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lazy days... [17 Jan 2005|06:41pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]
[ music | "Your Body is a Wonderland" by John Mayer ]

...that's pretty self-explanitory...so far over the course of 4 days, i've watched titanic like 8 times, and girl, interupted like 9. meh, at least it gives me something to do...

last night dylan came over, and we watched anchorman. it was funny...

speaking of funny...brian, my cousin, called and wanted to talk to me, which shocked me in various ways. it was neat though, he never really talks to me anymore...so it's all good...he didn't have much to say.

i've found out some interesting things yesterday too, that i really didn't want to know. but..um..that's just the way things go i guess...i also took a giant step back to evaluate myself. which i didn't want to do either, but i had to. lately, i've realized that i've been out of control. as much as i really don't like caring about the way people see me, i'm loosing people close to me, because of my actions. so i've decided, that with the turn of another semester, with new classes, and new people (hopefully), i'm not only going to make an effort to make new friends, but also regain control over myself. it seems like i always do this, every now and then, i loose control. i become a smartass and a real bitch. and the worse part of it all is i don't even realize it...blah.

another thing i hate about myself, is why do i always make EVERYTHING such a big deal? and why do i hold grudges? and why do i have so much fucking pride? i guess i really need to change...more so than i ever thought. but it's all for the better...

yes...the better. the better what you ask

the better everything.

and that concludes my update. thank you for reading.

P.S. -- three days...

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sigh-ness [16 Jan 2005|02:54pm]
[ mood | blank ]
[ music | "Bigger Than My Body" by John Mayer ]

things still suck...but at least we don't have school until thursday...

i'm hoping that this semester goes better...i've got pottery with amanda and so this should be interesting!

ho hum...i hope i make some new friends too...that should be a goal...ahaha it's kind of sad to make making friends your goal..but whatever...

dad is coming home tomorrow...i'm not to excited for that...considering that he'll still be a moody son of a bitch, just like he was before he left. it's been so wonderful this weekend...no fighting or anything...but i suppose i just jinxed that...oh well...

last night i watched titanic again...and the end still makes me sob...right where jack dies, and she lets go...man...i think it's my favorite movie...that and girl, interupted...<333333333 to those movies!

ellana was supposed to call yesterday to set up some times for pre-tryout preps....she wants me to be a cheerleader next year...i don't blame her though, i sort of want to be a cheerleader....as funny as that sounds...i can't even imagine myself being a cheerleader...well...i can...but it's hilarious and embarassing....haha...

last night abbey wanted me to go see the movie "white noise" with her...it scared me shitless....it was really scary...usually scary movies don't scare me...but when it comes to movies about the dead...and contacting spirits and such, i get terrified...mainly because spirits are real...good and bad...and they can really hurt you...just my thought...

well there's some random thoughts for you...i think this time i'll actually sign my name...oh yes...

.:d i a n a:.

P.S. ~> four days....

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i know you don't read my journal, but... [15 Jan 2005|10:36pm]
[ mood | pessimistic ]
[ music | "Poison Girl" by HIM ]

i just want to say, that baby, you're reason for being mad at me isn't a valid reason. but whatever...i don't want to loose you, but you're being rediculous...this whole thing is stupid.

i already feel terrible....but you can't blame me for this.

everyone stop blaming me for EVERYTHING!


P.S - 5 day's til i see maryanne again. five more terrible days. five more aggonizing, terrible days. five days to many.

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NOTE: [13 Jan 2005|09:37pm]
[ mood | sad, but still very angry ]
[ music | "Your Sweet 666" by HIM ]

since i know you're reading this, i might as well say, that i AM infact smart enough to tell the difference between lyrics and you're own writing. i was referring to your blogspot. and don't bother answering my email. i've lost all hope and interest in being your friend ever again, even as much as it hurts me to say that.

you know who you are.

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that's it. [13 Jan 2005|08:35pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | "Razorblade Kisses" by HIM ]

i've had it.

jenn told me to send my friend an email today, telling her how i felt. and i did. and let's just say i found out it didn't help. so i've decided it's not worth it anymore. things can't get worse, that was my reasoning for sending that email. and i've proven myself wrong again. so that's it! i refuse to try anymore. **please note: if you want to be friends again, you'll have to tell me. it's over.**

i REFUSE to make one more effort to try and re-establish our friendship. and that's it. and it's just one more reason to transfer. which i've officially made up my mind.

