Juliann's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Juliann [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

[30 Jul 2004|09:41pm] [ mood | aggravated ] [ music | PANTERA ] ok so yeah im in a mood... i dont know maybe sad maybe mad..... well my step dad is drinking being gay so im blasting my music to drown out his stupidity.. i hate him like this... he is cool sometimes... but he was supposbaly "sober" i dont wanna hear this shit anymore.. all the fucking lies... o yeah my mom says if he starts drinking again we are leaving.. im not putting you in that situation.. yeah right, im sick of it all. But theres not much i can do i wanna move out of this house but god knows daddy wont take me... o well i cant live with my aunt cause my cousin and other aunt are goiong to be living there... yeah thats another fucked up situation in which i would rather not get into .... yeah how interesting.. my mom seems pissed .. probably with George. O well he deserves it he is being an idiot... he needs to fucking grow up and get a life. Im sick if everything GRR fuck, i dont get it how like the world can be so cold and messed up o well im not saying anymore comments

[29 Jul 2004|10:37pm] [ mood | i have no mood lol ] [ music | [[Metallica]] ] hmmm so last night i went camping with jenny and becky in bantam that was cool we didnt have much to do.. but we went out on her g-pas boat and shit... and thats that... hm on saturday im supposed to go to Lake Compouce with Brit and Kelly and some other people shay or someone and i dont know who else... yeah this may be fun my dad gave me 40 dollars i didnt ask for it .. i was like wow your doing something for me? yeah so anyway... life isnt that bad.. well except having to go to couseling yesterday at 8 in the morning... i dont wanna go anymore... i want to go one where i can go alone.. cause this isnt about my problems anymore... they wonder why i dont think they care... well they all talk about themselves... and then i just sit there.. so it is like wtf... im just quiet the whole time... there is no point in trying anymore. i meaN its like fuck it now...w.e i dont care...well actually i do... cause i wanna get alot of things out but i mean if i wanted to talk to them i would...i dont know it seems rather pointless now.... hm well thats about it for now i guess... later comments

[27 Jul 2004|07:51pm] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | METALLICA!!!!! ] Well i havent written in awhile ... so on Friday i went to lauras.. slept over there with Becky,Brit,Jenny,Melissa and some chick Jontae or something like that... yeah so that was cool... i got 2 hours of sleep and then my mo came to get me and we went to VT.. so yeah that was cool... i drove the trike broke the clutch again.. but fixed it then i dont know we got a new spark plug and it ran... but there is something up with it... then george fixed the tractor... and yeah i made alot of shit like welcome signs and bird houses... in the wood shop work shopie thing in the barn.. man its like being in tech ed with all that shit... its all in there... yeah i was being creative.. yeah but there is this house up there that looks like the flinstone house... and the guy who lived there... we think blew it up// when we got there it was burning to the ground..it looks like a rock but i guess it isnt really rock.., cause it burnt... it was crazy shit... people think he blew it up cause he owed morgatges and was going threw a divorce and shit... and some say no... who knows i didnt know the dude that well so i cant make the judgment.. but w.e yeah and nothing interesting happened up there.... so tommorow i have to go to couseling at fucking 8 in the morning and then im going camping with jenny and becky.. this will be fun... well thats about it i guess.... no ranting and raving for me right now... cause.... I FEEL HAPPY comments

[21 Jul 2004|02:35am] [ mood | mellow ] okay so last night slept over karens.. well now that it is Wenseday it was 2 nights ago... anywho she wanted to go to the Litchfeild Stop n Shop to visit her co workers there... yes how very interesting... then she was supposed to meet katie but that bitch blew her off... w.e i dont like her anyway... so then we went to Friendlys.. and came home and watched a movie.. and then watched another movie lol and then went to bed... i slept in her bed :) haha and she slept in the living room yes funny shit anywho... we woke up and farted around and went to the portland tennis thing... and let me tell you... i suck... i kept hitting the ball into these kids courts and then i got so mad and i was like im not playing and she go mad at me for having a "negative attitude" but then she got over it lol.. then we had to meet my mom so she drove to the meridan mall and we were early.. so we went in cause she had to take a pee .. lol yeah and then i came home sat around chilled with my siter and josh and laura and then went to my dads to get the crow.. went to joshs for dinner... hamburgers... then watched the crow and sat around online.. what a life and tommorow me and jenny are most likley getting smashed lol living the good life lol not really.. but yeah and i prolly will see brit and laura tommorow too.. well im sleeping over jennys tommorow night this should be interesting lol... yeah we better get those smirnoffs lol ... well im not saying anymore about that so later. comments

