Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in kate's Blurty:

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Sunday, April 13th, 2003
11:29 pm	i can play along with this game todaaay i went to hoboken with elisabeth. we chilled out, it was nice. then i went to her house and we made tacos. joe came over, i went home and now im here, not being able to sleep. no one is really talking to me. mike was, but he was very high and made no sense then signed off. michele is talking to me kindaish about ther chris/tian situations. i dont think im very good at helping. not very good at all. give me something you cant control. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: john mellencamp "jack and diane" (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 12th, 2003
5:17 pm	ya live ya learn Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the Glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. Current Mood: okay Current Music: "short stories with tragic endings" fata (Comment on this)
2:21 pm	where is my mind? i feel like a menstraul case. i woke up unpleasantly bloody. its a beautiful day out, yet i have no desire to enjoy it. i should be out there, i just feel tired and lazy which makes me feel guilty. blah diddy blah Current Mood: guilty Current Music: "amber" 311 (Comment on this)
1:14 am	some people miss the silver lining because they're looking for gold i seem to do a lot of realtionship counseling these days, which is pretty odd, considering ive never really been in one. lol. maybe its a good thing, maybe i get to offer them some fresh outsiders prespective, because sometimes it takes an outside perspective to see the simpliest soultions. or maybe its a bad thing, and maybe im just trying to help people with things that i have no idea about. i dont know, i do what i can, because thats all i have to give. im not a very good advice giver, really. my ideas always appear too simple. people like everything much more on the complex side. i cant bring myself to think that way. all the unneccesary drama fogs up my mind, and then i cant sort things out. life is easier sometimes when you bring it all down to the bare minuims: .say what you mean, mean what you say .be kind to others, because what goes around comes around .no one really cares if your miserable, so you might as well be happy .dont lie, youll regret it later .dont tiptoe around things, just get them out in the open .love shouldnt be halfassed. live by your whole heart, and not just half .always be true to the people who put up with you enough to learn to love you i dont know, i just dont. Current Mood: thoughtful Current Music: "how long is the night" thursday (Comment on this)
Friday, April 11th, 2003
7:03 pm	pale september, i wore the time like a dress wow, i am sleepppppy. michele gave me a xanax (sp?). yah, whatever it is. she told me it would make me feel nice. it justs making me feel stoned and sleepy. i dont want to waste my friday night at home sleeping, but bah, i am too tired to do anything elseeeeee. april 11th that feels familiar is there somethign signifigant that im forgetting? Current Mood: exhausted Current Music: notta damn thing (Comment on this)
Thursday, April 10th, 2003
10:27 pm	where he at? where he at? where he at? wow. this is my 3rd time updating in one day, im beggining to get the hang of this journal thing. today i went out with krys, we went park hoping and it wa actually kind of nice. me and her dont hang out alone alot-alot, but it was pretty cool. we went park hoping and talked the entire night. its nice to catch up with friends sometimes. at the end of the night we were sitting on the wall at the end of my block facing the water and all the sudden we heard some kittens crying really loudly. it scared us at first, but krys really wanted to go see if they were ok. somehow she convinced scaredycat me to walk to 16th street and all the way along those trails at the end of the park. the dark, creepy abandoned trails :/. i held on to her for dear life when all the sudden a cat crossed our path and made us jump. we didnt end up finding any kittens, but it was really dark by this time. we decided to go back tomorrow after school during the daylight and see if we can find them, hopefully we'll have some kind of manly presence. im not sure what im going to be up to tomorrow. suprisingly this week went fast, yet excruciatingly slow at the same time. either way tomorrow is friday and thats a good thing. michele has her date, so maybe me and krsy will hang out. i know she wants to rent harrypotter2 (gag), but i really dont want to have to watch that movie. i dont know, i just dont like harry potter. i did before, when the books first came out i read them and liked them, but after the harrypotter explosion i just cant stand it anymore. the movies are entirely too long too, i dont have that kind of patience to sit around and watch a 3 hour movie. i dont know, we'll see though. one more day until the weekend though spring break cant come fast enough. Current Mood: mellow Current Music: "dear prudence" the beatles (Comment on this)
5:59 pm	this makes me happy. heh, liz sent this to me the other day and it makes me very happy. http://etrata.home.attbi.com/flash/banana.swf :) Current Mood: amused Current Music: peanut butter jelly time! (Comment on this)
