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[29 Aug 2008|10:38pm] |
short.
i hate working and i wish this childrens gym place would call me back for a job and james and them are such jerks and i wish i could work with people my own age for once.
my mom wonders why i'm never home and always with connor, but it's cuz lately even though we've been having some problems, it's better than dad.
i want to marry connor but i don't think he feels the same at all.
i don't know how senior year is going to pan out, but i hope it's not as bad as last year friend-wise.
i'm nervous as hell about everything.
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[14 Jul 2008|09:52pm] |
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everything is perfect. i can't believe things turned around like they did. it's beautiful. we went to piermont and had dinner and it was so wonderful and kissed me so much and he invited me over tomorrow and i'm so happy. idk why i ever doubted him.
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[01 May 2008|09:54pm] |
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tonight was the deciding factor. the night where i decided if it was worth it to keep going with this or not. things went so amazingly perfect. I was texting nick all afternoon, and I told him about how tonight was going to be the test pretty much. He was like oh good luck. But I completely forgot about nick. Connor was perfect. He told me how beautiful i looked and talked to me and held my hand and tickled me. Idk he made me laugh so much. It was amazing. I am in love. He's coming over tomorrow and we're doing puzzles and playing and i'm so excited :). And we're gonna buy a fishie i'm like sooo excited this is perfect.
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[30 Apr 2008|08:20pm] |
so i'm gonna start using this again.
no emoleericks.
no communities.
i just need a place to vent.
i think i made my mom happy today cuz i finally cleaned my room, which she's been telling me to do for like, weeks. I haven't had time, really. She wasn't as mean to me as she was yesterday though. She almost seemed happy. I have no car right now, which sucks, cuz the air is broken so it's at the place in town.
So Connor and I are good again...i think. It's so hard to tell. Like the day before yesterday everything went like, horribly because he told me i was "like a sister" but i guess he meant it different than i took it. He wants to respect me. That's fine with me. It's sweet of him. I just feel like I'm making too many excuses for him. I want him to be romantic, but I mean, I love him how he is and I don't wanna change him. It's just nice to be appreciated once in a while. I guess this whole "respect" thing is like, his way of showing appreciation or something. I don't know. It's hard to understand him sometimes. But lately he's been really good about talking. About how he feels. He used to never talk so I would just be left guessing, but I think he realized that was what contributed to the fights. I would be like oh great he's mad and he wouldn't say otherwise so I would get upset and he would get annoyed and it would all escalate. I don't know, but I think the talk we had last night really helped. My favorite thing about me and him is that we talk about things without getting angry. Like, I'll get upset. But we will never get angry and like, stop talking. We always work through it. That's really good because I can't handle not talking to someone. Prom was last weekend and that was fun I guess. I kind of wanted to just be with him like, in my pajamas and not have to deal with other people or my hair or a dress. We're supposed to go hang out on Friday with Michelle and Matt, but now I don't think we are. Today Michelle was saying how Matt was like I don't want to just hang out with Kaitlin and Connor, Kaitlin talks a lot. Or something. Like idk that kind of offends me. MICHELLE was the one who invited me. I didn't ask to go or anything. And I helped him get her so he should shut up. But I can't say anything cuz he's Connor's friend and Michelle's boyfriend so it's not right of me. But like, it's not like I'm going to annoy them, I want to be with Connor. Whatever. It's just as well that I just have him come over or something. Idk. And then there's Nick. I love talking to him. He calls me beautiful. Idk, it's so hard to figure this whole situation out. I definitely like him. As a friend. He's awesome. But am I willing to possibly wreck things with Connor over this? I don't think I am. I love Connor, even though he may be bad with words sometimes or not do everything I want. He's perfect the way he is. Idk. Everything is just so crazy right now. Sometimes I just want the two of us to like, run away. That'd be amazing.
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[24 Jul 2007|12:29pm] |
Talk.
whatever you want to say.
advice, opinions, venting, anything.
make it anonymous.
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