Kakera Kagami's Journal
20 most recent posts

Date:2007-01-13 22:49
Mood: indescribable


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Date:2005-07-04 08:19
Subject:Time Changes Everything...
Mood: amused

My, how times flies...


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Date:2004-02-12 12:58
Subject:Feeling Slightly Dirty
Mood: dirty

We've gotten a total of fourteen inches. Driving is one hell of an adventure. Ikasu called me this morning. I was a little confused, but I hadn't looked outside yet. I asked what was up and he stated that if I couldn't get in, he'd come and get me. I asked why and he told me to look outside. First thought? 'Holy Shit!'

After getting my car out of the snow and warmed up, I was on my way... sort of. I backed up but as I tried to go forward, I couldn't. So I backed up a little more. After changing it to second gear I finally got out of there. Parking lots are always the worst. The roads aren't much better. I'd love to know where the snow plows are. I saw two, but their plows were up. Damn county bastards.

I've got a couple minor things to do, but I want to get some more net things done today.

Oh, now here's something that made Kat giggle at me last night. Saijou-sama loaned me a flick he rented from Blockbuster the other day. Cool Running. A biker flick. I was fully expecting it to be very cheesy. Must to my own surprise, I actually liked it. It was very well done and the bikers were very nifty, much like those I know in the chapter. Now, the main character was a rather handsome fellow and a good actor, so I wondered what else he's been in. So last night I looked him up. I feel... dirty. The man is a year younger than Saijou-sama. To the day. That would make him 49 on 2 July this year. Old enough to be my father! Not that it changes that I think he's a good actor... but... I feel dirty.

Anyway, I'm on the fourth book of the Anita Blake series that I'm re-reading. I'd be on the fifth by now if I didn't have the two sites to keep up with. Oh well. Anyway, much to do.


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Date:2004-02-11 21:28
Subject:Late Night Maddness
Mood: amused

*sniffles* Amasu-kun is being mean and picking on me. Gggrrr. Meanie. No more semi-pornographic pictures for you.

I stole this music meme from Kaoru's journal. It's pretty amusing. Toss all your music into Winamp and randomize it then share your first twenty five.
Read more... )
Yes, I am a sad sack of mush. Pathetic, ne? I only have 105 songs on my computer. The rest are burned or simply CDs I actually bought.

It's snowing again. Damn it! I'm all for snow, but no one in this bloody town knows how to drive in it. It's going to be a long drive home. It's thick enough out there to look like a fog. I feel as though I am trapped in a giant snowglobe. Not a comforting feeling. There's another basketball game tonight so I probably won't be out of here until after nine. Kat's going to try and come online, so I'll be staying later to talk to her for a while.

I've managed to redo the layout for the main part of my site, Kirei Arashi. I'm actually very proud of this look. I really should work on some of my subsites. Guess that shows what a slacker I am, eh? I'd do it tonight, but I don't think I want to be here any later that is needed. Hot chocolate and mince pie sounds absolutely divine. I may even see if I have any stew left. Mmm.. stew, bree, french bread, mince pie, hot chocolate and vanilla ice cream. Sounds like a damn good plan to me. Now if only there was a certain Amasu-kun included in that plan. Mrph. Oh well. If wishes were horses...

Poor Kat. She's been having a rough time of it. Nothing any one else has done, however. She's just doing the same thing I did when I was living with Hisou. Looking back at your past. And yep, regretting your actions. I feel for her, it's a shitty thing to go through. At least for most of us. I know how much Edward means to her. I mean, she wouldn't be eating away at herself if he didn't mean so much to her.

Anyway, it's snowing and I must go home before it gets too thick.


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Date:2004-02-10 17:39
Subject:Nastiness Ahead
Mood: bored

It's not that I'm not sympathetic. I mean, anyone who knows me well... wait.. damn. There's only a few that do.. so. Let me modify my thought. Okay, anyone who knows all the shit I have gone through in my life knows I'm more than sympathetic to a lot of issues out there. But... I'm slowly but surely reaching that level known as the 'fuck off' level. I've been there before and any more, it seems that this almost yearly occurance is happening with a frequency damn near disturbing. Why? Because no one seems to understand personal responsibility.

