Deanna's Journal

Saturday, August 2, 2003

12:57PM - Weird asss day....

Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and as many say
Your: Wondering eyes. Your not quite focused and
your quite the day dreamer. Your a bit odd and
as many say "Your head is in the

What type of eyes do you have?
brought to you by Quizilla

Wow i havent written in here for a i while.. i guess because nothing really happened...But yesterday was a weird day.. Meggi and me had to babysit again... I was like oh no here we go again wit bubblez and all his crying.. He only cried once for about like 3 seconds.. but that wasnt our fault... well actually it kinda was lol... shh dont tell anyone tho.. Ill describe.. Megan had just finished playing airplane with him and she had put him on the coach and sat next to him.. she turned around for like half a second and the next thing we knew he was rolling off.. she caught him in midair and let him down gently so he didnt get hurt.. but i guess he didnt like the thought of almost experiencing death lol....

Then later on around 6:30 we went to the mall... It was really really weird, there where alot of people there that we new... and they were all preps and we cant forget meggies lil stalker lol... We both had this really bad feeling that something was gonna happen that night.. but it went away after a while thank god.. Me and meggi hid in a corner for a while... i wonder why lol.. we had alot of fun, her dad picked us up like around 9:30 or something..and drove me home.. Then megan called me and we were on the phone till like 3 and i then collapsed on the coach..But that was after a very intersting conversation wit garrett... right meg lol

Current mood: blah
Current music: New found glory- my friends over you
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Friday, July 18, 2003

11:39PM - Idk who i can trust anymore.. life sucks ass..

[ x ] In my mouth - you dont wanna know what i want in my mouth
[ x ] In my head - alot of empty space
[ x ] After this ? going to my room to cry
[ x ] Fetishes ? Idk..
[ x ] If you could get away with murder who would you kill? right now it could be alot of people
[ x ] Person you wish you could see right now ? my friends before i go to the beach for a week
[ x ] Is next to you ? my computer which im on
[ x ] Some of your favorite movies ? Fast and The the last dance, pirates of the caribean, 8 mile,
[ x ] Something you're looking foward to? Being away from certain people for a week
[ x ] The last thing you ate? Wendys
[ x ] Do you like candles? Ya i love smelling them
[ x ] Do you like incense? Ya even tho i dont have any
[ x ] Do you like the taste of blood? i wouldnt know.. thats nasty
[ x ] Do you believe in love ? Of course I do....but i dont seem to be finding it
[ x ] Do you believe in love at first sight ? yes...but yet again.. not happening
[ x ] What do you want done with your body when you die? i dont care im gonna be dead.. does it really matter
[ x ] Who is your worst enemy? Hm.... idk
[ x ] If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be? A dolphin or a tiger to hurt people i dont like
[ x ] What are some of your favorite candies?Idk im not really into candies
[ x ] What's something you wish you could understand better ? Why people are so cruel to me sometimes
A -
B - Born on what day of the week? Sunda
C - Chore you hate? I dont have any
D - Dad's name? I have no fucking clue
E - Essential makeup item? i dont wear much anymore
F - Favorite actor? Angelina jolie, Jennifer aniston idk alot of people
G - Gold or silver? silver i hate gold
H - Hometown? Jersey city.... umm... not a good place
I - Instruments you play? None im not talented
J - Job title? I have none right now
K - Kids? Not after babysitting nikki
L - Living arrangements?i live with mom
M - Mom's name? Andrea
N - Number of people you've slept with? none i wish i would tho
O - Overnight hospital stays? yes
P - Phobia? i dont really have any
Q- Quote you like? Lifes a bitch then u die
S - Sibling? I have none lol
T - Time you wake up? 10 lol
U - Unique habit? do i look like i have one lol no
V - Vegetable you refuse to eat? basically everyone of them lol
W - Worst habit? Being a bitch sometimes
X - X-rays you've had?not that i can remember
Y - Yummy food you make? everything and anything.. going to be a chef one day
Z - Zodiac Sign? Leo