[18 Jul 2004|11:05am] what pisses you off?: fake people why are you bored?: idk do you ever feel like no one in your family listens to you?: all the time who are you at school/college?: some kid are you cool?: no i suck do you feel that your friends actually like you?: some of them how do you feel about the internet?: its cool how old do you think I am?: 15? idk how old would you like to be?: 18 whats your home like?: it blows how many pets do you have?: 4 Whats your favourite animal?: Zeke my doggie The white stripes are my favourite band...am I cool for likeing them?: you like what you want. do you like them?: a few songs i guess what's your favorite film right now?: idk who's your favorite actor?: Johnny Depp... WOOO who's your favorite actress?: hm idk what was the last movie you saw?: Secret Window what ya listening to?: nothing are you bored of this survey?: no its ok so far what do you think of Johnny Depp?: he is HOT what do you think of Jack white?: eh do you know who Cillian Murphy is?: nope how many msn, aim friends do you have?: 193 how may do you actually know?: most of them there are like 5 that i dont know do you take surveys when you are bored?: sometimes. whats the meaning of life?: to suffer i guess where are you from?: Naugatuck do you think I'm interesting: dont know you what do you think of drugs?: some are dumb but some are ok have you ever seen the film the breakfast club?: nope do you ever ask people on line to help you with your homework?: no lol do you own a website?: yes what is your favourite website?: i dont know whats in your cd player right now?: ill nino and my flaw cds. do you like scifi shows such as *the following*? Buffy: its good Angel: dont watch it really The X files: sucks I'm from England so am I cool?: yeah they got cool acents lol do you think people from England are snobs?: no have you ever met an English person?: yes i think lol what did you think of them: cool what type of mobile do you have?: a gay one lol this survey is over what did ya think?: weirdo Blah!,I'm bored...so take this survey if you feel the same way! brought to you by BZOINK! comments

[18 Jul 2004|10:44am] [ mood | a little better ] Metallica: i love them all!!!!!!!!! Aerosmith: Back in the Saddle Beatsteaks: who? Maroon 5: i dont like them Evanescence: Salvation Mic Tyson: wtf? D12: hm.. i dunno EMINEM: that IM SORRY MAMA song lol Dr. Dre: uh i have no idea Snoop Dogg: GIN AND JUICE Linkin Park: i like them all Limp Bizkit: Faith Ja Rule: um nothing DMX: he is cool he barks The Calling: idk Die Ärzte: whos that? The Wohlstandskinder: if i cant pronouce it i dont know it Marph: what? Ferris MC: who HIM: they suck Bon Jovi: you give love a bad name.. haha Nightwish: uh.... Kool Savas: mmhmm Nirvana: i cant decide they kick ass Sum 41: uh idk.. Blink 182: dont like em... but Miss you is good i guess WIZO: wiizzzoooo? Outlandish: i do not know JAW: wtf are all these bands lol? name one/your fave song from these bands/singers/rappers/whatever brought to you by BZOINK! comments

[17 Jul 2004|08:20pm] [ mood | drained ] Well yeah today sucked i didnt feel good and i went with my dad to my grandmas.. came home early and then went to blockbuster and rented secret window.... hm i have yet to watch it Ok so i havent felt good all day and on top of it im so stressed.. i had a long talk with my dad about things.. and how bad he is hurting me... i told him how we have slowly drifted apart and i wanna have a relationship with him desperatly.. and then he was blamming my mom for the way things are.. and then i was like no you know the way you treated mommy and we kinda got in to a little argument.... but then he is like i changed and all this shit and i was like well it is to late now.. and then i told him that this is a battle im not going to lose and that im his kid and im not going any where... and i said that you are my father forever and we both no the reason we drifted apart.. and yeah i went on and on and told him how i felt... it looked like he was going to cry..... so that was that.... Then when i got home before i got in the door i herd George and my mom fighting... and my mom was drinking.. and she wouldnt tell me what was going on but im so stressed out right now i cryed for hours.. and i did something bad.. and man i just need to do something to get my mind off this shit.. btu on monday im gogin to portland to see karen and sleeping over there then on friday im sleeping over lauras house in oxford.. so that should be fun.. but i need to do something else.. i dont know... i dont know what to do with my life anymore.. i thought it was going good and now it seems like it is falling apart.. i dont know anymore.. it is so hard sometimes.. it seems so much easier just to give up cause shit is so complicated.. but i have to try.. for once i feel like im right.. but i know i wont win these battles.. but i will try and i will keep hanging on i guess... for now... im sick of people thinking everything is okay im finally letting my family and shit know the real me and it scares them o well... im sick of suffering for the sake of everyone else...well thats all im going to write... so bye 2 x comments

