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2004.10.25 21.03 yay~ Well, I took my time doing it so that I could finish as much as possible the first time through, but I've finally beat Shadow Hearts II. YAY! And I have to say, I really enjoyed it... I can't say whether it's better than the first or not; they're both pretty equal in my mind. Although SH2 had a lot more jokes in it, and 2 very memorable rolling-on-the-floor-laughing parts as well. Also, once you beat the game you can access the 'theatre' and replay all the movies. YAY!! I've already started on my 2nd time through w/the game, this time I'm going to make things more challenging by using a different Judment Ring setup. So far, I have access to all the Crests, and I have yet to get far enough in the story to see if I have access to all of Yuri's fusion monsters. *crosses fingers* Unfortunately, I didn't get to keep any of my soul energy (which doesn't make sense because in the Library it says the final boss gives you 300 soul energy for defeating it, but it gives you no EXP or Cash.... so then why do they bother to list that you get soul energy?? I dun get it. -_-). And I'm also irritated that somehow I missed a monster. Just one. So my library isn't complete. Grrrrr. And I have no idea where that monster could be (it's in a weird spot in the order).
evil bad person: "Before I send you all to Hell, do you have any last words you'd like to say?"
*dies laughing* |
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happy |
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2004.10.15 22.31 however... My stomach is doing strange things, and it's causing me great discomfort. BUT OH WELL~ I think at one point, a while ago, I had something interesting to say here. But now I'm just sleepy and in pain and feeling blah, so everything interesting has gone away and only the mundane incessant whining remains. And I know none of you want to hear me whine. Quite frankly, *I* don't want to hear myself whine.
So that leaves us with.......... absolutely zero. |
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blah |
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2004.10.13 01.35 and then I want to scream. Really really really loudly. I just want to scream and scream and throw a fit. A really nasty fit. A temper tantrum fit for a 2 year old, performed by a 24 year old. And I want to scream all these things that I'm feeling/thinking and not care whether what I'm saying is true or whether it means anything at all. I just want to say it. I just want to get it out. And then I also want to cry. And I also want to sleep. And I also want to destroy everything in and around me.
Nothing specific really happened to make me feel this way. I guess it's just been building. I don't know what to do... I guess I'll just.... |
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scared |
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2004.10.11 00.21 or something It doesn't matter how enchanting the song of the bird is who is locked in a cage away from the rest of the world. It doesn't matter how beautiful the scales of the fish are whose life is lived in the shadows of the rocks. It doesn't matter how moving the words of the poet are who keeps them all to himself. It doesn't matter how bright the soul of the dreamer is who never gives themselves the chance to try. It doesn't matter how strong the will of the reformer is who never attempts to fly... Mood:  pensiveMusic: Tonic - If You Could Only See |
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2004.10.08 22.17 & why I've been thinking a lot lately about random things that seem to keep sticking in my mind. Such as, 'wouldn't it be fun to be a voice actor?' - the reality is, of course, that it's a whole heck of a lot of work, and oftentimes difficult (a search on the internet will prove this to any of you who doubt), but it would still be fun. And another, 'wouldn't it be neat to make an internet band?' - this one would probably be easier to do than the voice acting, however how on earth I would go about it is almost entirely inconceivable to me right now. XD I mean, really... what would I do, sing and have midi music in the BG? XD As it is, I think I'll just stick to enchanting the door greeters + customers at walmart w/my singing (cause I work at the service desk, which is right next to the doors) and leave it at that. I have something around -348 on the confidence scale, so, yeah. Nothing's ever going to happen along those routes. But a girl can contemplate...