4:16 pm	a survey, because i feel like it. .) What is a word that can make any amusing sentence more amusing? tinkle 2.) Does the question “Which is more important: looks or personality?” annoy you? of course, because we all know that everyone who says 'personality' is lying out of their arse 3.) Who did let the dogs out? :| 4.) Have you ever eaten a bug intentionally? no 5.) Are you a sexy beast? nope 6.) Have you ever coveted your neighbour’s wife? guilty 7.) If you died tomorrow and went straight to Hell, what would you assume the reason to be? there would be many 8.) If you could travel to any time period, when would it be? an hour or so ago, so i could undirty the dishes i have to go clean 9.) In all honesty- how do you feel about your appearacne? its shit. 10.) Why, God, why? what goes around comes around 11.) Does disco live? no, ide slay it myself if i had to 12.) What’s your theme song? "soco amaretto lime" by brand new 13.) Alms for the poor? what are alms? 14.) Are there any English words that you despise more than Satan in all his sinister glory? vagina. i despise that word. 15.) Are you a good dancer? hardly 16.) Could one conceivable argue that masturbation is therapeutic? yes one definatly could 17.) What are your favorite words to use in conversation? 'why?' 'lovely' 18.) True or false - All homophobes are inherently evil? false. homophobia comes from repressed homosexuality 19.) What is the most amusing name you have ever come across in a telephone directory? ive never read it, but perhaps i will next time im bored enough 20.) Drugs - are you into that sort of thing? sorta 21.) How do you feel about garden gnomes? creepy. i definatly wouldnt want to be locked in a room with one 22.) Do you remember the eighties? only the cartoons 23.) Avril Lavigne - is she a poser or a goddess? uhm, she is just a pretty girl who sings songs? 24.) Do you readily recognize the word "triskaidekaphobia"? yes it is a regular part of my vocabulary 25.) What is the best public scene you have ever created? well my mum told me once when i was little i climbed into one of the racks of clothing and they had to lock the store and call the police before they actually found me 26.) Were you an abnormally fat child? Chubby baybey! not abnormally 27.) What would you say if I told you I was in love with your sister? that you are one sick sick fuck. my sister is 3. 28.) What about your cousin? dont be mean to her/him/whichever one of my thousands of cousins you mean 29.) Do your boobs have names? pride and joy ;) 30.) If you could give yourself a makeover, what would you do? is it possible to do an entire body swap? Current Mood: listless Current Music: beck "loser" (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 9th, 2003
3:44 pm	death to popups today it rained lots and lots. school was usual. some kid copped a random feel on me. i hope it was an accident. :\ that was odd. uhm, wow, my journal entries are getting increasingly more and more boring everyday. its just that i usually make them some time after school, and unfortuantly at 2:40 as soon as the last bell rings my brain stops working so everything i put here is usually mindless blubbering. then of course there is the fact that school is one repetive circle, the same thing every damn day. i hate routines. krys is upset right now and i dont really now what to say to make her feel better because she is only speaking in vague general terms, but even if she wasnt i doubt there is anything i could do to really make it better. she knew that eventually all this cutting school was going to bite her in the ass, if thats even what her upsettness comes from. today i am actually going to go to the gym. can you believe? i cant. its been so long it hurts to think about it. shaina called. ok, now we were are blabbity blabbing about life. she said she is going to make a 'zine with me. cool. i guess thats all for now, until something intresting comes along. Current Mood: restless Current Music: "antigravity love song" incubus (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
10:18 pm	all these pretty girls crying hmpf, today was school unfortuantly. all the reminents of the disgusting slushy dirty snow are still on the ground. go away winter, no one likes you anymore. i was walking with liz and we were talking about how it was perfect snowball throwing snow, but no one wants to play with it, thats because it sucks and we are all tired of being cold. afterschool we went to the salvation army for a bit and i got a book, then we were all going to go to the mall (ie me, liz, joe, billy, and mat) but for some reason we didnt. so then we went to robert's cafe and had coffee and listened to that horrible music like old buggers. liz got very upset though, i could sense it coming on in the road back home. so we sat in joes room and watched a freaking dvd of 'futurama' or however its spelled. bah, now i remember why i hate tv. it was so mindlessly brain numbing..and..not..even..funny. i was bored out of my head and was beggining to make trips to the bathroom just so i would have something to do to entertain myself. there was much tension in the room, between liz and joe, so then we ended up leaving and liz and i walked around and went to our making babies bench at the park. she cried, i listened, and tried to help her. she knows what she has to do though, she has to find it within herself to do it. not happy. shes like a pretty little butterfly that some has trapped in their hand, she barely looks alive sometimes. i just want her to have her happiness. i mean come on now, we are fucking 16 not 36. so then i came home and caught up with shaina a bit, talked to shelly. apparently her and her new intrest are going out this friday to the movies or something. good for them, i hope she has fun and laughs and gets some long overdue action ;). nothing is new with me though, thats ok. im used to it by now. Current Mood: good Current Music: "hands down" dashboard (Comment on this)
