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Monday, March 14th, 2005
2:12 pm - JUST BECAUSE I LIKE IT AND I'M ON HOLD
Baby I never knew I could feel
The way I felt when I felt the way
You were feeling me baby I’m so out ofcontrol, yeah

Eveytime you look my way
I relize more and more
How much I adore those pretty eyes
Of yours I’m helpless baby

What I wanna know is
Are you willing to try
Can you love me for a lifetime
In just one night

(chours)
Baby I love you (love you)
Baby I need you(need you)
I gotta have you(gotta have you babe)
Cant be without you
(repeat)

Blessed and cursed on the same day
The day that I first felt the power of you
Inside of me, such a strong feeling
There comes a time in everyones life
When you know, and everyone around you knows
That everything is changed,
You’re not the same, it’s a new day

Oh what I wanna know is,
Are you willing to try
There’s gotta be more meaning to this
Than what meets the eye

Baby I love you
Baby I need you
I gotta have you
Can’t be without you

Oh, I love the way you kiss mee
Oh, baby please
I’m about to lose my mind
0h talk to me, cause I’m begging for you
And I’m down on my knees
Baby, I know you’re the one that I need

Baby I love you(love you)
Baby I need you(need you)
I gotta have you(gotta have you babe)
Can’t live without you(be without you)

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Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
11:59 am - HMM...
I thought for sure I'd score phenomenally higher than this. I think it was the math questions that blew it for me. I hate math. I think you have to like math to get a higher nerd score. Ah well.


I am nerdier than 10% of all people. Are you nerdier? Click here to find out!

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Sunday, February 20th, 2005
6:00 pm - INSANE IN THE MEMBRANE!
I have been so busy lately. Today I took the day to just be. I went for a long ass ride with V and just got home about an hour ago. I hopped into the tub and crashed hard. I travelled. I don't know where. I jolted something fierce back into myself. I have had some wild dreams lately. Something about a baby named Christopher. Hmm. Anyway. My children are due home soon. I can't wait to see them.

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Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
4:18 pm - CRAZY WONDERFUL BEAUTIFUL
Life is just off the wall crazy right now but it is nothing short of this side of wonderful. I've no complaints what so ever! I'm enjoying my beautiful children and what ever may come. My dreams are being fulfilled daily!

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Wednesday, February 9th, 2005
3:21 pm - BUCK WILD WEDNESDAY...
so my still-four-years-old-for-two-more-weeks son comes bursting into the bathroom this morning wearing just his shirt, while I'm on the potty. "HEY!" Is my reaction. He says, "Mommy, Mommy! I gotta go potty really REALLY bad." I respond, "Well, Boyo, you're going to have to wait a moment." He says anxiously, "But Mommy I really gotta go." Looking down pointing out his little woody, he says, "Look! I'm full!"

Needless to say, I'm still laughing about it.

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Monday, February 7th, 2005
6:57 pm - SPECTACULAR VOCABULARY SKILLS...
So my daughter is sitting at the dinner table tonight telling me how tomorrow the entire cafeteria has to have a silent lunch. I asked her why that was. She said, "Well, there was this small group of kids yelling, screaming and cackling. Now everyone has to suffer the consequences of their actions."

Now the latter sentence I'm not surprised with so much as it is one I use with my children often so even my 4 year old uses words like consequences. Nope it is the use of the word cackling that just had me doubled over in tears of laughter. I do think I blew water out my nose. I love it.

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8:24 am - PLANETARY INFLUENCES...






What Planet Are You From?


this quiz was made by The Autist Formerly Known As Tim






So my horoscopes have been talking about romance MAJOR lately. Recently it forcasted that I will be hit with a "brick wall" of romance. HA! I'll believe it when I get thumped!

Happy MONDAY!

Better luck next time Eagles. Nice attempt though...actually you fucked up royally and I'm amazed you did as well as you did considering all the missed opportunities you had but hey...as my daughter says, "Maybe they just didn't know how to play on that field."