*sigh* |
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contemplative |
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2004.10.03 21.15 to where I am.... tired. Almost fully worn out, really. I know what I want, I know what I need, but I also know that I can't have that. It's a... problem, I guess. I know I can survive, but for how long? All of my friends live in other states - I have no one to hang out with. None of my coworkers are close enough to me for me to be able to hang out with any of them. Angelo works 3rd shift so he's hardly around. Really I guess I'm just lonely. I miss college, where I could spend time w/my friends and we could just spend time together not doing anything in particular, just enjoying each other's company. I miss when Angelo and I could do that, too. I hide away within several fantasy worlds - video games, mostly - in an attempt to make the reality more tolerable. The reality is, I'm 24 years old w/a college education but I'm working at Walmart making $6.95 an hour barely paying bills living in a 6-year-long relationship that I don't even know if it will last, trying to deal with my demons and not doing a very good job of it. The reality is I cry every night when Angelo leaves for work because those were the only 5 minutes I got to see of him that day.
The reality is I have a headache and don't feel like whining to the world anymore. SORRY & GOODNIGHT~ |
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2004.10.02 02.27 Shadow Hearts II I preordered Shadow Hearts II because I had completely fallen in love with the first one, and it arrived today! Unfortunately, I had to work, so I only got to start it a couple of hours ago. ^_^; However, after only 1 1/2 hours of play, I can honestly say: I adore this game. ^_^ There are so many things that are the same from the first one (judgement ring system, menu system, item names and functions, the end-of-battle music, cute little sweatdrops during text conversations, Yuri's frequent responses of "........"), that it is all very familiar and wonderful. Then on top of that, they go and improve on things; some criticisms of the first SH was that the judgement ring system was 'too complicated' or 'too simple' depending on who you asked, so in the 2nd one, they have made it so that you can actually customize it - based upon your skill level and preferences - I love it! Also, although the fighting is still turn-based, they have made things a lot more interesting by adding 4 different types of attacks and also a 'combo' attack which basically takes all of the characters and lets them attack the enemy in succession w/correct button-pushing. Characters can also get moved/thrown/kicked around the screen during fights; if an enemy performs an attack where they kick your player in the chest, you can bet your character is gonna go flying backwards. Another concern of mine w/this sequel was, in the 1st game, the monsters were the most unique and sometimes most grotesque enemies I had ever seen in a game - how would this 2nd SH compare? So far, nothing too bizarre, but I was laughing when I was fighting 'Duck Toy' and 'Wooden Lion' in the first town. XD I never thought a wooden duck toy could be so funny, but once you see its version of 'Hail something-or-other' well.... it's just too cute! So far, the only thing that annoys me w/the game is 2 things about the judgement ring: 1) speed - by default it's rather fast, which is very different from the 1st game where it was much slower by default, and 2) angle - the angle of the judgement ring is much sharper than in the first game, which makes it a bit more difficult to hit it, but once you get used to it it's all right; it would just be a hassle to go straight from one game to the next, because of the drastic difference. It threw me off at first, but it was easy enough to adjust. I can get 'perfect' about 95% of the time on Karin's ring, and maybe about 70% of the time on Niccolai's; I haven't yet gotten to where I can see how anyone else's ring is - that will have to wait until tomorrow after I get some sleep. : ) Oops, I almost forgot one other annoyance: you can set the subtitles to be on or off, and I always turn them 'on' just because it's easier for me that way, but with this game... what they are saying does not match exactly to what the subtitle text reads. So far there haven't been any differences big enough to change the meaning, but sometimes they leave out an adjective or two, or simply change sentence structure, which is starting to become an annoyance. Maybe it's just nitpicking, but shouldn't the 2 be the same? Perhaps they altered the script at some point. *shrugs*
IN ANY CASE... so far, I'm beginning to like SH2 quite a bit more than the first SH, simply because of how much they expanded on the judgment ring and of how much they kept the same (and yet improved on it!). The only way this game could be not-as-good as the first is if it ends up to be very lacking in terms of plot and storyline. But, it seems like this is going to be a very awesome sequel, and I squeal with girlish delight at the thought of playing this game for hours on end to see how the story turns out. XD |
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bouncy |
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2004.09.28 20.26 impossible dream There are so many things... that I don't understand. If I only knew the way things worked, if I could only understand the 'how' of living, then maybe I could relax. But the way I am, I must constantly fret about my days, ever-searching for the answers I probably will never find. If there were a way to unravel the mysteries, I would gladly give my all and beyond to find the cure. But sorrow isn't so easily conquered, is it. It's a very personal fight, the battle against our fears and demons, and sometimes even those closest to us are powerless to end our suffering. But if those closest to us would only remain, and if we would only acknowledge their persistance and recognize it as the love it is, then we could survive. The trouble is...
