Date:	2004-04-05 11:37
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	roseanne

1.Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
"...solute sense, although one may be more appropriate..." - my sociology book

2.Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?:
piano

3.What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Roseanne

4.WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is.
12:40

5.Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:
12:41 alllllllriiiiiiiight.

6.With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:
roseanne

7.When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:
i stepped outside of the arts & sciences building and walked to my car with joe

8.Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:
emilys/karens/ambers journals

9.What are you wearing?:
slippers / white socks with a gray heel/toes / jeans / springfield shirt / roadway sweatshirt

10.Did you dream last night?
yes. pastor steve was in it.

11.When did you last laugh?
at myself. when i thought of how my group in spanish didn't talk to each other for ten minutes... and then jeff finally made us talk

12.What is on the walls of the room you are in?:
a clock / pictures of family / shelves with cherished teddies on them / phone

13.Seen anything weird lately?:
no

14.Last movie you saw?:
i watched o brother where art thou the other night

15.If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
2004 impala

16.Tell me something about you that I don't know:
who is "me" and "I" if i haven't given this link to anyone?

17.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?


18.Do you like to dance?
FUCK YEAH

19.George Bush:
no comment

20.Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Dinah. or Josephine. or Conley

21.Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call her?
i'd call HIM whatever the father wanted. i'm not partial to any boy names

22.Would you ever consider living abroad?
i'll be considering it after i study abroad in mexico this summer.

Date:	2004-04-04 15:55
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	anthony playing game cube

FOOD
Q1. True or False: You at least make an effort to have three square meals a day.

A: false. i eats when i feels like it

Q2. You prefer A) cooking B) being the one who is cooked for.

A: i like to prepare food. i don't consider it "cooking", though

Q3. True or False: You have eaten things that were inedible. If true, tell us about it.

A: false. well, not that i can recall, anyway

Q4. What is the oddest thing you have ever eaten that actually IS a food?

A: tofu ice cream was pretty odd

Q5. Really good food is A) cheap and generic B) erotic C) too expensive to be worth it. Choose only one!

A: very cheap and generic

Q6. When is the last time you threw up, and why?

A: i threw up after eating at rockne's. i had the double hamburger and all the fries and woke up 5 hours later to run to the bathroom and lose it all

Q7. Your favorite beverage on a hot day?

A: orange juice

Q8. Your favorite beverage on a cold day?

A: hm. i'd still take orange juice. pulpless, if possible.

Q9. After a long and stressful day/night, you like a meal/snack of...

A: doesn't matter. i just like to eat

Q10. True of False: Food is still good after being on the floor for only 5 seconds.

A: this depends on the floor


WATER
Q11. The beach is A) an awesome way to spend a sunny day with a large group of friends B) a nice place to be alone C) only for skinny people.

A: only for skinny people

Q12. The ocean makes you feel:

A: peaceful

Q13. Describe your swimwear.

A: the suits i've had for swim team. nothing trendy. nothing revealing.

Q14. When is the last time you went swimming?

A: probably last summer when i was going to the natatorium everyday. laps are great.

Q15. How often do you bathe?

A: daily

SHELTER
Q16. You would most like to live in A)a Zen monastary B) a posh English Mansion C) a Persian palace (complete with harem) D) an igloo E) a Hawaiian beach hut.

A: a hawaiian beach hut

Q17. Use three words to describe your decorating style:

A: minimalist / colorful / balanced

Q18. Your method of cleaning is A) an all out extravaganza every spring B) a daily organization C) stuffing everything into the closet and under the bed right before you have company.

A: a daily organization

Q19. Roughing it is A) only fun to watch on Survivor B) fun once or twice a summer with friends C) an ideal permanent summer arrangement.

A: save it for survivor

Q20. Straw, stick, brick?

A: brick


DECENCY
21. You prefer toilet paper to roll from A) the top or B) the bottom.

A: bottom

Q22. You brush your teeth A) side to side B) up and down C) using circular motion.

A: side to side

Q23. What do you shave, if at all?

A: legs / underarms / bikini line

Q24. You bathe A) at night B) in the morning.

