31st July 2006

9:57am: Extrinsic Rewards
To sum up the past couple of weeks:
Seperated from spouse
Attending Al Anon family support group
Started my Psychology class over

This morning as I was reading in my Psych 1 book this paragraph struck a cord with me and I realized I had been living with this attitude for some time:

"I am being paid for it. Since I'm being paid, it must be something I wouldn't do if I didn't have to."

Well basically finances did keep in my marriage. No one likes to go without. But then again we have to look at the big picture and say at what price will I sell my happiness?

When I realized that I could take care of myself and I had the courage to change myself the big picture came into focus more. I may just like my psychology class after all. I am slowly changing the belief I had that I had to fix my spouse. He doesn't think he is broken. I think I will leave him alone and continue to grow just for me. I feel happier and healthier now than I have in the past two years. Of course it is not my psych class that is soully to blame. I am back in church full time and the al anon support group is going to be a big assest. I want to be well, alive, and free.
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: I can hear the all of the song birds in the yard.
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