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2004.09.24 02.48 hmmmm.... .... I don't have anything interesting to say. Nope, not a thing.
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tired |
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2004.09.22 12.25 WTF~ 2 1/2 hours it took me to get this far, only .4MB to go, and my dial-up was just waiting for the opportunity to disconnect for no apparent reason. XD XD XD XD
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2004.09.22 00.01 nothing is ever easy. and i just can't seem to do a damned thing right anymore, if i ever could at all. ARGH. fuck this shit. *%$!^$#!%
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2004.09.12 00.33 ... je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas. je sais pas.
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confused |
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2004.09.07 23.10 hello again Nothing interesting to say... past couple days have been good, but working 1st shift makes me a very sleepy Becky by this time of night, even though 2 or 3 a.m. has been my usual bedtime. XD Angelo and I went out today, and now he is sleeping soundly on the floor... but it was a good day. We're both off tomorrow, so perhaps we'll go see a movie or something. Hopefully no one interupts and I can spend the whole day with him. *crosses fingers* I get paid on Thursday - YAY! Money is good. Gotta pay bills, set some aside for gas + laundry, and keep some for buying materials to make Halloween Haz Labs costume. ^_^ It will be hard, though - how the heck am I gonna make that hat??? O.o;;
v tired now and I should just go to bed, but probably won't for a while longer. ah well. ^^;; |
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sleepy |
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2004.09.05 23.53 ..... feeling..... blah. i've actually been having good days lately, which is nice, but my work schedule has been very scattered, so I haven't been able to see much of angelo, which really depresses me. I won't see him but for 10 minutes tomorrow, and Tuesday is kind of up-in-the-air, but Wednesday we are both off, so perhaps then we can spend some time together? Really, this is starting to wear me out. I'm tired of sleeping alone every night.
But what else can I do? No matter what I try to do to change the situation, I'll be unhappy. |
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gloomy |
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2004.08.19 01.45 later how can i be a breath away but still not have the strength to say.... i just don't know, should i go, or should i stay, what the hell is wrong with the way that everything is going on it drives me mad it makes me sad i'm rambling on but what it comes down to is something that will probably never change something life has prearranged; could it be, a destiny, what lies ahead for me? it's too far away with too many paths to tell what lies ahead but the wreckage i've left behind should be a testimony for the future; how could it be that to be free, you have to leave? and what right do i have to bitch, anyway? i mean, seriously. people starving, people being beaten, and i'm sitting here whining about stupid emotional shit. and it's meaningless in the end, i guess. it's hard for me to not hide away in my own little world, literally. it's why i haven't been online - i've been hiding out, keeping myself as enclosed as possible.
i guess i can't hide forever. |
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blank |
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2004.08.19 00.54 update Nothing new to report.