Maybe not everyone you know is a bitch. Maybe not everyone you know is shallow and self-centered. Maybe, just maybe... it's you. Maybe if you'd put down the bottle you've been using to drown your sorrows, you'd see that. Maybe if you'd get off your self impossed pedistal, you'd dive right into all the shit you've been throwing down at everyone else. Maybe you're not as talented as you think you are. Maybe you shouldn't be lusting after a girl ten years younger who acts more mature than you do. Maybe you shouldn't fake interest in things just to make people happy and in end drown your personality in liquior.

Now, here's the rub. These people that drive me up the wall put themselves where they are. They talk themselves into a corner then later blame everyone else for putting them there. I've done it and I've learned from it. Maybe that's why it irritates me so much to see other people doing the same thing. People who claim to be 'better'. So, if you're better, why are you making the same damn mistakes? Could it be that you're not better? Could it be that you're just as fucked up as the rest of us?

Now, of course, this isn't aimed at anyone specific. And this sure as hell isn't directed at those who are genuinely depressed or suffer from truly medical damage. But even at that, it doesn't excuse making your situation worse.

The funny thing is, I wrote this up yesterday but got so wrapped up in reading, that I forgot to post it. Today I'm actually in a splendid mood. A little irked at some one for making presumptions on my character, but hey... I've got better things to do.


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Date:2004-02-08 10:25
Subject:She Does It Again
Mood: tired

Well, I'm only here to finish setting up the computers to handle the NHL game we're airing today. There's a chapter meeting in Santa Fe at noon, so I'm leaving shortly so I can be there in enough time to help set up.

Apparently Edward did something or gave something very sweet to Kat, but by the time I get back she'll probably be on her way to Albq for the week. Damn. I'll have to bug her about it later.

Anyway, I must be out the door. I should be back around two thirty - three my time...


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Date:2004-02-07 21:39
Subject:Puzzling Situation
Mood: amused

Well, I think I'm getting better with graphics manipulation. What do ya think?

Jigsaw Jane

The original and the other entries can be found here. I'm not the best, but I still think I did well for a beginner. I did a shit load of work to get this, but I still need to find a way to soften edges of the puzzle pieces. Maybe I'll work on that tomorrow.


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Date:2004-02-07 18:44
Subject:Daddies Worried Little Girl
Mood: melancholy

Enter possible coronary here. Saijou-sama is going to be asking for an employment package from that UXO company in Iraq on Monday. He's seriously debating going. He hates it here as much as I do. We were just sitting in Starducks talking about it.

The pay would be seventy an hour, at least fifty five hours a week. It's an 18-24 month commitment. His schedule would be 90 days on, 10 days off. He'd be able to afford to fly me out to where ever we want to spend those ten days hanging out. Plus, as long as he stays out of the states, it's tax free. I told him all the money in the world is useless if he gets killed. I mean, those bastards are going for civilians now for gods sake! And I know he was in the first Gulf War, but more people are getting killed this time around damn it! Then he tries to tell me that they give a two million dollar life insurance plan. And he tried to tell me that if something did happen, it'd set me up for life. I added "Yes, life in an asylum!" But by the end of the conversation, I just said he needs to do what he wants on this. I know he hates being behind a desk, it's killing him, that much is obvious.

I love Saijou-sama. He's not just my papa, he's one of the best friends I've ever had. I have to be honest that the idea of losing him terrifies me to tears. I know he'll die one day. No one is immortal. But not yet, I keep thinking, not yet. Let me be starting my life with Amasu-kun, at least. Let me be with the one person that could comfort me and keep me sane if I lost my Saijou-sama.

I admit I'm crying right now thinking about it. I mean, I can't live in denial. He's sounding very serious about this and I can't tell him to stay in a situation he hates just because I'm such a daddies girl. That'd be beyond selfish. I can only hope that this UXO company needs people in other places. It's not the bombs that scare me. They never have. It's the people randomly killing people. It's the story of that soldier looking for road side bombs and getting blown away by one.

Hopefully I can just keep myself busy enough to keep myself together for the rest of the night. I'll be okay by tomorrow. The basketball game is about to start and I have to go down the way and get my clothes from the laundromat before they close at eight. What a day.


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Date:2004-02-07 15:01
Subject:Still Purring
Mood: happy

I made a dire mistake with my roses last night. They're not destroyed, but I did have to hang them last night. After the basketball game I went to leave and as I got in the car, the vase of roses in my hands I started laughing. I had no where to put them. So I pinned the vase between my thighs and off I went to Kat's house.