Monday, April 7th, 2003
9:24 pm	i slammed my finger in the door wow. i ended up napping for another 3 hours. i think there is something wrong with me, i fall asleep wayyyy to much now. my energy level is like...gone. i bet its this winter fucking weather. wear is my spring? let see, ive got some us1 hw to do. today is bland-bland-bland. the flesh covers the bone and they put a mind in there and sometimes a soul, and the women break vases against the walls and the men drink too much and nobody finds the one but keep looking crawling in and out of beds. flesh covers the bone and the flesh searches for more than flesh. there's no chance at all: we are all trapped by a singular fate. nobody ever finds the one. the city dumps fill the junkyards fill the madhouses fill the hospitals fill the graveyards fill nothing else fills. -charles bukowski robert always said existentialism depressed me. Current Mood: drained Current Music: "i wont spend another night alone" the ataris (Comment on this)
4:45 pm	fuckity fuck fuck the snow rawr. this wintery wheater is not pleasing me. maybe, just maybe if we are lucky we'll manage to get a day off tomorrow. even that is not such a good thing because we have to make it up anyway. but if we dont we are just going to have to trudge around in this mess until the snow melts and spring finally fucking arrives. um, nothing new really in school. i had a pretty bad day, im going to go sleep it off. looks like i get nothing productive done today because of this mess so i might as well enjoy a nap. Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: silence- (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 6th, 2003
12:39 pm	im gonna stay 16 forever...so i can stay like this forever well, lets see lets see. its a gorgeous day today. as soon as i woke up i decided to try to do everything that i had to today so i could enjoy the day. so i spent this morning cleaning and now my room looks spiffy. i have to do my hw because paul is bugging me about it. yesterday i finally got to go out. michele dragged me allllll the way up town to that coffee place. its was cute, and the coffee was very good, but i know the only reason(s) she wanted to go there were theboyswhowillremainnameless. then we went to hudson county park and sat on the rock and talked and talked and talked. michele peed under the bridge and i twirled around in circles because it was just that kinda night. ellise and shell walked me home afterwards and we sat in my kitchen and listened to music. it was a nice night, even though we did the same things that we always do, which is nothing really, but still fun to us. when im old and gray atleast ill be able to look back on all those nights were we sat in parks and smoked too many cigarettes and stole shots of vodka and walked around like we owned the streets with cups of coffee in our hands. summer cant come fast enough. im sick of school, sick of pretending to care about it all. i managed to survive my night home alone well enough, even though i kept the lights on the whole night :). im watching some mtv thing on eating disorders. Current Mood: happy Current Music: tv :\ (Comment on this)
Saturday, April 5th, 2003
6:50 pm	the butterflies are passive agressive soooo. my parents are gone for the weekend, im not throwing a wild party, im sitting here in my pajamas eating vegetable lo mein. im one crazy chick huh? ive decided that i dont like puncuation. i was never too fond of it, so im abstaing from it from now on. its a gloomy day again today, i dont know where spring is hiding. hopefully it gets here soon enough, im sick of the cold. i should have done something today. should have tripped w/ mike, or atleast drank or smoke or forged some kind of false happiness in my life. the night is still young though, very young, its barely 7. maybe there is still hope for me afterall. my house is errie quiet. this is only the second time they have ever let me stay here alone overnight. ide almost feel bad breaking their trust if i was to do something. i probably wouldnt anyway no worries mum. krystyne is sick. michele is a blonde now. liz is somewhere that is not here. everyone else is not my friend. why dont i have more friends? lol 'lol' goddamn that "word". its not a word, its part of our generations new langauge. technology is going to make us dribble. we are even building our own laungauge. recently ive been thinking that maybe microwaves are going to be the death of us. we cook our food with radiation. how can that be healthy? i finally finished i know this much is true. awesome book. if anyone happens to be reading this i reccomend you read that book, and lots of other books, but that one too. in fact i reccomend you read a book, any book, just turn off the tv for a few minutes. i shouldnt be talking, im attached to the other idoit box all day long, but atleast on this one i can be semi-productive maybe, if one could call this productive. your life is just a tred we'll see whose happy in the end Current Mood: bored Current Music: "teenage dirtbag" wheatus (Comment on this)
Friday, April 4th, 2003