A: morning

Q25. Have you ever peed/pooped in a place that was not meant for going for peeing/pooping? Tell us about it.

A: i think i've always gone in the designated places, however i've been in some portapotties that were not fit for human use


MISCELLANEOUS
26. If you were stranded on Gilligan's Island and they finally ran out of coconuts and fish, who would you eat first?

A: the millionaire and his wife

Q27. Who would you rather have do your dentistry? A)The Three Stooges B) Charles Manson C) a blind man from a third world country.

A: i'd rather have all my teeth fall out

Q28. Who would you most like to see be gorged by a herd of rampant bulls? A) Oprah B) Rosie O'Donnell C) Martha Stewart D) Dubya E) a member of your own family

A: martha stewart

Q29. You suck the lollipop/candy till it's gone, or you bite first?

A: i bite

Q30. Use three words to describe how you feel about your rear end:

A: i've come to terms with my rear, however i have no words to describe how i feel about it

Q31. Should guns be banned (I had to throw at least ONE serious question in)?

A: i don't think guns should be banned completely. i do feel, however, that some sort of regulations on who has these guns should be in effect

Q32. Three words to describe how you are feeling right now:

A: happy / content / excited

Q33. Your idea of heaven would be:

A: a place where i feel completely comfortable with myself 100% of the time

Q34. Your idea of hell would be:

A: a place where i feel completely uncomfortable 100% of the time

Q35. This survey was:

A: different. which is great, since i've been filling these things out lately like they're going out of style

Essential. . .
1. Make up a name for yourself: Athena Durga Roark
2. Where were you born? Madrid
3. And when was this? the middle ages

Morning. . .
1. What's your favourite breakfast cereal? chex. (rice and wheat, not corn)
2. What's the first thing you do upon waking? turn on some music
3. Coffee or Orange Juice? o.j.
4. Stop to smell the roses or rush to work/school? a little of both
5. What is your morning bathroom routine? shower / brush / floss
6. Sex in the morning/night? n/a
7. Toast or pop tart? toast
8. Morning breath? i hope not
9. Do you have normal sleeping habits? Is your morning everyone else's night? i have the sleeping habits of the very old. early to bed and early to rise...
10. How many hours of sleep you average? six or seven
11. Get on the Internet before work/school? occasionally.
12. Change your underwear regularly? daily
13. Sing in the shower? i've tried. it's just too weird
14. Flex in the mirror? i'll admit it. when i worked out for swim team, yes.
15. Butter or Margarine? either?

Noon. . .
1. What is your favourite fast food place? the b.k. lounge
2. Take out, drive thru, or eat in? drive thru
3. Bring your lunch or eat from a vending machine? bring my lunch
4. Eat in a group or alone? i enjoy both
5. Would you like fries with that? yes. supersize
6. Gossip? i can't live without it
7. Do you brush your teeth after every meal? no
8. Chew Trident? i don't chew gum
9. Are you eating anything right now? no
10. How about drinking? no
11. Favourite TV Dinner: macaroni and cheese
12. Favourite Candy Bar: hershey's cookies and cream
13. Favourite chewing gum: none
14. Does loud chewing bother you? yes
15. Do you talk with your mouth full? yes

And Night. . .
1. What is your favourite sleeping position? on my right side / on my tummy
2. Do you dream in colour or black and white? color?
3. Do you sleep alone? yes
4. Have you ever been in a bar? no
5. How about a gay bar? no
6. Do you drink? no
7. Do you drink and drive? i drink pop and drive
8. How about drugs, do you do those? no
9. Do you carry condoms? no need to
10. Name something stupid you've done while drunk:
11. Tell me a recent dream: i can't remember any recent dreams. when i was little i dreamt that my stuffed animal monster came alive and tucked me in. and then he went back in the closet.
12. What are you doing next Saturday night? party at karens?
13. Will you marry me?
14. What do you sleep in? pajama pants / t-shirt or wife-beater / socks. i can't sleep without socks on
15. Goodnight: sleep tight

Date:	2004-04-04 00:02
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	old navy commercial