--just venting--

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remember when.... [12 Jan 2005|07:07pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | "Breathe No More" by Evanescence ]

i said i was going to run away?

well, this time i mean it. i've had it up to here *points to eyebrows* with my family's bitching. i've got to leave. next fight, i'm done. i don't care anymore. no one will miss me.

let me sum up today's lovely fight with these few words *ahem* "Don't talk to me anymore. brought to you by that crazy character called my father. directed towards me of course. i don't even know why he's so mad at me. nor do i care. i just can't stand him any longer. so next time he chooses to bitch at me, i'm out.

but where will i go? caisa's still disappointed by me, and dylan lives to far away. i suppose i could walk to the lasalle house and call him to pick me up...who knows...if caisa wasn't disappointed with me, i'd call her. but here's the thing...today she 'grinned' at me, so i think it's almost over...maybe not. i could be wrong. which i probably am.....but i wish she'd just talk to me again..she doesn't even have to be my friend...just talk to me..

at least dad is going out of town over the weekend. thank god. at least i get to stay here the weekend. but come monday, who knows.....at least we don't go back til thursday of next week..after friday of course.

finals suck. the schedule rocks though. oh how it rocks my world. we get out at 11 tomorrow and friday. at least that's the one good thing about anything.

Lie to me
Convince me that I've been sick forever
And all of this will make sense when I get better
But I know the difference between myself and my reflection
I just can't help but to wonder
Which of us do you love?

which of us DO you love guys? make up your fucking mind bitches, 'cuz the next person who doesn't know is gonna be in a shit load of trouble. i can't play two people any longer. i can't be my perfect "reflection" and be my far from perfect self. so one of them is gonna have to go....let me know when you decide...

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ugh... [11 Jan 2005|09:11pm]
[ mood | worried ]
[ music | "Wonderful" by Everclear ]

finals are the rest of the week...i just want to get them over, i'm so fucking stressed out. i can't wait just get them over with.

but the plus side of all this, is we get out very early. which makes me happy...

dear ol' father has been a royal pain in the ass tonight....long story...but i feel really kinda bad...my mom thinks he won't be around much longer, which only adds to my stress. i hope she's wrong. i can't deal with that too...i mean, without him, things would be so different. the bad different. as many fights as we have, i really don't hate him. i love him....deep down of course. but i can't loose him. no matter what.

i shall keep you posted, for the simple reason that i just know you love to hear me ramble and vent.

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*sigh* [10 Jan 2005|09:54pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | "You Were Ment For Me" by Jewel ]

sunday, my mom had a baby shower....it was interesting! since it was at our house, i couldn't escape it...but it was cool i guess. i got to hold kaitlyn (the baby) a couple of times, and it really made me think...i thought about how much i really want children. is that bad to want children now? most likely...i kinda just wanna be a house wife...but i've got so many dreams...i don't know if i can just give them up. but oh how i want children...isn't it just the weirdest thing? i think it's pretty damn weird...

not much else is new, i just thought i'd inform you of my recent thoughts on children.

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question: [06 Jan 2005|11:35pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]
[ music | "Going Under" by Evanescence ]

isn't it weird, how not calling someone can lead into a huge arguement, and lead to many feelings being hurt?

i could ponder this all night...

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*sigh* [06 Jan 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | angry ]
[ music | "Hold On Love" by Azure Ray ]

today sucks...mostly because the whole world hates me.

i wish i could be perfect. i wish i didn't make people mad. i hate myself for it.

i wish that it didn't have to end up as everyone i ever love hates me. friends or not, everyone hates me.

and i hate it. i really wish that the world did hate me.

what do you do when the only thing that can stand you is your journal?

not even my family can stand me.

i can't even stand me.

and that's never good, when the only person you hate, is yourself.