4:20 pm	i still taste you, thus reserve my right to hate you It's rainy again today, but atleast it's finally friday. michele is babysitting with jackie, im going to krystyne's and we are going to order ceasar salads in pitas from teddys place hopefully, and probably watch a movie because thats all we ever do. i been thinking 'bout stuff..and i think i know what i need to do, it's just a matter of doing it. yesterday was odd. someone called my cellphone and was like "kate" "yes.." "are you home?" "who is this?" "me" "who?" "steve" yah, i dont know any steves, especially any steves that would have my number. i know it was just some silly joke, but tell that to my subconsious because it bought a scary-spooky-phone call dream to me last night. So i sat up at 3 oclock in the morning and read because i was too scared to go back to sleep.lol. i'm making progress in i know this much is true. it's one of the longest books that ive ever read, something like 900 pages, but, its good. i didn't think you could apply the catch phrase "couldnt put it down" to a book that weighs more than 5 lbs, but yah. Here i am on a friday talking about books. :\ yah, thats me. i guess i dont really have anything interesting or insightful or thoughprovoking to write about. so, until later.. Current Mood: recumbent Current Music: brand new (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 2nd, 2003
3:19 pm	oh. Um, today was ok i guess. its nice outside. i did regular schoolish things, and that kid who picks his nose and eats called me ugly. lovely. today isnt siginifigant. michele left me alone in cafe again today. 2nd time this week. thankya. Other than that, nothing. Current Mood: apathetic Current Music: "not a pretty girl" ani difranco (Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 1st, 2003
3:39 pm	pour your misery down hi. school today. like always. school like every other day. Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. i think highschool is killing me. Current Mood: weird Current Music: "im only happy when it rains" garbage (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 30th, 2003
10:59 pm	you must have your moments inside the sun this weekend i immersed myself in semifeministic-body positive stuff and i feel almost..not to shitty. but now miss melody has managed to bring me d o w n. sometimes people can be too hurtful when they are hurting themselves. maybe i really am naive, or maybe i just dont believe in crowding my life with so uneccessary blown out of proportion drama. granted, drama is fun sometimes, but i simply cannot imagine living my life in a way where every event is some how life shattering. petty stuff cannot make you or brake you. or atleast i hope it cant. its not like i have too much experince with this foriegn idea of 'realtionships'. but from what i can gather its just another one of those things that is heavily ladent with expectations. one of those things that people subconsiously do in a way that has been hammered into their heads as right. how can something like that be placed on a timeline? since when are there rules in the realm of live? whuteva. call me naive. think me dumb. maybe ill change my mind when i get there myself, or maybe i never will, because i dont study the rule book enough to know what the hell im even supposed to do. i only know how to do what feels right. silly me. how dare i live my life according to my heart. how dare i step outside the box because i never really figured out how to get into it anyway. how dare i. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: "beautiful girl" poe (Comment on this)
12:42 pm	raindrops keep falling on my head This weekend has been generally insiginifigant, i've been plagaued with a feeling of hopeless insignigifance all weekend. Yesterday I got antsy and sat by the park by myself for a while. The wind was blowing and the water was choppy and i sat and watched the storm come in and thought about..life. Later Rob and Jose convinced me to go to the play with them to see Trishy the singing nun. Big mistake. I don't know how I managed to forget how much i hate school plays, how much i h a t e musicals. Well, I was reminded rather quickly :) after paying 8 dollars to get in and i left at intermission with rob and made him walk around with me after getting coffee. Mike said he's going to get me a job at lsp. oi, thats so much..work. I'm not quite sure if i'm willing to give up that much of my time, and sleep, and life. :\ Krystyne said that she'll see about getting me a job at the bowling alley with her. I think i'de rather do that, but its a hell of a lot less money and hours. Guess it depends on how lazy I'm feeling, and how much I decide I like air condtioning. i have sydney's first birthday party to go today, and i supposed i should get dressed. until later.. Current Mood: full Current Music: my big fat greek wedding (Comment on this)
Friday, March 28th, 2003
3:31 pm	sex reminds her of eating spaghetti For the past 2 days I've had every intention of updating, I just seem to get too easily sidetracked and end up..not. Nothing signifigant has really happened, though nothing siginifigant every does. Everyone was still all sick today, but Krys finally decided to grace us with her presence, so I had (a) friend in. Liz and Joe have been acting unusually cold to me, its like they are both secretly sick of me but neither of them will say anything about it. I feel rather accomplished today, I passed my driving test with a 98. yay for me. and I finished my creative writting article and i understand my geometry hw. I have no clue what I'm doing this tonight/weekend because everyone is either busy, sick, or going to the play(in the play). That leaves for a very lonely me. l o n e l y me. the story of my life. ill update later if im still feeling lonely. Current Mood: exanimate Current Music: ben kweller "wasted and ready" (Comment on this)