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Friday, February 4th, 2005
2:32 pm - SO HIGH...
Baby since the day you came into my life
You made me realize that we were born to fly
You showed me everyday new possibilities
You proved my fantasies of love could really be

Let's go to a place only lovers go
To a spot that we've never known
To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah
Ooh this feels so crazy
Oh this love is blazing
Baby we're so high
Walking on cloud 9

(You've got me up so high) So high
(My shoes are scraping the sky) So high
(You've got me up so high) Oh
(My shoes are scraping the sky)

Maybe later we can go up to the moon
Or sail among the stars before the night is through
And when morning comes we'll see the sun is not so far
And we can't get much closer to God than where we are

We'll go to a place only lovers go
To a spot that we've never known
To the top of the clouds we're floating away yeah
Ooh this feels so crazy
Oh this love is blazing
Baby we're so high
Walking on cloud 9

(You've got me up so high) So high
(My shoes are scraping the sky) So high
(You've got me up so high) Oh
(My shoes are scraping the sky)

Ooh...yeah
Ooh...oh hey

Ooh this feels so crazy
Oh this love is blazin'
Baby we're so high
Walking on cloud 9
You got me up so high
You got me up so high
You got me up so high
My shoes are scraping the sky

You got me up so high
You got me up so high
You got me up so high
My shoes are scraping the sky ooh...ooh...
Yeah...

This is how love's supposed to be
This is how, this is how love's supposed to be, yeah
Let's go to the moon baby, ooh
Let's go to the moon baby, yeah
Let's go, go, let's go to the moon baby
So high...


I'm totally into John Legend. Not surprising...his name starts with a J...kidding. I just really enjoy his music. This is my latest favorite. This one and Used To Love U are my favorites. Just unbelievably so.

Anyway, back to work. Have a spectacular day! :o)

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Thursday, February 3rd, 2005
8:31 pm - THREES...
She said they come in threes. I've heard it before. Many events happen in threes. I acknowledge that. I'm hoping this last one was the third...the last third for a long time. My life is nothing if not an adventure every day I take a breath. Ground Hog Day is not likely to be forgotten by me any time soon.

Let's see...so far this year, I got marooned in a blizzard (albeit at a casino having a wonderful time) but still stuck away from home and a bit panicky before it actually arrived. I was going to leave on Saturday afternoon to go home to a holiday party for work but they cancelled it due to the weather and my friends had convinced me to stay at the casino. I'm glad I did. I had a great time. It definitely was a weekend I'll never forget. Especially since I've had to go back to the casino three times since! Driving home was awful since my windshield fluid had run out. Ugh! But I got home safe and sound, though a bit tired from the long weekend.

Monday found me with a blow out on I-95. Not the place to get a flat tire. A two lane highway in the breakdown lane. The tow truck arrived and as I slowly and carefully tried to exit my vehicle I look back at the oncoming traffic to see a huge eighteen wheeler barrelling toward me in the breakdown lane also. My life flashed before my eyes as I heard the tow truck driver screaming at the rig driver. The truck swerved into the other lane moments before demolishing my car with me in it. I got out the passenger side and laughed. I couldn't help it. The tow truck driver looked at me like I had three heads. In the end, it all turned out fine. I wound up getting a new client when it was all said and done. My boss said only me...He didn't know anyone who could nearly die but find a way to make it work for business.

