Kanonu Linei's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2004-12-25 03:45
Subject:jounal
Security:Public
Mood:whatever
Music:none

www.livejournal.com/users/burned_paradise

yea...so this is it-just not getting around to telling you all even though its been up for a few months now

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Date:2004-07-08 21:20
Subject:this world sucks
Security:Public
Mood: crappy
Music:none

I hate my life right now
Read more about it here...
http://www.livejournal.com/users/burned_paradise/

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Date:2004-06-29 14:29
Subject:prospective new journal
Security:Public
Mood: blah
Music:none

Im trying out a live journal...I dont know yet if Im actually gonna move to live journal or not...I supposed Ill post in a few days and let you all know.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/burned_paradise/

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Date:2004-06-29 00:20
Subject:broken randomness
Security:Public
Mood: hungry

I am bored out of my mind. *sigh* Nobody is on, but it really doesnt matter because there is nothing to talk about anyways. Tomorrow I have to go turn in some applications-hopefully Ill get this job. I hate the fact that I havent found anything yet. And its really starting to bother me that my dad keeps signing me up to do meaningless tid-bits for the neighbors. Its not wort my time-effor-motivation or even the money. God, I did so not think that things would suck this badly after I left that retarded school. Times like these I really wonder what it is that Im waiting for. Conversations like the one I had earlier with Supes makes me wonder what Heath is doing at this very moment. Sometimes it is just so hard to carry a conversation with that man. You would think that he would put more interest into what he is talking about, but I guess its too much to ask him to read what is implied and not what I actually say. Why do I even bother sticking with this one? Its in those moments of dry conversation and lack of understanding-those times when what you want feels like its not worth your effot-it always makes me wonderd if letting him slip from my arms at graduation was the right decision. I guess time and fate will have to tell me if what I did was the right thing.

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Date:2004-06-28 16:48
Subject:Aw hell...
Security:Public
Mood: amused

*No Comment*

What will your future wedding be like?
by miriamthebat
Your Name
Your Lover
Wedding DateApril 1, 2033
Color SchemePlum and Silver
Number of Attendees331
What will happen?Everything goes fine; you live happily ever after, and make loooooots of bebes.
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

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Date:2004-06-28 16:42
Subject:Good lord!
Security:Public
Mood: amused

Okay dont anyone take this seriously. I have no intentions to marry Heath-but I just thought this was halarious!


What will your future wedding be like?
by miriamthebat
Your Name
Your Lover
Wedding DateNovember 13, 2016
Color SchemeNavy Blue and Silver
Number of Attendees484
What will happen?When the minister says "If any object, speak now or forever hold your peace", the church gets struck by lightning.
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

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Date:2004-06-28 12:24
Subject:Im hungry and I ouch
Security:Public
Mood: chipper
Music:Baby I Cant Sleep-Clay Walker

Friday
I went to Whits suprise thing at the boat docks. I was fun-I just wish I could have stayed a little longer. I supposed that I am going to miss getting together with some of these people when school starts because most of them will be leaving. Least Bray and Mike and Kim will still be here when I get bored.

Saturday
One of the longest days ever! I went to the Zoo with my mom and sis. It was fun-I had kind of wanted to go with friends, but that plan really fell through. Maybe I can plan something towards the end of the summer-I mean its not like the Zoo was the best place ever-but I was fun. Something different. Anyways-after the Zoo we went out to eat fish. Saw some ppl from school I hadent seen in a while. That was kindda nice. Then we went to Meijer for a few minutes, and when we got home I helped Sulyn put this decal thingy on her front windshild. It looks really really good. I want to get one for my car-I dont know-well just have to wait and see. Then that night I stayed over at her place till like 1am helping set up the new Pig cage. Its not much to look at-but it gives Gip more room to run around if anything.

