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xaxscreamingxstarx

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Speeding up my breathing... [13 May 2004|08:27am]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Brand New - O.k., I Beleive You But My Tommy Gun Don't ]

Lately I have been super depressed. The reason? I'd rather not share. It's like I have these crazy mood swings and I feel really sad and them BOOM....I'm in a good mood. It's really weird. I get this feeling like I want to ram myself straight into a wall for no apparent reason. I hate it. Then other times I'm just chipper and joking around. Then the second someone says something mean, or I get ignored, I want to cry. I want someone to talk to that will understand. I need a shoulder to cry on. But even if I did I'd still be scared to talk about it. I've found myself trying to hide. It's getting worse.

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It's gotten worse... [11 May 2004|03:35pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Expo '86-Death Cab For Cutie ]

Hey. Sorry for not updating to any of you that actually read this thing. I forgot to write about the Taking Back Sunday/Blink 182 concert. It was so very AWSOME! Both TBS and Blink had so much energy. I love each of them even more now. : ) My mom kept claiming that Adam (lead singer of TBS) had no ass. It was quite funny. I love the ass that Adam doesn't have. ; )

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Keep your feet on the ground... [10 May 2004|11:20am]
[ mood | stressed ]
[ music | Death Cab For Cutie-A Movie Script Ending ]

Life is kind of not going so good. I would go into more detail than that, but I don't want to remember why I feel how I do. I want it to be summer already so I don't have to worry about so much. I want to know how it feels to smile again. I want to not want so much.

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Haha.... [29 Apr 2004|08:03am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | An Incubus Song Stuck In My Head... ]

You know what is great? I found out the guy that I liked that was going out with that girl that is annoying is also pretty mean and I don't like him anymore at all. : ) Haha...I made that confusing on purpose.

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Gauge-ing excitement... [12 Apr 2004|11:55am]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Nothing At The Moment ]

My computer has been down for a long while. It sucked. I realized that I am addicted to the internet. I don't go a day without getting on, and if I ever don't, it's for a good reason. Anyway, I've decided that I am going to gauge my ears to a 4g. I am very excited. I went to Hot Topic and I talked to one of the employees about it and he suggested I start out with some acrillyc 14g. So I bought them and went home, cleaned the gauges and my ears, and tried to shove them through. No luck. I pushed and pushed and pushed and then discovered I should of gotten a 16g or 18g or something. I wasted 10 bucks, but I can still use those gauges later. On Tuesday my dad is going to take me to the mall to pick up some smaller gauges, which is really cool of him. I'm so excited. Sorry that it took so long to update! Bye.

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...Don't Believe Me When I Tell You... [25 Mar 2004|11:33am]
[ mood | rejected ]
[ music | Nothing Right Now ]

Hey, this afternoon wasn't the greatest. Awhile ago my dad was trying to fix the computer because it was getting all messed up and I was just sitting in the computer room watching him try to fix it and then he just went of on how many pictures I had saved. I just told him to please forgive me for living and I left the room. I went to my room and cried for about 10 or 15 minutes and now my right eye is blood shot. It wasn't very much fun. Later on my dad apologized and said that it wasn't my fault and that he was just frustrated with the computer, not me. I know I have it a lot better than others, but I guess I'm just really sensitive to people being angry at me and stuff. Anyway, tomorrow is Friday, so I'm sure it'll be a better day.

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I'd Offer You My Hand... [24 Mar 2004|10:43am]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Death Cab For Cutie-Photobooth ]

I feel like no one even likes me as a friend or even more than a friend. I liked this guy a lot and he kinda seemed to like me back, but then about a week later he goes out with this girl that doesn't even seem to know what being in a relationship means. It's probably just so she can say, "Oh, yeah, I'm going out with him. Isn't he cute?". That really bugs me. They don't even really know each other. It's like if you don't know about any of his favorite things and the way he feels, why are you going out with him? Errrggg. I'm not the type to tell someone that I like them. And if someone ever liked me, they would be embarrassed to even consider going out with me. I feel selfish and at the same time I think I have a right to feel this way.

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I'm minty like woah... [24 Mar 2004|05:04am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Nothing Right Now ]


Which O.C. Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty


Haha...That's cool. Adam Brody (the kid that plays seth) 's favorite bands are Death Cab For Cutie and Bright Eyes. I've never even watched The O.C. but I need to because Seth seems cool. Yep.

