paradox lies herein

History

18th May 2009

12:41pm: That Particular Visual Effect (Philo Majorettes Convo)



Query:

“Do you know that particular visual effect where people all walk in blurry, quick motion? That’s how I see life sometimes. Everyone goes where they’re supposed to go, and everyone does what they’re supposed to do. And I’ll be sitting there in the middle of it all, alone in the midst of chaos. The only static part of the picture… crystal clear and yet so pitiful.”


Response:

“Yes, I have had the visual effect, only a bit different. Instead of being in the middle of the chaos, I am on top of it, and instead of being inside the picture, I’m out of it. Intellectual elitism, alienation, and fear have lifted me high above, alone. I guess that feels much worse, or does it? Once I tried to go down, I tried to move along, but I was too frail to follow the trend. I found the crowd, the one I envied from afar, too shallow and repulsive in such an intimate distance. I let myself up again. But nonetheless, it feels cold up here, and our conversation is the garment wrapped around my torso, my only source of warmth. I find solace, knowing up here there’s no need to wear mask, no need to change my color. There’s no danger, only darkness.”




1:15pm: Dyslexia, the Other Kind
“Sana minarkahan ko yung row na gusto ko.” Sabi ko kay James.
“Ha ano?” Tanong niya.
“Yung row, na masarap gamitin, hindi masakit sa kamay.”
“Row? Baka paddle?”
“Ay shet, oo nga no! I meant to say oar, and I ended up saying row. Conceptual dyslexia! Parang kapag nalilito ka kung sinong crush mo.”
“Ahahaha. Hindi ba yun emotional dyslexia?”
“Aba, pwede!”
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