Friends would describe me as alert.: nay.
I know what all the stereo controls on my system are for.: nay.
...And I can hear the difference when I adjust them.: yay.
I have a favorite scent. (What is it? Why do you like it?): nay
I like to touch and be touched.: yay
I see the humor in life every day.: less often than i want to.
I have a tendency to "jump to conclusions".: yay to infinity.
I enjoy riddles, puzzles, and puns.: riddles, yay. puzzles, nay. puns, yayayay
I like details.: yay
I am almost always on time.: for everything but work.
I am skilled at math.: nay to infinity
I rely on logic.: nay
Analysis is one of my strengths.: yay to infinity.
I am highly imaginative.: when i'm over-analyzing
I often say or do the unexpected.: once in a while
I rely on intuition.: always
I love to move.: eh.
I am ecologically aware.: nay
I enjoy similies, analogies, and metaphors.: i enjoy all three
I sometimes experience a sense of connectedness with all creation.: rarely, which is unfortunate.

HOLY CRAP! another survey

Name: kristen
Nickname: Jerry / Gar
Birthday: september nineteenth
Birthplace: akron

=Now=

Current mood: tired and annoyed
Current music: none
Current taste: saliva?
Current hair: down. messy.
Current clothes: green sweater. khaki's. slippers.
Current annoyance: karen and emily complained i'm never online at midnight. well, it's 12:30 and they're not here.
Current smell: none
Current thing I ought to be doin: sleeping?!
Current windows open: Notepad / aim / aol
Current desktop picture: picture from explodingdog.com - i love the zoo
Current favorite band: the yeah yeah yeahs
Current book: none
Current cd in stereo: paulina rubio
Current crush: joe
Current favorite celeb: none. i'm not like that
Current hate: the fact that i'm not in pajamas yet


=Do I=

Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Have sex?: no
Give oral sex?: i regret to inform you that i have
Receive oral sex?: see above
Have a dream that keeps coming back?: no
Remember your first love?: i don't think my first "love" was real
Still love him/her?: i'm over them, if that's what you mean
Read the newspaper?: no, but i should start
Have any gay or lesbian friends?: yes
Believe in miracles?: i guess
Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: of course it's possible
Consider yourself tolerant of others?: extremely
Consider love a mistake?: whoa. i hate to say it, but... it could be. at times
Like the taste of alcohol?: no?
Have a favorite candy?: yes. reeses' pieces
Believe in astrology?: nay.
Believe in magic?: it's all an illusion
Believe in god?: yes
Have any pets: no
Go to or plan to go to college: i do go to college
Have any piercings?: no
Have any tattoos?: not yet
Hate yourself: pretty often
Have an obsession?: eh.
Have a secret crush?: i think so.
Do they know yet?: probably
Have a best friend?: hard to say, what with the two of them trying to DATE EACH OTHER and all
Wish on stars?: no, but that's a cute idea
Care about looks?: only about my own

=Love life=

First crush: allen sehm. wow i can't believe i remember that
First kiss: yeah.
Single or attached?: oh so single
Ever been in love?: i'm not sure. i'm thinking no
Do you believe in love at first sight?: i'm not sure about that either.
Do you believe in "the one?": yes
Describe your ideal significant other: as weird as i am. but no weirder. lol i don't know if i could handle that


=Juicy stuff=


Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: ew no
Have you ever been intoxicated?: no
Favorite place to be kissed?: i like being kissed in general... nowhere specific
Have you ever been caught "doing something?": almost
Are you a tease?: i don't think so... others may disagree
Shy to make the first move?: suprisingly... no. once i let you in i'm not shy to do anything

=Word association=

Rubber:
Rock:
Green:
Wet:
Cry:
Peanut:
Hay:
Cold:
Steamy:
Fast:
Freaky:
Rain:
Bite:
fuck:
Blow:

Religion: brethren (it's christian)

--APPEARANCE:--
Hair: yellow
Eyes: blueish / greenish
Height: 5 4 or something like that


--LAST THING YOU:--
Bought: a pepsi from the j.a.r.
Ate & Drank: wendy's
Read: my sociology book
Watched on tv: an arnold s. movie