Sorry bahar.. i saw it and i thought it was cool.. im sorry... Well anyway... Today started off as a good day... meggie got here at like 10.. sorry i didnt open the door right away.. We hung out... and then went to work.. Work wasnt really all that bad.. We had pillow fights and stuff it was cool.. Danny came at around 3:30 because he was our ride to the movies, but the dad wasnt home yet.. so danny waiting till the dad came home around 4.. we went to the movies and went to go see Pirates of the Caribean.. It was such a good movie.. I loved it.. Orlando Bloom is soooooooo hoottttttt.... OMG I WANT HIM lol.. megan we gotta share.. u cant have him to urself lol Jonny Dep is cute to.. omg he looked so sexy as a pirate.. Anyway after the movie we walked over to the mall and ate... we were so hungry... Then megan helped me look for a purse.. thx hun.. I got the cutiest black purse.. i love it...:)... Then i got outside to find out that the person i like is breaking up wit the person there going out wit.. I was like YES.... so i was having a good day.. Later on that night i find out that the break up didnt happen... i was like holy fuck.. i got so upset...And then I was looking foward to seeing RED... only to find out that i missed him.. he left before i got out of the arcade.. :( that just made me even more depressed... Oh well.. We left around 10:30... I got home and then megan called me.. she was worried about me.. awww i feel so special lol.. OMG... then my mom started bitching at me... for idk wat reason..So i had to get off the phon..w/meggie.. and now if i do call her.. we can only talk till 1:30... thats so not fair..I cant stand her right now.. omg today started off good.. and now its like shit...

I just finished talking to the person i like..and we have a conversation.. i said my feelings and then my friends feelings were expressed too.. i still might have a chance.. but idk anymore.. im so confused..

Im leaving tomorrow for my cousins house so that sunday we get an early start to the beach... im so not looking forward to this vacation at all.. i really dont wanna go..I just wish i could stay home... i really do... i wanna be wit my friends right now.. not my family..i know its mean but its true.. I cant wait to get back.. maybe when i come back ill know something ive wanted to know for a long time.. but i doubt it.. i probably wont be missed by alot of people.... im gonna go finish talking to my friends.. Ill be back on the 29th dont miss me to much... luv ya guys..

Current mood: confused
Current music: Times like these.. dk the artist
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Wednesday, July 16, 2003

9:38PM - Really really bored.....

Wow i havent written in here for a while... I guess i have a boring life after all.. well lets make up for some of the days i missed... Sunday i was at my aunts house all day... It must have been a bad day because everyone was bitching at me... i have no clue why.. It really wasnt that exciting.. i had no one to talk to , no one to hang with... it was really really boring... Monday lets see... i dont think i did anything... Megan called me around 12 pm.. like right after she woke up and we talked literally all day... it was cool and we never got sick of eachother.. Tuesday which was yesterday i really didnt do much during the day.. at night Me megan and danny where on the phone.. it was actually kind of cool..

Today was an experience of itself.. Megan came over at like 8 because her brother had to drop her off.. We started to watch Fast and the Furious because there was nothing else on.. In the middle of watching it.. we basically passed out... My mom called me at 11 to wake us up... but NO megan decided not to wake up... I was trying to get her up for 10 MINUTES... but nope nothing.. so finially i decided to smack her around wit a pillow... im sorry hun.. but thats the only thing that worked..We went over and everything was ok.. Nikki cried till he looked like a tomato, i guess thats because he was tried.. me and megan decided to play War while he was sleeping... and of course i won.... sorry meggie... it was all luck if that makes u feel better.. lol.. After that we went back to my house and ate.. She left around 5:30 and i took another nap.. idk im very tired and i have no clue why.. its very not like me.. im never tired.. Now its like 10.. and im just sitting here hoping to figure out something to do.. OMG i cant believe it im leaving for vacation in like 3 days... Im gonna be gone for a week this is really gonna suck... I feel bad for myself lol... Im gonna go and talk to franky now.. no not the two year old lol.. bye bye

Current mood: bored
Current music: New Found Glory- My Solution
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Saturday, July 12, 2003

10:28AM - Fucking hate my life

Yesterday was a pretty cool day.... getting up at like 9 to get ready for babysitting wasnt all that fun..Me and megan were working from like 11ish till like 3:30....After that we got ready for the mall... We were suppose to go around 6, but dannys dad took us at like around 5:30... We got there and there was still no one there.. our whole area thing was over run by preps and ghetto people... thats so not cool...No one really started showing up till around 9ish... But we had fun anyway... We ran into some people we really didnt wanna see... right megan lol.. It was a fun night...

