aaron's Blurty
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in aaron's Blurty:

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    Saturday, August 2nd, 2003
    1:31 am
    Im back
    ok so there was a huge fire in montana and i had to leave and come back to michigan so whatever. Bad things always happen to me. lol. but things happen you know. But like im not even going to talk about that cause it will make me upset. So like i started talking to this girl. and well ive never had as much stuff in common with any other girl ever. Shes so gorgeous and shes really sweet. but yeah guess what she has a boyfriend and she lives far away. lol. so that's the bad thing. But who knows maybe some day ill get the chance. :)
    Friday, July 11th, 2003
    5:23 am
    a story about someone
    He went to the store and bought a large bottle of benadrly. he drank it all. after he drank it all he realized what was going to happen. if he tried as hard as he could...he could stay up and make it out alive. but if he fell asleep he would be gone and never come back. after that little thought went through his head...it came. his senses were disabled. his knees went weak and started to have spasms until he hit the ground. his right arm went numb and his throat clogged with the taste of death he just took. He was always at the wrong place at the wrong time. And things were going bad for him. relationships with friends and girls never seemed to stay fit. they always broke apart which was one thing he never wanted to happen. As he stood back up his heart stopped a few times. then his knees started to spasm again until he went to the ground. he still had a choice. He realized then after that intense moment of pain that he is still young. he still has time to focus. he still has time for people to get to know him and love him. "he was only 17".... he knew that that's what everyone would say about him when they talked about his death. but he didn't want it to be. He stood up staggering for help. He called his mom she was crying the whole way to the hospital. she thought he was having a heart attack. he went inside the ER. As he lay there with no comprehension of what anyone was saying... he was listening. he could hear them talk but he couldn't talk. the doctors would ask him a question but he would answer with a randow sentence that made no sence. but then afterwards realize what he said and start crying. they gave him some shots. and started to breathe with him... It was over with.... he did make it through. no one ever even knew that he tried to commit suicide. He walks around this world now trying to make things better. trying to put things in better positions so they don't get lost. He will never forget that night for as long as he lives. He will always try to think of that moment when something bad comes along. But he still hopes one day he will have the one posetion that he always wanted....or should I say the posetion everyone else wants...
    Thursday, July 10th, 2003
    3:13 pm
    july 10
    I wish that i could find just 1 girl. Just 1 girl that i could talk to all the time. and be around all the time. A girl i can love and do anything for. A girl i can hug and kiss everyday and look foward to it each moment it comes. A girl i can trust with all my heart. and that trusts me. But to have trust you have to be together for a long time. exactly...a girl that wants to be together for as long as possible. I want this girl because there is nothing else to want. but hey i dont know what i can do. But man...if your that girl. Your a blessin.


    -aaron-

    Current Mood: doesnt matter
    Tuesday, July 8th, 2003
    3:09 pm
    wow its been a long ass time
    ok well im back. there is nothing to do right now so im just writin. so i really dont know what to say. Im leaving to go to montana on saturday and stuff. im going there then to aspen colorado. it will give me a good chance to get away i guess. im really bored right now. i just want to hang out with someone but all my freinds are gone somewhere. i bought a new digital camcorder for $502. its really nice. it has night vision and shit like that. Theres really not much else that ive really been doing. just getting ready for the trip and what not. we found a nice cabin to stay in so we are doing that. it has internet too but im not going to let my freind use it cause he will be on it all damn day. im going to be out walking the mountains. but whatever i dont care. hey maybe ill meet a nice beautiful girl while im over there. ha yeah i wish.
    Sunday, March 30th, 2003
    11:20 pm
    havent done this in awhile...
    well i dont really know what to say except for the fact that im feeling like shit again. lol. wow what a suprise. i always do. i dont know what to do or think anymore then what i say. im living a life of complete insecurity. full of missed situations that rise and fall to bad and good. im never my self that much anymore. im different then what i used to be. things change...people change. i dont like things to change though. i like them to stay steady. but it will never be that way. it seems i changed for the worst. sometimes i feel like i used to but then i realise that im just not like that anymore. i make things so difficult and take things so hard. and think things so bad that it gets to the point where i dont know what to do. and to the point where i dont care about anything. but then again i do. I go through the day looking down. with my hood over my head. and laying my head onthe table just thinking of what im going to do. im not "tired" as i always say. thats just my security from everything. why did this have to happen now. im 17 last year of high school. only 2 months left and i feel like shit all the time. i have like 200 senior pictures of me and i havent gave away one. im not going to either. im not having a graduation party. i dont want to. my mom got all mad at me for saying that but i finally got her to go with my decision. i dont care about it. i want everything to end but i want some things to begin. but the things i want to begin will never happen.

