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Monday, June 23rd, 2003
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2:16a
HI I WENT TO NEW YORK OVER THE WEEKEND THANKS
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7:09a
Ficcage:
"Stay"
notes: challenge to self: write an entire fic without using a single name. Also, everything will fit on one line in Notepad, at 1024 x 768 resolution (except this author's note.) Also, PRESENT TENSE.
this fic has it's very own soundtrack! ... lots and lots of Mad at Gravity. "Stay" and "Walk Away," mostly. Also a bit of random Jimmy Eat World ("Sweetness," "Bleed American") just for kicks.
First section was written two whole days before the rest of the thing, so there may be inconsistencies.
Sorry for typos, this is unbeta-ed
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"Well," the other's grinning a half-hearted grin and waving, "See ya later!"
"Stay." His eyes are narrow, his hands balled into fists, his voice raw and laced with something rare for him.
Emotion.
"Why?" And his eyes are wide, hands loose at his sides, voice quiet. There's something odd about his posture, his voice.
There's sympathy there, something you wouldn't expect from him. Worry, too, although not much.
The other--who's sitting there, staring up at him still--is strong, aloof. He's the one who never bends or folds.
Now, it looks like he's being ripped in two. Not literally, of course, but looking at his face you can see it.
He looks up, frowning, trying to pretend he's not begging.
"Because," he'll say next, leaning forward to press his lips against those of the other boy. He knows what will happen.
The boy--the one he loves, that is--will push him away, yelping something like, "What are you doing?" He'll just shrug.
He'll just shrug, face going cold again, pretending it doesn't matter, pretending he's aloof as always.
He'll turn, and he'll walk away. He'd have said too much, even though it would be one word.
It will be like it never happened. Nothing will change, although maybe the other will be even more confused by him.
Maybe the one he loves will ask about it, days from then--"why?" and he'll get no answer, except "Nothing happened."
And any chance they might have had, anything between them?
Gone. It will be gone. It -is- gone. There's never been a chance.
"Why?" the other asks again, after a pause. He's expecting an answer. He has no intention of leaving anymore, of course.
"Because," was the answer he got. A closing of the distance between them, not that it had been far, was the answer.
An odd stare from those golden eyes was the answer.
It's weird.
And the distance between them--they'd been standing close, hadn't they? He hadn't noticed, because he's not observant--
There's not a lot of distance between them.
He decides it's not really a satisfactory answer. His enemy, his idol, his friend was just standing there--
and they were so very close, weren't they?
So close, and just standing there not doing anything. His friend--are they friends? he isn't sure--looks hesitant.
That's weird, too, because someone that confident should never, never never never look like that.
Something isn't right.
So he puts his arms around his friend--they are, he decides--and pulls him closer, even though that doesn't seem possible.
"It'll be okay," he says, although he's not sure it will. He doesn't know what's wrong, but he has to try.
He wants to protect this--his?--golden-eyed wonder, make whatever's wrong go away.
Standing here, holding his friend close, he regrets a promise he'd made.
He'd promised to make his friend cry. They weren't friends then--are they now? He's still not sure, but he hopes so.
Why he would ever have wanted that is unclear, here, now. It's probably the stupidest thing he's ever said.
He's said a lot of stupid things.
The only reply he gets is mumbled, something like, "Yoh's better at saying that, moron."
"Heh. C'mon, what's got you like this, huh?"
This time, the only reply is, "hmph."
His shoulder's damp, he realizes. He's managed to make him cry.
He's fulfilled his promise, and he hates it.
"Shh, c'mon, now, it can't be that bad." He's worried, very. His friend, idol, leader--whatever he is--is crying.
The person he admires most, the one who never shows weakness, the one he always argues with is crying.
He hates it. So he pulls his friend closer--it's not really possible, but he tries. "C'mon, it can't be that bad, right?"
There's an edge of desperation to his voice. He doesn't notice it.
He gets no answer for a long time, so he just stands there and says nothing more. Nothing seems right -to- say.
So they just stand there for a long time, before he loosens his grip, and the other draws back.
"Stay," his friend says, finally.
"I'm not going anywhere," is his answer this time, and it seems good enough for now.
The reply this time is just "hmph," and his friend leans forward again, and they're very close indeed, aren't they?
And he blushes slightly, he can feel his friend's breath on his face, they're so close.
And he leans forward, closing that tiny distance between them, closing his eyes, and for a time they kiss.
He pulls away, after a time, saying, "It'll be okay."
And it will.
Sometimes, it's nice to have predictions be wrong.
-owari-
So, uh, yeah, I dunno. ;; Please, shoot me.
