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Monday, June 30th, 2003
12:21 am - Ggggrrrrr! Finally...
I knew it would happen, thank God I found a way around it. So I go to take a shower thursday night, and my mom was still cruising around the house. I come out of the shower only to find tht the cord that connects the computer to the outlet was missing... that BITCH! That was all I kept thinking about through the night. So the next morning I wake up a little late and that gave my mom a whole lot of time to find a perfect hiding place. So I start looking around the house for the cord and my mom says "What are you looking for? If you're looking for the cord, I gave it to my friend to hold until I feel you deserve to use it again" So after that, I just gave up and there started my weekend of fucking hell. So I thought to myself, well... if her friend has it, im not gonna be using that computer any time soon. But my mom pushed it even further by bitching at me for all the little things. Remember the orange soda thing? Well, I popped. I said you know what, FUCK THIS. I had an argument with my mom and I told her she was a "stupid whore" who only likes to make my life miserable. Then I popped in my Linkin Park CD since she hates it so much and blasted it in the living room. My mom went and locked herself up in her room to get away from the noise. While I had the music going, I also decided to play basketball in the house using the laundry basket and I purposely broke one of her frames and said it was a mistake. So there went the rest of Friday all I did after that was lie on the couch... eat and watch movies while thoughts of my parents dying ran through my head. Saturday... BORING! The only way to describe it. I didnt talk to my mom much other than telling her I was hungry and the occasional name calling. So today... Sunday, it wasn't as boring of a day but I was really starting to miss someone, they should know. I didnt know if I could take this any longer so I tried one more thing: BEGGING TO MY MOM AND PLAYING THE WHOLE INNOCENT ACT. And knowing me too well, she didnt fall for it... But I did get one thing out of her... the cord was still in the house, and she lied about giving it to her friend. So about 2 hours ago from when I started typing this, I check under the fridge... nothing there. I check in the cabinets... nothing there. But then For some reason I decided to check under the washing machine... AND THERE IT WAS! It was there, in a plastic bag. My parents are asleep now, so they dont know that I found it. Well, that was my weekend, and let me tell you, I dont ever want to have that boring of a weekend again. And while im at it, OOOOOOOOOO ITS HOT HERE! ITS LIKE 102 DEGREES OUT HERE! Anyway, thats that... I'll try not to let it happen again. ~LATER :)

current mood: relieved
current music: Nothing!

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Wednesday, June 25th, 2003
9:06 pm - useless.co
I dont even know why im updating... But I just saw Ruben perform... brings a smile to my face everytime I see him perform :) The attack continues... my dad kept yelling at me telling me that im "useless" and that im "never making anything out of myself" I hate it. I just wish he would go away sometimes and dare I say... Wish death upon him. But thats how I feel, im just afraid one day I may do something i'll end up regretting.
Lets put it this way: Im a bottle of orange soda, and my parents own me. Everytime they make me feel bad, is equivalent to shaking the bottle of orange soda. So for everytime they put me down, more and more pressure builds inside. Im afraid one day im going to build up too much pressure and just break. Sometimes I feel useless because they really hurt my feelings when they tell me im not worth a thing :( Yeah they're nice sometimes, but when they tell me those things I feel really bad, and almost believe them... anyway, I have to get back to eating ~LATER

current mood: sad
current music: Ruben...

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Monday, June 23rd, 2003
5:36 pm - This Fucking Sucks
I just had an argument with my mom... my parents want to take away my internet. I hate this bullshit, its always the same, they always want to take everything away from me. Every little thing I have, they take away. It seems like I cant do anything in this house without my parents doing something to make it even worse. Fuck you too mom and dad. Thanks for always making my life miserable at any given opportunity. I had to update, just to let you know in case im gone for a while. I'll try to fight it off... hopefully i'll be able to win this time. I dont want to start breaking things, so i'll have to go lock myself in my room in a while. I dont wanna miss a moment with those I love, and you know who you are...and no internet = not seeing you. I have to go... Listen to LP and lock up in my room under the sheets of my bed, before I do anything I'd regret. Im tired of my dad's name calling... my mom's continuous bullshit and treating me like a baby... tired of them making a big deal out of nothing. Tired of it all. In the words of Linkin Park: IM ABOUT TO BREAK! ~Later