    Current Mood: fucked
    Thursday, March 6th, 2003
    2:24 am
    WoW finally have time again...
    Havent done this in awhile. yeah i actually have stuff to do now. its nice. but ive been thinking about some stuff. Bad and Good. band things come to me all the time. So i guess i try to think about all the good things i do and have done to make it better. but you can never hide the truth about anything. it will allways be there. so you just kind of have to let it go. but its hard. you cant....well i cant. i was thinking the other day about all the nice stuff i did for people...i dont know just to make me feel better i guess while i listened to my music. i guess ive done some good things. I tought safety town for 2 years teaching kids the safety of riding bikes and not talkin to strangers. It was funny the day safety town ended 2 twin boys came up to me and huged me and started crying cause they wanted to stay with me. i remember the first day they came they didnt even want to be there. Then theres the giving of blood. This is my first year doing it and im going to do it every 3 months now. cause i know if i needed it some day that it would be nice for someone to do that for me. speaking of needles i remember the time when me and this girl that i liked were dating and she totally hated needles she was 18 and still would cry when she had to get a shot. one day she had to go get a shot and she called me and wanted me to pick her up so she could skip the shot. but she still lived at home and her mom said that she had to get it or else she was not able to do anything with me. (even though she would have anyway. lol) so she went to go get it. I waited and went to the store to get a blank card that had pink roses on it. then i got some whinny the pooh bandades and wrote "that wasnt so bad was it." and then at the bottom said ps "your beautiful" then i stuck a couple of the pooh bandades in the card and gave it to her step brother to give to her. her step brother was like 25 and he lauphed at me and said "awww how cute, your so weet to give me a card" she called me at the docs and tlod me how it went. it didnt go that well so i said for her to just go home and ill cal her later. then i took her to get something to eat and we rented "john q" and watched it in my room. i realy loved being around her but like everything i do...it goes wrong. and she left me a few days later. talk about leading me on. oh well life goes on... unfortunatlly.hmmm anything else..well yeah i guess. i went to navy SEAL training for 1 week in galveston island, texas. and made it through. 2 of us made it out of like 17 i think it was. i was the youngest. everyone else was 19 through 32. my roomate that was 21 made it through with me. i told him in the begining i wasnt going to quit. and he said he wasnt either. he was a big guy. really built. im just a short flellow with big shoulders. i tried hard there but not as hard as i should have. but me and him made it so thats good. the SEAL insruter said to me "you have some major balls comin here at 16 davis" which is my last name. we did alot there hard shit. i hated it but loved it. 14 mile run in combat boots with 55 pound ruck sak in the sand is not an easy thing to do but we all got through that one. even though half quit right after that run. my roomate and i went back to the hotel at the end of training and he bought a 12 pack of beer and downed it all. i jst tried to take a shower but i couldnt it was so painful. i wish i took a pic of my waist. i had a whole belt of scar around my waist form the sand and salt water rubbing against the pants. my nipples were raw. and i had sand bug bites all over my body cause we slept in the sand when we did have time to sleep. i went home and felt really good after that so yeah thats good i guess. what else have i done to make me feel half way good. i dont know i try to be as nice as a person as i can but sometimes ill admit im down and dont like talking to people. so if i dont talk to people thats why. im shy in some places but outgoing in others. but i always try to keep my manners no matter where i am. until everything bad goes away i just think of these things waiting for another good thing that i will love and keep in my mind forever. but then again bad things will always happen.... bye

    Current Mood: worried
    Current Music: any blink 182 songs. lol
    Thursday, February 13th, 2003
    8:48 pm
    finally
    wow havent dont this in awhile. ive been busy. i painted my room red and it looks sweeeeeeeet! i just put my couch and coffee table in there too. looks cool. LAN party this weekend.. yea yea!!! not much else going on. im going to florida for spring break. cool cool!!! cant wait to get out of school. i hate it. its getting a little better though i guess. pottery is cool. im actaully good at it. speech is cool. auto tech is gay and boring but pure comedy! not much else. i met some new people this year though i guess i cant complain. some are really nice. i go back to work soon. thank god. its been boring without work. cant wait to go back and get all these hugs from the hot wattresses and hostesses! well i guess thats it for now just wanted to let you know what i was doing lately. need to know anymore just ask...