I was only going to stop there briefly, but I ended up staying until 1:30 or so. I watched her and Edward battle it out in Soul Caliber and then we watched The Full Monty. Damn good movie. It's the second or third time I've seen it. Maybe that's why none of the accent coated speech was lost on me. What can I say, American's in general don't get exposed to many accents. Then again, I've been exposed to accents from Kenya, the UK, Russia, Israel, Japan and everywhere in between.

By the time I got back into the car, the roses were frozen solid. Frozen roses. I had to laugh, even though I knew they'd wilt the minute they started to thaw. So I messaged Kat, wanting to share a laugh, and took off for home, this time the ice cold vase of roses stayed on the passenger seat, my right hand remaining on the neck of the vase.

By the time I was home, the roses had thawed and were beginning their wilt. Damn. I got them inside and quickly prepared them for hanging. Oh well, so the roses got dried a bit sooner than I wanted. Oh well. The petals will still go into that sake bottle and I'll still purr looking at them.

Anyway, I'm here briefly at the station get a couple things done and now that they are, I have to get going back home. Saijou-sama is going to come up for a while today, so I need to clean the apartment up a bit before he does. If nothing else, the living room could use straightening up. I'm re-reading the Anita Blake series, so here's for hoping that by the time I'm done there's a new one. Eleven books thus far and I can't wait for more.

I'll be back tonight for another basketball game. It's going to be another long day.


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Date:2004-02-06 12:54
Subject:What A Way To Start A Day
Mood: loved

I can't stop smiling. My jaw is beginning to ache. I think I can deal, however. I need to call Amasu-kun's mum and thank her. I need to thank her for raising such a wonderful son.

As you can tell, I got the package. Roses. A dozen red roses and a box of chocolates. This is the sweetest gift anyone has ever gotten me. It's also the first time anyone has ever given me anything for Valentine's Day. Besides roses from Saijou-sama of course. I'm gaining weight just glancing at the chocolate. Sugoi! This stuff is so good, it's like sex in a box. Mmmm... indeed, he's getting more than loves when I get my hands on him.

I started balling when I opened the box and read the attached note. Thank gods my door was closed, else I would never have heard the end of it from Ikasu. The sad thing is, the first person I told was Saijou-sama. I called him as I unwrapped the roses. He's thoroughly impressed. Second person... Kat. My computer was still in it's case and I was tending to the roses before they wilted.

Now all I need to do is finish off that bottle of saki in my fridge so when I dry the roses, I can put all the petals in the bottle. Ooooh Kaaaat. Nah, Kat doesn't drink. Maybe Edward will help me. Speaking of Edward, I've dug up his lab email address. I need to bug him and make sure he does some cute for Kat for an early V-day thing since he's leaving for home on Monday.

Anyway, much work to do. It's gonna be a good day. Hehe.


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Date:2004-02-04 23:45
Subject:Queen of Quickies (PERVERT!)
Mood: crazy

Just got in from the executive board meeting. What absolute maddness! It was at a house out in the middle of nowhere! We left about nine thirty and I didn't get back on the hill until eleven! What insanity! Other than that... the meeting went well. I just wish people would learn to stop side tracking. Mrph.

I think I'm going to go home and curl up with a book. Amasu-kun said he sending something... so I've been very curious about it ever since he mentioned something. Hhhhmmm.. Amasu-kun, darling, love... what are you up to? Somehow I think my eyes get rather shifty with things like this. They probably do.

Anyway, I've got much to do with the H.O.G. site. I really shouldn't have done all that slacking with Black and White. Oops. Live and learn. Then hunt down my Amasu-kun and give him loves. Ahem.

Good night all


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Date:2004-02-03 12:25
Subject:Starting Big
Mood: rushed

I was talking to Saijou-sama last night and he mentioned a new job offer. Before he told me what it was, he said he turned it down. Apparently it'd be in Iraq as part of an semi-civilian EOD group helping to defuse devices. The man in charge of the group was a guy I remember from my childhood as another officer working with Saijou-sama in the Navy. The pay was really good, but he said "I can't go there... my daughter would kick my ass!" I couldn't stop laughing when he told me he said that to him. But he's right. I wouldn't have kicked his ass if he accepted that offer. Considering how many men are dying on a daily basis there... hell no. He survived this far damn it!