current mood: infuriated
current music: Porcupine Tree - Blackest Eyes

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Thursday, June 19th, 2003
11:05 pm - Alphabet Soup
Your words are my food, your breath is my wine,
You are everything to me,
I love you not only for what you are,
but for what I am when I am with you,
As we continue to change with age,
There is one thing that will never change...
I will always keep falling in love with you
For, you see, each day I love you more,
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow
I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.
All the love that history knows,
is said to be in every rose.
Yet all that could be found in two,
is less than what I feel for you.
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.

HAHAHAHA im drunk! I think.... but I had some of my dads Remy Martin... Oh well, I felt like writing a poem, its just something I do... DEAL WITH IT! Im off for a cup noodles break! ~LATER

current mood: tired
current music: Linkin Park! Rox ur sox, eh Stephy?

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12:29 pm - Woah....
Well, today wasn't as bad as i thought it would be...
I finished the crap test in about an hour, and there is a school nearby...so they were having graduation.
Let me tell you... THOSE GIRLS WERE HOT!! Me and 3 of my friends went down there after the test to enjoy the "view" God, there were so many of them... Yeah, and after that we went to a restaurant and had chinese food! WOOOOT! But we got kicked out of the restaurant before we finished our food because they said we were "too loud" and were disturbing the "peace" Yeah it was fun, we had a food fight in there flinging noodles at eachother! What we did was divide ourselves into two teams of 2 and sat across from eachother in different tables. We then took noodles and flung them, and for everytime it hit one of them, we would get a point. The game went until the first team gathered a total of 10 points. LOTS OF FUN! So the day wasn't bad at all! PARTY TOMMOROW AT MY FRIENDS HOUSE! ~LATER

current mood: excited
current music: The air conditioner!

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Tuesday, June 17th, 2003
4:45 pm - Too Kool 4 Skool
WHY!!!!!! All of these damned tests.... I cant wait to get this week over with. My friend is having a party on Friday, so I'll BE THERE! WOOOOOO GET DRUNK! aaa, j/k I wont drink...
Well, at least I can look forward to that, and once the week ends, ITS SUMMER VACATION! I have a feeling this is gonna be one of the best summers ever, or maybe not... It's either gonna kick ass, or lick ass.
I hope it kicks because if it doesnt, I might aswell get ready for another year of BORING school. Man am I hungry! ---is going to go eat a chickens head....j/k But I have to get going... im gonna hunt me down a cup of noodles!
~Later

current mood: predatory
current music: just the sound of my stomach growling, baby!

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Sunday, June 15th, 2003
8:51 pm - I think im dying...
Sometimes... my heart just jumps at me for no reason. I never really gave it too much thought, but my mom had a newborn baby girl right after I was born who died of heart failure. So I figured... why can't the same happen to me? Maybe this is serious? Hell, I should start living like everyday is my last! Who knows, maybe this is a sign that a heart attack is soon to come, lol. Its not that it happens often... maybe 3 times a week? But for a split second, my heart just jumps, and stops right after that, returning to normal pumping. I shouldn't give it too much thought, but I felt compelled to write about it today, so incase you never see me again, you have an idea of what happened. LOVE YOU DARLING! ~Later

current mood: worried
current music: Listening to my heart beat, searching for anything irregular