[17 Jul 2004|12:32am] for some reason i just feel like writting in here.. im lonley i guess i mean there is plenty of people to talk to online.. but i have no desire to do so i will just babble on... yeah life sucks... o well it will never change... everything in life blows... no one cares and thats the way it goes.. hey that ryhmed or however the fuck you spell it well bye again.. i have nothing to babble on about well i do but nothing i want people to see so later comments

[17 Jul 2004|12:24am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | -flaw- ] hm i wanna write a song or poem or something but i dont know what there is to write.. so i need to brainstorm on this one... When the pain is to strong When you find it hard to breath When this life is lasting to long When you just wanna leave When you cant look at your self in the mirror When your fear grows beyond your control When your image can never get clearer and there is nothing to look foward too this is the way you suffer hm that sucked... i got nothing o well.....ah comments

[16 Jul 2004|10:23am] [ mood | Fine ] Hm well yesterday my dada cam to get me at 9 30 and we went to the seaport and aquarium i thought it was going to be stupid but it was kinda cool... the seaport had all these exibits.. but yeah the aquarium was rather boring but its ok... then we went out to dinner at the log cabin i bearly ate anything.... but who cares since im already fat... but yeah today im going out with my mom.... but my grandma is comming over then after she leaves we are going out... we have to go find a gift for Sams sister Angela .. for her weddding.... yeah Bries party is today but im not going cause i really need to spend some time with my mom alone... sorry brie i will give you a card or something : ) lol yeah well thats about it i guess.... well later comments

[14 Jul 2004|09:43pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] Well last night laura and Jenny slept over then Brit came over this morning... and we hung out all day and they left not to long ago.. yeah we went swimming and i made cookies.. yeah not much happened... watch tv and what not... i was in a bitchy mood kinda but w/e sometimes i like to be alone.. so yeah i dont know... but right now no one is home and im here in this dark house lonliness is upon me lol yes... well tommorow im going to the aquarium with my dad... o what fun yes he is picking me up at 9 30 thats early man.... yeah he said i can bring a friend but i dont want to... it may be nice just to be with him.. and his gay girl friend..i dont get it man i dont get it ... like five years ago when he started dating her knowing she didnt like kids... i mean what the fuck am i? er it makes me so mad... and i know she dosent like me... but i will suffer to the day i die before i go away.. im soryr but thats MY fucking father and i wont give up or give in.. i mean it hurts me so bad... but i dont care i have to doo what i need to do... and if anyone stands in my way then there comming down with me... im sick of not doing what i want to please other people.. cause you know what no matter what you do you cant please the people anyway so why bother trying? i mean there is only so muck one person can do until they get to i dont give a fuck what about me? you know well there isnt much more to say so later .: Juliann:. 2 x comments

[14 Jul 2004|12:36am] [ mood | good ] [ music | Jennys and lauras voices ] Ok so today i hung out wiht Laura like all day and then me and her and jenny and melissa and kayla all went to the movies and saw White Chicks.it was funny.. yeah and now me and jenny and laura are sitting here thinking about what we should do prolly go in the pool even tho it is cold.. ok later 1 x comments

[12 Jul 2004|10:52pm] [ mood | good ] [ music | ill nino - When it cuts ] Yes well i just got back from going to the mall with jenny,..... i brought the ill nino cd .. confessions,... and im listening to when When it cuts..... i love this song here is a verse Though I'm right, I don't think I'll win this fight But I'm trying though it's ripping me inside Just in case that I'm taking up your space I'll be feeling too, whatever's left inside yes it is a good song so yeah today hung out with brit and went out with step dad and hung with jenny well thats it... o and i got a laser sight for my paint ball gun my gun is pimp lol ok later comments