I went on with the rest of my week. Wednesday found me in court fighting a traffic ticket I'd gotten. I'd missed the first court date and nearly got my license suspended. However, I'd reopened the case and finally made it to the court. The state's attorney nollied the ticket. YAY me! I went out with the kids to Simsbury to see the house J built. On the way out there I got pulled over. "Officer, I have no idea why you've pulled me over." Officer: "Well, your license is suspended." How the hell did he know that before I even gave him my license?? And why were there tons of women pulled over on Rt 44 last night? He took my license. Thankfully he didn't tow my car. The kids and I had to wait at the mall for J to come and get us. I was livid. The DMV had fucked me royally. I got home, tucked my scared children into bed and just fell asleep. Today I went with my mother to the court I'd been at yesterday and they gave me all the documentation to prove that I'd done what I'd supposed to have done. State's attorney's office said they'd try to void my court case for driving with a suspended license after I deal with DMV. I go to Wethersfield only to find there is no individual I can see. I have to call. So I call. I go through a voice mail hell that says "You're going to be given a set of options and after that you'll be given even more options to choose from." Honest to fucking gawd it said that! I finally get a live person on the phone. She was wonderful. She says, "I see here that you reopened your case back on January 4th." DUH!! How come the cop couldn't find that out last night????? She said that she removed the suspension but I'd have to go get a duplicate license if the police had mailed it to the DMV already. I called the police department and sho'nuff, they'd mailed it to the DMV. I had to go home, get my birth certificate, social security card and then go to the local DMV and get a dup license. Nearly 2 and a half hours later, I had my license back and was on my way to get my car back. I got home about 3:30 or so and finally ate lunch and crashed. I was exhausted. I just have to get the court date canceled from last night's ticket and I'm all good.

I refused to answer my phone last night. I've not gotten a call since. I'm not sure if I care or if I'm just numb. I'm leaning toward a combination of the two. I had stated a while back what I'd wanted and I wish I'd kept to it. I know where I want to be and where I am right now is not there. I have a path...I know it. I just need to stop the avoidance of it that I get swept up into.

current mood: mellow
current music: If You Say My Eyes Are Beautiful ~ Whitney Houston

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Monday, January 31st, 2005
8:09 pm - PONDERING PINNOCHIO
Mom and I had a great dinner tonight with the kids. On the way home we were discussing music and how I associate different groups and or songs with her and my former step-father. It was neat up until we got onto Iron Butterfly and she told me she believes I was conceived to the song InNaGaddaDaVida. Hmm...too much info Mom. We then changed topic to the Michael Ross execution case that is happening here in CT. She said it was fine that he get a psychological evaluation. They'll confirm that he's a psychopath. She said psychopaths have no conscience so killing him is no big deal. I sat back for a moment and said, "Psychopaths have no conscience?" "Yup." I thought for a moment then said, "Does that mean Pinnochio was a psychopath before Jimny Cricket came along?" She said, "Oh hell, I've got to read over that fairy tale again." Nothing like the ADD mind to take a simple thought process on execution and bring a bug and a wooden boy into the scenario. ;O)

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Sunday, January 30th, 2005
5:05 pm - UGH...I'M A PARENT...
Its in moments like these I want to run back in time to being a child. I don't want to be a parent telling my child the same things my parents told me. "Clean up your room or..." No idle threats. The or else was that he'd lose his toys and having given him enough warnings and verbal direction as to what to do...he lost them. I walked out of his room with his stuffed animals tossed all over the room. "Now clean this up and we'll talk about what happens next."

I feel like a rotten person...a horrible mother. I didn't raise my voice. I didn't scream at him. It is in these moments I want more than anything just to hold him close. I don't want to confuse him though. I want to appear tough...standing my ground. I'm the adult! I'm the parent! He may have free will but until I grant him full use of that gift...

It is quiet now. I think we're both calm enough to talk to each other. Though I'm not sure I want to talk to him just yet. I don't like his behavior at all. I just have to find a way to deal with it. Deep breath.

All I can say is I love him so fiercely, I don't want him to grow up without values, a sense of responsibility. I hope I have the verbal abilities to get that across to him. I have the patience...now grant me that ability.

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Friday, January 28th, 2005
5:42 pm - FROM A FRIEND...
Thanks J...I like this mucho!


"I do not want to be the leader. I refused to be the leader. I want to live darkly and richly in my femaleness. I want a man lying over me, always over me. His will, his pleasure, his desire, his life, his work, his sexuality the touchstone, the command, my pivot. I don’t mind working, holding my ground intellectually, artistically; but as a woman, oh, God, as a woman I want to be dominated. I don’t mind being told to stand on my own feet, not to cling – all that I am capable of doing – but I am going to be pursued, fucked, possessed by the will of a male at his time, his bidding."