    Current Mood: anxious
    Current Music: camp kill yourself
    Tuesday, February 4th, 2003
    9:58 pm
    BORED
    Its 10:00 and theres nothing to do so i guess ill write. Im really bored right now. Im just sitting here thinking about stuff like i do every night. then i cant go to sleep. but i have to. i got to wake up at 5 and run outside to this traffic light. its exactly 1 mile away so ill run there and back 2 times. So for thoses that are slow that is 4 miles. hehe. Im getting rid of my water bed thiss weekend and getting a regular one. it will be better for my back. and im painting my room. I have this reflector that im going to hook on my back so that people can see me when i am running . it blinks on and off red. its cool. But that will probably make me a better target for vehicles to hit. but ill take the chance. My hands are freezing cold and i dont know why they have been like this for awhile and its anoyying. cause they feel so cold and i think i have bad circulation to them. Im just going to keep on writing cause im bored..... ok well i think ill go to washtenaw community college first aftre high school. I just want to get out. im not having a grad party. i dont care abut that. everyone that comes is probably just going to mock me and ask the question "so aaron what are you going to do now?" or "aaron i think you should do this instead of this!" I tend to do stuff for other people instead for myself because i want to try to make them happy and proud but whatever. i want to join the marines but i dont know... the navy SEALs and marine force recon are joining together now so i would be able to be both. and i would for sure go to iraq and all those middle eastern places that are infested with those pansy ass coward terrorists. But the marine recruiter said i better make sure its what i want to do cause he said it can be emotionally hard sometimes cause you have to write death leters home to your family and friends. and a will. and put it in a special bag where your stationed and if you die they send it home. and if you dont then hopefull you can rip them up and forget it. He said one time he went to kewait and had to write the letters and then when he came home he forgot to throw them away and his wife found the one that was suppose to be for her and she starded balling her eyes out. I just looked down and started to think... but its not like i would have anything to give anyone in my will anyway. i fell like such shit!!! i cant stand it! well i guess thats enouph for now. have a good day!

    Current Mood: grateful
    Current Music: "praise chorus" jimmy eat world
    Sunday, February 2nd, 2003
    12:15 am
    Mi impaciente!
    Esa cicatriz pequeña en mi espalda de la biopsia lastima verdaderamente. Im taladró. confuso. perdido. ¿Qué debo hacer yo? Yo me puse sabe y usted puede no cualquier si usted puede leer esto.

    well goodluck reading it!

    Current Mood: confused
    Friday, January 31st, 2003
    4:03 pm
    another day...
    just another old regular day. I have this little white bunny and this morning before school i was feeding him but i forgot to shut the cage then in the middle of 1st hour i realized i forgot to shut it. so after 1st hour i went home to see if he got out and he did but i was looking for him all over the place but then realized he was laying down quitely on my couch that i have in my room. hes cool. didnt do anything bad. he just glanced at me and layed back down. hehe. its about 4:00 now and i think im going to take a nap. kinda tired plus im bored. ALWAYS LEAVE COMMENTARY!!! Gives me something to look at and do at 12:00 in the morning. hope you all have a good day now!

    Current Mood: exhausted
    Current Music: camp kill yourself
    Thursday, January 30th, 2003
    6:14 pm
    ..........
    just hanging out here. listening to music. i dont have to go to school monday so thats cool. got to leave early today but my doc cancelled cause there was no water at the hospital. so i go monday. just figuring out what to do this weekend thats all.

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Current Music: les claypool- "ding dang"
    Wednesday, January 29th, 2003
    5:16 pm
    huh
    Nothing much new. just waiting for the weekend to get here cause im hangin out with some friends. yep thats about it. america since 1940 owns. its cool we watched movies almost the whole time so far. its great the notes are not to bad since i like history anyways i dont mind. just watching jackass all day. funny stuff i love it. steve-os career ender is funny but really sick. well i guess ill go i have stuff to think about. oh yeah and i think people need to start letting me know thing too. like uhh things... i dont know unless you tell me. well i kinda do but atleast i dont know for sure.

    Current Mood: confused
    Tuesday, January 28th, 2003
    5:56 pm
    hmmm... troublesome
    Today was kinda bad. felt weird. more pain on my right kidney. screw that though. there are other things that are worse then that. I dont know but its kind of funny how you can be fine one minute but feel like crap the next with whatever it might be. i dont know some day something i guess will boost me up on my way to do something i wanted to do. just seems like everytime i get something or feel good about something it always crashes down and ends up leaving me with nothing. for example my shitty car i have now. hahahahahaha. man is it a joke. i should have kept my 4 door hardtop 68 impala. man o man i wish. everything always turns out shitty though atleast for me. I dont think there was one time where i had something good happen and it stayed good. it always went the other way. i dont know. I should get a tattoo that says "let it go" cause everything i have or think about i dwell on how i didnt do this or that right. just some anwsers is all i need. and maybe another good dose of morphene would help. oh yeah... i should also start going to bed earlier!!!