Last night Kat and Edward dropped by. We were supposed to play Black & White but we ended up just sitting and talking over tea and carmel rolls. Edward was laughing, asking if I spoil everyone like this. Yes... yes, I do. It's rare that I have guests, so cooking for guests is a treat for me. After all, I almost never cook for myself! Edward is going back to London for three weeks to see family and he's leaving Monday. He was about to complain about being away from Kat when I shot him a dirty look and he stopped. Good Edward. Maybe I should introduce Edward and Amasu-kun to each other. That's a thought.

I'm making a candle for Kat and Edward so it's home soaking in an herbal mix. Hopefully I'll be able to get out of here and finish working on it soon. I'm waiting for a phone call so as soon as that's done I'll be able to take off. That and I left my comp at home and I really need that. Yeah, I'm bright. Really.

We got a new monitor for the production computer so all the computers finally have a monitor again. That was really bugging the hell out me that no one would do anything about that. Gaaah!

Anyway, maybe I'll make a mad dash home for my computer before I get the call. I've really got too much to do to sit on my hands.


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Date:2004-02-01 22:09
Subject:Swamp Thing? No, Just Me

What a full day it's been and there's still much I need to do before I can call it a day. But I'll ramble a bit here before I start on the end of day garbage. I almost hurt when I don't write; it's so much a part of who I am. That's why I'm going to start a new project, but more on that later.

The last melodrama was last night. Much to my disgust, I didn't get to sing again even though I'd been promised another chance. I don't think the woman who set up the Olio’s liked me very much. But that's fine. I wasn't very fond of her either. The woman who played our heroine had gone to the ER that morning with a urinary tract infection so we all feared she might now show up. Enter heart attack for me. I would have had to fill in for her... without knowing any of her lines! It was a little after seven when she showed up. I was so thrilled that I thanked her profusely. I hadn't dressed and hadn't put on make up, as I didn't know which role I'd be in... Card girl (harlot stage make up, miniskirt, low cut shirt, high boots, fishnets) or Melody Lane (innocent girl make up and... who knows what). None of the dresses back stage fit me anyway! All the dresses are made for size two women with no chest. I'm a size nine... with rather... good sized breasts.

I also got a real card boy. The producer messed up his knee, so I couldn't drag him across stage like I normally do. So one of the teen guys that waited on tables became the card boy. Much to my disgust, it was the one that enjoyed giving me all sorts of shit. But for as much a pain as he is, he did a very good job. He even pitched in a few good ideas. Damn. Little twerp kept flirting with me though. So I asked how old he was. Eighteen. I gave a cackle and he stepped back a little for a few minutes. It didn't last. So as we stood on stage clapping I whispered something to him that got him to leave me be. "You know, if you weren't such a snarky prick and I didn't have the love of my life... I'd take you home and do horrible things to you." Mwahahaha! It worked! He looked terrified and he left me alone the entire night after that.

After the party I hung out with Kat and Edward to watch the end of Quills before going home and passing out around four. I woke around nine thirty. The station was off the air, so I ate, got dressed and got out the door. Eleven was the final clean up, so I went and helped with the clean up and tear down of our set. I have to admit I'm relieved it's over. I'm not fond of dressing like a hooker.

Afterward I did some work here at the station and on the H.O.G. site before leaving at four. I went down to Saijou-sama's house to watch the Super Bowl. Yes, I'm a football fan. Yes, American football. I'm very fond of the sport. It was a great game! Very close and down to the wire. I think I may start cheering for Carolina. To think, they went from the worst team last year (winning one game) to almost winning the Super Bowl this year! That's a fucking Cinderella story!

So here I am at the station, typing this up. I took a quick look at the site for The Darkness... Oh dear gods! I have to be blunt... they're... strange. I love the music... but... erm... the look. Woah. Tonight I'm going to go home and maybe take my computer with me. I'm going to start a new project. An autobiography of sorts. I know, I know... almost egotistical... but hear me out. "Having A Blast: Growing Up EOD" All about growing up with a bomb tech father. So it will be a lot about my father too. I may be able to pull this off. Maybe.

Anyway, I've got to get the log done and get a few other bits done and then I'm out of here. Good night!


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Date:2004-01-30 13:03
Subject:Strange Dream Abounds
Mood: confused

Let's see if I can write this up all over again. I clicked to open a link and the damn thing opened in the blurty window I was using to type this entry. Ah damn it! Anyway... this is a strange dream I had this morning. It's actually got a lot of background. I seemed to know the history that lead up to the events in the dream. Strange.