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I wish no one knew my name... [24 Mar 2004|04:34am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Death Cab For Cutie-Photobooth ]

Hey, I left school early today. I couldn't put up with being in class today at all. I felt sick to my stomach. I went to the nurse and I stayed in there for 1 hour. I only fell asleep once. That is what I think it was. I was too tired for anything. I need to start going to sleep a little earlier. I've been going to sleep at around 12:15a.m. every night. When I got home I took a nap until 3:35. Mmmm...sleep. The only bad thing is that I had a bad dream about Dawn of The Dead. NOT cool. I haven't even seen that movie. I got up and looked out the window half expecting to see man eating zombies coming toward the house, haha. Wow, I love this song. Death Cab For Cutie is great. I'm just getting into them. They make me smile. Oh, I really want to read this book called The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I read the reviews on www.barnesandnoble.com . It sounds really good. Anyway, if you've read it, please comment and tell me what you thought about it. Bye!

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Mitch Hedberg is awsome... [23 Mar 2004|04:44pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Bright Eyes-Something Vague ]

http://www.fye.com/catalog/musicProduct.jhtml?itemId=11019064

Mitch Hedberg is halarious. My mom bought that CD the other day. He comes on Comedy Central every once in a while. If you've never heard of him, listen to some clips on that link and if you like it, buy it. Seriously. He is so funny. : )

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Wow, I'm emo... [23 Mar 2004|12:28pm]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Bright Eyes ]



take the emo quiz
.created by jessi

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For opptional use.... [23 Mar 2004|12:08pm]
[ mood | silly ]
[ music | Bright Eyes ]

Hello there. I just got back from school early because I'm going to the orthodontist and my sister just picked me up early to be nice. : ) I despise school. Too much work. I have to get a new retainer because I lost my last one. I am dumb. Lately I have been really clumsy and I have ran into so many things. It was pretty funny. When I went to the mall someone who worked in this store was looking at me so I looked back at them and I ran into a clothing rack. They saw everything. I just pretended it was no big deal. Hahaha...It was great. I bet they were laughing telling their friends about the clutzy girl. Haha. Rawr. I have a four-hundred word essay about the environment due tomorrow. It's depressing to read about what's wrong with the world. Oh, yes it is. Anyway, I have got to get going.

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You have disfunction written all over you.... [22 Mar 2004|04:45am]
[ mood | good ]
[ music | Something Corporate-If You See Jordan ]

Spring Break was terrible. My family and I went to the mall by the river walk and it turned into this huge fight. Everyone was fighting everyone. I am the good guy in these situations. I am nice to each of them but really p.o.ed at them the same time. I don't like to make fighting worse, you know. That always seems to happen when we go out as a family. I don't get it. The next day, since I didn't get to look at much because of all the fighting, just my dad, my mom, and I went to a different mall. This time it was fun. No fighting at all. I guess because my sister wasn't there and she usually starts most of the fights. But before all that happened, my friend invited me to the zoo and while we were there we fought a little over stupid stuff. And now at school we don't seem as close. Ahhhhh. The funny thing is, I'm in a good mood. Weird. Well, I hope to have a good rest of the week. Wish me luck?

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Mmmmm.....yep [18 Mar 2004|12:50pm]
[ mood | accomplished ]
[ music | Dashboard Confessional stuck in my head. ]

Hey. Very eventful day, today was. Here is my short version of it:

-Went to Super Wal Mart with my sis and my neice
-Went to mini mall with my sis and my neice
-Realized not many people are nice
-FINALLY bought the new Dashboard CD
-Got a call from my mom that while my dad was working on fixing up the laundry room he sawed part of his arm down to the bone *shivers*
-Went to my sisters apartment
-Picked up my sisters boyfriend
-My sisters bf put the really loud headphones on my neice. I pulled them off and threw them at him. They were so loud I could hear them from the front seat.
-Got home and cleaned the whole house including my room while listening to Dashboard. : )

Yeah, so that pretty much sums it up. I wish I had friends that were on the computer more often. Then I wouldn't be so bored.

Oh, and I just realized yesterday that I've been using " ` " instead of " ' " since I first started typing. Why didn't anyone tell me this? Bye.

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Hello. [17 Mar 2004|01:12am]
[ mood | exhausted ]
[ music | Third Eye Blind-Jumper ]

      
Marriage is love.