When i got home tho... my mom was pissed off and started bitching at me for some reason.. That stopped and we were watching something on angelina jolie... and about her life and everything.. And me and my mom had a conversation about it.. I then went on to talking to megan and danny on the phone.. Me and megan were talking till about 3:30... We had a very intersting and enlightening conversation..

This morning i get up...and get the courage or should i say stupidty... and actually told my mother.... yea that didnt go over very well.. all she did was yell at me... i cant take this anymore.. i really cant... :(... im gonna go cry in my room.. if u need me just call my cell i wont be home all day..

Current mood: sad
Current music: Good Charlotte- The story of my life
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Thursday, July 10, 2003

11:45PM - Happy i got that off my chest....

u suck
Your a punk.... so listen to Good Charlotte
some more and set up a tent in front of
Hottopic! I hate you stop laughing

What should you REALLY be listening too?
brought to you by Quizilla

Today was a really good day.. things went better then expected... I told megan what i needed to tell her... and i even told garrett... that is a totally different story tho lol...Anyway I woke up at like 7 so i could clean around the house and get ready for work at 12.... finally 12 came and me and megan went to work... The kids where better then last time... Nikki wasnt crying the whole time which is a good thing.. At work me and megan talked about what i told her... it was completely cool... she didnt care at all... Around 3 we went to my house and hung out and talked about what she had gotten a week ago and forgot to tell me.. Im still mad megan lol jk...She left around 5... At that time i started getting ready for Town Tavern... Its our new hang out spot on thursdays lol.. She picked me up at like 7:30.... we went and hung out with Freddy for a lil bit... Thats always fun hehe... Then we went into the Town Tavern all hyper lol...We stayed till like 10:30... Most of the time we played with her phone... it was cool.. anyway... i g2g... i got to get up early n im on the phone wit danny... bye

Current mood: happy
Current music: Good Charlotte- Bloody Valentine
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12:53AM - tired as fuck.....:(

Omg... ive only been up for like 12 hours.... i woke up at 12:30 this afternoon... it was so bad..... it feels like i wasted a whole fucking day....anyway... i got up and hung around the house for a while... i found out that i actually have work tomorrow and friday... which is cool because now im gonna have my own around 6 oclock i went over to my aunts house to say by to my uncle and his family because they are leaving on friday and i wont get to see them again... to bad... im gonna miss carly and vanessa the most... idk if im gonna miss my uncle or aunt at all... its weird... they have changed alot.. its not the same being around them anymore...oh well.. i wont have to see them for another year.... so its ok... :)....i said there till like about 9:30 before the actually came home.. it got me kinda mad.. becaus i had nothin to do... in the time i was waiting for them... i was bascially refered to as an alcoholic and a gets me kinda mad... its like.. honestly if i was.. it wouldnt be anyones fucking business anyway...well i finially got to say by to them.. and got home at like 12... it is now 1... and im on the phone wit danny and talking to megan... but she has no voice left... u suck megan lol.. nitey nite

Current mood: worried
Current music: System of a down- psycho...
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Tuesday, July 8, 2003

10:41PM - Sometimes this house feels like a prison......

You're ice! You can be very cold and distant and you are NOT a people person. You're pretty mean but you can be a select few.

What element are you?

OMG.....People need to back off and fucking leave me alone... what i do in my time is my fucking business... i dont need people calling me over just to comment on my journal... if u have a fucking problem with me.. deal with it.. im not gonna change just because some people dont like what kind of person ive become.... If u have a problem with my having a journal well to bad.. this isnt for you anyway.. this is just for my friends to read so they know whats going on in my life... Its for the people that actually fucking care about me, which arent many anyway... but that isnt the point.. Fuck all of you fucking losers that have a problem with me...

Anyway now that i got that out lol.. Sunday was an ok day.... I was at my aunts house basically ALL day because my uncle is still here from Kentucy and my mom wanted to spend time with him and the new kids.. But honestly how much time can u spend with certain people.... it gets really annoying... I was in the pool most of the day because they wanted me to hang with them...At first it was ok... but then it got kinda boring... Its like how long can u possibly swim in a pool.. honestly.. it got so stupid after a while...It was horrible.. at one point i got a leg cramp welll not in my whole leg but in my lower leg..It hurt like a mother fucker.. it lasted for like 5 minutes... i couldnt walk right the rest of the day.. it was so bad...We finally left at like 11:30 because my mom had work on Monday..