--EITHER / OR:--
club or houseparty: house
beer or cider: neither
drinks or shots: neither
cats or dogs:
single or taken: oh so so so soooooooo single
pen or pencil: pen
gloves or mittens: gloves
food or candy: food
cassette or cd: cd
coke or pepsi: pepsi
this or that: the other thing

--WHO DO YOU WANT TO:--
kill: eh. no one, really
get really wasted with: karen
look like: me
be like: hm. bruce.
avoid: almost everyone

--LAST PERSON YOU--
talked to: anthony
hugged: my grandma
instant messaged: karen
kissed: bryan

--WHERE DO YOU--
eat: at the table / computer / my desk
cry: at emilys house
wish you were: out

--HAVE YOU EVER...--
Dated one of your best friends? yes
Loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Drank alcohol? no
Done drugs? no
Broken the law? i speed like it's goin out of style
Run away from home? no
Broken a bone? no
Played Truth Or Dare? yes
Kissed someone you didn't know? no
Been in a fight? no
Come close to dying? i think i have emotionally

--WHAT IS:--
The most embarrassing CD in your collection?: a britney spears single *hangs head in shame*
Your bedroom like?: relaxing
Your favorite thing for breakfast? pepsi
Your favorite restaurant?: Luigi's

--RANDOM QUESTIONS--

What's on your bedside table?: lamp, cd player, stack of cds
What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night?: hamburger helper
What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie?: i don't weep during movies
If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?: lipo on my tummy/thighs
What is your biggest fear?: people
What feature are you most insecure about?: my teeth. they're crooked
Do you ever have to beg?: beg for what
Are you a pyromaniac?: not at all
Do you have too many love interests?: i have too many infatuations
Crushes? one
Do you know anyone famous?: not that i'm aware of. wait. my grandma has appeared on the springfield channel. haw haw
Describe your bed: best mattress in the world / green and white checkered blanket / blue blanket / two pillows at my feet / one pillow for my head
Spontaneous or plain?: both
Do you know how to play poker?: no
What do you carry with you at all times?: my keys / a few dollars
How do you drive?: speedily
What do you miss most about being little?: karens house
Are you happy with your given name?: eh. i love my last name, however
How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?: not too much
What color is your bedroom?: pale blue. it's so relaxing
What was the last song you were listening to?: in the car on the radio: duran duran: hungry like the wolf
Have you ever been in a play?: yes
Who are your best friends?: karen and emily
Do you talk a lot?: to said best friends
Do you like yourself and believe in yourself?: not usually
Do you think you're cute?: once in awhile
Do poor, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? no
Do you consider yourself to be a nice person?: more often than not
Do you spend more time with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or your friends?: i spend most of my time with myself
What is the first thing you think when you see two gay guys or lesbians holding hands?: aww

Date:	2004-04-03 23:54
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	cold
Music:	some arnold movie where he's... pregnant?