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Friday, June 13th, 2003
10:41 pm - Everlasting Love
You are the answer to all my dreams,
You are always a step away,
My love for you is always unseen,
Thoughts of you come at me with no delay,
But all of these bruises inside of me,
take all of your love to heal,
and even though you cannot see,
your love is a miracle...the pain it does conceal,
But I went away just when you needed me so,
Filled with regret, I came back, back to you,
forgive forget, but where's the love we once knew?
Even though I know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star,
So now I come to you...with open arms,
hoping you'll see what your love means to me,
you have a place in my heart, that special charm...
you always seem to fill my heart with glee,
But I guess I must be wishing on someone elses star,
sombody else keeps getting exactly what im wishing for,
the love I have for you is like an open jar,
im always there for you, come in if im the one you adore,
But then you look at me and I begin to melt,
just like the snow when the ray of sun is found,
but you know im crazy about you baby can't you see...
you belong to me, im your's exclusively,
You are the sun light that lights my heart within,
If tears were to ever cross your eyes,
I would be there to dry them all,
I would never let a droplet fall,
I wonder how I ever made it through the day,
without you, everything is just a cloud of grey,
But with this note I have to say,
you'll never be denied of everlasting love...

Guess who's in a poetic mood?? bahahaha, happens everytime it rains all day and night.
woooooooooooooooooot ~ Later

current mood: mellow
current music: complete and utter silence

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12:56 am - osteosperosis kills
Fucking hell
Im trapped in a cell
within myself
candy colored circles
all around me
that is all i see
and I pop prescription pills
to balance my body
hyper as i am
i feel like i've been damned
to a night of sleeplessness
a night of fun
a night........
of fucking hell

Bahahahahahaha, oooo am I hyper!! I threw an orange at a police car not too long ago! yay! LOTS OF FUN! they wont know who it was so im in no danger! I have cuts across my chest and one on my chin from sword fighting today. woooot! I'm still undefeated, and I am now tied with my friend as the #1 swordsman! I had to fight this kid in order to get that spot, and I beat him. IM FULL OF CANDY! IM FULL OF SWEETS! My heart feels like its melting underneath the sweetness of all the candy. Only two things can melt my heart: Love and Candy. I feel like doing jackasses right now! I'll probably go bang on the neighbors door and leave a note saying that they are getting evicted! hahahahaha, --- IS SOOOOO HYPER! ALL THE CANDY! hell, to tell you the truth.... --- is horny now too. Its late and I am wide awake! Yesh I have to go do stuff now ~Later!

current mood: hyper
current music: who needs music?

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Wednesday, June 11th, 2003
1:34 am - Nights Like This...
A beautiful night it was... The sky was darker than usual, there was the pleasant scent of wet leaves on a crisp summer night. The wind brushing against my skin while I sat there, staring at the sky up on top of the house. The streets seemed to be quiet, silence was a little louder. The moon hidden behind clouds only to be seen through the occasional cracks in the clouds. A nice breezy evening while I lay there in a sleeveless T-shirt eating my favorite ice cream: chocolate chip cookies in vannila. Alone I lay there thinking... its nights like these that you take to cleanse your mind, and think about life. Nights like these... great to lie under the sky, talk to someone you love, sleep under the stars... share stories. Such a beautiful night it was, I stayed up there for a good 45 minutes just thinking and singing to myself, practicing a song im working on under the light of the moon. These are the things that are worth writing about. Nights like this are an experience, only few times can I say there has been such an extraordinary night. These are the things that lift me up, keep me going...make me cry over the beauty that is life and over the ones who I love most. ~Later

current mood: pensive
current music: Sound of my voice and the occasional chirps of crickets

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Tuesday, June 10th, 2003
5:24 pm - Hell
Fuck this journal... It's nothing but trouble. Why do I need a journal? Talk to me if you want to know about my day. The only good thing about having this journal is the fact that I can delete it. Hell, I dont know right now... I'm not thinking straight. Something just suddenly came over me. ~Later... this journal might be gone the next time you check...

current mood: indescribable
current music: My sister banging on the table until it drives me nuts