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great day..so far [05 Jan 2005|04:52pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]
[ music | "Pieces of Me" by Ashlee Simpson ]

today was a snow day! which rocked my world. i did nothing really....i was gonna go with ellana and emma and some other people to the coffee house and then to a movie, but we couldn't really leave our street because of the huge mound of snow blocking the entrance...crazyness...so i just sat around on my ass all day like i usually do ^_^ so it was a good day.

still debating weather this blizzard is a good thing, or a bad thing....so far, good's in the lead...

i feel so many emotions right now...looking out at the snow...i kinda wish dylan were here...but then i wish that i was at the cabin...and then i wish that my friend and i were still best friends....and then that we were living at my other house...and more simply i feel happy, and lonely, and sad, and excited, and all those good things. i love so many people that don't love me back. but then again, i feel like everything will be okay. eventually...

i love blizzards....

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snow! [04 Jan 2005|06:07pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | "Life Goes By" by Name Taken ]

just as the title said! we're getting snow! i've heard its supposed to snow anywhere from like 5 - 14 inches by tomorrow....wouldn't that be lovely? i would just love that! anyways, i don't think there'll be school tomorrow...

i talked to my mom about transfering today...it didn't go well...partically because she was at work..and partically because she won't even TRY to understand how unhappy i am at east...it frustrates me, ya know? but i guess i can't do much...i can't drive...so it doesn't count....i hate not being able to drive...i should really get my learner's permit...*sigh* one more thing to do!

things aren't good with my friend yet...i don't know what to do you know? we share share so many friends...it's kinda weird...i still really want to be her friend, but i've also kind of come to the peace of mind, that if we can't be friends still, then its okay...i guess...it still makes me want to cry sometimes...but you know...whatever....

*sigh* school still sucks...i can't even remember what it's like to like school like i did at the beginning of the year...like it felt so good to be a spartan...but now...i think about it and think 'why the hell would i want to go here...' idk if its from ellana's influance...or from dylan's influance...or if i really don't even want to be there...i don't know what to think. things are getting confusing.

i really want to give up on dylan sometimes...it would sure make my life so much easier, but i really like him, you know? i really do...and since i don't want to bug my friends with this talk of dylan, i will write it now! ha. anyways...i really like him...i reallly really do, but its causing so many problems, i'm wondering if its worth it. i mean, its my friends vs. dylan...which isn't fair. i can't choose...why SHOULD i choose?! i mean, i love my friends so much...but then again...i feel almost the same way about dylan...i really am starting to feel like i'd be lost without him...isn't that grand...i can't choose....i wish you guys would just realize that....please...

today was better...my sisters and i got to leave school early...idk why, but it was fun. rad times...had fun doing algebra for two hours...haha it took me that long! it was quite funny....i really don't feel like doing my german homework though...i'll save that and reading "Diet For A Small Planet" (for health) tomorrow....i'm actually pretty sure that tomorrow will be a snow day...it's not looking good outside, even as i type...somehow, winter has lost its thrill...but right now, i've got so much weight on my shoulders, its too hard to be excited about one more thing...i've also got a good feeling about this tiff that me and my friend are going through...i just hope i'm right, and things end soon....if not though...well...maybe LHS will offer some new friends....idk...i think either way, i really want to transfer....who know's why....i've just got a feeling...but then again, i always do...

i realized last night, i should be happy. and that's what i'm trying to do. i'm trying.

i really am.

there's your update for awhile!

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yippie skippy.... [03 Jan 2005|08:10pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | "Wonderful" by Everclear ]

don't let the chipper title be decieving, though things are better....i feel better mentally. today it was all icy and cloudy and it snowed a little bit. which makes me happy, but it also makes me miss minnesota....i want so bad to go back to august....when it rained and was foggy and everything was so clear. i miss how the lake smells in late summer, when everyone has left to start they're lives again. thinking about it now, i miss how the summer is..i miss the way minnesota smells in summer. the way the sun shines through the trees and its warm and sunny. its hard to be depressed on those days...but i also miss the coldness of the winters. how brutal they are. how everyday it snows and the ice is thick and the clouds are cold and mean. the woods are so alive...no matter what season...the cabin has really become a place of happiness for me...which seems strange to say...i just wish i could live in the happy feeling that i when i'm there, forever. i want so bad to just go back in time and go back to that one week in august. i would trade ANYTHING to go back. i miss how everyone was happy...how everyone didn't care. everyone is so happy in the summer, and everyone is more carefree. and everyone isn't mean and angry. i don't understand why it has to be this way, but it apparently does. i miss summer. i miss the cabin. i miss my friends. i miss my life. i miss being happy. and i miss my life. i wish it wasn't so confusing like it is now. i want to go back to happier times. things are going just THAT well, that i can actually sit here and think of happier times. wow. either i need a hobby, or things suck. and personally, i'm rooting for things sucking...