Sunday
Woke up late, but still made it to church. That afternoon we went to the pet store b/c I though that one of my new Crabs was gonna molt so I needed to get more sand. Well the dumb thing didnt molt-but at least I have sand and Im ready for it when he dose. I really didnt want to spend any money, b/c Im tired of felling like Im broke all the time...but I had to for my dumb pets. LOL-that still dont have names-I blame Aaron. Its not that big of a deal-I dont really care, I just thought he would want to help. Apparently he has other things to worry about-but thats a whole other story and I really dont feel like getting into it because its just-well I just dont feel like bothering with it...anyways-Im not mad at him, I just dont feel like talking about him. But-yeah-we drove around to other pet stores in the area and eventually ended up going back to Feeders and ran into Kim and Phil. Kim has a turtle-I didnt know that...and then later Mike told me she had two...SWEAR-I did sooo not know that. I must have missed something somewhere. That or maybe I just didnt really care to pay that much attention. Sulyn ended up buying another pig. His name is Ig-I have no idea where she came up with that name-but whatever. Gip has a friend now-I suppose thats a good thing...this whole pet thing is just kindda retarded. I hate all of my pets except for Leo and Taffy. I dont know why I keep buy stuff for the pets that I kidda wish would just die-or why I keep buying more pets...oh well. I just know that we need to get the 20 gallon tank for Jack and Will before we go to AWA. That way we can just set it up and put the automatic feeder on it and not worry about them. That also means that I need to get a 10 gallon tank for the crabs so I can let them sit and not worry about them. The only thing that I will have to worry about will be Leo-which I know mother will feed him, and then theres the pigs. Hopefully Bray or Api will be nice enough to watch them for me. Last time Api did it-and I think I payed her for it too...well whatever...I know I can find someone-hey maybe even Kim could do it.

In Other News
This diet has left me feeling hungry all the time. But for some reason I seem to have a lot more energy. So that is a good thing. The really good thing is that Ive only been on this diet for-well going on 5 days now I think and Ive already lost 5 pounds. Which is really awsome. Of course Im going to have to be really careful b/c rapid weight loss can be very un-healthy. Over all-Im really pleased. I didnt think I would see results this early. Ive also become very food conscience-that is also a VERY good thing. I think my goal is to lose 60 something pounds by Christmas-I cant wait!

More News
I want to go see the Spiderman movie. I asked Bray and AD about it-I have a feeling that Ill end up seeing it with Bray, but thats okay. Maybe if Im really lucky Ill get to spend some time with Aaron. When he switches to second shift I wont see him for a while. But I have no idea when he plans on doing that-or how long he will be working those hours. Im glad that I can at least talk to him almost every day through emails-it would really suck if we didnt have that. Also-Gina is taking night classes at school-so now I dont get to see her eaither for a while. I dont know when her class ends, but Im thinking that it will be sometime eaither before or in August. Speaking of school-I need to check my tuition payments, and I aslo wonder how long its gonna take before Bray gets a letter back from JCC telling him when his orientation is.

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Date:2004-06-24 22:18
Subject:Bring on the fun!
Security:Public
Mood: excited
Music:Invisible-Clay Aiken

I am in a very good mood today. Brandon called me and said that he was going to have to go to JCC now since he cant afford to go to Murry. That makes me happy, because maybe I can talk him into takeing some classes with me so I wont be all alone. Im kindda sad for him cuz I know that he really wanted to go to Murry-but it still makes me happy. Yay! Sorry Bray! I also started that diet today, and Im really pumped up about it. Normally when I would diet-even though I was eating good it really didnt feel like I was doing much of anything...if that makes any sense. But today-well it was just really awsome and I cant wait to see whats gonna happen over the next few months. Ive also been taking Natures Cure for about a week now to help treat my acne. Its been working like a charm-which also makes me happy. I didnt want to go back to that stupid lady at the doctors office who gave me nasty meds that didnt really work all that well. Im really glad that this store bought stuff is actually working-to be honest I didnt think it would.

I spent about an hour or two with Gina today also. That was actually a lot more fun than what I though it was gonna be. We just talked-and the best part about it was was that it wasnt about Aaron. Not saying that talking about him is bad, its just that I really didnt want to have to get into all of that. It was nice to have a convo for once without any questions about him and me and where we stand poping up. It has been a very nice week all in all. Im very pleased. ^^ Im in a very cheerful mood. I think I am actually gonna go to Whits party tomorrow-normaly I would just be all "okay" and then not show. But I am actually gonna go. Course that is if I get all the other crap done that I have to do...gosh-I hope I do! On a side note-I would like to add that Im hungry like woah! But! Im not gonna eat-Im gonna stick with this diet cuz I know it will pay off. Christmas is gonna be great!

Later yo chickens!