Anais Nin

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Thursday, January 27th, 2005
7:24 pm - RUMI THURSDAY
THROUGH LOVE all that is bitter will sweet
Through Love all that is copper will be gold.
Through Love all dregs will turn to purest wine
Through Love all pain will turn to medicine.
Through Love the dead will all become alive.
Through Love the king will turn into a slave!



rocking and rolling
what have you been drinking
please let me know

you must be drunk
going house to house
wandering from street to street

who have you been with
who have you kissed
who's face have you been fondling

you are my soul
you are my life
i swear my life and love is yours

so tell me the truth
where is that fountainhead
the one you've been drinking from

don't hide this secret
lead me to the source
fill my jug over and over again

last night i finally caught
your attention in the crowd
it was your image filling my dream

telling me to stop this wandering
stop this search for
good and evil

i said my dear prophet
give me some of
that you've drunk for ecstasy of life

if i let you drink you said
any of this burning flame
it will scorch your mouth and throat

your portion has been
given already by heaven
ask for more at your peril

i lamented and begged
i desire much more
please show me the source

i have no fear
to burn my mouth and throat
i'm ready to drink every flame and more

~Rumi


I'm sleepy...very much so. A crazy busy whirlwind of a week. Nonstop. I'm not complaining in the least. It has been beyond my wildest dreams. Even I could not have imagined the past week. The weekend itself, one I could not have created though it seems an amazing dream. A weekend at a beautiful casino, tasting wines and eating wonderful gourmet food (except for the quail)...the most interesting moment happened around noon on Saturday when time stopped and everyone in the conference hall melted away. I stood lost in a conversation that led in a direction I never expected. The rest of the day...fifteen hours passed in a blur but yet every moment is etched in memory. How it happened? I have no answer. It was completely unexpected. Welcomed but not something I even realized was happening. I was swept away. I've never had that happen before. No concerns, no worries. It all just flowed. It continues to flow.

current mood: awake

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Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
1:43 pm - JOHN LEGEND...
Now the song "Ordinary People" grew on me. At first I wasn't so sure about it. His voice is so different from other singers and the song itself different. I found myself drawn to it however. Now he has another one out "Used To Love U". I really like it...very smooth and sexy. It isn't so much the words, though usually I do like the songs I post in here for the words. I just really enjoy the song as a whole. I do believe I will be watching this singer and I think I'm going to have to pick up this CD.

La La La
La La La

Maybe, it's me, maybe I bore u
No no, it's my fault, cos I can't afford u
Maybe baby, puffy, jay z
would all be better for u
Cos all I can do is luv u

Baby when I used to luv u
Theres' nothing that I wouldn't do
I went thru the fire for you, do anything you asked me to
But I tired of livin this lie
It's getting harder to justify
Realised that I just don't luv u
Not like I used to

La la la
la la la

Maybe, I should rob somebody
So we could, live like whitney and bobby
It's probably my fault, my bad, my loss
But u are, above cost
Cos all I could do was luv u

Baby when I used to luv u, theres' nothing that I wouldn't do
I went thru the fire for you, do anything you asked me to
But i'm tired of living this lie
It's getting harder to justify
Realised that I just don't luv u
Not like I used to

Hola hola hola
Hola hola hola

Do you remember when I used to luv u
Baby no not any more, luv u
Ooohhhh, I luv u
And you're gonna miss me now

Baby when I used to luv u
There's nothing that I wouldn't do,
I went thru the fire for u, and i'm not gonna play the fool
No I can't live this life, and I can't justify, and I can't make up my life
Cos I don't luv u
Not like I used to do

Hola hola hola
Hola hola hola

Oh I used to luv u
Oh I used to luv u

Oh but I don't luv u
Oh but I don't luv u

Oh but you're gonna miss me now

Baby when I used to luv u, theres' nothing that I wouldn't do
I went thru the fire for you, do anything you asked me to
But i'm tired of living this lie
It's getting harder to justify
Realised that I just don't luv u
Not like I used to

la la la
la la la
Oh I used to luv u
Oh I used to luv u

Oh but I don't luv u
Oh but I don't luv u

Oh but you're gonna miss me now

Oh but I don't luv uuuuuuuuuuu


current mood: amused
current music: Used To Love U ~ John Legend

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11:05 am - WACKY WEDNESDAY...
A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently. Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice.
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.

