the way you
wear your black eye like a badge of honor,
soaking in sympathy of friends who never
loved you nearly half as much as I do (but irony
is for suckers).

Breaking down in bars, ("It's something
unforgivable") and the cold tile bathroom floors inside them, ("It's something unforgivable").
But don't believe me, don't believe me, don't.

I won't lie, it keeps me up till ungodly hours at night. But I can't regret, so just forget
it. I started something I couldn't finish, and if we go down then we go down together. Best
friends means I pull the trigger, best friends means you get what you deserve

Take the time to talk about it

Think a lot

And live without it
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[05 Sep 2003|09:17am]

They made livejournal effin ugly. I hope they don't decide to re-do this page too *wish wish wish*
Today I'm planning on sitting next to Tim. Even though he is possibly the most fucked up kid I've ever ever met.

Well, I'm getting the internet hooked uip in my bedroom on saturday, so my posts and comments will be more regular, until then, you'll all just have to wait.

3 comments|post comment

[02 Sep 2003|07:40pm]
i'm only complaining to keep myself busy, sweetie
2 comments|post comment

[01 Sep 2003|06:07pm]
I wish i was an oscar myer wiener
that is what i truley want to be
cause if i was an oscar myer wiener
everyone would be in love with me.
3 comments|post comment

Let's get drunk and pretend we never had problems. [31 Aug 2003|02:06am]
I remember when my mom and dad first seperated, My mom, Mark and I were all lying in my moms room and my cat, Fluffy, was laying on my moms chest. I remeber wondering what was going to happen, what my new school would be like, if my parents would ever get back together... My mom looked at Fluffy and said "It looks lke you're the man of the house now, eh boy?" That was a really long time ago...

Fluffy is dying.

...and the concept is still unknown )
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[27 Aug 2003|05:15pm]
I just got in shit from my brother, cause he's hitler of the computer.

Who wants to go out for special pepper tofu with me?
Soooo hungry.
30 comments|post comment

[25 Aug 2003|03:54pm]
I went to the college today. It was busy. Lotsa hot guys that probably didn't notice me, but I still had a blast. Saw a lot of people I have met along the way but haven't had the chance to hang out with, which was amazing.

Hung out with Nate Gelinas. Found out some interesting things.
Kara Berthiaume is pregnant. Jon broke edge. Kazer is playing at my school for frosh week. ahaha.

My kitty (the one that was found at the CBF practice space) had kittens this morning. They are soooo effin' cute :) Everyone should come and see them!

OH! I was driving Dave to Adams yesterday and I was listening to 50cent, and this van pulls up next to me and i start dancing and i look at the boy next to me and he danced with me (from his van) so we played car tag, then I had to get off ECROW, it was soooo cute.
FLASH TO LATER THAT NIGHT. I go to the subway that Matt Rideout is working at, and the dancing boy is there!
He's sooo cute. lol. It was awesome

Im tired.
<3 kate
4 comments|post comment

[24 Aug 2003|04:43pm]
Dear "friend":

[I've got a twenty dollar bill that says
no one's ever seen you without makeup,
you're always made up]

There are a few things I feel need to be addressed, and since you decided to make our personal affairs public, I will do the same, although I would have prefered something a little more tactful, such as an e-mail, phone call or idealy face to face. Then again, you are in love with attention, and the more people involved, the more chance of someone feeling sorry for you, the better, isn't that the way it works?

"what did i take from you? thats right. what did i take from you ? look at yourself. look at how youre living."
What did you take? What DIDNT you take Shannon? Eh? You took my trust and shoved it like it was worth nothing, and did the same to one of my friends. You definatly took everything I had to offer, didn't you, and didn't give very much back. You hurt me Shannon, and that sucks, but it sucks even more for you, because you only get one chance in life, and you aren't using yours very well. Look at the way I'm living Shannon, look at it closely. I have amazing friends, and I don't need you. I have people that surround me and make me feel amazing. I don't use sex to determine my self worth. I don't use drugs as my scape-goat. I don't blame my emotional problems that I cause myself on my father. I don't fuck everything that walks. I think before I act. I make people smile. People love me for who I am. I have an amazing life, an amazing family, an amazing everything. I don't have to lie to my mom to get out of the house because I fucked up, she trusts me, and rightfully so.

Before you start telling people to look how their living, maybe you should do the same.

What you don't seem to truely understand is how hypocritical you are. You say you want to feel so badly, but you can't, but the SECOND you know you're in trouble, you have the tearflow and all the pretty words come out, don't they. How many times did you practise that bullshit speech you gave us in the car? How many times did you watch those words come out of your mouth in the mirror and smile because you thought that everyone was going to fall for it. We all see through you Shannon, I'm not the only one. You're fake. FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. You made such a big deal about the whole Tanya ordeal, I have one fucking word for you sweetie: CRAIG. Except Tanya is now in a functional relationship, whereas Craig, just like everyone else has seen through your bullshit.

Don't you even dare try pulling that pity-guilt-trip-no-one-loves-me-im-numb shit on me. I don't fall for it, no one does. We all know you would kill if you could get away with it, as long as you get what you want. Isnt that true? As long as Shannon gets what Shannon wanted, Shannon is Happy. Fucking Selfish Bitch.

I'm not an angry person, and i don't feel strong feelings of dislike often, but you are the exception, and you know me, it takes a lot to get on that list.

Congratulations sweetheart,
You're dead to me.

<3 kate
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[21 Aug 2003|02:12am]
I cleaned out my trunk, and everything was mouldy.
It was gross.

The kitten I found died, and i cried alot.
9 comments|post comment

[16 Aug 2003|04:10pm]
Oh god i love this song.

everyone download it

brand new - soco ameretto lime

amazing fucking song <333333 fmakes me cry
freddy vs. jason tonight
adams computer hates me.
5 comments|post comment

[16 Aug 2003|03:17am]
[ mood | nostalgic ]
[ music | Andrew WK - the girl is beautiful ]


BOUNCING SOULS TOMORROW - Not allowed to go :( I tried calling Adam today to tell him so he doesn't think that I fuckt him over. Grrrrrr. Man, he's gonna be so pissed. Ugh.

Last night was AMAZING. We went driving around in the dark cause of the no-power thing, and ended up meeting some way rad kids in KINGSVILLE. Why did I type that in capitals? weird. Anyway, we looted the city, and put up pilons across the main road and waited in bushes to see people get confused and turn around, and then some crazy lady chased us with a broom and we ran like fuck and went to the secret garden or some creepy thing along those lines. Ran from the police and broke a lot of shit. Ended up getting an accoustic guitar and a lantern, grape juice and triscuits and sitting around singing songs. Man, that brandon springer kid is hawt. and can sing and play guitar good.

I hired tanya to take out the girl, and she agreed. Yessum.

I miss yesterday. Tanya is here today. I wonder if I'll miss today tomorrow. What the fuck?

Sara -- buy me a sticker or two and I'll give you bling? PLEASE. I heart you forever
and email me piktures of boy (isnt_that_emo@hotmail.com)
oh yeah. my room is clean. people hang out with me tomorrow. please.

5 comments|post comment

[12 Aug 2003|07:33pm]
Aug 26th - bouncing souls
aug 27th - taking back sunday/saves the day

what the fuck? why do they both have to be a clutch cargos. ugh.
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