1) What is your favorite girl scout cookie? the lemon ones
2) Do you prefer small town life or big city life? i like both
3) The Cures "Boys don't cry" or "Just like Heaven"? either
4) Violent femmes or Sex Pistols? sex pistols
5) Reese's Peanut Butter Cups or Pieces? PIECES. i love the pieces
6) Morning sex or drunk sex?
7) Jenna Jameson or Belladonna? is it sad i know who these people are?
8) Britney or Christina? christina.
9) Where were you born? akron, oh
10) Pirates or zombies? pirates
11) Hardcore or emo? whatever
12) Dodge ball or red light greenlight? dodgeball. one word.
13) Did you get spanked when you were a kid? i got threatened. and i was put over the knee. but my dad could never follow through.
14) Do you get spanked now (sexually)? ugh. no
15) Do you like it?
16) Where do you hope to be in 5 years? out of the country? lol
17. Do you believe in (a thing called) love? yes. i haven't lost that much hope
18) Do you believe in witchcraft? no
19) Explain a holiday memory: i remember being at my cousin angelique's and my granny bought me a barbie. but i was like... 13. and everyone was like "she's too old for that" and granny asked me if i still played with barbies and i had the hardest time saying no. i think i might have even mumbled yes. i'm so weird
20) If you could be a virgin again would you? thank god i already am one
21) Would you ever consider being open sexually to somone of the same sex? everything deserves consideration
22) Type some of the lyrics of one of your favorite songs? i've found a reason for me / to change who i used to be / a reason to start anew / and the reason is you
23) Do you sleep with a teddy bear, blankie, or in your clothes? i sleep in my clothes sans blankie/bear
24) Do you believe long distance relationships would work? they can. but i'd think they'd be so much more work
25) Have you ever dated some one off of my space/ friendster? what?
26) How many people?
27) What’s more important: money, friendship, power or love? friendship
28) Would you sleep with someone on the first date? i'd like to think i'm stronger than that
29) How do you like your grilled cheese? triangular
30) What do you listen to when your heart is broken? tori
31) Do you believe trust is earned, or do you think everyone should be trusted until they fuck up? everyone should be trusted until they prove unworthy. and then, trust them anyway... people can change
32) What do you mix your vodka with? i... don't?
33) What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon? i was never down with saturday morning cartoons. i was all about friday night tgif on abc.
34) Did you ever watch kids incorporated? lmao yes.
35) What is your favorite John Hughes film? n/a
36) What did you think of House of 1000 corpses by Rob Zombie? i like rob
37) What do you do for work? some nights i pull staples, some nights i fight with the scanner, and some nights i sit around and gossip with corinne
38) What is your dream job? i think i want to be a spanish teacher
39) Who is your favorite Peanuts gang character? pig pen.
41) Clubs or bars? neither?
42)What’s the best show you've ever been to? tori tori tori
43) Do you have a crush? nah. well. maybe. my amigo. from spanish class. maybe.
44) Who were you in high school? i was nobody. i'm almost positive not everyone knew my name
45) Do you believe in astrology? i believe it's insanely inaccurate
46) Do you believe in angels? i guess
47) Do you believe in ghosts? there are ghosts in the office when i'm alone at work
48) How do you want to die? peacefully. in my sleep
49) Don't lie: do you like bon Jovi's album- slippery when wet? i dislike bon jovi
50) What is your biggest "issue?"- people. talking to them, connecting to them, letting them in... yeah. people


gimme a break. i'm really bored.

Date:	2004-04-03 23:31
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bored

What was...

1. ...your first grade teacher's name?
Mrs. Reimond
2. ...your favorite Saturday morning cartoon?
my favorite cartoon of any day of the week: invader zim
3. ...the name of your very first best friend?
Brandy White. we got in trouble for kickin it behind the trash bin on the playground
4. ...your favorite breakfast cereal?
chex (wheat and rice, not corn)
5. ...your favorite thing to do after school?
talk to karen online

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	nine
your best quality is	you dont follow the crowd
your worst quality is	youre very wild
this is because	Of the people you hang around
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	nine
your best quality is	you dont follow the crowd
your worst quality is	youre very wild
this is because	Of the people you hang around
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

whoa. that ain't me.

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a	nine
your best quality is	you dont follow the crowd
your worst quality is	youre very wild
this is because	Of the people you hang around
Created with quill18's MemeGen 3.0!

whoa. that ain't me.

K - You like to try new things
R - You are a social butterfly
I - You are always smiling & making others smile
S - You are very broad-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
E - You are a very exciting person.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.

wow. that was unsuprisingly inaccurate.