Hey. Today was alright. I went to a friends sleepover last night. Secretly, it was pretty boring, secretly, haha. We watched three movies..The Missing (super boring), Rocky Horror Picture Show(^_^), and Mona Lisa Smile(good movie). Yeah...and I kept arguing with the person whose birthday it was(I'm not dropping any names) about stupid stuff. She tries to be all "deep" and you can tell it`s fake and it makes me so p.o.ed. But, you know, I'm still friends with her and all. Just a meaningless argument won't ruin a friendship for me. Anyway, after the party my dad and I went to Lowes to get things to fix up the laundry room with. Then, to Hobby Lobby. I got:
-two mini canvases
-a box to decorate
-a yard of purple ribbon
-an acoustic guitar charm
-saxaphone charm
-earings to put the charms on
Yep, it was an alright day. Tomorrow I am going with my sister to the mall and stuff. Later.
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I Haven`t Updated In Forever. [14 Mar 2004|12:06pm]
[ mood | awake ]
[ music | Nothing Right Now ]

© show some heart ©

     
Self-Injury: You are NOT the only one.

Monday, March 1, 2004 is SI Awareness Day.


Hello there. I am super bored. Here is what happened the past two weeks:

-Found out someone likes me.
-Painted a picture.
-Went to an art show where people said things like.."It`s so intricuit(sp?) and the composition was amazing!" When really they were just plain-colored canvases with circles and skriblles on them.
-Two friends slept over last night and we made stuffed Kodamas (tree spirits), colages, smoothies, and braclets.

Yeah...there is probably more, but I`ll update and write the details of the ones listed today later. Bye!
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I`m Walkin` On Sunshine! Woah-oh! And Don`t It Feel Good! [01 Mar 2004|05:46am]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Cartoons ]

Hehe. I am having a pretty good day. The only downer is that I have homework. Stupid teachers. We have enough to do during class. I feel like watching Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, but it`s not on. I`ll have to wait. *sigh* Anyway, here is something a comedian once said:

"I like to light cinnamon roll insense in the morning so all of my room mates will wake up to false hopes."

Sorry for my poor spelling. I don`t really ever use words like "cinnamon" or "insense" when I write. I`ll update again later!

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Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba Duna duna duna duna [29 Feb 2004|06:47am]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | The Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Pin ]

Hey, here is what I did today...

-Went to Blockbuster. Rented Peices of April (great movie), Requiem (sp?) For A Dream, Animatrix, and Once Upon A Time In Mexico (*drools* Johnny Depp)
-Went to grocery store for some food.
-Got home and watched Peices of April. It was a great movie!
-Crushed soda cans with the can crusher and suggested to my mom we should recycle.
-Started watching Requiem For A Dream and realized it was pretty boring so I turned it off.
-Played guitar for a bit.

That was basically what I did today. Not much, I know. But, hey! Maybe I`ll have something better to talk about tomorrow. Later.

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Boobahs Is The Craziest Show I Have Ever Seen. [28 Feb 2004|10:47am]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | Jack Off Jill-When I Am Queen stuck in my head ]

Hello there. I am really bored. I feel like going out somewhere. I miss Bree. I had known her for about 10 years and her mom just had to make her move. I miss her so much. It was always so much fun going over to her house just to hang out. Even if we were just on the computer or whatever. It was still fun. O.k., changing the subject. I don`t want to get too depressed. All I did after I got home today was search through blurty journals and find an interesting one to read. I am so bored. Well, I think I`m gonna go and find something to do. I need another hobby.

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Kissed By A Star. [28 Feb 2004|04:26am]
[ mood | grateful ]
[ music | Jack Off Jill-Poor Impulse Control ]

Today was alright. At guitar lessons I went over all of the things I need to practice in 3 minutes flat! My guitar teacher says I am getting really good. I feel proud. Then I went to the mall and bought a Bleeding Edge Goth doll. You can check them out here: www.begoths.com The dolls look pretty cool. I have 2 now! Yay! I also got the Jack Off Jill CD Sexless Demons And Scars. It`s so good. I`d say my favorite songs so far are My Cat, Girl Scout, and Lollirot. I love JOJ. After the mall we went to Taco Bell and I got some yummy burritos and a thing of nachos. Yumm Yumm. Anyway, I will probably update again this afternoon.

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