Omg yesterday was sooooooo bad... i fucking wanted to die.. I was forced to go to the beach with my family.. i felt so out of place.... i looked around and everyone i saw was a prep... I fucking hate preps... they are like the stupiest people alive...I sat on the blanket the whole time.. it was such a waste of time.. I should have just stayed home.. but NOOOOOOOOO my mom had to be a bitch about it and MAKE me go to the beach... So basically i sat there and got burnt.. OMG it hurts like hell... nothing im doing is making it better... :(.... i wanna cry thats how much pain im in.. On the way home from the beach last night... my aunts were talking about insurences and my one aunt turned to me and asked if my mom and i had insurence and i was like idk i dont think so since she doesnt have like a real office job.. and my aunt was like.. " thats because shes another waste" i dont think my aunt thinks i heard.. but i didnt... For anyones information... i love my mom... even tho yea she has some problems.. she raised me great for being a single parent..If anyone has a problem like that.. u try raising a kid alone..Yea me and her have our problems sometimes... but its really low to call ur own family member a waste... I know i should tell my mom what was said about her... but i cant... i cant let her know what her own sister thinks of her...I love her so much... she is not a fucking waste.. she is a great person :(.... why would anyone say such a thing... if anyone is a waste.. its me, because i kept her from reaching all her goals in life... anyway....

Today was boring as hell... I got no sleep last night.. it was horrible...I got out of bed at like 7 and tried sleeping on the coach... but no that didnt work.. finally i fell asleep and didnt wake up till 12.. i watched tv till like 2... then i feel bad asleep again... I dont think its just sunburn... I think i have heat tiredness... sorry i cant spell the right word.... lol... i woke up again when my mommy came home and thats when megan called...we talked... and we were both very hyper.. she is still sick.... we are both like to old people lol Omg.. im gonna go help joanna with her homework now before she like hurts something.. its not gonna be funny

Current mood: Lonely yet somewhat happy
Current music: Simple Plan- Im just a kid
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Saturday, July 5, 2003

12:38AM - Very Very tired....

Omg.. i so need sleep right now.... :(... Last night was very fun.. me and meggi went to town tavern again.. but this time we were very hyper... we hung out with freddie a lil before going in.. it was fun..We seemed to have alot of fun.. We left there around 10 because my mom was being a bitch.. Megan came over for a while and we had a shot...I thought it was really good.. after that i was a lil out there lol..But it was all cool...I took her home around 11 only to get right on the phone with her when i got back... We had a very intersting conversation on the phone and i didnt go to bed till around 4....

This morning i woke up to my aunt calling saying we are going shopping everyones coming over today.... so we went shopping for food and shyt and went back to her house... it was cool till all my cousins wanted me to go into the pool... me dont like bathing suits..they finally convinced me to get in.. so i did...... Finially my uncle from Kentucy came and i got to meet his new foster children.. me and Vanessa seem to have alot in common.. which is cool, because at first i was afraid they werent gonna like me.. But i seemed to make them feel confortable... im gonna hang wit her tomorrow.. hopefully my uncle will take us to the mall because we need to get some stuff lol.. well she does actually.. Well im really tired.. i think im going to bed.. ttyl..

Current mood: embarrassed
Current music: New found glory- the minute i met you
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Friday, July 4, 2003

12:13AM - illl tell the story tomorrow

You see the world in Black
SOAKS IN BLOOD. Well, you're angry at the
world. For reasons who knows, but you
definately hate life.
href=>Made by

What color do you see the world in?
brought to you by Quizilla

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Wednesday, July 2, 2003

9:22PM - Going through alot....

Take the What High School
Stereotype Are You?
quiz, by Angel.

Yesterday was our first day of work... I got up at like 7:30 and cleaned up around the house and took a shower, so that i was ready when megan got here.. Megan got here at around 11:30... We made plans with freddie... Freddie was very cool yesterday...we hung around my house till like 12 and then went to work.. We watched two lil kids.. one was 8 months old.. His name was Nicholas... then there was Franki who is 2 years old..They are really good kids.. if it wasnt for Nicholas temper would have been a good day right meg? lol.. After 3 hours the mother came home and we went back to my house.. We hung out for a lil and megan left..