        Or would this be better phrased as Herstory? Oh well. The world in which this dream takes place was almost a smaller version of earth, but not as simple. This world was made in layers, like the old maps of heaven, earth and hell. Humans (or what would be humans here) inhabited one of the middle layers of this world. What I present here, I'll give you in a sort of... timeline fashion.
Year Zero - A plague strikes. It kills men only... and eventually it kills all men. The world that remains becomes a Dianic culture by the sheer force of the events. The women who are pregnant as this plague strikes are the last women to bear children for thirty years. The female population numbers roughly 3 million.
Year Five - Women are killing themselves in droves. All fear that the world has come to an end. A ritual begins and it takes place every year on the same date. It's a ritual to enact 'mating' to petition the gods with their needs. It meets with some ridicule and only 50 women participate. Population estimations are about two million.
Year Fifteen - The ritual has endured and more and more women are becoming involved. The ritual reaches it's peak and over 1000 women are participating. Women are still killing themselves in fear of the end, though at a much slower rate than before.  By this point the population is a mere one million.
Year Twenty - Attempts are being made in vain to possibly hybridize the human species with their closest animal relatives. This happens through science as well as other.. more... disturbing means. Over one thousand women die for "science" as another three and a half thousand die from suicide and old age. The ritual continues, but numbers of attendees drop every year. By this point only six hundred attend.
Year Twenty Five - The population continues to dwindle to a quarter million. Sickness has spread and suicide once again becomes a popular 'alternative' to the end that most fear. The ritual has lost a number of supporters and participants drop to roughly 300, though most of them are disillusioned by this point.
Year Thirty - Roughly one hundred thirty women are alive. Thirty are too old to participate, the remaining one hundred participate in the ritual, the event lasting almost a week. They throw everything they are into the ritual. They are rewarded however strange the manner.
        Not a woman lives below thirty. They know the end is near but they still all believe the gods will show them mercy. They pray, dance, sing, and enact with all their might. Near the end of the week a scream is suddenly heard and quickly followed by others. After thirty years these women are rewarded for their belief and faith. Half of the participants are suddenly turned into men. Their world will continue and will slowly thrive, turning once again into a successful civilization.
        The ritual has continued for a hundred years in honor of the gods and in the names of those who saved their world through their faith.  Every year the one hundred eldest, childless and unwed women who are direct descendents of the original one hundred participate in the ritual. When the participant is married or bears a child she is replaced by the closest female relative who is eligible.
        The dream begins near the beginning of the ritual. I and Kat are both participants. We're dancing with some women we know and we both consider friends. At least in the dream we know them. For some reason I can't find Kat and after a while I find her. She's got a black eye as well as a couple bruises. I walk up and start questioning her.
    "What happened? Who did this?!" She looks away, lips tightly pursed.
    "It was her again, wasn't it?" Again she doesn't respond. I hug her.
    "She'll pay for this." I say and walk away. I leave the city center where the ritual is being held. I slip out when one of the monitors is not looking.
        Walking through an alley I see a couple walking away from the city center. The woman has her hair tied up under her hat and is dressed like a man. But it doesn't hide who she is, especially as she's talking to the man with her. I'm barefoot but I start running after her. She turns just in time to see me as I jump upon her and start beating the hell out of her. The hat falls off as she hits the ground, with me pinning her and hitting her. The man stands back, shocked, then tries to pry me off as I poke one of his eyes. He lets out a cry and stumbles back.
        The woman resembles a girl I once had classes with, April Fox. The man looked like her boyfriend at the time. Strange since April was a very sweet girl and would never have hit anyone. But dreams like this always are strange so it's okay.
        By the time I was done, she had two black eyes, a broken and bloodied nose as well as several bruises. The man had tried to pull me off her again but I poked his other eye and he stayed grounded, not being able to see for quite a while. Quickly I darted back to the City Center, slipping past the ritual monitors once again. I had just gotten back to my group when she couple appeared, accompanied by a police man. They were standing on the outside of the ritual area.
        "Are you sure your attacker went this way?"
        "I'm sure of it!" She piped up, her nose still bleeding through the cotton she held up to it.
        "The Monitors said they saw no one."
        "I know she went this way!"
        "You almost sound like you knew her, ma'am. Who was she?"
        "I don't know her name, but I know she's one of them." She spat with contempt, spitting out some blood.
        "That's impossible. They're not allowed to leave the area, the ritual would fall apart without all participants. Do you even know what prompted the attack, ma'am?" He was starting to sound skeptical, stressing the word 'attack' as he asked her the question.
    She started to answer but the man with her lightly elbowed her. They had known why I attacked them. But they also knew, like everyone else that it was a major crime to attack a ritual participant. These were seen as damn near holy people and for her to admit to what she had done to Kat would have landed them in jail so quick their heads would spin. She quickly shook her head. Grimacing she told the officer she didn't care anymore.
        "I just need to get to a hospital before my nose sets, okay. I just don't care."
        "Fine, ma'am. But next time your boyfriend gets out of hand, just admit it soon enough for me to do something about it." The officer said and walked away, shooting a look at the man with the blood-covered woman.
        This is when I woke up for a few minutes. What a strange dream thus far, ne? Well, it continued when I fell back asleep.
        We were all in a helicopter over what looked like a strange void in the ocean. It was Kat, myself and the other girls we were dancing with during the ritual. We all had jump gear on (parachutes & such) and we were listening to a man tell us that this vortex could take us to the world above. The smallest girl volunteered to go first. She was a petite young black/asian woman and she explained that the best way in would be to surf in. And since she knew how to surf, she should be the one to give it a try. As she jumped out of the helicopter, board in hand, I woke up for the morning.
        Now that is the strangest dream I've had in a very, very long time. Any thoughts on all this?

