Dena's Blurty

Subject:	I feel like crying
Time:	10:15 pm.
Music:	Butthole Surfers- Pepper.

finals kill me. I'm going to be grounded for most of the summer. Why? Because I'm an idiot.

I've been grounded for the past week. I'm still grounded, just got a little "prize" for "studying" all week.

Jared and I "bonded" over Chuck Palahniuk today. I hate that I always make good friends the last day of class. Always.

Tomorrow we're leaving for Missouri after I get out of school. Misery. I want to go, but I don't. Because right now, I don't care if I ever go anywhere or do anything ever again.

My brother just went to get some ice cream. This is because I am upset for no real reason. I had a Jamocha shake this afternoon to "calm my nerves" but I think all it did was make me fatter. and really I just keep getting fatter and fatter and I'm paying so much attention to it that I almost don't care. Except I do. Because I'm stupid and superficial and, yes, I hate it, but I guess it's just who I am.

this summer I'm going to start running again. Because I'm going to be "pretty". And I hate the way I sound right now.

I miss Pioneer. I miss having the friends I used to have. I miss teachers and secretaries who remember your name, your grade, your family. I hate Chickasha High School, I hate chickasha. I wish I didn't have to grow up, and I wish money wasn't so degradable. I wish I could spell tonight.

Right now I should have $100, but I've been buying my own gas and food for 3 weeks now. I haven't had to babysit all week and won't next week either. I have $1.45 (I know this because I used my last five dollar bill today to buy a 2 disc alt rock compilation. Crossroads, huge sale. Not enough money for everything I wanted). This summer I should be making about $120 a week. It's not bad compared to the $40 I make now, but if I have to pay for my own gas and food plus my extras (clothes, books etc), it won't last long. I guess not much really does in my life.

I want to play phase ten, uno, cranium, monopoly. I want to be happy with my family and away from Chickasha.

I want to see my baby but life sucks.

Comments: 1 I don't know what do you want to do? - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

6:15 pm.

I've been a constant stomach ache for the past two days. No fever, but I'm never comfortable with the temperature. Although, sometimes I wonder if I'm just too comfortable to notice that I'm not uncomfortable.

I think I've officially become obsessed. this past weekend drove me crazy, it was so amazing. I knew it was just going to be a big tease, but I wanted so badly for it to happen. And I"m glad it did. Except now I keep feeling like I can hop in the truck and drive to town and see him. But I can't. And I hate that I can't stop thinking about him, but I love the feelings I get when I do think of him. And, next time, I'm never letting go.

My birthday is in 12 days. I'm leaving for vacation in 10 days. That is also the day i get out of school.
This is what I want for my birthday:
A (real) camera
A (better) vehicle
A (passing) newspaper grade
Time to spend with Ryan
Lots and lots of sleep. The good kind.
phone cards
Games. Lots and lots of games (to kill the summer boredom)
Letters. Or cards. Because I enjoy getting mail.
Crazy amounts of money.
And all kinds of cd's I don't have the time to list.

I need a sleepy snuggle.

Later, or tomorrow, or maybe this weekend when I actually have time and rest, I want to talk about my weekend before I forget everything. I wrote most of it down already in my new paper journal that I love. The one I've been meaning to buy for months but I didn't have to because Ryan picks good gifts.

Wheel of Fortune time.

I love you.

Comments: 1 I don't know what do you want to do? - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

7:56 pm.

Today, there was a baseball game. We got out of 5th and 6th hour to go to it if we wanted to pay. There were a lot of students that went, including Christina, Dedra, Richard, Jenna and I. Christina shared with us her very small knowledge of baseball slang. Then she put her arm around me and did that random composition thing she always does.

"Take me out to the ball game,
Get me out of class.
Buy me some postachios
and Dr P
I don't care if we ever get back
so we'll mock, mock mock the home team
if they don't win we won't care,
'cause it's one, two, three bucks your out
of the old high school!"

She's pretty dorky that way. we spent a while singing it together. Although, it was pretty sad... as soon as 2:55 hit everyone was up and out of the stadium. No one really came to support the team, we all just wanted out of class.

way too much has been going on this week.