Of course like every other night, later on me and megan got on the phone.. we got into a very deep conversation about drugs and everything related to them.. Then we also talked about how much people have changed in the last few years and how they have grown apart from there old friends.. It was very enlightening...We also talked about some other things and plans.. but nothing to exciting lol..

Today wasnt as fun of a day.. I was home all alone all day... Even tho thats not bad, it can get kinda boring. I talked to my friends on the internet for a while.. and i took a nap.. that was a good thing, because this heat is really really bad.. Im very proud of myself... I havent imed him in like 12 hours meg... isnt that such a good thing?.. lol.. lets see how much longer i can go lol..Ill only im him if he ims me first lol.. O i just found out my mom isnt going to work on friday.. that really sucks.. so i have one more day this week that i can have friends over without her know lol.. Well otherwise today was an ok day... nothing really exciting happened.. I cant wait for tomorrow to get out of this house... I need to see the world and some special people that are in it... lol.. right now im gonna go help meggi think of bands... ttyl.. bye bye

Current mood: blah
Current music: KCI and JoJo- All my life
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Monday, June 30, 2003

9:57PM - Pissed offff...........................

Stoner Bear
Stoner Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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Last night was very fun.. i started to talk to my old crush again.. which was cool bc i guess we can still friends.. thats really all i want lol...We talked for a while but then we got bored and stopped... Then Me and Megan got on the phone and talked about everything... We were wondering... Why do guys always say "i love you" when there on top of the girl? We couldnt figure that out.. it was confusing us so we stopped thinkin about it but the answer is still needed... Then we made more plans for our fun night lol..I cant wait till that night.. im gonna get so fucked up lol.. Then the topic of our crushes came up.. that was actually very intersting to talk about.. i got prespectives from megan that i never thought about before.. thx meggie..

Today on the other hand wasnt so great... well the afternoon was cool.. I talked to danny on the phone for a while which was cool, because we actually talked i didnt just listen to him sing the whole time lol.. Then we got meggi on the phone and we all talked which was fun.. Then later on.. i got into a stupid ass fight with my mom..idk whats gotten into her lately.. shes is pissing me off so bad.. i really dont know what to do with her anymore.. i seriously just wanna run away.. thats the only thing i can think of at this point.. i thought about death but megan said no.. so im not considering that option right now.. i dont wanna hurt my friends like that.. Right now im talking to Cecilia (lol) about danny.. I think they might have an actual chance.. that would be soo cool to see my friend happy together... Well i g2g meggies about to call me.. so ill talk to u tomorrow...

We start work tomorrow.. omg.. i feel bad for the two lil kids... lol.. its going to be so much fun...

Current mood: pissed off
Current music: Simple plan-My Alien
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12:22AM - All About ME!!!

You're Artemis.

Which Greek Goddess Are You?
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[My name is] Deanna A. Lambrianou
[Height] 5'9
[In the morning i am] sleeping
[All i need is] my friends
[Love is] when ur heart skips a beat everytime u see a special someone
[If i could see one person right now] it would be *my crush*
[I'm afraid of] being single my whole life
[I dream about] alot of things

-H A V E . Y O U . E V E R-
[Actually seen your crush naked] No :o(
[Been in love] Yes...still am with a special someone
[Cried when someone died] yes a while ago
[Lied] Yes ~:( plenty of times

-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[Coke or pepsi] Pepsi heh
[Flowers or candy] flowers..pretty and not fattenin
[Tall or short] Tall

-W I T H . T H E . O P P O S I T E . S E X-
[What do you notice first] Eyes
[Last person you slow danced with] that was too long ago

-W H O-
[Makes you laugh the most] thats kinda a stupid question.. megan duhhhh
[Makes you smile] Talking to my crush
[Gives you a funny feeling when you see them] my crush
[Who do you have a crush on] its not who everyone thinks it is
[Has a crush on you] i have no clue.. no one i know of
[Easiest to talk to] Megan

-D O . Y O U . E V E R-
[Stay on aim, waiting for someone special to IM] sometimes yes
[Save AOL/aim conversations] yea..some special ones
[Wish you were a member of the opposite sex] no never
[Cry because of someone saying something to you] once in a while