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Date:2004-06-21 22:21
Subject:BLAH
Security:Public
Mood: bored
Music:none

I hate transitions. For some reason they just always seemed to suck so badly. Im not looking foward to going to JCC. Those people really irritate me...*sigh* I have to go up there and add another class tomorrow...do I even want to bother?...Im bored...very-very-bored...gah...there is nothing going on...

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Date:2004-06-18 21:18
Subject:Hell of a day
Security:Public
Mood: bitchy
Music:none

I am so irritated with everyone right now. My parents just give me the biggest headach ever! GOD! My mom never notices when I do thing for her-all she cares about is the stuff that I didnt do. Thats ALL she ever points out. I hate it so much-I hate the fact that she thinks the world just revolves around her. Well heres a little piece of advice THE FUCKING WORLD DOES NOT REVOLVE AROUND YOU! Your name is not the "SUN" you Dont look like the Sun-you dont act like the Sun and you dont sit in the middle of our freaking galaxy....*SIGH*...OMG!... And then-theres my dad. OH the many lovely things I could say about you. GOD! I am soooooo fucking sorry that I cant do a damn thing right. Sorry Im a bum and cant get a damn job because Im only 17. You could have said something to mother when she went to pay for my car-but did you? No-and if you did you sure as hell didnt try hard enough to stop her b/c I got the damn car that is causing you so many damn problems. Sometimes I just hate you all. And I say hate with the strongest passion. I was never good enough for you all-could never do anything right. You wonder why my older sister never wants to see you-never wants to talk to you. Its because you never take the time to understand that I am-weather you like it or not-only a teenager...a "careless"-as you would say it-teenager. God!

I think I am just stressing major today! I am so sick of hearing all this crab about finding a job-it is just driving me crazy. I want to get out of this freaking house-just move! God I cant wait unitl I move! I wish I could talk to Supes right now. He could make me laugh in a hearbeat. My morning started off so good too!

*sigh* I need to go to the store....hell...

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Date:2004-06-15 21:09
Subject:Finally something fun to do
Security:Public
Mood: silly
Music:Jessica Simpson-Take My Breath Away

These past few days have been quite interesting. Between all the random emails and conversations it has just been crazy. Which by the way I got another weird email last night for Supes dad. It was funny like woah-It wasnt some random letter or anything like that, but the fact that he emailed me was just weird. He was telling me all this stuff about an email Aaron sent me-and like how it was a hoax. Which I knew, but I was all "um-thanks mister Aaron's dad...." I told April about it and she laughed at me for saying that to him. *shrugs* What was I supposed to say? LOL

Brandon called me today and asked me if I wanted to go hang out w/him and Lindsay and Mike today. Lindsay wanted to go to the mall and buy some clothes. I really didnt want to go, because I wanted to do other stuff. That and I needed to go fill out some more applications. But I went anyways and we had fun. Just doing a lot of stupid stuff really...watching Lindsay buy clothes b/c me and Bray were broke. LOL, We left around 3ish and didnt get back here until 8:30ish. I though I would get in trouble for 1-being gone so long and 2-riding in a car with Bray and Lindsay b/c there not 20 whatever. I didnt tell the rents that I went to the mall w/them-they just think that I went over to her house. My dad didnt say anything though-he didnt even ask me what I did. Brandon ran over this traffic cone in the middle of 3rd street road. We were all joking about how his car was probably draggin it cuz we heard it hit. I really did think it was dragging it-Bray was all "no-were fine." Haha-then were turning onto Goldstien off of Nanka and I hear this noise and Im like "Dude-is your car supposed to sound that way?" And we get to my house and I look under the van for him and I dont see anything. So he leaves and like not even five min later he's calling me going "OMG-the cone is in the middle of the street over by Goldstine." We were busting up-thats what the noise was that I heard. It was knocked loose-it was so freaking funny. I was rolling...*shakes head*...can I ever spend a normal day without anything weird happening? LOL

Tomorrow Im supposed to go pick him up so we can go to a pet store. I guess later tonight Ill get back on and look up some pet stores. We were talking about one on dixie earlier-and I know there is one out there past the Jefferson mall. I still need to stop by ACE hardware and get an application. I also need to go check out once upon a child-and I was thinking about going to Papa Johns.