i'll be waiting for a better day....i'll let you know when/if it gets here...

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stop cryin' your heart out.... [02 Jan 2005|02:25am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | "Wonderful" by Everclear ]

i wish i could...life doesn't seem worth living without your best friend....especially when you're not really social...i can't stand it when i'm stupid...which is pretty much all the time....but now, i'm really scared i'm gonna loose my best friend...and i can't do anything about it...i miss her....

i think i might transfer school next year...if i still hate east then....

i don't want to go back to school. it scares me, and its so stressful. one more problem i can't solve. i hate it. it's just a scary/stressful world i guess..

"The World's not out to get you. I promise."

i wish i could always remember that...because i want so much for it to be true...i just wish that everything was okay again you know? it really, really bugs me when there's conflict. and there is. and i can't do anything about it...which makes me feel worse. i just wish that this weren't so difficult...who am i gonna tell my secrets to? who am i gonna go to the mall with and make fun of things with? who am i gonna tell stories in the dark with? what if things don't work out....what if this is the end of our friendship? who am i confide in? i don't make new friends easy....let alone best friends...hell, i don't have that many friends to begin with...what am i gonna do monday? i already go through the day without friends, except for before/after school and at lunch...and then its not much...i miss junior high, when everyone ate lunch together....and laughed...and everything was...well...wonderful....i wish i could start over, and be someone else...someone with friends...

how can i show up monday at school...why can't this nightmare be over?

i'm tired of this...i'm ready to wake up now....

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i never ment to be so cold... [28 Dec 2004|11:54pm]
[ mood | just...here... ]
[ music | "If You Fall" by Azure Ray ]

i'm sorry for the way i am.

i really wish it would snow.
its almost january, and no snow.
i hate it. can you believe it? i'm mad
at the weather. what nonsense.
but you know, not being a white Christmas,
i think i have right to be angry.
no, probably not. its probably me being
my stupid self.

i wish i could get over this.
get over what you ask? get over
whatever i feel inside, thats making
me hate. i just want to feel the way
i used to. the way i used to before
we moved. before everything go hard.
before highschool, before school even.
happy, like a little child, who doesn't know
what the world's really like. i wish i didn't
know. i wish i'd never find out. i wish
i could be that sheltered little girl forever.

so many problems. not just with me, but
with the world. everyone hates, its practically
a religion. people kill others, which isn't right.
what is wrong with us? have we all become so
obsessed with hating and killing, that we've
we've forgotten about what life is really supposed
to be about? that we've forgotten about love, and
harmony. we've all turned on each other. 'tis a shame
that we have to be like this. we're going to kill off
the whole human race before it's over. but i don't
think it'll ever be over.

there should be more, that i put here, such as
what i'm currently working on, which is religion.
i've been wondering, what if heaven and hell, and
possibly even God, don't exsist. what then? what if
all these years, we've all been mistaken? who knows.
its not like you can walk up to some random dead
person and ask them "Hey! Does God exsist? What about
Heaven, and Hell. Do they exsist too?!" that would be
slightly odd, but none the less, effective. but hey, let
people believe what they want. in a sense, all religions
are the same. they all teach of kindness, and good will
towards mankind. whether it be with one god/dess, or
several i guess. but the question i'm trying to answer
right now, is what do i believe. again, i'll have to get
back to you on that one, perhaps when i know the answer.

well seeing as how my thoughts evolved from myself, to the world's problems, to religion, i think we've made some good progress here tonight....er...today? i'm still struggling, but i think its better...

i wish one of these days, i could right about more than my life....but instead.
of those i've inspired...if i only concentrate on that, instead of myself.
i want to be a better person...i really do...