-H A V E . Y O U . E V E R-
[Fallen for your best friend] ummmm no... i dont like girls
[Been rejected] plenty of times
[Rejected someone] yes actually
[Used someone] no no..never..thats just not me
[Been cheated on by someone] no never had a guy
[Done something you regret] yet thankfully

-W H O . W A S . T H E . L A S T . P E R S O N-
[You talked to on the phone] Megan
[Hugged] Umm....wouldnt u like to know
[You instant messaged] Danny
[Instant messaged you?] Megan
[You laughed with] Megan bc she killed a fly

-D O . Y O U / / A R E . Y O U-
[Color your hair] yes
[Habla espanol] huh?io parlo italiano lol
[Smoke cigarettes] ..why do u care
[Obsessive] reason too
[Could you live without the computer] yea i can i know its unbelieveable
[How many peeps are on your buddylist] idk i dont count lol
[What's your favorite food] ummmm...idk
[Whats your favorite fruit] orange
[Drink alcohol] hmm...again...why..?
[Like watching sunrises or sunset] sunsets..aww how romantic lol
[What hurts the most, physical or emotional pain] emotional alot
[Trust others way too easily] no way it takes alot to trust someone..

Current mood: creative
Current music: All American Rejects- The Last song
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Friday, June 27, 2003


Happy Deathday!
Your name:Leogirl114
You will die on:Saturday, March 18, 2028
You will die of:Stabbing
Created by Quill

Last night was a very intersting night.. Ive actually accomplished staying up ALL night..Me danny and megan where on the phone till about like 6 in the morning.. We talked about all kinds of stuff.. Me and megan had an argument for like about 3 hours.. Danny and i were on the same side.. and WE WON.. sorry megan.. every sign was totally against u..I was very surprised we were all very hyper.. We finially got off at like 6 bc megans dad told her to get off the phone.. I feel asleep for like 30 minutes at the most.. then woke up and hung around the house for a lil while.. then i went down to Christines house and we hung out for a while.. it was cool because i hadn't hung out wit her in a while...I left there around 5... Then i got ready and went to Town Tavern at around 7 with megan.. We had alot of fun.. I think we entertained Garrett..He looked really bored at first.. but we talked to him for a while so its ok.. We were there till like 11... we stalled eatting are food for so long.. i think are waitress got a lil mad at us.. but its ok.. i dont really care what she thinks, as long as garrett didnt get in a lil pissed bc we didnt get to do what we wanted... but its ok bc we would have gotten caught.. so i guess it was a lil better.. welll im gonna go.. meggies on the phone..bye

Current music: New found Glory-Hit or miss
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Wednesday, June 25, 2003

11:04PM - Cant wait till tomorrow....

You'd do anything.. just to get what you want, or what you feel you truly deserve.
You'd do anything.. just to get what you want, or
what you feel you truly deserve.

Which Simple Plan Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Last night was alot of fun.. Me and megan where on the phone till like 4:40 again... I think i can name like 90% of her cd collection just by listening to her organize them lol..We actually had a very intersting conversation about our *crushes*....and we reminised on our sophmore year.. it was cool remembering lil stories from the past year..

Today on the other hand wasnt all that great.. i woke up at like 11:00.. I hang out around the house talking on the phone most of the day.. Then around 2 i went to work wit my aunt for like 2 hours.. it was kinda cool working down stairs again.. i used to do it all the time..So it was cool just going down for a lil..After that my mom came home and we ate.. then i took a lil nap..I woke up around 8 to megans phone call.. Thx alot Megan lol.. Im all ready to stay up ALL NIGHt again.. for the third night in a row.. ooo me and megan have plans for tomorrow to go out to dinner.. and we are just happing to go to town tavern lol.. i wonder why.. hehe.. well im gonna go because im one the phone right now.... bye bye

Current mood: happy
Current music: New Found Glory- My Friends over you
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Tuesday, June 24, 2003

10:28PM - Worried and confused

I am punk music!!
Rock on, dude! You are Punk music!

What type of music are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Last night was sooo much fun... Me and megan got on the phone at like 11:30 and talked till like 5 in the morning.. At first it was just me and her.. it was cool bc we havent talked in a couple of days...We were telling stories and laughing at eachother it was cool... then we called danny and he was totally out of it... We talked for like another hour about our party and other shit.. and thats when some shyt went completely wrong... Megan had to get off the phone for a while so i just listened to music.. Later she called back and we contiuned talking about what had happened and other people lol.. It was cool tho.. Finially at 5 she got tired and we got off the phone.