I'm babysitting again because Becky ran away. It's nice to know that i"ll have money, but it's very tiring. It's hard taking care of 4 girls who hate each other. The first day it sucked because I had that feeling that they liked Becky a lot more than they liked me. But it's slowly getting better. I promised Morgan I would go to her "music show" tomorrow night. Honestly, I don't really want to, but I should.

Sidenote: The O.C. season finale made me cry for many, many reasons.

I had to go to the orthodontist today. I have to go back every week this month for a power cord change. I should have my braces off by the end of summer.

Ryan burned the third Eye Blind cd that I am missing for me. (I'd try to word that better but I'm too tired to mess with it.)I'm now even more excited about this weekend then I was before. Which is crazy. There are a lot of things I want to/need to say about Ryan, but I don't know if there's enough time, or energy left in me.

Comments: 2 I don't know what do you want to do?s - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

2:04 am.

I need someone to make love to me through words so profound and gorgeous and never expect me to reply.

Tonight I downloaded "Motorcycle Driveby" by Third eye blind because I haven't been able to find my CD for months. and I miss it.

I hate when I hear a song and I can't explain how it makes me feel.

And certain words are like punches to the stomach. Inspiration in it's purest form. The kind where you are not so much inspired to write something, or be artsy. But the kind where you are inspired to fall in love. Inspired to be happy. Inspired to make someone else happy.

But when will you ever make anyone else truly happy?

I wish I could find some way to make anyone else feel the way that this song makes me feel.

Summer time and the wind is blowing
Outside in lower Chelsea
And I don't know
What I'm doing in this city
The sun is always in my eyes
It crashes through the windows
And I'm sleeping on the couch
When I came to visit you
That's when I knew
That I could never have you
I knew that before you did
Still I'm the one who's stupid

And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive

Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by
The cigarette ash flies in your eyes
And you don't mind
You smile
And say the world it doesn't fit with you
I don't believe you
You're so serene
Careening through the universe
Your axis on a tilt
You're guiltless and free
I hope you take a piece of me with you

And there are things I would like to do
That you don't believe in...
I would like to build something
But you'll never see it happen

And there's this burning
Like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've, I've never been so alive

Where's the soul I wanna know
New York City's evil,
The surface is everything.
But I could never do that
Someone would see through that
And this is the last time
We'll be friends again
And I'll get over you
You won't know who I am

And there's this burning
Just like there's always been
I've never been so alone
And I've, I've never been so alive

I go home to the coast
It starts to rain
I paddle out on the water
Alone
Taste the salt
And taste the pain
I'm not thinking of you again
Summer dies and swells rise
The sun goes down in my eyes
See this golden wave
Darkly coming
To take me
away
And I've never been so alone
And I've never been so alive

I wish Ryan was here. prom is now less than a week away. I can't wait, but I'm still worried about what he willthink of me. It's hard to explain the way I feel towards him. I miss him so much right now.

And I always just wanted someone to hold me when I cried.

Comments: 3 I don't know what do you want to do?s - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:	9:35 pm.
Music:	Mad Caddies- Last Breath.

There's a splinter in my butt.

Jenna used to pick up watermelons, put them on her head, and carry them into the house. I would struggle just to pick one up to my waist. She would say "If you can just get it up to your head, I bet you can carry it to the house. that's what I do, my head is my strongest muscle." I would throw mine down and roll it into the house.

I have all of these old letters from old friends that I've never thrown away. I've thrown away the friends, just not the letters. And if you pick them up, one at a time, and read them, one at a time, none of them really make sense. They hold their own, but they still don't make much sense. Until you reach the last of them. Maybe that's why they call them "letters." You've really got to have all of them to make any sense of anything. It doesn't matter though, when you put all of mine together they only really spell "FAILURE" anyway.

OH boy, do I hate this week? yes. yes, I do.

Jenna Eve picks up books, opens them, and says "One day bladdle aghrabaldy bladdle" she just keeps babbling until she opens up another book and says "one day..."

oh yeah, I have a new obsession with the Mad Caddies. love love love.

Comments: 3 I don't know what do you want to do?s - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

4:04 pm.

