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Wednesday, November 12th, 2003
7:52 pm - thoughts.. life sucks..
I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. I feel ugly and sad. Always sad, I look at couples in the school halls and think of what can be but never will. I feel that I will never be loved. Just this lonely girl crying. I know I'm not much but can't someone love me. I try to act like everythings alright when everythings wrong. Its hard to remember when I was happy. Its hard to even feel happy. Its like I'm choaking to breathe anymore. Or that I hide a thousand tears behide a laughter. No one will understand how I feel, I mean maybe Sammi will, cause me and her think about the same things. Some days I just want to die and get my life over with, but I can't. I can't let my friends and family down. I wouldn't be able to let them go. But its hard to live anymore. Its just hard to be myself. So many people are happier then me right now. I wish I was 7 again so I don't have to know how bad life can really be, and the only thing that hurts was boo-boo's. Can't I be happy? I don't deserve this feeling I really don't. I just need space from people. Alot of days I think about how good it would be on a different planet where I don't have to worry about the stupid laws and just have fun with friends and family. Never being heartbroken and never dying in tears. Its getting hard to think anymore. I feel unwanted, not needed, and used.

Much Love,
Kay

current mood: sad
current music: Evanescence - Bring Me To Life

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