||Cute Without the E- Taking Back Sunday
This looks like a HUGE entry, but I happen to think it's worth reading. I don't know. Nothing this exciting happens my life...
Missy's boyfriend (Jason) came up for the weekend with his best friend (Matt).
Matt is the one who said I have a "hot voice" and started IMing me because of it, lol. We have codenames and a secret handshake and stuff, and he keeps making jokes about lifting the armrests at the movie theatre. (the ones in Neshamniy fold for easier make-out-age... I've never seen any like em before lol) Anyways, he talks about me a bunch, and Jason and Missy are under the impression that he likes me. I happen to think he just enjoys our stupid jokes and handshakes and ish lol.
This all was only wishful thinking...
Anywho, because Missy and Jason wanted "alone time" it was understood that I'd entertain Matt for the weekend. I was looking forward to meeting him because he seemed like a funny guy. Missy wanted him to come, but kept warning me that he might flirt like a mofo.
They came on Friday night. Saturday we went to the mall. Missy and Jason went la la la on their own little way. I walked to FYE with Matt trailing behind saying, "I'm just gonna follow you around..."
We walked around for awhile and he was pretty shy, so it was hard to get talking and stuff. When he finally started to open up, though, it was great lol.
We raced up and down the mall stairs. We went on the elevator and screamed and waved our arms like it was an amusement park ride. We went to the jewelry store to pick out my engagement ring. He pulled me into girly stores and made me try on dresses.
When we finally ended up meeting up with Jason and Missy, Matt whispered to me, "Missy will hate this..." and put his arm around me as we walked. lol
He did that a few more times that night and then I realized, "Wait a second... Missy isn't even here any more!" He just laughed and sort of blushed.
Jason lost his keys. *BIG ORDEAL ENSUES* We hitched a ride to the movies. Matt bought me food and we went to see The Big Bounce. *gay movie, but Missy and Jason were going to the only good one*
When we sat down, he folded up the armrest and laughed, saying, "Just so I can tell Jason we did it." Then he put the popcorn in between us.
After awhile I started to fall asleep. While I was in that "half asleep-ish" haze, I felt him guide my head over, onto his chest so I was laying on him.
The movie ended. He woke me up.
We called Charissa for a ride home. Charissa drove Jason and Missy, her boyfriend Mike drove me and Matt.
Matt sat behind me, but on the edge of the seat, leaning forward, so he could be next to me. I said my hands were cold, so he took them and rubbed them together, put them up to his mouth and blew warm breath on them. He played with my ring and rubbed his finger across the stone. I said, "Cut that out! Do you know what it means when you touch the stone?!" He winked at me and laughed a little.
We pulled into PBU at 2am. Curfew is 1:30. This normally would not have been bad, but we were with Mike... Mike is notorious for being rebellious. When we pulled in, a little white security jeep started following us.
Mike, in his red mustang, sped away and thus started a car chase similar to those that require a "Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do when they come for you..." type theme song.
The jeep shut off their lights and tried to trail us inconspicuously. We pulled into a side alley and the other car of people soon followed. Mike decided we should hide out in his apartment (also against PBU rules). So we did.
*points to self* Rebel. :D
Matt and I sat on one couch, while Missy and Jason lay on the other. He shyly... sort of awkwardly, even... put his arm around me as we watched the movie. After awhile of sitting there, he whispered in my ear, "I really want to kiss you, now. Can I?"
"You're such a sucker for a sweet talker..."
I told him no, kind of laughing because I felt bad turning him down. I don't know. When he flirted with me at the mall and stuff, I thought he was kidding. It wasn't until he laid me against him at the movies that I realized he wasn't joking.
I guess that's why I let it get that far... I know that's not far at all, but for someone who has only kissed one person all her life, holding hands and things of that nature are a big deal.
I felt like an idiot. And he was being so cute and shy and sweet. It made me feel like a jerk.
He told me I was teasing him, but I insisted that he couldn't, in a "maybe she's joking" ambiguous kind of way.
Mike told us we would have to sleep on the couch together, since Missy and Jason had already fallen asleep on the other one.
NOT something with which I was comfortable.
Matt and I talked most of the night (morning). I asked him about Katherine (Missy's friend who likes him a bunch). I was on the edge, so it constantly felt like I was falling off the couch. But, every time I said that I was, he would put his arms around me and pull me closer. So, after awhile I just stayed there feeling like I would fall lol.
I tried to stay awake, but I eventually fell asleep mid conversation. It wasn't a very deep sleep, and when I woke up moments later, he was kissing my face. What scares me about that, is what if I kissed him back in my sleep?
The next day, when we got back to the dorm, Missy started to talk to me about everything. She was angry that I let Matt flirt with me, and said that by doing so, in essence, I was flirting back. And Jason had told her that he heard me and Matt and kissing all night. First of all, it wasn't "all night." Second of all, I didn't kiss back. (as far as I knew) and he stopped once I woke up.
Well, Missy feels like I'm betraying Katherine-who-likes-Matt. And she thinks I'm leading Matt on, or trying to seduce him or some crap. Turns out, I'm the first girl he ever kissed. I already felt guilty for not stopping him earlier. How was I to know he wasn't joking around and the mall and everything?
"And all of this was your fault, all of this..."
She succeeded in making me feel guilty. Then she told me that Jason had yelled at Matt for flirting with me. Matt had replied that, "Whatever happens this weekend, is just this weekend. I probably won't be able to see her ever again."
Nooow. Hm. I don't know if that is sort of, "I'm a pimp. I hook up with girls over the weekend and then forget about him. Fo sho." But, that doesn't sound right since he's so shy and doesn't kiss girls and all... right? I mean, he's 23 and hot and I'm his first kiss. I don't know. I'd like to think he's sweet and shy and just being realistic, realizing that even if we had wanted to start dating, he'd still be 5 hours away.
"I will never ask if you don't ever tell me..."
I said I was ok with the whole, "just for the weekend thing," because... well. I was. lol I like Matt. He's nice to me and says nice things. But I love Chris. There's a difference there.
Anyways, I found Matt in front of the fireplace and we talked about stuff. I kind of got the impression that he wasn't trying to pimp it. He asked again if he could kiss me. It was strange. There's this really cute, amazingly sweet and innocent guy requesting permission to kiss me. And there's no butterflies in my tummy... there's nothing.
I told him know. Laughing, again... trying to be ambiguous again... sucking at life again...
He laughed and argued that I was just teasing him, glancing at my mouth from time to time as we argued. Then he kissed me. I didn't expect it, to be honest. I thought he wouldn't if I didn't tell him he could... but then again I didn't count in the fact that he might think I was "playing hard to get." I got a wave of "I miss Chris" ness.
"Why can't I feel anything from anyone other than you..."
We went out to TGIFridays and he bought me some food and we all watched the superbowl. He held my hand, put his arm around me... did the usual. Missy got pissed that I didn't push him away. I didn't quite know what to do... I suck at life.
We went back to PBU, he and I singing "Cry Me a River" in the backseat while Missy and Jason rolled their eyes. We joked about our code names and did our secret handshake. He rubbed my knees, trying to warm me and I mourned the fact that he had to go and kiss me when he would obviously make a great guy friend.
Missy and Jason wanted to spend the last hour alone, so Matt and I sat down and talked some more. They finally had to go, and he gave me a big hug and smiled at me sadly, saying he would try to come see me again.
As they drove away, he leaned out the window, staring back at me.
I suck at life.
***All song lyrics courtesy of "Cute Without the E"... an amazing song. If you want the acoustic version, just IM me: cheezit217.