Ms fucking Perryman (yes, Jimmy Fucking Perryman's mother) is a bitch. Not really. This is a great time in my life. I've got a great boyfriend, good friends, a good relationship with my parents... I'm doing fairly well in life. The only thing bringing me down is that fucking Newspaper grade. If it wasn't for that I would be so happy right now. But instead I feel horrible and I don't want to do anything. I stayed back and talked to her after school today and I think she might be calling my parents (therefore, ruining the relationship with them and that will probably ruin all other relationships in my life right now.) I can't figure out what to do. I have to ask them about Ryan and prom tonight so I don't want to tell them I'm failing right now... but I"m also very afraid that if they find out later they'll never let me talk to him again. I dont' want to be grounded all summer... but even if there was any possible chance of me bringing my grade up I would still have a D or C on my transcript and in my parents' eyes that's still failure. I really wouldn't mind failing it if it weren't for them, but they'll kill me. It's just an elective so it doesn't matter if I pass or not... it'll just drag my GPA down (but not that much considering my advanced and AP classes). It will still be above a 3.0... but of course that's not good enough. I don't understand... people fail classes all of the time. The first time in my entire life that I've ever failed anything and I'm going to be killed. And, what's worse? I can't stop thinking about it and it's blocking my entire thinking abilities. I can't come up with any way to make this better and it's killing me.

I have to watch Jenna tonight.

Comments: So, what do you want to do?.

Time:	10:13 pm.
Music:	bum bum bum buh da bum.

I will now say everything I need to say in the 16 minutes before I have to go to bed.

There's so much to do this week, and not enough time to do it. My grades are decent except for one and I think I'm so far gone there's no hope. I've never actually failed a class before.

I think my family is way too confident in me. It makes me feel like I always have to live up to something that I"m not, nor will I ever be. And the more they say that I'm going to be some great novelist, the less I think it's ever going to happen.

I miss my grandma. I need her around right now.

My AP test is a week from today. Mr Huston has a lot of practice timed essays planned this week. The last one we took I wrote two paragraphs and made a 3. Which isn't bad... Tommy wrote 2 pages and made a 3. Considering the amount of effort(eppurt, haha) I put into it.

I feellike I never see my best friend anymore. She's been so busy.

My grandfather is old and confused and I hate going to his house. It's not that I hate him, or his wife... it's her son. He creeps me out and he always makes Jenna cry. The entire house makes me wish I had my grandma back.

I read an article in the newspaper about a little girl who is living my dream. She's 14, and I wish I was her. And I hate her. Because I could never ever be able to have what she has... ever.

There's a wacko wire in my mouth that keeps poking me. I can't find my wax (I think I threw it away a long time ago when I decided I was tough enough to handle braces on my own.)

Jenna's mom keeps telling Jenna that I'm a bad kid and she's glad I'm not her daughter. I'm glad I'm not her daughter too... even though I'm close enough.

Aloysius is ranting to me. It's weird, he never does that. I guess perfect people get angry sometimes too.

Mathew(Mathias, The crazy Jehovah's witness) keeps sitting by me at lunch and coming up to me in the hallways. The other night (thursday) he was at the Drumline Concert in his church clothes. His suit was a crazy brown checkered type thing. It was ugly. He came up to me, said hey, and I asked him why he was all dressed up. "I'm about to go to church"
"oooh"
Jenna said "What kind of church do you go to? MoTown?"
She cracks me up.

There's some sort of MoTown concert on tv coming up. I don't know when it is, or what channel, I just remember seeing the Backstreet Boys on the commercial and knowing I had to watch it.

Dedra and I keep fighting. Not bad, but sometimes I feel like she hates me. Today the class had a debate on how to spell dissect. I said it was d-i-s-s-e-c-t (ahem, the correct way). Sam said it was d-i-s-e-c-t. I told him he was wrong... he said no, d-i-s-s-e-c-t is (oh, jeez how am i going to do this?) (pronounced like) diss- ect... not die-sect. Then someone said "no, it's spelled dicect" (loser). I just kept telling them, no, look it up in the dictionary. so Kaitie grabbed a dictionary, looked up dissect and said it wasn't in there. She looked up disect and dicect and neither were in there. I grabbed the book, looked up dissect and it was in there. Some people are just idiots. I went back to my desk, sat down and I was steamed. I said to Dedra "see, I told them, but do they ever listen to me?" I put on my mocking voice "nooo! that's diss-ect... freaking loser." She said "You're so mean, you didn't have to call him a loser" And it went on and on and on until I just said "Dedra! Shut up, you're not nice to everyone either."