I had that dream again last night. The one w/AD and those ppl and then the kissing thing. April was all "Maybe its a sign!" I can only hope! LOL No seriously, I have no idea why I keep having that dream. Not that Im complaing-its a pretty good dream, but its just weird. Ohhhh *sigh* Today was a pretty good day. Im glad I got to get out of this house-I hope tomorrow is fun...it probably will be...and thats probably an understatement. lol-but yea, I have a feeling that when school starts things will become a major bore! I hope I meet some interesting people there...

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Date:2004-06-15 00:07
Subject:More fun!
Security:Public
Mood: amused
Music:none


A Visit to the set of Lord of The Rings
Name
Age
Sex
You annoyed Dom
You seduced Billy
You stalked Elijah
You robbed Viggo
...of his Wallet
This cool quiz by Cassie1287 - Taken 439 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz



Which LOTR character will you suduce?
Name
DOB
Favourite Color
You will suduce Legolas
You will suduce him/her by Giving him/her a drink
WATCH OUT ITS MICHAEL JACKSON
You get away by laughs eveily run
This Quiz by xbizcochox - Taken 339 Times.
Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

More Legolas junk...I have no idea why Michael Jackson is thrown in there


What Actor Will You Marry?
Name / Username
You will marry Orlando Bloom
Does he love you? he used to, but then he stopped
Does he cheat on you? no
How did you get him to marry you? threatened him
Who does he cheat on you with? his cousin
Will your marriage last? yes
This QuickKwiz by ditzymonkey74 - Taken 267 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

Good god-why do I keep geting Oril answers?


Which LOTR guy are you going to marry?
Name/Username
Color
DOB
You will Marry
You marry him becasue hes short
Chance of you two staying together - 53%
number of kids you will have 5532
This fun quiz by xbizcochox - Taken 78 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology

...and yet even when I type in random answers I still get him...dude...


What will I dream about tonight?
Name / Username
Tonight I'll dream about Falling down and down and down...
Tonight I'll dream about The end of the world.
Tonight I'll dream about Badger attack!
Tonight I'll dream about Drowning in custard.
Tonight I'll dream about Something that'll make me feel guilty when I wake up.
Tonight I'll dream about The most important person in my world.
This Quiz by darkstream - Taken 67 Times.
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Yep thats pretty much how my dreams go

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Date:2004-06-14 23:34
Subject:Stalker...hehe
Security:Public
Mood: amused
Music:none


the REAL you
name:
age:
sex:
you are a: scholar
your friends think you are a: stalker
you will marry: a friend from the past but get divorced after 54 hours
you like to read: books about fuzzy land dwelling creatures
you listen to: nkotb
This cool quiz by cowboysbecamefolkheros - Taken 9847 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz



Which Hunky Movie Character Will You Marry?
Username
Favorite film type
Character Legolas Greenleaf (Lord of the Rings)
Wedding Just you, him, and two witnesses in front of a judge (or ship's captain, as the case may be)
Honeymoon You stayed at home - he's too cheap to take you anywhere, the bastard!
Chance that your marriage will last - 39%
Number of kids you'll have together 10
This quiz by nicki - Taken 3772 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

I have one thing to say...buahahahahahahahaha what were the chances of that...lets try another film type...


Which Hunky Movie Character Will You Marry?
Username
Favorite film type
Character Will Turner (Pirates of the Carribean)
Wedding Just you, him, and two witnesses in front of a judge (or ship's captain, as the case may be)
Honeymoon You stayed at home - he's too cheap to take you anywhere, the bastard!
Chance that your marriage will last - 63%
Number of kids you'll have together 9
This Quiz by nicki - Taken 3772 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

...OMG thats even funnier...hahahahahahahaha


Does he really love you?
Your Name
His Name
Your Age
His Age
Does he love you? TRUE
If true, how much? - 61%
This fun quiz by DrWorm - Taken 3063 Times.
New - Kwiz.Biz Astrology

I posted this-now watch it be the entry that he happens to see...


Your Inner Serial Killer
Name / Username
Your name is ... the Scarecrow
Your weapon is ... A dull spoon
Your weakness is ... Gasonline
Your strength is ... Night
Your M/O is ... Body Carving
This QuickKwiz by SwtGaAngel - Taken 2270 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

HAHA-SPOONS!!!!!!!!!