The end. |
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disappointed |
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2004.07.09 11.59 all over? It's one thing to kick yourself, and another thing to have someone else do it for you. Because they kick a hell of a lot harder. Yeah, so. Angelo and I had a "talk" which wasn't quite like an argument, although there was a bit of anger on both sides, it wasn't anything dangerous. And a hell of a lot of shit was said, and I'm seriously fucking depressed right now. He says it's all the 'little things' that pile up, and they're like 'a thousand cuts' (complete with cutting gesture on his arm - bonus!). Don't mind me, I'm not only seriously fucking depressed, but pretty damn angry too, which always makes me bitchy and cynical. But he says, he doesn't hate me, he loves me, but when he thinks of the future, he can't keep living the way we are. So what it comes down to is, either I change or he leaves me. Well isn't that just fine and dandy! And what part of it's all about is, I'm lazy and irresponsible. I leave dishes laying out, I leave dirty clothes laying around, I leave dirty kleenex on the floor (this upsets him most, I think), after I take a shower and I twist out my hair to get rid of excess water, and a few hairs get pulled out, I stick them on the wall of the shower instead of into the trash can, I leave empty boxes of food near the microwave, I don't always remember that when I take a can of pop from the fridge I need to replace it with one that's still in the carton so that there is always cold pop, I don't always remember to balance the checkbook and keep it up-to-date with any transactions I make, I forget to check the mail, I forget to unplug the phone cord from my computer when I'm done with the internet, and probably more stuff that I can't think of. And then the other part of it is intimacy, and how little of it there is. It's a big deal to him, it's not a big deal to me, and it's become an issue because he's frustrated and has just given up trying. But we talked about it, and as long as I can keep myself in line, everything will be peachy wonderful happy joy joy yay. (there's that cynical tendency again) But if I can't keep myself in line, well, "you'll still have a friend. you'll still be loved." Well that's just GREAT! Thanks SO MUCH!
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cynical |
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2004.07.06 02.59 sometimes it's a sad song keeping jealousy in check can be a trying process, but somehow I am making it through. basically, I got really really upset the other night, then I wrote a big long entry about it, and then my computer froze before it could get posted. -_-;; SO~ since then, I thought about it and decided that I'm gonna do every damned possible thing I can to be a better person. Gonna 'go that extra mile' so to speak... to accomplish, well, I'm not entirely sure. But if I'm successful, you'll hear about it. Basically, this is that period of time where I have just kicked myself out of my slump, so I am feeling motivated to actually do stuff, instead of just sit around and get fat(ter).
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thoughtful |
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2004.07.01 04.21 searching for.... this is funny:
There's another guy, whom I suspect is a friend of the first guy but I haven't completely confirmed that yet, who comes in and does the same exact thing. It's always something small, from the hardware or automotive department. This guy is dangerous, because he actually talks and tries to be all innocent about it, and he tries to trick me. Now, I will admit, I am very gullible; I have a tendency to believe that everyone is good, yadda yadda yadda, but this guy is so obviously fake that even *I* know it. So he was in yesterday, with spark plugs. I think, 'sure, I'll ask, why not' so I say "do you have your receipt?" and he actually says "yes" and starts searching his pockets, saying things like "I bought the wrong kind" and other lies. Of course he doesn't find it, saying that it must be in his wallet, which he left in his truck outside. We both know it's a lie, so I go ahead and do the transaction, give him $8.xx for it. Then he says he's gonna write down the part # for the spark plug, so that he can go back and get the right one since he knows now what not to get. He starts trying to write on the $5 bill I gave him, and I'm like "do you want a piece of paper?" So I tear off a chunk of register tape and hand it to him, and he writes down the number and heads off into the store. So I watch him, because I know... and the dummy that he is, he just walks off towards the registers, then through them, and out through the exit doors. So just as he was nearing the doors, I called out, "Have a good night!" so that I would be sure that he heard me. I wanted him to know that I knew. I knew he was making it all up, and now he knows too. It's pretty pathetic that he went to all that trouble to try to convince me that he was telling the truth, when it was obvious it was all just a lie. And I find that I'm not annoyed by this... I'm just disheartened. What a way to waste a life, by being so dishonest... and then to try to cover up that dishonesty by telling yet more lies? Absolutely pathetic. It's insulting to me, insulting to everyone who reads this, and worst of all, it's insulting to the person who's doing it. The worst damage is done to the liar themself. It's so pointless.