Date:	2004-04-03 23:12
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah
Music:	my family is watching a survivor tape

1. what's your name? kristen
2. where are you from? akron, ohio
3. what's your favorite vegetable? lettuce?
4. does coffee suck? i can only drink coffee if it's someone else's
5. who's the most beautiful (by your definition of "beautiful")? definately not me
7. do you like potatoes? fried and salted
8. do you wear make-up? never
9. sweden or norway? both
10. do you play video games? i play diddy-kong racing. or i play nothing.
11. what's your middle name? marie
12. do you have any siblings? 1, brother, 14 years old
13. do you get along with them? yes. but i should be closer to him. the poor kid's got wackos for relatives
14. what's the last cd you bought? blondie - parallel lines
15. what's the best cd you own? anything tori amos. and the yeah yeah yeahs - fever to tell
16. what's the worst cd you own? ha. i might have a backstreet boys cd. or two
17. how old are you? 18
18. what's more important love or life: they intertwine and are equally important
19. what's your favorite song? right now my favorite song is by the yeah yeah yeahs - pin
20. are you right handed of left? righty
21. spearmint or peppermint? i dislike mint flavored things. with the exception of toothpaste
22. what's the most comfortable pair of shoes you own? the white/gray vans
23. do you like these surveys? yes
24. what's your favorite color? green
25. what's your favorite fruit? mango
26. is pornography gross or entertaining? pornography is empty
27. do you believe that there is a God? yes
28. are you still in school? i'm a freshman at akron u.
29. does AOL suck? i don't think so, but it's all i've got
30. is punk dead? of course not
31. best band in the world is? tori amos is the best in the world. even though she is technically not a band. although she does have a band.
32. favorite number? hm. i don't have one. am i the only person who has no favorite number?
33. what's your favorite brand of gum? i don't chew gum. it makes me hungry
34. if you could marry anyone in the world, man or woman, celebrity or non-celebrity, living or dead, who would it be? whoa. let's not get carried away here
35. why? i don't want to think about something like that like...that
36. what are your parents' names? David Lewis / Jean Ann
37. color or colour? i'm not british
38. what's your favorite kind of music? dance.
39. do you wear glasses? only when i drive. because i'm vain.
40. did you enjoy your high school experience? it could have been worse
41. who's your favorite comedian? DANE COOK
42. who do you wish you could smack in the face? myself
43. was your childhood enjoyable? it was at karen's house. karen was the best babysitter in the universe
44. what's your favorite kind of cheese? mozzarella
45. what's your "guilty pleasure" movie? Muppet Treasure Island
46. did the 80s suck? whoa. of course not.
47. what's your favorite curse word? i don't curse much.
48. do you like donuts? who doesn't like donuts?
49. do you hate these questions? nah
50. do you have any animals? no

Date:	2004-04-02 23:06
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy
Music:	O Brother Where Art Thou

it began tonight. the beginning of my time as a fifth wheel. i go to work and karen and emily are holding hands. on and off. and acting all... girlfriendy towards each other. i'm happy for them. i truely, truely am. i am not happy, however, that this leaves me more or less alone. they are my two best friends. but now they have a different relationship with each other, which means, ultimately...

that i have to make new friends.

and i don't do that well. it involves letting people in. which i am totally not all for doing. (what the hell kind of sentence was that?) i don't want to do that, is what i'm trying to say here. i don't like letting people in. it's... so hard for me.

karen and i talked a little about bryan tonight. which is nice, because she's the only one who knows enough about him to really talk about him with me. she told me she never wanted me to get involved with him, but didn't want to tell either one of us not to. i assured her that even though i've had better times, i learned a lot from being with bryan. about myself and about what i want from another person. boyfriend person. and i don't want a guy like bryan. i'm not strong enough to hold up someone so depressed. but i can't be expected to be that strong... but i still expect that of myself....

anyhoo

karen brought something else up tonight. she said she isn't sure if she should be with emily because emily cuts. and so did karen. which made me think about how... i've been a very close friend to emily for five years. and she told me she'd cut herself a few times, but not a lot. but she told me this like... a few months ago. and she's been doing it for years. and i understand that it's her information to give to whoever she wants to (and to give to no one, if she wants to), but i still consider it a personal failure that she felt she could not/did not want to tell me. how bad of a friend am i? maybe i'm being self-centered, thinking that the only reason she didn't tell me was because of me. but it makes me wonder.

i really am okay with emily and karen together. what upsets me is that i feel lonely already, and i don't mind at all. i kinda like it. i like it that emily won't be asking me to spend the night at her house and i like it that now she has someone else to make come over to her house when she's barely even awake. ... the more i think about it, the more i don't even know why emily and i are friends. sure, we laugh. but it rarely goes deeper. i honestly think emily considers me too stupid to have a serious conversation with. she saves those for paul, i'm sure. and probably vanessa. and of course karen. but not gar. slow gar.