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so many things to say... [28 Dec 2004|12:43am]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | "Scars" by Papa Roach ]

starting off with ---> i hate myself.

second of all ---> Merry Christmas; Happy New Year.

third ---> lots of researching of things such as religion, and vegitarianism (sp?). i'll get back to you on that one.

fourth ---> i've been sent someone from heaven, who finally understand how i feel. where has he been all my life when i needed him?

fifth ---> i can't keep holding down the fort; i've got to escape. i can't live here, in this house, on this street, with these people anymore. its not that they drive me insane, i've learned to deal with that now. its the fact that i can't stand who they're making me be. why can't i just run away?

more babbling to come some other day. i don't feel like going into great detail tonight, things aren't very well, but thats no suprise now is it.

don't worry, i'll be fine...as usual.

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sorry... [24 Dec 2004|12:31am]
[ mood | sorry...and sad ]
[ music | "Break Myself" by Something Corporate ]

(this isn't about dylan)
i'm really sorry....i now know what's been going on. and i'm really sorry. i just hope you'll find it in your heart to forgive me. you've been like family to me all these years and i don't even realize how stupid i am. but i know now. and thinking back, how did you even stand me? how can anyone stand me. i know what i did now, and i know how it hurt. i actually know this time. you're practically family to me and i really don't want to loose you. please forgive me love. i've not only hurt you, but i've hurt myself. i can't loose you too...

i wish i could change who i am and who i've been. thank you, everyone who's been there for me since the start, who've put up with me when i've been a total bitch, when i've been arrogant, when i've been selfish too. i don't know why you guys do it, but thanks. i really am sorry though, i'm sorry for what i've done. i'm sorry for everything, and i know you've heard it a lot, but i know how you feel on this one, i really do. and i'm trying to put myself back in line. just for you. i can't go on without you. your my sister.

please forgive me....yet again, but only one last time...

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oh boy... [19 Dec 2004|07:21pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day ]

today's acomplishments::

-that stupid german project
-finishing reading my english hw
-making dylan mad again
-pissing off suits
-determaning that i spell things the british way
-being cold (physically)
-wrapping christmas presents
-sending siobhan a card
-sleeping til noon
-pissing off my cat
-paying off my credit card bill

not in that order though. but close.

i don't want to go to school tomorrow. this week is a three day week. whoopty do. i just wish it was wednesday. i wish dylan wasn't "frustrated". he says that, but i know hes mad. i just wish i could hug him. i wish he was here now. i wish that he would just hold me.

i wish i didn't "frustrate" people.

i wish i could be perfect.

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bored... [18 Dec 2004|07:26pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | "Photobooth" by Death Cab For Cutie ]

really bored and don't feel like writing something not worth reading...so heres a survey!

1. i am: diana
2. Location: lincoln
3. School/mascot/colors: East Spartans Blue
4. Zodiac sign: sagittarus
5. Shoe size: 9
6. Height: 5'5
7. Eyes: hazel
8. Pets: four cats, two dogs, and a turtle (lol)
9. Siblings: three sisters
10. Your mom and dads name: connie and jack
11. Hair: brown
12. Hair length: shoulder length..
13. Ever dyed your hair? yep
14. Are you good in school? sorta?
15. Favorite color? purple or blue...
16. Favorite food? french fries ^_^
17. Favorite place? our cabin, in minnesota
18. Favorite nickname? diana...or di....lissiedi even...
19. Nicknames: diana, di, lissiedi, lissie, willie *winces*
20. Do you play sports? nope
21. Are you a night or a morning person? night
23. Do you believe in God? no real answer to that question.....
24. What's your screenname? sXe Diana sXe3
25. Do you have braces? no
26. Do you have glasses? no, but i probably should..
27. What do you want to be when you grow up? hm..let me get back to you on that one..
28. What was the worst day of your life? which one?
29. What are the best days of your life? hm....
30. What comes first in your life? family, friends, dylan lol
31. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? yes
32. What are you most scared of? spiders....and leeches...
33. What do you usually think about before you go to bed? hmm....tomorrow....
34. If you could do anything without consequences, what would it be? haha no comment. that actually sounds dirtier than it really is....