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Monday, June 9th, 2003
6:59 pm - ritz bitz
NO SCHOOL TODAY!! Yay! Anyway, I had "fun" downloading music all day... and.... *thinks
YEAH! Funniest thing today... Well, my friend told me that in school today, the spanish teacher brought his 3 year old daughter, I've only seen her once before... like 2 months ago. So anyway, she comes to class and in the middle of class she says my name, and told my spanish teacher that she wanted to sit with me but I wasnt there. So my friends all start joking on how now I even have 3 yr olds after me, lol. But its funny how she remembered me although its been a long enough time for her to forget. Sad. LIFE IS LIKE A CANDY BAR, sweet for the most part but too bad it'll be gone soon. What the hell am I talking about.... Oh well, not much to say
I LOVE YOU DARLING! ~Later

current mood: energetic
current music: Sum 41 Hell Song

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Friday, June 6th, 2003
7:16 pm - Broken (dedicated to you, Stephy)
You tell me that you're leaving,
I can't believe it's true,
Your friend can't go on living,
without you
The world takes its turns for better or for worse,
This time it has taken the wrong course,
The world picked the wrong person to curse,
You two don't deserve this,
You both were made to stay together,
Only the best of people are destined to miss,
Only the best people get chewed up and spit out,
You're loved and you're needed without a doubt,
My life would'nt be the same had I never met you,
You taught me that angels can live on earth too,
Although this bad turn of events wont affect me,
you have an incredible friend in Liz, who worries
She doesn't want to see you go,
Make these days last and hope for no tommorow,
Life goes on within every breath,
there's no point in wishing for an early death,
the beauty of life lies within the person,
the things that happen dont determine your identity,
who you are is what makes what you'll achieve,
And remember, there are things that will always be,
There is the hope that we will all meet eventually,
and then there is the fact that I love you, Stephy
Liz will deeply miss you, and always there for you will be...
Justy Wusty

(I HOPE LIZ GETS TO GO TO GEORGIA TOO!)

current mood: relaxed
current music: just my own typing...

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Monday, June 2nd, 2003
7:22 pm - Sorry toohorsehappy@yahoo.com Quiz 3
eh, I felt like taking these quizzes for fun... and man are they ACCURATE! lol, j/k these quizzes are stupid and i'd say 99% of all the quizzes are innacurate...heres the last one

You are hott i wanna talk to u sum time!!!!!!!!!!!!
toohorsehappy@yahoo.com


Are u hot guys?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bah! silly little quiz...
Scroll down for quizzes 1 and 2

current mood: satisfied
current music: Mr Rogers!! He is Kick-Ass!!

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7:17 pm - Yesh, I know... Quiz 2
Now this is more like it... This test is one of the more accurate ones, lol. Or so I think...

Perfect Boyfriend! Any girl would be lucky to have
you!!


Are you the perfect boyfriend?(guys)
brought to you by Quizilla

You hear that ladies? ---is open 4 business ha! j/k im not a whore...im a nice guy...
scroll up for quiz 3 or down for quiz 1!

current mood: bouncy
current music: Im a barbie girl, in a barbie world... Ha! j/k

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7:09 pm - ooooo *blushes* Quiz 1
So going along with the current trend, I decided to take a few quizzes on "Quizilla.com" This is the first one, and let me tell you, it couldnt be further from the truth...

Closet case.
You're a closet case, or just a little gay. Don't
be afraid to be who you are!


How Gay Are You? (Finished Version! - With images!)
brought to you by Quizilla

Im NOT IN THE CLOSET! scroll up for my 2nd quiz

current mood: giggly
current music: My head babbling on inside of me

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Sunday, June 1st, 2003
3:35 pm - Shut Up and Go
Hello boys and girls! Boy am I happy, because i'm always happy! Look at me, im giddy like a school girl! Llalalalalalalala.........gggrrrrrrrrr (note the sarcasm). This weekend has been crap covered up in syrup, the syrup being the fact that I got to meet Ruben. This is one of those weekends where you just wanna be alone, secluded and excluded from everyone and everything (everyone being parents). All the bullshit that goes on, all the overreacting for simple crap. Meaningless words, words that dont fulfill their meaning. Rehash after rehash of everything that can be labled as "bad". Nothing being note-worthy except for the things that prevent it from being so. making everyone upset, being upset by everyone else... trying to get things together, only to get them broken again by the carelessness of a fool. When love is hate and all hell breaks, you can only blame yourself.
If weekends were meant to be like this, there would be no point in living and hell wouldnt seem like such a bad place. So there, I rest my case its signed, sealed and delivered until I find myself again within the midsts of love, hate, confusion and expectations. If life were meant to be easy, i'd be a millionaire. ~LATER