I woke up about 12:30 today.. i felt so refreshed.. i worked with a couple of "pencils" and then just relaxed the rest of the day.. it was to hot to do much of anything else..By the time i knew it , it was 5 o'clock and megan called me.. we talked and watch Ricky Lake for a while.. I feel so bad for her.. she is going through such a hard time right now.. But even though so might not realize it now.. everything will work out for the best. And she does have people that care about her no matter what happenes.. Well im gonna go and see if i can help her..

Current mood: worried
Current music: Simple Plan -Addicted
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Monday, June 23, 2003

11:00PM - A little Happier

breast implants!

what's YOUR deepest secret?
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Ya right.....Some people wish they had these... sorry i was gifted with mine.. i didnt have to pay for them... thats sad, be happy with what u were given

Today was a pretty boring day.. Nothing reallly happened.. except for one good thing for me.. I think im over all my crushes.. Yes even my *2 year* one.. I know ive said it before... but i think now im ready to give it up..It was fun while it lasted.. But honestly.. why should i hold on to something i cant have.. i have a whole life ahead of me.. why should i just stick to liking one person.. Plus, even tho he is probably a good bf.. i can do better.. yes i can actually say something i havent been able to say before.. I can do better then him... hehe im getting better..No that i came out and said that.. i still have one more lil footstep to take.. that is being able to see him and not have any of those feelings come back.. hopefully ill be able to do that soon too.. then everything will be good..Im young and i shouldnt be set on one person...Anyway.. i think im just saying stuff to say stuff and hopefully let time pass so that i can call megan tonight.. we havent talked to in a while so we got some catching up to doo.. wellim gonna go watch some tv.. bye bye

Current mood: ditzy
Current music: Simple Plan- Im just a kid
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Sunday, June 22, 2003

11:12PM - Sick to my stomach....

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.

What Kind of Smile are You?
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Today i woke up at like 9 o'clock and decided it was wayyyyy to early for me so i went back to sleep and woke up again at like 11:50 to a phone call from my aunt saying we were going into Jersey City.. So i had like 10 minutes to actually wake up and get ready... We get there and then everything became depressed... For once i wasnt depressed in the morning untill i walked into my grandmothers house.. As i walked through the front door all these memories that i hadnt thought about came back to me at once.. it was kinda freaky.. i didnt no whether to cry or be happy, thats how mixed the memories were...

I walked in the house and first saw my grandma.. its always good to see her because she still remembers me.. Then i see my grandpa.. To him im just some stranger off the street.. its weird i look at him and remember all the fun times i had with him the first 10 years of my life, but then he looks at me and has no clue who i am.. its so hurtful.. i know he isnt forgetting me purposely or because he doesnt like me.. its just because of the diease he has.. he has forgotten everything.. He isnt the same guy anymore..Seeing him caused me to realize how life goes by soooo fast... It feels like yesterday that i was a 4 year old kid sitting on my grandpa's lap looking out his window into his window.. Lucky for my grandpa he had a life before he got sick.. he raised 6 children, was around when his grandchildren where born and even helped raised me at the age of 61.. personally i think he did a damn good job stepping in for my father.. he was the best rolemodel i could ever ask for... But then i also one knows how long there gonna live.. and i know i dont wanna die not accomplishing any of my goals in life.. i wanna follow in my grandpa's foot steps.. i wanna live a long life.. But looking at myself i dont know why im still here..its like my life right now is nothing great.. actually its really bad.. I just wish i could go back to being 4 and being with my grandfather and enjoying life.. not having to worry about anything..I love my grandpa so much.. im literally gonna die the die that he passes away

i dont know what to do anymore.. is all the pain ive been through within the last year just a warning of worse things to come.. or is it the worst thing thats gonna happen to me and that in the future things are gonna get better.. idk if i can handle worse things to happen...

Current mood: sick
Current music: Coheed and Cambria- Devil in Jersey City
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12:21AM - Sad..:(

holding hands
hand holding - you like to be in constant physical
contact with your special someone but you don't
want to take things too quickly.