35. Movie: the shining...or jeepers creepers
36. Band/Group/Artist: waaaaaaaaay to many to list
37. Store: thats not fair to make me pick.
38. Relative: haha Ann and Per....my relatives from Norway. they rock ^_^
39. Sport: dance....maybe cheerleading....
40. Vacation spot: minnesota...bet you didn't see that one coming now did you.

In the past 24 hours have you
68. Had a serious talk? yes
69. Hugged someone? no
70. Fought with a friend? yes. lots.
71. Cried? yes
72. Laughed? yes
73. Made someone laugh? yes
74. Bought something? no
75. Flirted with someone? sure
76. Felt stupid? yes
77. Talked to someone you love? yes
78. Missed someone? yes

<>Have you ever
79. Done drugs? no
80. Eaten an entire box of oreos? not in one sitting...
81. Been dumped? nope....i'm usually the dumper...
82. Had someone be unfaithful to you? yes
83. Stayed home on saturday night, just because?: yes
84. Been in love? maybe....
85. Seen the white house? no
86. Seen the eiffel tower? no
87. Drank alcohol? no comment.
88. Played monopoly? no
89. Kissed someone? yes ^_^
90. Tried a weight loss program? no
91. Jumped on a trampoline? yes
92. Colored in a coloring book(and had fun)? fuck yeah! i love colouring!
93. Had a bubble bath? yes
94. Been on a plane? no
95. Been on a boat? yes
96. Been on a train? no
97. Been in a car accident? yes.
98. Ridden an elephant? you can ride elephants?!
99. Made a web page? no
100. Played with legos? yes
101. Stayed up all night? not ALL night...
102. Shoved stuff under your bed to make your room look clean? doesn't everyone?
103. Broken a bone?: no
104. Called a psychic or sex hotline? lmfao no...
105. Watched jerry springer? no
106. Gotten in trouble for talking in class? one time....
107. Been afraid of the dark? oh yeah! i'm STILL scared of dark rooms/hallways...
108. Been in the hospital(not visiting)? yes
109. Had stitches? yes
110. Dumped someone and regretted it? yes and no...
111. Went out with more than one person at a time? no
112. Lied? yes, but i had a good reason...
113. Been arrested? no
114. Fallen asleep in class? yeah it was funny...i woke up with marks on my face
115. Used food for something other than to eat? o_O wow...thats sick...
116. Met a celebrity? sort of...
117. Broken the law? haha no comment..
118. Skipped class? no
119. Hated yourself? yes
120. Been brokenhearted? yes
121. Broken someone's heart? probably
122. Wanted to kill someone? killing is such a harsh phrase...
123. Fallen off a chair? haha duh!
124. Lap danced? um...no.
125. Been in a fist fight? almost....but thats a different story...
126. Blow me? no.....you scare me.....*points* i'll be over THERE....
127. Like to give hugs? you bet
128. Like to walk in the rain? that i do.
129. Sleep with or without clothes on? with clothes, yes...
130. Prefer black or blue pens? black
131. Dress up on halloween? not anymore
132. Have a job? nope
133. Like someone? of course. dylan.
134. Sleep on your side, tummy or back? side AND tummy....but not at the same time. thats impossible...
135. Have a goldfish? not a goldfish....
136. Ever have the falling dream? once...it was weird...
137. Have stuffed animals? doesn't everyone?
138. Have you ever hurt or cut yourself intentionally? yes
139. Do you believe in the horoscopes: not anymore..
140. Do you like your handwriting: haha are you kidding?! i can't even read it!
141. What superhero would you be: i'd be an evil villan...