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Date:2004-01-28 16:25
Subject:Pointless As Ever
Mood: awake

Well, I got the software I needed from Saijou-sama and the computer guru at the EOC. Yay! I did a virus scan to get rid of the infected files but it said that they were write protected. So I fixed that and now I am doing a scan again. Thrill a minute, ne?

Kat's doing better. From what she said it sounds like her ankle is healing, however slowly. So she's driving up from Albq to come to rehersal tonight. We've been text messaging back and forth all day.

There's another game tonight, so I am really hoping that I can get out of here and go watch the rehersal, even if they don't need me. After all, I never have any lines and most of what we do on stage is improvising. Mwahahaha! I am so good! Not really, but everyone can use a mometary ego boost, right? Right. Speaking of ego boost... those photos I posted. They're not bad are they? I mean... I can hear crickets here.

I think I'm scaring Ara. I'm typing a mile a minute and doing pretty well with it. This other computer in my office has a very loud keyboard. Oh I am so easily amused it almost hurts. But that's a good thing because that damned virus scanner is taking forever! Gaaaah! I'm craving to play more of my game. Dear gods! I'm an addict! Noooo! Damn it. Figures.

There are a volley of spots that need to be recorded. ****'s voice can't be heard on the air here while he's running for public office in Santa Fe. Ikasu won't record the spots and Zetsu wants to. There is no way in hell I am going to let Zetsu record spots. He sounds horrid! I hate hearing his weather reports. He sounds like shit to be blunt. I know he doesn't think so, but Ara and I dread the weather reports. He just sounds so... bored. So damn monotone! And he doesn't know hwo to properly put beds on the spots so they all sound as though a kid has done them. I think I'm going to have a sit-down session with him and we're going to talk. This sucks, simply put. And since I'm the one who normally puts together spots, it reflects horribly on me! I know that sounds bad, but this is my job, this is what I do.

Damn, the virus scan is still going. It's my fault for being such a file pack-rat. Slow but steady. Damn viruses!

Anyway, I need to find a piano player. I need to find a jazz bad. That's what I really need. Like it's really going to happen. Heh. Heeellooo.. wake up Kay. Earth to Kay. Come back to the mothership! Ahem. I mean... oops.

Yay it's done and I can stop babbling.


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Date:2004-01-28 12:15
Subject:Virus Alert!
Mood: nervous

I think my computer may have a virus. That new one. If it does I'm going to cry. I'm going to the EOC (Emergency Operations Center) to talk to their computer guru. Hopefully he'll know how to help. Lovely. Soo... if any of you get any funky emails... don't open them! I really do hope none of you get this... it's making me paranoid. >.<;;


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Date:2004-01-26 22:48
Subject:Now With Fewer Brain Cells
Mood: discontent

I have found a new addiction. Mind you, I don't have an addictive personality, so it takes a lot. The last addiction was The Sims, over three years ago. My new addiction? Black & White. I am such a sad sack. I'm somewhere in a gray area. I care for my one village and steal from the others to help my own village. Yes indeed, I'm gray.