she really hurts my feelings sometimes. a lot.

being forced to find new friends will be good for me, i'm sure. maybe i'll even smile at the german class guy on monday. he looks so open.

maybe i won't smile at him on monday because on monday i'll probably get my math test back and i'll see that i've of course failed it. but maybe i'll smile because...hey. i'm alright. he looks soo open. and i can't think of a better way to put it. just. relaxed. and... OPEN. the only things i know about him (that you can't normally tell just by looking at a person) are 1) tattoo of cross on his left upper arm and 2) smokes marlboros. i know 1. because he wore a sleeveless t-shirt to school when it was beautiful and warm outside and 2. because he opened a pack while walking out of the room on the beautiful weather day. *smile* there are just certain people i want to get to know. i haven't found a pattern to these people, but... there are just some people i see and think. they look nice. and OPEN.

i love my little infatuations with people i don't even know.

wait, there is a pattern. they usually have tattoos.

joe's a person i'd like to get to know. i feel suprisingly comfortable around him. but it'll end when the semester ends. i'm sure.

i'm going to work tomorrow. all day. starting early. cos i didn't even get 20 hours this week. i hope emily and karen decide not to come in. i get so much more work done by myself. and i can turn the music up and sing along.

Date:	2004-04-01 21:54
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	calm
Music:	computer fan whirly noises

[ the basics ]
1) single or taken: i'm so single
2) sex: female
3) birthday: september 19, 1985
4) sign: virgo
5) siblings: anthony. a.k.a. tony bologna
6) hair color: yellow
7) eye color: sometimes blue, sometimes green
8) shoe size : 9-10
9) height: 5 foot 4?

[ fashion stuff ]
1) where is your favorite place to shop: best buy. (but that's not fashion...)
2) any tattoos or piercings: not yet
3) favorite outfit: jeans from high school and this black zipper sweatshirt thing i have

[ the extra stuff ]
1) do you do drugs: no
2) what are you most scared of: people
3) what car do you wish to have: the medium green ranger on canton road.
4) where do you want to get married: doesn't really matter
5) how many messenger buddies do you have on right now: 0 (see question #2)
6) if you could change anything about yourself, what would it be: my social awkwardness. i'm so weird around people.

[ favourite ]
1) subjects in school: spanish and sociology
2) animals: cats / amber's tiny little hampster

[ have you ever ]
1) given anyone a bath: no
3) bungee jumped: no
4) broken the law: i speed excessively down the freeway
5) made yourself throw-up: ew, no
6) gone skinny-dipping?: again. ew, no. i couldn't do that to other people

[ first thing that comes to mind ]
1) red:
2) cow:
3) socks:
4) holland:

[ have you ever (again) ]
1) ever been so drunk you blacked out: no
2) put a body part on fire for amusement: no
3) been in a car accident: no
4) been hurt emotionally: hasn't everyone?
5) kept a secret from everyone: hasn't everyone?
6) had an imaginary friend: i think i had one when i was in preschool... i've been told i talked quite a bit about a kid named brian ... but there was no brian in my class. *shrug*
7) wanted to hook up with a friend: yes
8) cried during a movie?: yes, but i can't admit which one. well, yes i can. titanic. i know, i know. but the part where the two kids were huddled with their mom... i couldn't help myself
9) had a crush on a teacher: lol. yes. mr. eby.
10) ever thought an animated character was hot?: no
11) had a new kids on the block tape: i was never into them. lauren, however, had their sleeping bag.