142. Do you have any piercings: yes
143. Any tattoos: no
144. Are you picky: haha yes
145. What makes you mad: a lot of things
146. What do you think? about.......what?
147. Who do you admire: lots of people
148. Do you like cartoons? cartoons like family guy, futurama, old cartoons...but no kiddy cartoons...
149. What did you do today? i went over to kelli's and decorated cookies!
150. Are your parents annoying? all the time
151. Do you own a miniskirt? yes lmfao
152. Do you floss? yes....why do you ask?
153. What is the farthest your have traveled? minnesota
154. Have you ever died? didn't you pay attention the first time i answered this?!
155. What kind of shampoo do you use? dove or that one....don't make me get up and go look!
156. Do you use big words to sound smart? everyone knows that i most ceritanly do not.
157. When you get mad, do you swear a lot? some yes, a lot no.
158. Ever worn black nail polish? if i had some i would..
159. Do you do everything better then guch? who's guch?
160. How many sheets are on your bed? one sheet, and two blankets...
161. Whats under your bed? don't you make me go look...
162. Do you have your own tv and vcr? tv yes, vcr no.
163. Do you see dead people? only on tuesdays.
164. Are you a good speller? are you kidding?
165. Do you like little kids? in general yes
166. Are you talented? in what may i ask?
167. If so, how? answer my question first.
168. Do you watch the weather channel? only when i have to
169. Ever seen a ghost? yes. i told you i see dead people on tuesdays! gah pay attention!
170. Abortion is: killing innocent babies is not right
171. Bill Clinton: *too busy laughing to answer*
172. Eating disorders: are bad
173. Rap: is stupid, but slightly entertaining.
174. Suicide: is an interesting topic.
175. Piercings: are sexy.
176. Make-up: makes my face itch.
177. Drinking: i'm sXe, what do you want me to say.

Love life
231. If you could kiss anyone in the world, who would it be? don't make me make a list!
232. If you could date anyone in the world, who would it be? again, theres a list.
234. What is the biggest turn off? i don't know

235. What is the biggest turn on: piercings...

236. Do you think there is a person for everyone:yes
237. If yes, do you know who yours is: at the moment, yes.
238. Do you believe in love at first sight: yes
239. Have you ever been in love: didn't i answer this already?
240. What do you think love is: its impossible to describe
241. Do you think it lasts forever: if its true love, then yes.
242. Do you want to get married: yeah, someday.
243. How many times: 1? who wants to get divorced before they get married?
244. When was your first kiss? last sunday *smiles*

245. First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Bittney.
246. Last word you said: close
246. Last song you sang: Photobooth, by DCFC
247. Last meal you ate: dinner?
248. Favorite childhood cartoon: anything with bugs bunny and elmer fudd in it..
249. What do you hate most about school: school itself.
250. Last person you flipped off: my father
251. Last song stuck in your head: hmm...Break Myself by Something Corporate
252. Last time you were burned: you mean the last time i was on fire...lets see. uh never?
253. Last time you bled: yesterday
254. What's in your cd player: Linkin Park
255. What color socks are you wearing: white
256. What's under your bed: STOP ASKING ME THAT!
257. What's the weather like: cold and cloudy...but dark right now..

258. What time did you wake up today: 11:35
259. Who do you want to marry: i don't know
260. Are you going to college: don't know.
261. If so, how long do you want to go: again, don't know..
262. How many kids do you want: a lot....lol

theres something to keep you busy.....

d i a n a

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things suck. [17 Dec 2004|07:42pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]
[ music | "Nobody's Listening" by Linkin Park ]

i just can't get things together, and its bugging me terribly. i can't stand not having 'my ducks in a row' (meaning my life tonight). i just want to cry. and i don't even know why. things just suck, even when they don't. i'm so frustrated and i'm mad and i'm sad and confused and i just can't stand things now. i'm mad at my dad still, because hes just plain an asshole. i'm frustrated because of school. i'm sad because who the hell knows why. and i'm confused because i can't get anything to make friggen sence anymore. i can't stand myself. i can't stand what i'm becoming. i just wish that everything was okay again. i just want it to be okay again.

losing trust is another thing i can't stand. i'm becoming paranoid. but it can't just be a little paranoid. its gotta be REALLY paranoid. why does God hate me so much?! i'm only trying my hardest. why can't anyone see that? why am i so paranoid? why can't i just be normal....

the person i thought i loved is now the one being put into question. again, i'm probably being paranoid, but who knows. maybe i'm not being paranoid this time. who knows. all i know, is that trust is wearing thin, like always.

i hate me.

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