[12 Jul 2004|11:35am] [ mood | thoughtful ] Well i have been thinking alot latley...Why do people think that others can change so easily... like me my dad is always on my back about things and its really sickening.. like wow i have been happy for like a week and i mean all the times when im always sad all he can say is there is nothign wrong...i mean how the fuck would he know.. what i see him 12 hours a week i know that that is more than other people.. but i know he dosent even know me and i dont think he wants to i mean i can walk to his house in like 20 mins.. i have slept over there like 4 times he has lived there for over a year.. and he has totally changed... first of alli know he isnt happy with his girlfriend... i dont like her either.. and he always tells me he wants to leave her it is like fucker stop being a pussy and leave her... and i mean he used t be so mean to my mom.. my mom was so skinny and he would call her fat and ugly my mom did everything for him and now he is with her... and she IS ugly and not fat but she is alot bigger than my mom ever was... my mom is like fucking what 138 right now cause she was sick and yada and this bitch is like 170 ok and she is SO ugly i mean how can you be so mean to my mom someone who loved you and did everything for you and then be so nice to this bitch who is mean to you AND dosent like your kids. wow and like when my parents were married my mom had to work 3 jobs to have a christmas for us cause my dad wouldnt give her any money.. its like wow you really love your kids.. but yeah about the changing part.. you can chan ge what you look like and how you act .. but can you really change how you feel inside? my answer is noi mean some people have the inner strenght to do so...but life is all about suffering and i know that most people arent happy with there selves and there lives... even the people who have it all are still dissatisfied dont ask me why cause i have no idea how this is possible... but that is the way it is... i dont understand it really.... but o well... i mean if you have it all and then you bitch about what you dont have like o i dont have a fucking 400 dollar purse its like wow big deal.. life is so materialistic all people think about is what they have and dont have.. i mean wow no get over it.... your life isnt all better with a new pair of jeans.. how about love and happiness within ones self? i dont understand how people cAn be so cold and unaware of how cold they are/... when there parents are working and doing all they can and they have everything they want and they ask for more knowing that they cant afford it ... its like wow do you want to live on the streets so yuo can afford your materialistic shit... i mean seriously what the fuck i dont get it. I guess thats just me though... i dont understand life, and i probably never will. comments

[11 Jul 2004|02:44am] [ mood | aggravated ] FUCK... well i was in a fucking good mood until some fucking person is annoying me with fucking dumb ass comments that make no fucking sence.. why am i not allowed to be in a fucking good mood whatever... FUCK grr jesus fucking christ.. dumb ass fucking person pisssing me off... wow you know i thought i was dumb but i dont think life is a big fucking joke god damn.. its like wow shut the fuck up jeeze.. GRR FUCK comments

[11 Jul 2004|12:11am] [ mood | happy ] Ah yes well yesterday was my party... well actually it was 2 days ago cause it is 12 something am on sunday.. yes it was fun not all the people i thought were comming came but that matters non i guess... yes so we all were sitting around and whatever then we went swimming and shit it was fun then we all went in my room and watched Thirteen this movies that my amber got me... she was like o what a korny gift or whatever but it is a really good movie. So then yeah Laura, Brit, and Karen slept over it was fun and we went swimming... well karen didnt but yeah... so then we fell asleep and whatever...and woke up... yes thats what happened.. then laura went home and me and brit and karen went swimming and then we went to walmart and got some "stuff" lol me and brit got cool things.. lol... yeah cause i had like 115 dollars and i didnt spend it all... yeah cause that would be dumb.. but anywho... then we went to Mcdonalds... and yeah it was fun.. and we chilled in my yard for a little while... o and we went to the gas station and i washed Karebears windows : ) i did a damn good job too lol... yes so yeah we talked about things then at like 8 they decided to leave and i was left alone.... tear... but then my mom got home at 9 so i wasnt alone... man i dont know i have been not depressed for like a week and a half and like i went down stairs and i was all like mom thanks for letting me have a party.. and all this and even if i dont show her i love her to death and she is like the greatest mom... but yeah then when we were at walmart i brought my mom a sunflower set thing.. like pot holders and dish towels... she was so happy : ) she is pleased so easy... but yeah i dont know ... i have to go to my dads tommorow.. and im actually like getting along good with him.. its weird.. like we always fight... or i am mean to him... i dont mean to be ... but it is so hard cause there is alot of shit from the past and i hate his girlfriend and im not bitchy to her im bitchy to him.. and my problems... i take them out on him and im sorry for that... i mean there is alot of things that he lets me do that my mom dosent... like drive his truck... or drink... and stuff like that i dont know he isnt that bad... but there is still alot of shit we need to work out.. but honestly i dont want to right now.. cause this mood cant die... its finally going good... and this whole summer so far... i havent had one boring day... but im kinda sad cause my brittany is leaving in 2 weeks i dont know what i will do without her.. and she is so far away in fucking Portugal.. i mean jeeze... o well i have to manage without her : ( *tear tear* yes but i dont know i wanted her to sleep over again tonight but her mommy prolly wouldnt let her.. o well i guess i can live without her well maybe not... but i will have to try!!! yes well im going on and on but my life is good so now i dont know IM EXCITED... for once i feel like i have something to look foward too and that NEVER EVER happens... like i can actually control my life.. i havent felt this feeling in a long time.. and i actually have a little bit of convidence... there was non but now there is like 2-5 percent... YAY.... wow lol ok well nothing more to say.. so later... wow i think i wrote alot today...wee lol buh bye (( Juliann )) comments