    Current Mood: disappointed
    Monday, January 27th, 2003
    5:09 pm
    shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit...
    shit, man this is boring, i went to my friends friday and hung out watched a movie. fell asleep during it like every other one i try to watch. oh well. saterday. extememly boring did nothing at all sat on the computer all damn day. doing nothing. playing cs and listening to jimmy eat world and saves the day. oh yeah and watching almost all jackass episodes on my computer. today is boring to. ill watch the super bowl and hang out on computer again. overall it sucks. dont want to go back to school tommorrow. i hate it as ussual. why does everything allways have to change so much. expecially for the worst.

    Current Mood: confused
    Current Music: jimmy eat world- "the middle"
    Thursday, January 23rd, 2003
    6:36 pm
    hahaha
    Well im starting a 90 gallon salt water aquarium up. It will be cool but alot of work at first. Im going to get a couple moray eels, puffer fish, triggerfish, and some other ones. its just going to be a fish only tank i think since these fellas are aggresive as hell. oh yeah allmost forgot a lion fish too. It will give me something to do when im home. and its kinda soothing. I cant believe i want to get a moray eel. they grow up to about 7 feet and more. ill have to eventually get a bigger tank.

    Hmmmmmm. People these days... its funny there so serious. I smile at someone and they just give me a dirty look. hahahaha. i mean come on just trying to be nice and polite. then they just stair at you and think your some kind of idiot. I had a little conversation about it today. just thought i would add that in since if your looking at this your obviously curious about what i have to say.

    random info about things from me:

    -There are 4 aarons in my 5th hour
    -i hate high school
    -Im not working right now. it sucks.
    - i get to hang out with friends and go to some parties though
    -got to watch dahmer this weekend. ewww sick movie
    -if you want to know anything else its not going on here!

    Current Mood: curious
    Wednesday, January 22nd, 2003
    8:38 pm
    hmmm...
    Why couldnt my parents get me into something when i was young like karate or drums , or anything like that for that matter. Im so untalented. Dont know how to do shit. "mom cant i please play drums or do something please" thats all i ever asked. all i heard was "no". Man im never doing that to my kids if they want to do something ill help them do it. I guess maybe it was because i didnt have a dad around. He was a mean asshole anyway. lol. i would never want him around. 1 more semester unless i fail something. hehe. cant wait. I hate high school. It was better before but you know nothing ever stays the same.

    Ok Ok, Ive learned my lesson. to just do what you feel you need to do and dpont listen to anyone else because it always bites you in the back. But just let me go allready. Whenever i follow people i seem to get it the worst. It sucks. actually i hate it. But i have learned something good over the year. If you have something to say say it beacuase if some people dont like it there will always be ones who do. Cause usually if you dont say it you will regret it with any topic for that matter. Not much else really to say. Until the good day comes ill just have to provide some comedy and hang out with my cool friends, and have them put asoline all over my face while im sleeping and break out the next morning. uhhhhhh man.
    Tuesday, January 14th, 2003
    8:50 pm
    Subject
    Exams, last year of high school exams. i hate them. i hate them all. cant wait to be done. High school was gay. hated every minute of it i think! Im going to the marine recruiting center wednesday. just to go over my pay and my benifits. he even said i might be able to leave before october but he would have to pull some strings since ill still only be 17. who knows. everything has its goods and bads i guess. and what i want to do has some bad stuff that i dont want to happen like leaving everyone. but i have to i mean really though what are the chances of me staying in contact with everyone that i talk to now anyways. very unlikely probably. I mean they will start to have their own little lives and i will to and probably wont see them hardly ever again. but hopefully ill have a few ill still see and talk to. Ill be signing a 4 year contract. that means if they need something from me or need me to do something for them i have to do it until the 4 years is up and if i want to stay in longer i can. probably not though. I might see to much bad stuff in the force recon. what i like about the military and boot camp is that while your in it you dont have your friends family or anyone like that around you. or fast food and pop. you just have yourself and your classmates. and you begin to realize you took all that stuff for granite and once you get out you charish everything much more than you did. trust me i know. ive been to 3 boot camps. (not because im bad though. lol) It will give me time to get things straightened out. organize things and put together my prioritites. even when i get out of the marineds i will still have full medical and dental insurance for free even for my wife and kids when i get married and have kids. well i think i said enouph for now. I just keep on thinking.