What Sign of Affection Are You?
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This has been a very bad summer.. Nothing really good has happened.. and being alone all day doesnt help.. it just puts me in a very depressed mood.. and not being able to talk to many people makes it even worse..Yesterday, i actually went out to dinner wit my mom and her friend.. we decided to go to Town Tavern... Honestly i didnt wanna go at all.. I didnt wanna be with too older people.. i really had no one to talk too... so yet again i would be alone... But when i got there it was cool.. I got to see bobberz for like the first time sense the end of school..that always brings a smile to my face.. But now that i think about it i cant really like him just doesnt feel right.. me and him are friends.. and thats cool with me.. so i guess i really should start getting over him.. he is really cute.. but nothin would happen between us.. Anyway after that , we came home.. and i was sooo bored.. i decided to get drunk as hell..So i took the drink out of our cabinet thingy and drank the whole bottle of it.. thats the last thing i remember from friday night..

Well today i woke up at around 9:30 with a major headache.. i hung out with my mom for a lil while as boring as that sounds... Then she finially decided to do my hair... After about two hours or dying it and highlighting it.. it came out like a reddish color with bronze streaks..its soo different from like the really dark brown that i use to have... After that my moms friend judi came over again.. and since i didnt have anyone to talk too i just joined there conversation..It got to a very deep conversation..Ive never had a convo with so much depth..I learned alot about what my mother went through at having me at the age of 22.. it was hard on her.. Idk the chat has me looking at how good i have it just with my mom.. If i had my dad it would be so weird.. Its like that bastard was willing to have sex wit my mom but couldnt handle the consequences.. He is such a fucking jack ass motherfucker that even if he wanted to find me and talk to me.. i wouldnt give him the time of day... for all i fucking care that jackass can go rot in hell..

Anyway im gonna go relax a lil bit now.. i havent got some good restfull sleep in a while.. and i really need it.. i havent been myself lately.. ive been getting really depressed.. and everytime i tell my mom i wanna die.. she takes it as a joke.. but when in reality its not..I really think i might need somekind of help.. but no one believes me.. idk who to turn to anymore

Current mood: sad
Current music: Good Charlotte- The day that i die
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Wednesday, June 18, 2003

11:31PM - Hy

Blue info
Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
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Today was a pretty good day i guess.. i woke up at like 10:00 which really isnt that bad..i really didnt have any plans for today till megan and danny asked me if i wanted to go to the mall with them... i was like cool.. so they picked me up after megan went to go get the money order we can get are plan moving along lol..

Anyway we got to the mall... Had fun with "freddie" , which i think im getting alil better with and then went to play air hockey and watch danny and megan play was pretty cool.. then we spent like an hour trying to figure out how to get home.. finially judi picked us up.. but i felt bad we dropped megan and danny off and they had to walk home... me soooooooo sorrrrryyyy guys.... atleast they didnt have to walk from the mall..

I then went home to spend a boring night with my mom and her friend.. idk why but i dont feel like the same deanna, its really weird.. oOo i just found out im getting my hair cut... im so excited.. yay.. i cant wait.. Its the second day of summer vacation.. but it still doesnt feel like vacation.. I hope i start to have a lil more fun sooonnn :(

Current mood: sleepy
Current music: Red hot chili peppers- under the bridge
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Tuesday, June 17, 2003

4:42PM - Happy

SPIRIT is your chinese symbol!

What Chinese Symbol Are You?
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Today is the first official day of summer.. Yesterday were my last two exams.. they werent as bad as i thought.. math was extremely hard.. i failed.. but chem i did really good in lol i wonder y heheh.. i got home at like one because i went across the street for a while to hang out wit my friends.. after i got home i feel asleep until meggie called me..we talked for a while.. its gonna be weird not seeing my friends for a while.. anyway last night i felt so bad.. megan was soo bored but couldnt come over :tear:..I also had my friend come over wit his mom.. we had fun.. i havent seen him in a while so it was cool..

Well anyway.. today was a different story.. i woke up at like 10:00.. i watched some tv till i went out shopping.. no i did not get anything.. then when i came back my friend asked to come over.. it was cool.. we watched tv and went on the computer.. it was cool just chillin for a while..I WANT MY BRACLETS BACK... lol.. im gonna go for now.. ill bbl wit some more stuff :)

Current mood: happy
Current music: Evanessence- bring me to life
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