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Tuesday, January 11th, 2005
Gawd I feel like I've been to the ends of the earth and back again. Out to Norwich to see two of my clients. One wasn't in. I actually was supposed to head up to Putnam but said screw it because I knew the snow would screw me up if I wasn't careful. So I get home early and IM briefly with a big surprise. I don't know. Winter is odd.

It appears that Mary Poppins is back in residence. I can't seem to wipe this smile off my face and I have no reason to have it there...well considering. I had my yearly review this morning. I brought tissues into my boss' office. He looked at me funny...I was waiting for the comment about my runny nose. Before he could say anything I said "I brought these incase you make me cry." He laughed so hard. It was a great review. He's very happy with my performance and liking the direction I'm taking with my work. I do too! I have a lot of ground to cover over the next two months with the certificates that have to go out to my clients...and a ton of new clients in the new territory to be learned. I don't even know where Newtown is. Ugh! I officially have just shy of 3/4ths of the state. A huge undertaking but I can do it. I have a major goal or dozen for this year...the degree or two, financially cleaned up, savings acquired, finish that damned love story in time for Christmas 2005, take the kids on vacation again, increase my income substantially, complete the decoration of my apartment, new car, visit west coast (not until it dries out first), vacation on Block Island, a vacation to Florida to see JL who has promised to show me some interesting sites in Orlando...I'm hoping this happens soon, she's got me phenomenally intrigued on this MAJOR! Bliss baby, I think that will do for now. ;O) There are going to be at least three weddings I'm going to this year. J&J's, D&K's, M&H's. Possibly even M&L's but I don't know if I'll be going to that one. There will be a birth in April...a girl!! WOOHOO! I know I've mentioned these before but it helps me to remember.

I had a great lunch today with L in Norwich. She is awesome. I told her about J and what happened and about the bones. She is into the new age stuff too. She's had the bones thrown too. I also told her what V said. I'm not sure I believe any of it...lmao. Of course I do. I don't want to. That is the truth. God, that is what it boils down to. The truth. I'm in search of the truth. If you can't give me that much I don't want anything. You would be surprised how easy the truth is to live. I thought for so long it wasn't...that it was easier to hide from it. Turns out it eventually comes up and bites you in the ass like a spider bite! Fucker. I still haven't forgiven that species. Don't think I ever will.

I nearly lost myself three times now in my life because I've tried to hide. I caught myself this time before I ended up marrying some schmuck and having beautiful children with him (unfortunately that happened the second time I got lost). This time...I discovered that not all who wander are really lost. I was just wandering. I suffer from wanderlust major! Hiding is just a way of avoiding the truth. A scene from Chasing Liberty last night when Anna & Ben are on the bridge about to bungee jump over the edge...Ben notices her shivering and says "If you're scared, why do it?" Anna says "Because the things you're scared of are usually the most worthwhile."

Damned if that isn't the best line I've heard in ages. I don't EVEN want to think about things I've missed because I was too scared...I had my children even though I was scared...I walked out of my marriage even though I was scared...hell...I'm here writing even though I'm scared but WOW...everything...every moment...it has and will all be worth it!

current music: Getting In Tune ~ Jerry MacGuire Soundtrack

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