What Hot Topic TSHIRT are YOU?
Name
Age
Gender
PICK A PHRASE!!
WOWZAZ MAN!
Your Motto mwahahahahaha
This QuickKwiz by jazziiibr0adxo - Taken 2067 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

hahahahahaha-omg Im having toooo much fun w/these things

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Date:2004-06-14 23:11
Subject:I think Im having WAY to much fun over here...
Security:Public
Mood: bouncy
Music:Forever and For Always-Shania Twain


Insanity Test
Username
Age
Your problem is Generally Psychotic behaviour
Will you ever be cured? (8) - Better not tell you. - (8)
Just how crazy are you? - 87%
This cool quiz by insanitydefense - Taken 70595 Times.
New! Get Free Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz




How will you DIE?
Name / Username
You will die as a result of murder
At age 67
This fun quiz by Confused_Pete - Taken 37367 Times.
New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz




What kind of superhero will you be?
Name
Age
Favorite Color
How
Superhero Name Mr./Miss Incredible
Costume (not gender specific)
Power laser eyes
Number of people you save a day 82
popularity rating - 57%
This cool quiz by aingeal311 - Taken 33608 Times.
New! Get Free Daily Horoscopes from Kwiz.Biz

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Date:2004-06-14 14:58
Subject:This could be it...
Security:Public
Mood: cheerful
Music:When You Kiss Me-Shania Twain

Today I went up to JCC to add a class and the lady was all "oh we cant do that this week-come back next week." I swear that school makes no sense to me. Its kind of irritating at times-and I question why Im going there. I dont want to-at all! I will stick it out for 2 years to use the free schlorship money, that is the only reason why Im staying there. Other than that I havent done much of anything. I went and drove around for a little bit. I re-drove my route to PRP, now that was deffinely a walk down memory lane. I started thinking about Heath and all the dumb things we would do-it was kind of depressing. But I dont really want to go back to any of it.

I got another crab yesterday. I supposed it was a good move since Livewire was up and about all night-and he normally didnt mill about. So now I have two happy crabs. Livewire and Blaze...my sister named the new one. Tried to name it Socks-but "noooo" *mocks*....lol-no I dont really care. I want to get some more. Later Im gonna have to make a humidity tank, so that should be interesting. Least it will keep me from being bored today.

Wrote Bray and told him I wanted to do something tomorrow. I have no idea what-I wish there was a lake or a beach close by cuz we could just go hang out there. Maybe we'll go to the boatdocks...or maybe we'll end up at the mall. I have no idea-but I hope we do something cuz Im bored. Next week Gina wants me to go to Kings Island-its not that I dont want to. Its just that its on a Thursday, Id only want to hangout in the water park, and I dont really have any money for that sortta thing right now...*sigh* I so totally need a job BADLY! Im not too worried about it I know something will pop up soon enough.

I havent talked to Scott in a few days. I dont really care to awful much tho. I mean he was a really nice guy, and I would have liked to have gotten to know him better-but if he wants to fall off the face of the earth then fine by me. It not like it will be much of a loss considering the circumstances...besides having friends you can actually hang out with is soooo much better.

Friday afternoon one of Aaron friends IM'd me through yahoo asking if I knew who AD was. He was asking me some crazy questions too-like if I liked AD a lot, and how much I get to see him and hang out with him. It was kindda funny...I alwasy thought I would be the one IM-n' AD's friends outta the blue-and not the other way around...*shrugs* Oh well. The guy was pretty nice...wanted me to tell Aaron hi for him so I did. Between that and the letter I got Thursday-Id have to say it was a pretty funny last half of the week.

Well Im in a good mood-and I hope it stays that way for a long time. I finally got an answer to something that had been bothering me for like the longest time-and it really wasnt as bad as I though it was gonna be. That goes for the asking and the answer part. But Im off of here now.
Peace

"This could be it. I think Im in love..."

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Date:2004-06-11 19:25
Subject:*sigh*
Security:Public
Mood: blah
Music:Im Gonna Getcha-Shania Twain

Wow-i really have no life at all. haha-I need a job. Api was all "noooo-dont get a job-you dont want one!" I never said I wanted one, its more of an 1-Im kindda broke 2-Im kindda bored 3-My parents are thinking Im lazy. *sigh* I really wish something would just fall into my lap-yeah I know that doesnt ever-EVER-happen...but I wish it would. I wish I could just work on webpages and get paid for it-gosh that would be so freakin easy...I mean I already know how to do all of that stuff. *sigh* I guess I start job searching next week...how lame...especially considering that nobody is hiring except factories, and Im eaither not old enough or not skilled enough to work at the place. Man Im bored-this is what I hate about Kentucky, there is absolutly nothing to do here...at all...I wish I could just walk out the door an down the street and there would be a beach right there-that would be way cool.