Anyway, the moral of the story is... don't doubt my (mad) word skills.

I swear to God, if my phone cuts out on Ryan and I again I will have to burn it. I have the crappiest phone ever made and it rather pisses me off all the time. I had the weirdest, worst weekend ever. And today wasn't so normal either.

And, that might be all. Even though it's now past my bedtime and I need sleep.

Comments: 2 I don't know what do you want to do?s - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

3:47 pm.

I just got my ACT scores back:

English: 30
Mathematics: 24
Reading: 23
Science: 22

Composite: 25

I'm rather happy about all of that bringing my score up 4 points.

woo!!

in other news, I have all A's and B's except for Newspaper in which I have an F. A 47 to be exact. And I thought I was doing good. I can write the three stories I didn't turn in and turn them in on MONDAY for 70% but I'm afraid I have no idea how I am going to do that AND write the stories I already have due tomorrow (which are going to be coming in late because the events I am writing them over are just happening tonight and this weekend). Still, I have a B in English (which is a miracle) with a test tomorrow over a book I have not read but when I get home tonight I will be reading spark notes and scanning through the parts of the actual book that I have not read (because I've read half of it and plan on finishing it but I can't read 200 pages in one night especially with all of the other crap I have to do tonight). An A in Chemistry which I can definitely hold. A B in trig which will soon be going up after our next test on Tuesday over the laws of sin and cos. An A in weights (which might be going down considering I hate that class and have lately been just sitting around with Natasha). A B in world history even though I don't know why since I've made A's in everything so far this block not to mention my 15 extra bonus points from winning a game that we played. Tomorrow we have a test that I will most likely fail because I've been blanking out a lot this week and not listening to his elaborations on the notes. Well I won't fail it but I'll probably make a B or C and that's bad enough when I need an A in that class. This weekend I am going to go see the movie "The Alamo" for extra credit. I have to write a page over it and then take a quiz over it if I want the extra points but it's worth it. Besides, how bad can it be? It's just a movie.

And that is all for my blabbering today. Oh , except, if anyone wants to write some kind of feature story for me to turn in to my Newspaper teacher it would be greatly appreciated and I will buy you something if you do it. Tonight I am going to Jenna's Drumline concert and I have to write a story over it. And the rest, I have no fucking clue what I am doing.

And, Ryan, if you read this before I talk to you, I am so sorry about last night. My phone is a bitch and it always seems to lose signal when I am having fun. I think it may hate me. Anyway, I miss you and I have no idea when I will be home tonight. It shouldn't be very late at all. I hope you aren't getting killed with tornadoes again. I can't quite make it out on my tv but I'm pretty sure your county is in a Tornado warning.

Comments: So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

10:42 pm.

Oklahoma has only been a state for 97 years and I feel like I am a hundred and fifty.

Mr Huston says there is a reason behind every word we choose to write. Every single word has a meaning. And taking one out may change everything. And if you are naive enough to believe me when I say that I love you, I hope you know I almost always mean exactly the opposite of what I say.

And now you've got to change everything you've ever thought. You've got to go back and reevaluate everything you've ever said or done... and realize that your words mean everything to someone even if they mean nothing to you. Because words aren't just words... they're all we have to communicate. They're everything we've come to depend on.

PS. My boyfriend is a worry wart... and a dork X 621683546231965132465489999.

Comments: 1 I don't know what do you want to do? - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

9:52 pm.

yesterday Dedra, Amy and I went to the city to look for a prom dress for Dedra. They didn't have any in her size at the mall though and all of the thrift stores were closed (probably on account of it being Sunday). Then we went to El Reno to take Amy home and one the way there we saw a wreck. If Dedra had been driving much faster we probably would have been in it, but thank god her car sucks. We had to stop for a few minutes because all of us were a little frazzled. I hope everyone that was involved is okay.

