||"Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day
well let me just start off by saying, that it's the first day of the second semster. which means new classes and/or new teachers. i found all my classes okay, and i must say i'm quite pleased. i have a few "friends" in a few classes, but i'm not sure i like the classes. i'm sure it'll be okay, i just need to through this week. i've got first lunch, with a few of my friends, but i don't think they want me to sit with them....oh how i wish i could make friends easier....
i've found myself thinking about minnesota a lot lately too. it must be that time of year, when i get so anxious for summer. i love how no summers the same, and how i can look foreword to something new every time. i love how minnesota's my place of solitude, and i can always relax there. how i can take a deep breathe, and just smile for all i have. it's the only time i actually feel good. and i have to wait 'til march. i can't wait until march, i want to feel relaxed now! i just want summer to be here. not to escape school, like last year, but to escape period. i just want to leave everything behind for a couple of weeks and just take time out. i'm so confused, and i know i'll find peace with things in minnesota....it must be something about the lake....and the trees...and the stillness of everything. time stands still. oh how i love it. it makes everything seem okay again..
today was maryanne day! 'twas interesting...
i wish it were the weekend now. this weekend, i'm going to get my navel pierced hopefully. mostly out of spite for my father. all the shit he's been giving me lately, he deserves it. and it's not like i can't pay for it myself, 'cuz i can. and i'll do. all i need is my mom to sign for me, and i'm good to go. yes, i'd pierce my body in spite of him, that's how much i dislike him right now. anything to make him know how much he makes me unhappy. apparently, talking back isn't working enough, so we must resort to plan b. oh yes, thats right. plan b.
i can remember last summer, when it'd rain and i'd be outside at the cabin, just standing on the lake shore watching the raindrops fall into the large lake. things were so clear you know? i understood. and i'd walk up around the cabin, then back down to the garage. i'd just walk and think. just think. then i can remember sunny, bright days where i'd go outside, and bask in the sun. i'd take my cd player and just go down to the dock and i could spend hours down there...just thinking. i wonder why it makes me think so much...i hate it in a way, because i can't relax...but the thinking isn't the stressful kind i do in school, i think about everything. which i love. i solved many a problem there...i just want to be outside. i feel safer outside, than cooped up inside. why is that? it's strange in a way..but then again, what isn't strange these days. i mean, you pay people to live in your house, you have to pay to survive in life. why is that? i think things are becoming to advanced. sometimes i wish we could go back to cave man days. at least then, they didn't have wars, and they didn't have so much technology. they were simple. and i think that's the way everything should be. simple.
i wish you the best of luck in life. thank you for all your time.