"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"
Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles. "The airbag."

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Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
9:11 am - TIRED TUESDAY..
gawd I'm exhausted but I'm totally happy. I had a fantastic weekend...when I have more time I will write about it. I'm full on today...sucks after 3 hours sleep but hey...its all good. I get to go back to the casino for a client luncheon. Woohoo! Great freaking memories from last weekend...I'm still in a state of WOW!

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Friday, January 21st, 2005
7:25 am - SURRENDER...
My dreams last night were very telling. I was with someone in them...a romantic partner. But not just him. My entire family was in his house...a beautiful house by the way that I've never been in. When I say entire family I include V and hers too plus my mother and her boyfriend with his family and my father and his side with my brother and his fiance up here (I assume it was here in CT) from Florida and my ex and his new family. Quite an interesting mix of people. I sat lounging on a bench outside and V's daughter came by wondering why I was outside. I know it was a comfortable beautiful day. I remember this part vividly. I said, "I've never been in this situation before. I've never introduced the man in my life to the people in my life. I mean, I've introduced them to my friends but very few and I mean very few have gotten past meeting the friends. He is the first who I've allowed to get through any barriers I may have set up. Look at how well they've taken to him. He is wonderful with them and they with him. I'm just trying to wrap my head around all this. I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment. Its all good but I guess I'm sort of in shock." She just looked at me and shrugged and then a large group of people came outside from the house to relax outside. The dream went on and I know what took place. He and I were in a truck with a little blond haired girl who was beautiful. I don't know if she was mine or not but she was definitely his. I do know I was smiling brightly and warmly while holding her.

The dream shifted or what I remember leaped to this: I was reading online at a bulletin board where someone asked for the lyrics to the song Surrender. I asked who performed it while thinking that the group Heart did it. But it kept going on even though I brought it up. So obviously the song by heart wasn't the one. But the last words I remember in the dream were "Its time for you to surrender." I believe it was meant for me but I don't know in what context. So I looked up some lyrics and posted them below. Who knows. Interesting nonetheless.

Is this real enough for you
You were so confused
Now that you've decided to stay
We'll remain together

You can't abandon me
You belong to me

Breathe in and take my life in you
No longer myself only you
There's no escaping me, my love
Surrender

Darling, there's no sense in running
You know I will find you
Everything is perfect now
We can live forever

You can't abandon me
You belong to me

Breathe in and take my life in you
No longer myself only you
There's no escaping me, my love
Surrender

Breathe in and take my life in you
No longer myself only you
There's no escaping me, my love
Surrender


could be too?:

If that's the way you want it,
Well there you go.
Baby you can have it all,
Now that you just let me go.

Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!

I've waited here for so long,
Thinking that you'd see.
You just kept on running away,
you make your misery my company

Open up your eyes,
Don't you know you only get one life!

(CHOURUS)
Oh, you drive me crazy,
Oh, you just bring me down.
Look out your window,
My sunshine's all around.
All you have to do is just surrender,
Just surrender.

All the pain in your heart,
All the tears in your empty soul.
And when your spinning around and round,
I'm the physco goin' outta control.

Open up your eyes,
Don't you know your only wasting time!

(CHOURUS)
Oh, you drive me crazy,
Oh, you just bring me down.
Look out your window,
My sunshine's all around.
All you have to do is just surrender,
Just surrender.

You know it doesn't matter what you do,
Don't you know I'm so over you!

Open up your eyes,
Don't you know that it's your life!

(CHOURUS)
Oh, you drive me crazy,
Oh, you just bring me down.
Look out your window,
My sunshine's all around.
All you've gotta do....

Oh, you drive me crazy,
Oh, you just bring me down.
Look out your window,
My sunshine's all around.

All you've gotta do is just surrender,
just surrender, just surrender.

If that's the way you want it,
Well there you go!!


or maybe:

There's so much life I've left to live
And this fire's burning still
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
To stand for every dream
And forsake the solid ground
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I'm in love with you

'cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it to
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

I know I can't survive
Another night away from you
You're the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there's no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I'll live again with love
And no the they can't take that away from me
And they will see...

'cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Every night's getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, babe
I'll swallow my pride and I'll be alive
Did you hear my call
I surrender all

'cause I'd surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
We'd make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
I'd make you give them all to me
I'd hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I'll break free, take me
My everything I surrender all to you

Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
I break free, take me
My everything I surrender all to you


Today's Virgo Horoscope: You can already feel the change starting. The stars are getting antsy, and the pace of your life has picked up considerably -- and there's no end in sight. Fortunately, it's exactly the kind of change you've been hoping for, and you're ready to throw a huge fete to celebrate it. You may feel guilty if you stay up too late tonight celebrating, but go ahead and risk it. Hmm...

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Thursday, January 20th, 2005
8:27 pm - MY EYES ADORED YOU...
My eyes adored ya
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored ya
Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see how I adored ya
So close, so close and yet so far

Carried your books from school
Playin' "make-believe you're married to me"
You were fifth-grade, I was sixth
When we came to be
Walkin' home every day over Barnegat Bridge and Bay
Till we grew into the me and you
Went our separate ways

My eyes adored ya
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored ya
Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see how I adored ya
So close, so close and yet so far

Headed for city lights
Climbed the ladder up to fortune and fame
I worked my fingers to the bone
Made myself a name
Funny I seemed to find
That no matter how the years unwind
Still I reminisce 'bout the girl I miss
And the love I left behind

My eyes adored ya
Though I never laid a hand on you
My eyes adored ya
Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see how I adored ya
So close, so close and yet so far

(My eyes adored ya)
All my life I will remember
(Though I never laid a hand on you)
How warm and tender we were way back then, whoa, whoa, baby
(Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see how I adored ya)
Oh, the feeling, sad regrets
(So close, so close and yet so far)
I know I won't ever forget ya, my childhood friend
(My eyes adored ya)
(Though I never laid a hand on you)
(My eyes adored ya)
(Like a million miles away from me you couldn't see how I adored ya)

So close, so close and yet so far


So close and yet so far. Wow. To find out that my friend had been in the same town as my company the entire time I've worked there has me totally weirded out. I'm tripping. It is wild. I checked out the website for the company and they haven't changed one bit. Of course it brought back a ton and I mean a TON of memories...late nights listening to music, dancing, long talks, secrets and so on. Lots of memories. One night in particular inspired one of my first stories I ever wrote. It is a personal favorite. Long time ago. Pleasant thoughts.

I had a long talk with my daughter tonight. She asked me if I was dating anyone. Seemed an odd question for her to pose to me but I went with it. I told her no. She said, "When we were in Florida, you told me you were dating someone." I said, "Well, back then I was. Now I'm not." I explained that he had things he needed to deal with in his life as I do in mine. She asked if I would date him again when I decide to date again. I had to pause with that question. I'm not sure. I really enjoyed being with him. However, I don't know if what I felt for him has been tampered with now. It isn't like you can take your feelings and put them in a tupperware container so they don't spoil. If not tended to...well...lets just say I don't want to be the one to clean up a big mess. ;o) Then we got into a long discussion about what I want, why I'm not with him anymore, what will happen should I decide to start dating again. She thought that it would take away from the time I spend with her and her brother. I told her that as a matter of fact I've been dating for a long time and it hasn't disrupted the time I spend with them. She was shocked. I think even disappointed not to have known that I was involved with someone. I asked her about it and she said I should be dating but when we finished the conversation I think she actually understood where I was coming from. Kinda trippy to have such an adult conversation with my child. Oh fuck...she's growing up. I'm doomed! :o)

Crazy busy day today. I thought I was actually going to have some free time in my schedule...nope. If anything it has just gotten worse in less than 24 hours. I literally have something planned every day from now until...March 8th I believe and I'm not exaggerating, between work, school, the kids, travel, birthdays, family, and friends. I'm trying to arrange a weekend in Florida in April but the way the weather has been I'm probably going to be going to school straight through with no spring break. Yuck! I will get away. Trust me on that one! I'm missing the state something fierce. Plus with my buddy in Orlando having just gotten a new job she's asking me to come down and my brother in Naples saying "You'd better come here next time you come down...six times in 2004 and not once did you come to see me!" I think I'd better make it a point to see him.