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Date:2004-06-10 15:03
Subject:We'll Get There
Security:Public
Mood: satisfied
Music:This I Swear-Nick Lachey

Well things have gotten better. I believe I have had every question I could ever ask him answered. Now Im ready for the next step-whatever that maybe. If I could make it through this-I believe I can make it through anything involving him-or even make it through "with" him I suppose. This is great-it really is. I want to post what he said to me, but I wont because its his personal note to me. We'll get there-we'll get to that point where I can finally say it, and we can make a decision. This round in life has run its course-and now I get to move on for the better. I am not giving up on this-I will stick with this one until the end-the very end.

No Regrets

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Date:2004-06-10 11:27
Subject:Can we just say it and get it over with?
Security:Public
Mood: contemplative
Music:I Wanna Make You Cry-Jeff Bates

I havent been sleeping very well lately. Its like I sleep, but I get no rest and then the next day I have absolutly no energy at all. I guess Im stressing-that has to be what it is. I was so fed up with all the crap last night. And then there was NOBODY on-so I couldnt talk to anyone about stupid shit and take my mind off of this crap. Well John was on-but he had to leave for work. I though at least Scott would be on-nope...so I waited for Api. She never got on eaither-but I think she had her UofL thing last night...I want to talk to Brandon. I havent talked to him in a while-Id call him and ask him to hang out today, but Im supposed to cut grass. If it ever dries. I finally just up and asked Aaron a question that has been annoying the crap out of me for sometime now. Maybe now-getting on this particular subject of dating we can get some crap cleared up. Its like the one thing that we just dont talk about-anything else and were fine, but get on dating and all of a sudden everyone gets quiet and nobody knows what to say. I think I feel better today, Im not really mad anymore. Im just sortta upset with my own stupidity. I want to just walk away from this-move on, forget it all. But the stronger part of me refuses to let go of him...I cant really explain my reasoning for it. It really makes no sense to me-childish hope I suppose...

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Date:2004-06-09 20:57
Subject:I guess history repeats itself...
Security:Public
Music:Shania Twain-It Only Hurts When Im Breathing

1. Go into your archives.
2. Find your 23rd post. (Counting each post on days with multiple posts separately.)
3. Find the fifth sentence of that post. (Or closest to fifth sentence.)
4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions.

5-21-2003
Chase is leavin....I dont know what to do....*sits* I feel so lost...its like Ive abused things and now God is taking them away-its all hiting at the same time...the only thing that can come to mind is for me to just sit here and cry-I dont understand....I dont understand...

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Date:2004-06-09 20:34
Subject:Dark Looming Cloud
Security:Public
Mood: depressed
Music:nothing

Well I think I made things worse today...mostly for myself. I wanted to talk to him so bad it burned, but did I? No-Im to stubborn. To afarid to pull him away from his friends and have him stare at me knowing that there is something wrong. I dont even know what I would have said to him-I wanted him to just hold me and let me cry this out. I wouldnt let myself go near him though, I was afraid to go back to it-all of it. I kept trying to think back on some fun times we had-but all it did was make me hurt more. He would look at me and I would just ignore him...why am I fighting this? I know EXACTALLY what I want...why am I so afraid? I promised myself I would never regreat anything that happens with this-I am just so scared Im gonna lose him. I am trying so hard to stop myself from falling into this thing, but no matter what I do I cant. Even with me being incredibaly upset with him I feel like Im being pulled even faster into this. I want so badly to just say it-to tell him everything, and the only reason why I dont is because Ive got a group of people over here telling me not to. I know I shouldnt listen to them-I should go with my gut, but what if Im wrong about all of this. I dont want to make myself look like a complete idiot. I ment what I said to Heath-granted I have stronger and very different feelings for Aaron, I felt so much better after I told him. I would be so thrilled to get the same reaction from AD-but for some reason I doubt it...A LOT. I hate this-I shouldnt be so damn scared...well its not really fear-its the fact that I let it get in the way...I just wish for once-he would make the move. Not me-I dont want to have to be the one to do this.

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