    Current Mood: nervous
    Current Music: Sum 41- "stillwaiting"
    Friday, January 10th, 2003
    5:25 pm
    october...
    Octobers the month i guess. leave for parris island for united states marine boot camp.
    Monday, January 6th, 2003
    9:50 pm
    just antoher one...
    well i mjust sittin here at 10:00pm doing nothing cause there really isnt that much to do at this time. but this is when i think the most so im going to write it down so i wont forget. im just thinking of the things i can do and the choices that i have that will hopefully be good for me...

    1. marine force RECON- These guys pretty much go in before everyone else behind enemy lines and gather reconnasience for are other guys waiting for us and they will infiltrate if needed.

    2. Marine scout sniper- man, always wanted to be a sniper. these guys will go into jungle, desert, whatever it might be and perform some recon and well.... kill people.

    3. Navy SEALs- SEAL Platoons have a training cycle which includes 18 months of training work-up, then a six month deployment overseas in an operational "combat ready" ststus at a Naval Spec War Unit or Detachment. These platoons are superbly trained and can accomplish most, if not all, of the tasks thrown at them.

    4. Army Airborne Rangers- The cornerstone of Ranger missions is that of direct action. More specifically, Rangers are the premiere airfield seizure and raid unit in the Army. In order to remain proficient in all light infantry skills, Ranger units also focus on mission essential tasks that include movement to contact, ambush, reconnaissance, airborne and air assaults, and hasty defense.

    5. Army Green Berets- Pretty much the same as the SEALs.

    6. Army Delta Force- Hell yeah! The vast majority of the unit operatives come from the United States’ elite Ranger battalions and Special Forces groups, however candidates are drawn from all branches of the Army, including the Army Reserve and National Guard. Those initially selected are usually chosen in one of three ways. The first of these is in response to advertisements posted at Army bases across the country. The second method is by word-of-mouth, or personal recommendation from sources whose opinions are important to Delta screeners. Finally, on occasion the unit will require the skills of individuals who might not fall into one of the first two categories. If, in the instance that Delta’s commanders feel that an individual would make a valuable addition to the team (for example someone who speaks an obscure language or possesses hard-to-come by technical skills), a representative from Delta will be dispatched specifically to interview that person.

    I guess those are pretty much my options. i might think of going into the army and going to the special foreign languages program in cali and learn arabic. and then go into ranger school and get the breifing for the delta foce maybe that will be an easier way to do it. i dont know its hard to decide but ill get there. Not much else going on just thinking about alot of stuff. LOTS!!! i cant stand it. but i guess i have to you know.

    Current Mood: frustrated
    Current Music: SUM 41- "Hell song"
    Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
    3:54 pm
    Hmmm... a new year. this could be interesting.
    Well i went to this one party with my friend and it was allright. stayed up til about 5 in the morning just talking about useless stuff and yeah it was pretty good i guess. There was this one beutifulgirl there. oh my god, she had blonde hair and was a really nice girl. and had a nice personalitty. The thing that was cool about her though ids that she wasnt snobby. and she was open about anything and didnt hold anything in. Mike if you read this you know what i mean!!! lol. Other than that yeah i guess thats about it. wow i saw the ball drop another year. big deal. who cares. Well i was thinking about some new years resolutions and i think i came up with some.... 1 is that im going to try to stay friends with everybody that i have now but i know that probably wont happen. 2 is that im going to wake up at 5 and go work out for training. 3 is to leave everything else behind me that has happened. because when i boils down to it i really dont care. like this stuff will really effect me 5 years from now??? i doubt it. overall... last year sucked. it was full of bullshit and un-answered questions in which i still dont know. oh man im going to try to make this year really good. and if anybody gets in my way of that im going to have to mangle them. people are so sensitive these days they need to cool down and take a break. it pisses me off. wawawa. thats all they do. then they will go around tell on you. yell at you. get mad at you. and not talk to you. hahaha. I find it amusing since i know people who do it. and then its also funny when they are like that but then get mad at you because you just talk to them. hehe. oh oh yeah and one more thing. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO SOMEONE SAY IT TO THEM!!! WHEATHER ITS GOOD OR BAD!!! Jeez. its not that hard.

    Current Mood: irritated
    Current Music: good charlotte: "lifestyle of the rich and the famous"
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