[ more favourites ]
1) shampoo: ...the kind my mom buys?
2) hair colour: i like dark hair. but not on me.
3) day/night: day. more specifically... morning. early morning.
4) summer/winter: summer
6) cartoon characters: invader zim, stewie griffin, gir
7) fave advertisment: absolutely. none.
8) fave films: i don't watch a lot of "films". i usually fall asleep during them. "but i'm a cheerleader" was a pretty good one, though. funny funny funny stuff.
9) fave ice cream: mango / lemon

[ right now, what are you ]
1) wearing: pj pants, cuyahoga falls natatorium 2004 shirt, black zipper sweatshirt thing
2) drinking: pepsi i bought this morning and won a free song on iTunes with
3) thinking about: how i want to sleep.
4) listening to: my laptop make it's "i'm working" noises

[ in the last 24 hours, have you ]
1) cried: No
2) ate: of course. i eat often. i just had a m&m blizzard. daniel ordered the same thing.
3) cleaned your room: i've straightened it up.
5) driven a car: all over the city of akron

[ do you believe in ]
1) yourself: almost never
2) friends: most of the time
3) God: yes
4) destiny/fate: well. i don't know. i'd like to believe you choose your own fate. but then... doesn't that make it... not fate?
5) angels: eh. yes/no
6) ghosts: i think there are ghosts at the office who mess around with the phones when i'm there by myself. seriously.

(last)
9 bands/singers you have seen:
1. Whatever You Want
2. the other bands at the springfield high school band show
3. tori amos
4. garbage
5. tori amos
7. (yeah i don't leave the house much...)
8.
9.

Movies you'd watch over and over:
1. Office Space
2. Muppet Treasure Island
3. (eh. not big on movies.)
4. Young Frankenstein
5. Monty Python Search for the Holy Grail
6.
7.
8.

7 things you hate:
1. myself
2. myself
3. myself
4. myself
5. myself
6. myself
7. myself

6 songs you love right now:
1. the reason - hoobastank
2. tick - yeah yeah yeahs
3. silver and cold - afi
4. pin - yeah yeah yeahs
5. y control - yeah yeah yeahs
6. maps - yeah yeah yeahs

5 things you do every day:
1. computer
2. school days: buy a pepsi from the machine in the j.a.r.
3. WORK
4. talk to emily
5. talk to karen

4 things that you couldn't live without:
1. music
2. driving
3. alone time
4. hope that i'll find someone who's as weird as me... to spend weird time with. doing weird things.

3 of your favorite tv shows:
1. the tick
2. golden girls/designing women
3. full house

2 of your favorite people:
1. karen
2. kris

1 person you'd love to meet:
1. the male version of me. i think i came close with peter last semester, but... i think i could find a closer match

Date:	2004-04-01 21:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	silence...eerie

i have to stop being so shy. it's killing me. and maybe some people around me.

now that my two best friends have decided they like each other, that leaves me. alone. to make new friends. one good reason to stop being so shy. one more good reason: i'm going to mexico and i need to be friendly with the people i'm going with... but i have a feeling that once we're down there the fact that we all speak the same language will bond us like nothing else could.

there's a vacuum loose in my car. so it makes a hissing noise. great timing, new gray. just when i'm about to pull $3000 out of my savings to go to mexico you need to spring a leak? reeeeeeeeeal cool. eh...i don't really mind. for having the car as long as i have it's been pretty low maintainance. *knock on wood* yeah. i feel like i should backspace over what i just wrote about my car but i won't. i will maintain control of the o.c. person in me. i will.

I HATE POPUPS!

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Date:	2004-04-01 12:21
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	shocked
Music:	movie...crazy/beautiful

i got a lot done in the library. english, english, and some sociology.

we watched a good movie in sociology. "Tough Guise". it's about how violence has become a part of "maleness". and when violence is discussed, the fact that men commit most violent acts is ignored. but when a woman is violent, the headline addresses that it was a female specifically. the idea was that when people hear words like 1)race, 2)sexual orientation, and 3)gender, they think 1)asian, hispanic, black 2)gay, bisexual 3)female ... the dominant groups [1)white 2)straight 3)male] are invisible and therefore are not part of discussions like violence. that's all the farther we got in the video. it was good.

and now i feel like karen's going to drop a bomb on me. but first she has to pee.
what karen told me has left me completely speechless. between vanessa, karen, emily and myself, we are the WEIRDEST people on the planet. odd to infinity.

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