After dropping Amy off Dedra and I went back up to the city. We decided we would head home at about 7:30 so that it wouldn't be too dark when we got home. We went back to the mall (but they were closed by the time we got there), then she showed me her church. Then we went to her dad's house for a few minutes to use the bathroom. That house is so pretty. It's nothing that I expected it to be either. Then we went to eat at Hideaway Pizza and it was absolutely wonderful. This guy walked in that looked exactly like Robert Smith of the Cure with the hair and all. Dedra said "Somebody's living in the wrong decade". I wish I'd had my camera, he was so awesome looking.
We ended up not leaving 'til about 8:30. Also, Dedra ended up having to go to the other side of town before she could leave because she didn't want to get lost. So we didn't get home 'til about 10. I rode home the entire way with my pant leg caught in the door. I didn't even realize it 'til we were almost home. I'm a dork.

I stayed home from school today. my nose is all stuffy and runny and now it is crusty from all of the blowing and wiping. my throat is sore too. And I can't stop coughing. It's all been building up for the past week or so (I remember because I couldn't stop coughing that night I talked to Ryan for forever). All day I wanted to get up and run or do something but I couldn't. I'm convinced that benadryl does nothing for you except knock you out so that you don't know your nose is running or that you can't breathe. of course you'll only realize this when you wake up in a puddle of your own snot and slobber and your mouth is all dried out because you've had to sleep with it open because your nose is all stuffed up.

I was supposed to go to Dedra's band banquet tonight. She kept calling my house but I was either asleep or too lazy to getup to get the phone. Now I feel horrible. She's going to kill me.

Comments: 3 I don't know what do you want to do?s - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

11:59 pm.

1. If you could live with only 1 food and 1 drink for the rest of your life what would it be? french vanilla capuccino and cheesecake

2. If you had 1 day left to live what would you do? eat a whole lot, shoot a bunch of people I've always hated, probably stalk some famous person.

3. If you could only listen to 1 album which would you pick? Third Eye blind's debut

4. Lose a leg or an arm? left leg... I could still drive and get a handicap sticker so I could park closer.

5. If you could live in any era, which would you pick? I would so live in the 80's because I love the style (my sister thinks that's weird of me, but I can't help it. It would be nice if people thought I was cool because i never match since I rarely ever do anyway.).

6. Forced to marry tomorrow who would it be? Ryan

7. Would you want the world taken over by aliens or the dinosaurs to come back? aliens are dinosaurs.

NerdyAngel15: you can still play it though, what we're missing we can make
NXXcdo: we can just use candy
NerdyAngel15: our lives revolve around candy
NXXcdo: yeah, we're made for each other

Comments: 2 I don't know what do you want to do?s - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:	11:12 pm.
Mood:	crappy.

oh, what a day.

Started off by running from Coach Brown and getting caught. The asshole drove out to the parking lot and caught us avoiding tardies so instead of one day of lunch detention, we got three. I wish I would've given him a fake name. We walked to class muttering "fascist pig" within earshot.
I was called into Mr Ellis' office first hour and had to sit in the waiting room until about 10 minutes into second hour when Mrs (fucking) Murray asked me where I was first hour yesterday. I was here, so she told me to ask Mr Huston for a note explaining why he counted me absent (because he's a dumbass) and that was the end of it. So now I have English homework because those assholes made me do nothing first hour for a meeting I didn't even have to attend.
I also have trig homework because no one knows how to be quiet and my teacher tells too many stories.
Also, I realized that I'm probably not going to be one of the validictorians next year even though everyone is expecting me to be.
Jenna and i had a mini-fight at lunch. Not enough to ruin us but it was enough to make us hate each other for 30 minutes. And that's plenty.
Then in weights we played volleyball against ms Reding's class and lost a lot. Then we split the teams up differently and Booby (yes, I spelled it that way on purpose) Ellis kept fucking yelling at me. It's not my fault I'm not athletic! I didn't even want to play in the first place. I hate assholes that make me want to cry even when I know they aren't worth it. Ryan kept saving me though, I'm glad he was on my team or I probably would have actually cried. I wish I was actually decent at that game, or any game at all.
I was walking into Mr Widener's class and, I swear if I hadn't been so tired I would have punched this girl. I was walking by and she was talking to Gerdes (who I hate by the way) with her back toward me. She was wearing a halter top dress and at first I thought it was strapless. So, as I walked by I turned my head to look at the front of her dress. I guess I rolled my eyes when I did it and as I turned back around I heard her completely stop, make an "uh" sound and say "Rawr!" really loud. I wish I had enough courage to actually punch someone. Although I'm afraid if I did, I would never stop swinging.
And I read through the rest of my classes.
Jenna and I were pretty hyper after school. We played at the park, got a coke (my creepy man was working), went to wal-mart, decided to come to my house and jump on the trampoline. Got home and everyone was in the backyard playing with jenna eve so we didn't get to do that but we still ran around playing with Jenna. I took her home about 5:30 then came home and helped watch the baby because Cindy and Landon went out with some friends from their church.
And then Ryan reminded me that I can't beat him at anything and it sucks.