Made car payment today, got work done, and gave condolences to Ara. Her cat died. I've talked a bit to Kat, calming down simply because it takes too much energy to be mad all the time. I don't like being mad, but it's hard for me to vent, so it has a habit of building up until I just blow up. I don't want to do that again... so I'm venting as I go. Or at least I'm going to try to.

It looks like I'll be having lunch with Saijou-sama tomorrow. I'm going to see if I can talk him into coming to Friday's performance. It'd be nice to know he's in the crowd when I sing. If I can remember it all, I'm thinking of singing I'm Old Fashioned. But that's only a maybe. We shall just have to wait and see.

As you can see, I'm feeling a bit better. Still feeling a bit down, but Black & White provided me with a good distraction. But as it stands, I should go home. I've actually got food, so I'm going to go make myself dinner and curl up for the night. I'm going to watch The Order again and see if it makes any more sense than it did last night.


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Date:2004-01-25 11:25
Subject:Melodrama & Photos
Mood: depressed

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't still depressed. But at least I know I am, so that's a step right there. Right?

Last night went very well, even if the audience was deathly quiet. I think the cast was a little upset for a couple minutes when I got the biggest applause but after a minute or two, it was okay. Now... how did I get the biggest applause? I performed an olio last night. It went so well, I'm going to sing again on Friday. Last night I sang 'Fly Me To The Moon' and 'Do I Love You'. Two flame-type jazz pieces. I was an absolute nervous wreck leading up to it though. Edward was a doll by being a very supportive stage manager as I stood in the wings, waiting to go out. Afterward everyone was complimenting me. I admit it was a bit of a rush. I've never been complimented like this.

Rokotsu was very complimentative, saying I was on pitch the whole time, not bad for a girl who has never had a single voice lesson in her life, eh? The piano player we have for the production also teaches voice lessons and she even said that I could probably go professional. Sugoi. I think I'm still in shock about that comment. Me? A professional jazz singer? I admit it's something I've always dreamed about, but never really thought I'd be able to do.

The melodrama itself went wonderfully. We even had a few gag bits. The director dressed up in a chicken costume and when the producer and I are out front, apologizing that the card boy is drunk so can't come out... well... he stumbled out in the suit, beer in hand. I went with it and gasped, taking him off stage. During the production he was 'shot' by one of the dancers in costume. It's just too bad we did it with such a dead audience. Hopefully we'll do it again next week.

Before the melodrama I went and sat with Edward for a while. He was getting a bit concerned about me. So we sat and talked about my depression and about Amasu.

The party after the show was great! **** didn't want to stay for the party, but said she would if Edward would wear a wig. Soooo Edward wore her wig for a while. Kat was laughing her ass off the whole time. He looked like he belonged in an eighties hair band! Though auburn is a good color for him.

I even made two pies for the party, mince meat and peach/apple. No one had any of the mince, so I'll be bringing it back next week. We all had a blast dancing and laughing. Poor Edward, he must feel so abused by now. He was being a very good sport about the whole thing, so cheers to him.

Oh and I bet you would like to know if I ended up driving to Albq. Well, I did... kind of. I drove to Rio Rancho, to Kat's grandparents place. She didn't want to leave her car at the UNM campus so she drove it back to her grandparents house for safe-keeping over the weekend. After she thanked her grandparents for allowing her to keep her car there, we took off.

We got back up to Los Alamos at six thirty. Oops. But it's okay, we were all set in time. She even used her crutch as part of the act. "There was a masked bandit and he pushed me off the train!" It was great the first night, but the audience was so dead last night she didn't get anything but "awwwww". She was a bit cheesed off. Poor girl.

Oooh! Kat found some old pictures of us on Saturday morning. These pictures were taken the summer we met. I was going into my junior year (I was fifteen! O.o;;;) and she was going into her sophomore year. Pretty nifty photos. Would you like to take a peek? I even had my long hair back then!

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Well folks, I'm going to get some stuff done around here. Kat's going to call me when she's ready to go back down to Albq. Edward is going to come with us so we may roam Albq for a while before I come back up. Ja!


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Date:2004-01-23 11:44
Subject:Far Below Par
Mood: depressed

Never before has depression effected my health. I guess it was about time it happened. I don't know if I'll be able to eat yakisoba again any time soon. Threw it up last night after getting some from the Origami Japanese place across the way from the station. I am not exactly thrilled with this turn of events.