current mood: frustrated
current music: voices in my head

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Saturday, May 31st, 2003
2:05 am - How to cook spare ribs
Yes im still up, yes its late, look at the time for fucks sakes. And I dont even know what the hell happened today.
What do I want to know? What is "weird" and when can it be considered "weird" Just talk to me, Stephy you left me talking to myself earlier on tonight and thats supposed to get things straight? Just talk to me, im sure everything could've straightened out, had I gotten the chance to finish talking with you, and I mean everything. Liz, you just
left in disapointment... wondering what was going on with "me". I dont know what it is but something must be up for me to seem "weirder" than usual Chances are its my fault but I just dont know what it is...
Yeah you probably think I sound like a "dick" or that im not being truthful as to what I feel or say, but think about it, and if you want, talk to me otherwise I would understand if you wanna block me. Yesh, I saw Ruben, and Yesh I was excited.... maybe I was "over excited" and led to whatever i did or said, but who knows, I know I dont. So there you have it, now just do what you feel is right, or express how you truly feel because I'll be here waiting. Im going off to bed now. ~LATER

current mood: Emotionally Drained
current music: I dont want any music right now

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Friday, May 30th, 2003
6:54 pm - marmalade
I saw RUBEN RUBEN RUBEN RUBEN RUBEN RUBEN RUBEN RUBEN HE SAID HI TO ME HE SAID HI TO ME
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I like snails, they are fast like my grandma, shes the fastest thing on the planet. do you know the muffin man? i need you and i love you. the moon may be round, but its definately not round. chapstick is good, tastes just like candy. yyyyyyyylllllllllllldddserfnhjd more more more, i need more of that, i need more crayons mommy. hahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. do me a favor by doing me a favor, i need some crayons and coloring books, yesh yesh yesh. the dog goes wooooof!

current mood: hhahahaha
current music: hahahahahha

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Thursday, May 29th, 2003
6:17 pm - Turn that frown, upside down
It's funny how things can go from just plain bad, to being kick-ass. It ginally stopped raining, it finally got warm, it's no longer boring and I had FUN!. I just came back from Sword fighting, but I'm not tired enough to mention it. and man was it fun... Besides the sword fighting, my friend and I hung out a while and watched a couple of old movies, like the original Star Wars. It's funny to look back at old films and make fun of them. Like making fun of Luke's whiny voice in Star Wars, and that ghey C3PO. After that we just jammed for a while, he played on his guitar, we made fun of songs like I was singing in the voice of the lead singer of Creed while he jammed on his guitar, lol it was hilarious. We always have fun together, him and I have grown into being really close friends. It's fun bothering his sister sometimes, all she does is sit on the computer all day and talk on the phone with her friends. So we decided to disconnect the phone line in the middle of her conversation and while she was chasing us he picked up this old water gun and soaked the crap out of her. *sighs* Thursdays are the best.... all i need now is a nice bath and im set for the day. Maybe a cup of "green tea" in the night right before bed and then i'll watch blind date or fith wheel, one of those dating shows, until I fall asleep. WHY DO U BUILD ME UP, BUTTERCUP BABY, JUST TO LET ME DOWN, AND MESS ME AROUND, AND THEN WORST OF ALL, YOU NEVER CALL BABY, WHEN YOU SAY YOU WILL, BUT I LOVE YOU STILL, I NEED YOU MORE THAN ANYONE DARLING, AND YOU KNOW THAT I HAVE FROM THE START, SO BUILD ME UP OH, BUTTERCUP DONT BREAK MY HEART. ha! felt like writing something like this down since I had a good day. OMG ITS LAURA BUSH!! ~Later

current mood: happy
current music: Star Wars theme stuck in my head!

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