http://www.blurty.com/talkread.bml?journal=just___be___me&itemid=28099

Comments: 2 I don't know what do you want to do?s - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:	9:32 pm.
Mood:	happy.
Music:	so happy together- new found glory.

woah woah woah

highest possible grade: 9

Three essays. Didn't write one. 0. 5. 9.

Add in all of the multiple choice questions.

Highest possible grade: 5
Grade that will get you college credit: 3

My grade: 3
Christina's grade: 5
grade no one ever makes:5
average grade of the class:2

ooh yeah. So excited. I just hope I do that well on the actual test. I'm still crazy about the fact that I didn't even write one of the essays and I still made a freaking 3 overall. And I so thought I was going to fail.

Christina has been so weird lately. Not once has she tried to rub it in my face that she did better than I did. In fact she keeps talking about how we should both be celebrating. She keeps bragging on me to some other people. It's weird. But it's nice. I love her a lot lately and the past couple of weeks I really haven't felt that way towards her at all.

Jenna and I put flyers for drumline camp on a lot of windshields after school. She dropped hers at one point in time and I thought I was going to die laughing. We were chasing papers for 20 minutes.

My mom's been having way too much free time. And TV is rotting her brain. Yeah, it's definitely time for her to go back to work. wow, she's so happy though... it's crazy. I think it's because she's spending more time with Jenna and Cindy (plus a Trenton but who cares about that kid?).

"Dena Pettijohn? Are you related to Kent?"
"Yeah, he's my cousin"
"Ah hah that's great! This school needs some more Pettijohns in it."

I only wish I could live up to my name. Not really because the guy who said that is an idiot and I wish he would die.

And I had lunch detention today. Jimmy Fucking Perryman was in there (because we've all decided that he can't be just "Jimmy" or "Jimmy Perryman"... it has to be "Jimmy Fucking Perryman"). It's weird though because I didn't even realize it until we were leaving. I was late because someone told me I didn't have to be there 'til after encore. The sub said "Where were you?" I shrugged, pushed past a couple of people and sat at the far corner of the room. Screw lunch detention anyway, there was no point in me being there. I didn't deserve to be there.

And I keep forgetting to mention that Paul is back. And he's got a mohawk now. Strange. He wasn't getting along with his grandma so he moved back in with his dad. Even though his dad is an asshole and nearly killed him.

And, I've got to have the best man in the world.

Comments: So, what do you want to do?.

Time:

11:43 pm.

today was long and draining and I just wish it would end well.