In a rather pathetic attempt to busy my mind and help with my depression, I went down to Albq last night. I brought Zetsu with me. With him around, I'm assured some peace and quiet. Anyway, it was amusing. I only had a couple beers stretched out in a four hour period. We stopped at Denny's for some late night munchies before taking off back towards Los Alamos.

My eyes started aching so I got Zetsu to drive between Bernalillo and Pojoaque. We got back to the station at two or two thirty. I got home and crashed, waking up with damn near violent stomach aches several times. Thrilling. Really. I got into work half an hour late, only to find a note from Zetsu.

Side note... Captain Kangaroo died!!! Ahem.

The cleaning staff has truly pissed me off. They turned on all the mics in the control room, turned on the record player... plus... they left the door unlocked! Gaaah!!

Breath in. Breath out. Also yesterday afternoon (before I got sick) I died the front portion of my hair. It was supposed to be a deep violet. It's pink. Just dandy. The front half of my head is pink. I'm so very fuckin' thrilled.

Kat just called me from UNM campus. She may have broken her foot. So if she has I'll be driving back down to Albq to pick her up and bring her back here. She may not be able to perform however. Oh and Edward won't be there tonight. He's going to be held up by work. Mrph. Great. I'm sick, Kat's broken, Edward's got work. I wonder what else is going to go wrong. Yeah, I know... I'm just sooo positive.

Add on top of this that I'm scaring myself by turning into a cling-on. And yes, I mean it that way, not Klingon. I've really got to stop that, but it's hard when I'm on such a bad down-swing. I haven't been this low in years. Damn it all. Zetsu's being an ass and saying "Oh it'll never work out." I almost left Zetsu in Albq last night because of that.

Anyway, I'm going to get as much done as possible, because odds are that I will be driving down to Albq soon. Her last class ends at 3:15, and we have to be at the little theater by 5:30. Thank gods for my speed demon tendencies. I think. Mrph. Anyway, gotta jet!


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Date:2004-01-21 13:10
Subject:Another Dull Day
Mood: anxious

Doko wa Amasu-kun?! I think I'm suffering from withdrawals. It makes it much more amusing for Kat-sempai no doubt. She's whining at me about missing Edward. And she's only in Albq! For cryin' in the mud... What is it with you Brit men?! Even a day away from you and we crumble. I shudder to think how she'd handle being away from him as long as I've had to be away from my darling Amasu-kun.

There's a basketball game tonight, but I admit that I am hoping it will be cancelled. I'm outrageously tired today. Last night was longer than it should have been. It was eight when Ara called. Her cat was having problems breathing and Ara was sounding a bit scared. She asked if I could drive her to the Emergency Vet Clinic in Santa Fe. So... we went.

Her cat seems to have asthma. She stayed overnight in a breathing cage to help her out. This morning I woke at six to get us there around eight. Oh and did I mentioned it started snowing yesterday morning and we had a snow storm over night? Yes, so it's snowy, wet and slick. So it took about an hour to get us there. Lovely. A half hour trip (okay, 20 minutes for me on a good day) took an hour. Ick.

The cat is still ill so after picking her up we went to Ara's vet and dropped her cat off. Hopefully they'll be able to help her. From there back to town. Ara's been really grateful, so she got me some gas while we were in Santa Fe and bought me breakfast at Micky D's when we got back into Los Alamos. We'll probably go get the cat from the vets tomorrow.

By the way, there are two words of the day today. Shit and fuck. Why? Because Ara is telling me that the computer we use to play the Suns' basketball games is saying none of our commercials played. I spent two hours programming our commercials into that computers system. I'm going to cry. Really. This is so aggravating I could scream.

On other ends of things... I got my paycheck and got it cashed. Yay! Seven hundred twenty five. Then again, that's after working one hundred four hours. I've started a little anti-**** campaigning. Mwahahaha. I posted a couple things into the forum at a local paper. Hehehe. Wanna see? Oh and yes, I had to use fake names because he'd shit if he knew it was me posting any of this.

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Anyway, I was hoping to get to go to the rehearsal tonight and talk the director and producer to allow me to perform an 'olio'. I doubt I'll be able to get there in time after tonight's game. Damn. Oh well. Maybe next week.

Speaking of not seeing people... I've not heard hide nor hair of Amasu-kun in days! I hope everything is okay. But what can I say, I'm a worry-wort.


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