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7:37p
So, like I said, I went to NYC over the weekend. -Huzzah.- Uhm, I don't know...
We went to Book-off, the used Japanese bookstore. I grabbed a random shounen-ai manga I'd never heard of, and some Mythical Detective Loki just for kicks. The art in MDL Ragnarok is so much better XD; Obviously, since it was done later, but still... Yeah.
Book-Off is such a great store :x I luff it dearly, haha! Things are in order, sure, but I have no idea what it is. Well, they're organized by magazine and then mangaka, but... I don't understand the 'otona' classification, and there's some things under 'shounen' that don't seem very shounen-ish. Haha... ^^;
I'd be looking through things, and sometimes a manga would look okay--then it would turn out to be porn. Or, I turned down a lot of manga that were probably pretty decent just because of the art style. I know I'm picky, but seriously, the very thin lines of shoujo comics don't appeal to me. There's so little shading, and... huargh. You don't even need a lot. Just nice, solid lines would help! x.X;; Then there's the traditional (?) yaoi style... it's reminiscent of the shoujo style, just with lots of strangely-drawn guys. --; They all look way too similar, and I don't like the style at all, so... that's a no go. ::sigh::
I really prefer manga with nice, bold black lines, good variation of line-width, and good tone-use. If they use too many tones... ew. If they use none, well, it varies. Ha~ ^^; I think, the sort of style I like most... Well, I really like most of the things currently running in Blade Comics. Erementar Gerad, MaLoRa, Loveless (I think.. ;; trying to remember, was it in Blade or just shelved next to 'em?), tactics... ^^; That's what I like. Yukiru Sugisaki's style really appeals a lot to me, too. It's just something about the way characters are drawn... They don't have hideously broad shoulders, their heads aren't too small, their hands are good... Yeah. That's what I'm looking for, really. ^^ Nice hair and costume designs help a lot, too.
Mmeh!
Anyway, I'm taking nice formal art classes now, at the Maryland Institute College of Art (or MICA, from here on). I'm taking "The Figure in Light and Shadow" and ...some computer thing I don't remember the name of. I won't be on as much because of that--until around six in the evening, I'll be gone there... ^^;;; Classes go until July 3rd, but there's none on weekends. :3 It's like being in school again, but more fun! I just realized it (...again): my main inspirations are overly-long nights, Chirah0n, and art classes. The one I took at school sucked, because it was full of people taking the class just to get credit. So really, it didn't count. I haven't taken a decent class since... well, last summer. But yeah, it really puts me in the mood to draw. o__O After my figure-drawing course, I sat out on the steps in front of the building and just -drew.- I was drawing people from life, but still! I think they all turned out pretty good, esp. this one of.. some guy. I wound up painting it in an odd, ODD twist of fate.
I won't go into the full story, but... I was walking around downtown Baltimore, and there were some people at a wide... table-bench THING. Sitting there. ... Painting. So I went to look, and they were all, ":D we have a spare brush, do you wanna paint too?" ... So I did.
Uh, yeah. I think I'll actually add one of the things I did (I did a watercolor sketchy... THING, and I colored a picture from earlier)... add one of them to my portfolio, that's what I was saying. Yeah.
I like scrambled eggs.
All I have to say about book five of Harry Potter: Harry's annoying and pissy in this book. o__O Also, one of my favorite pairings gets destroyed by death. ARGH. JK ROWLING, STOP KILLING PEOPLE RIGHT NOW. I would have been OK if you'd killed Hagrid, but noooo! You had to go and kill [spoilerspoiler]! aRGH. ... Yanno, saying it ruins "one of my favorite pairings" tells you all NOTHING because I don't think I've ever really mentioned my HP pairing lurve. XD; Heh.
So, uhm, what else... Oh! More about New York: ... I ♥ that city. It's just so cool. There are many, many attractive people in NYC. :3 Lots of eye candy. I got checked out a lot, too... XD bit of a self-esteem boost there, hehe. I'm such a dork, wow. That was shallow.
Erm, what else... I went to the Virgin Records Megastore. They have a wonderful selection. *.* I bought myself an All-American Rejects single (Swing Swing) on a whim, and also got a compilation... Punk vs. Emo! XD It's pretty fun. I really like a few of the songs on the 'punk' disc, actually. o__o; Particularly "White NOise," tho I don't remember who it's by, and "Divas are Skanks."
Oh, and I stayed up until 5:30 AM last night. Yes, I did have to wake up at 6, thanks for asking!
Buh-bai.
current mood:  drained (1 comment |comment on this)
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