mom had surgery this morning. They told me they would be home late in the afternoon. I woke up at 9:30 to take Jenna Fae to band practice. I came home, watched some tv and ate a bunch of junk. Dad called at about 11 and said they were coming home. So I didn't have time to do all of the things I was going to do before they came home (clean the kitchen, the bathroom, the hallways so mom could get around on her crutches). I was a bit upset but it was okay. She somehow ended up with crutches that were too big for her though so dad had to call to see if we could get smaller ones. Jenna called me at about one, just when I was sitting around wishing I had something to do. She was out for lunch and dint' have to be back until 3 so I took the car to get her. We went to pick up the crutches, brought them home, went back to town and I rented "The Whole Nine Yards" because I want to see the new one but have to see the old one first. Went to subway for lunch (I didn't eat though I was still stuffed from the morning junk). Drove out to the drive in to see what was on but it was just crappy movies. Not that it matters, my tailgate doesn't work anyway. We drove by Blake Kerr's house because he's gorgeous and we like to stalk him like the immature little girls that we happen to be. He's a big dumb football player though, he'd never notice it and even if he did he'd probably love it and take advantage of the situation. We drove around a little while longer. She kept trying to find rap songs on the radio to blast to make me uncomfortable. She put one on and we both danced really stupidly but it's okay because the car's windows are tinted. Then we rolled all the windows down, but the sunroof down and blasted country music because we are way cool. When we got back at 3 Destiny told us that afternoon practice was cancelled (well, actually we'd missed the part Jenna was supposed to be there for even though we got there at exactly 3 o'clock and everyone was mad at her even though they told her to come back at 3). So I took her home because I told dad I'd be home a little after three or I would have stayed at her house for a while because she was acting really depressed suddenly. I hate those drumline kids. First of all no one invited her to lunch with them or even offered to bring her anything back, they all told her she had to be there at 10 in the morning when she actually didn't have to be there 'til 11:30, and then they get mad at her when they tell her the wrong time and she's late. They act like her best friend to her face and then force her to fall back on me. I don't really mind being the one she falls back on (that's what I am to everyone else) but it does kind of make me angry that I'm the one who is always there and she is always passing me up to be with everyone else. i love her to death though, she's so much fun.
And then I came home, made dinner, made dessert (which, if I do say so myself, was great), did so many dishes I thought my hands would fall off, and tried to watch my movie. It didn't work out too well because Jenna Eve was over and kept wanting me to take her to the bathroom and "hop" with her and read to her. I pretty much felt like shit most of the day except for when I was out with Jenna Fae.

Yesterday I felt horrible. It was just one of those days where I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't want to do anything. I pretty much watched tv all night. TV has got to be my best friend.

You know what I think is cool? Boys that can take my day and completely flip it upside down.
Ryan and I are going to have six sets of quints and we're going to be on Oprah and Oprah is going to make us rich.
Except right now he's on a "date" type thing with a devout mormon. Which doesn't bother me because it's a win-win situation. Either way it goes I'll still get him.

Comments: 1 I don't know what do you want to do? - So, what do you want to do?.

Time:	9:54 pm.
Music:	Prince- When Doves cry.

I still worry about it. I get so scared sometimes I can’t move. And I wake up at crazy hours of the night wondering when I can get out of bed. But bed is all I think about when I’m awake. That, and Ryan.

He’s so amazing… you have no idea. It’s nice being like this with him. Before I always had that suspicion that he didn’t really like me, he was just talking to me because… I don’t know… because he didn’t want to be rude or something. But I guess I was wrong, as I usually am. I want to see him so bad. I can’t even put into words how happy I am about this… not to sound so completely obsessed and strange. I don’t want to wait another month to be with him.

My teeth hurt. I saw an almost wreck today. I almost wrecked myself a few times… one of those times including a mailbox. I ate an apple pie snow cone for lunch today and it was so good. So far I am sticking to the tasting each flavor plan. The one I’ve had for years and never succeeded at. I sat in my truck and called Ryan for most of fourth hour and almost got caught. When I walked into sixth hour David told me that we had a sub anyway, so I could’ve just as easily eaten my snow cone and talked to Ryan in class. If I had been caught skipping I would have been so angry, and probably would have blamed it all on Ryan because I am a horrible girlfriend like that.

I have lunch detention next Wednesday for being late to fourth hour yesterday. Jenna and I both do. Mr Ellis sucks ass. I’m never late to fourth hour and I wouldn’t have been late yesterday if my truck had started when I wanted it to. But no, I have to have a crappy vehicle and be late to school.

Trenton made Jenna a Prince cd. She doesn’t even like Prince. I have it right now, I need to burn it before tomorrow because I promised to give it back to her soon. I love it, I’m excited.

Today, I got the comment “Dena, you’re always so happy and sweet” from a girl I hate... Lana. It’s funny… I don’t see it.

I just had a little conversation with my mother, for a little shift of tone here. Apparently she’s worried about my eating habits. Screw that, just because I don’t eat everything that they do doesn’t mean I’m anorexic or anything. You should see how much I eat when you put something sweet in front of me.

Comments: So, what do you want to do?.