While Angelo and I were in NY this past weekend, we stopped at the Media Play to see if they had Haibane Renmei, cause all the stores around us in OH don't seem to have it. While browsing around, Angelo found a... Marmalade Boy DVD!! I was so ecstatic - now I can actually have GOOD QUALITY MB ANIME! And then I looked at the price. $92.99 for a 3 DVD set that contained 19 episodes, commentary from the people who did the dub, and a pencil board. Almost $100 for 19 episodes, and there are 76 episodes in the series! My jaw literally dropped. If that price is constant, that means $400 for the whole thing. $400 DOLLARS?!?! What the FUCK are these people thinking?? Oh, I was so totally pissed over that. I mean, come on - I've already spent $80 buying all the manga. And I don't even -want- the dubbed version; all I want is the good quality picture, and the good subtitles. I already have the whole series on VHS; it's the fansubbed version that a friend of mine copied for me, so I got it for free. Unfortunatly the quality is nearly non-existant, and the tracking has to be constantly moved in order to be able to read the subtitles and yet still see the images. But MB is hands-down my favorite anime series, and the desire to own it is stifling, so now I'm totally bummed out about it all, cause I just can't pay these people that much money for it. And that's all I have to say about that. |
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2004.06.30 01.38 : ( AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH my ankle $#!^%$&^#%&$%^(%)&(@^*%(^*%$(#&*$(#!^*#! itches like CRAZY!!!!! but scratching it HURTS! BUT IT ITCHES!!!!!!!!! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
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aggravated |
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2004.06.27 22.21 let's see... 6/15 - I opened presents! got Pretear #2, Azumanga Daioh the manga, gift card for Waldenbooks, $25, earrings, pretty painted box from Autsy... and hopefully I didn't miss anything else. ^^;; 6/16 - Angelo and I spent the day at my sister's, helping her move all the furniture into the new house. 6/17 - went out with Angelo to the mall (to use my giftcard, of course!), then Garfield's for dinner, then saw a late showing of Shrek 2 6/18 - severely sprained my ankle whilst running to answer the phone. : ( 6/19-6/20 - my best friend Autumn came to visit me! We went to the mall and I bought a dress + new shoes + manga. In spite of my not being able to walk on Sat and only being able to limp a bit on Sunday, we had tons of fun. 6/21-6/23 - I was able to walk by then, so I went to work. Because my foot would swell, the only shoes I could wear were my sandals, and unfortunately they're not cushion-y! So by the end of the night, all I wanted to do was curl into bed and sleep, to make the pain in my feet go away. : ( 6/24-6/27 - Angelo and I went to NY to attend a wedding for one of his friends. Got a picture of him in his tux and me in my spiffy dress - maybe there will be internet sharing?? doubtful. *mwahahahahahaaa!!*
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2004.06.16 02.15 ^^;; ...... they sang. Mood:  goodMusic: Jewel - Standing Still |
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2004.06.15 02.04 *does a happy dance* Well, Happy 24th Birthday to me! Technically there's still another few hours to go, but I've already gotten presents: a beautiful dolphin statue from a friend at work (and her 2 kids), and of course pie avatars from friends at hazardlabs. YAY! It makes me happy, which definitely helps cause the day was yucky at work, but I have already put that all behind me. Hopefully tomorrow will be better, and hopefully no one will sing 'Happy Birthday' to me over the paging system. ^^;;;;; Mood:  lovedMusic: Yann Tiersen - Rue des Cascades |
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2004.06.13 22.37 put it in a letter I HATE THUNDERSTORMS.
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worried |
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2004.06.13 00.22 WTF Someone please tell me, what the hell kind of world is this? I got an IM from a good friend today, saying that her b/f had been in jail, because his own mother put him there. They had had a huge argument (typical, because she is that kind of woman; there is no father, btw), and he hit her in the jaw; so she called the cops and had him put in jail, and now she is sueing him. She wasn't even bruised. His mother is a desperate, pathetic, out-of-control bitch of a human being, and HE'S the one who was sent to jail. This is all just so fucked up, I can't stand it. It makes me sick. But... hopefully things will work out, and someone will realize that he isn't the one who needs to be put away.
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