current mood: mischievous
current music: Last Night A DJ Saved My Life ~ In Deep

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7:00 am - TRIPPY THURSDAY
I think this is a trip. I got introduced to a guy from a friend of mine (work related friend). He seems like a nice guy, filled with energy and what not. Of course his name starts with J. But that isn't even the trippy part. He has boys. Cool I thought. I'm not really interested in getting involved with anyone right now. Fact is I've gotten to the point where I know right away if I feel a pull toward someone or not. It doesn't matter if I've met them in person or through emails. I know myself that well. Anyway back to the trippy thing. I had said a couple of days ago that when I decide to start dating again, I wouldn't have a problem getting involved with someone who has a couple of children. Couple, one or two. More than that I'd have to give considerable consideration to. This man has four. Okay...interesting. Almost. All four boys' names start with J.

I'm enjoying my dating sabbatical for a while longer I think. :O)

Though I kid about it. I just don't want to date anyone. I've met some great guys in the past month but I'm just not interested in any of them romantically. I don't want romance right now. I'm not saying that I don't ever want it. It just isn't my focus right now. I was talking with someone last night about my schedule and it is off the wall filled. I just don't have the time. Now I am the type of person who should I truly want something I will get it. I think the point is made. I don't want anything that I don't already have currently. I have friends, I have family, I have work, I have school, I have extracurricular activities. I'm happy and relaxed as I haven't been in a long time...even with the hectic schedule. I don't want to change...though I know a major one is coming...I'm not going out of my way to pull it to me. It will come on its own. I'm not running from it. I'm right here. It will happen as it will.

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Wednesday, January 19th, 2005
5:00 pm - WHERE-HAS-THE-WEEK-GONE-WEDNESDAY
It has been an odd week...hell the whole month has been odd. I've been phenomenally busy with work, the kids, school and what not! But not stressed by any means. Its pretty cool. I've actually even been getting along with the ex...not to the point where we are best of friends. We're not. We won't be. He still harbors far too much resentment toward me. I frankly don't care. It is amazing that since I blew off steam a few weeks ago in my journal...life has changed...in a positive fashion.

So last night I hung out with D again at Panera. It was fun sitting by the fire...well not quite by the fire as there was a men's christian support group hanging out on the couches. Quite cute if you ask me. I was totally impressed. We talked about this weekend, his mom (who's having major medical issues...my heart goes out to him since she lives so far away), major philosophical/spiritual discussion, and men...well he listened to me talk about them briefly. He still teases me about J in Florida. What can I say? I was wandering.

I went over V's afterward. It was cool to spend time with her just vegging out. We talked about all sorts of stuff. I'm really enjoying the conversations we've been having lately.

Today I spent the day in training. I talked with the guy who is doing it. He told me about some interesting opportunites that lie before me. Then I went home and read my horoscope:

You'll be dealing with some changes at work -- some very big changes. You'll have the first hint of what's coming up today, but don't worry about it. The worst that could happen may be that certain higher-ups have had their eye on you, and because you've done so darned well, they'll give you more responsibility. The best that could happen? A nice, fat raise, a plaque with your name and title on it and a great reason to celebrate.

A major change is on the menu for work -- a really positive one. You've been carefully watched by the powers that be for some time now, and they're well pleased with what they saw. Congrats.


Interesting. He told me about someone I used to know a long LONG time ago. It seems like forever when you say over a decade. Turns out this person literally works right down the street from my company. I can't believe it. I have been wondering for ages what happened to them. Well...now I can find out...if I so choose. Wild how things happen.

I'm off to dinner with Mom and the kiddlets tonight. We're going for japanese. I love that my kids love it so much! Though my boyo would much prefer McDonalds. Too bad! :D

Roadkill...private joke with V. ;)

current mood: bouncy
current music: My Eyes Adored You ~ Frankie Valli

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