[09 Jul 2004|09:42am] [ mood | anxious ] Well guess what today is my party! even though it isnt my birthday till August 16th but i have other things going on then... so yeah it dostnstart till 4 and i woke up all early and shit... o well..... lets see hmm yesterday i sat around ALONE allllllll day and then at like 6-30 me and amber decided to go o a little adventure .. we walked all the way to nelsons... yeah and we thought when we got there we were gonna get a drink cause we were so thirsty but no it was closed so then my siter called me cell phone and then i was like hey you wanna come get me and she was like were are you and i was like at Nelsons... and shes like how did you get way down there?! i was like uhhhhh i walked.... yeah cause amber had to be home and it was late and we would have never made it... and yeah thats about it that happened yesterday except that she was laughing like a psycho and she almost peed her pants... i love her lol she is so great... hm... well i guess thats it ... so good bye comments

Survey... [08 Jul 2004|10:46am] [ mood | amused ] 1.what is the time? 10 47 About Yourself 2. Full Name? Juliann Lee Kardos 3. Birth Date? 8-16-89 4. Zodiac Sign? leo 5. Age? 14 6. Eye Color? brown 7. Hair Color? blonde 8. Parents names? Dawn and Daniel 9. Siblings? 1 sister 10. Siblings name and age? Jessica 17 11. What do you like to do in your spare time? listen to music 12. What are you listing to right now? flaw 13. Are you gay!!! no 14. Any Piercings? nope 15. Any Tattoos? no 16. Do you have a job? Nope 17. Are you a Virgin? yes 18. Parents together or apart? apart 19. Do you have any animals? Yes 20. what are they? a dog, a cat a bird and a gerbil 21. Live in a big or small house? small 22. Do you sleep with a stuff animal? no 23. Do you like to read? yes Favorites 24.Favorite food? mac and cheese 25. Favorite Music? heavy metal... rock 26. Favorite Resturant? Crackel Barrel 27. Favorite Color? black 28. Favorite Friend? amber and brit 29. Favorite Smell? Enscada ..Island kiss lol yes 30. Favorite clothing brand? Tripp 31. Favortie song? every single metallica song 32. Favorite Sport? basketball 33. Favortie sport to watch? they all suck 34. Favortie T.V Show? Degrassi 35. Favorite place to be? Out 36. Favorite Person to be with? this is a hard one 37. Favorite state? Vermont 38. Favorite town? not this one 39. Favorite Team? Teamo Supremo lol.... 40. Favorite Animal? dog 41. Favorite Movie? House of 1000 Corpses 42. Favorite sound? nice guitar solo 43. Favorite cartoon caracter? Timmy Turner lol 44. Favorite Number? 68 45. Favorite Parent? MOM without a doubt 46. Favorite Sibling? jessica the step people are gay 47. Favortie Alcoholic Beverage? Mikes Hard Lemonade.... Cranberry This or That 48. Summer or Winter? Summer 49. Sunset or Sunrise? sunset 50. Light on or Light off? off 51. Mustard or Ketchup? ketchup 52. 2 piece or 1 piece bathing suit!? none lol (no that dosent mean naked) 53. School or no school? I LOVE SCHOOL 54. Guys or Girls! both are cool i guess lol 55. Cats or Dogs? dogs 56. Rain or Wind? rain 57. Chingy or Usher? chingy hell yeah yo right thur.. i think thats him lol 58. Sneakers or Sandals? sneakers 59. Boxers or Briefs? well on a man Boxers... or his on me lol jk 60. Basketball or Football? basketball 61. Fishing or Hunting? HUNTING fuckers need to die 62. Day or Night?night 63. (Skin) Dark, Medium, or light? Medium... hells yeah Puerto Rician people lol 64. Ocean or Lake? ocean 65. Texas or Mississippi? Texas Ever...... 66. Ever kissed a friend? Yes 67. Ever had sex? nope 68. Ever thought about having sex? done we all? 69. Ever smoked? yup 70. Ever lied? Yes 71. Ever cheated on anyone? no 72. Ever been laid? no 73. Ever licked a friend? yes haha 74. Ever puked on a friend? no but i got puked on lol 75. Ever tanned in a tanner? no ew nasty lol 76. Ever lived on a farm? i wish moooo 77. Ever went out of the state? yes 78. Ever swam in the ocean? no cant say i have Friends! For this one you write one for the girls and one for the guys! 79. Do you have a b/f or a g/f? nope 80. what is their name? nothing 81. Do you love them? no 82. Who is your best friend? amber & Brit & Karen& Jessica 83. Who do you trust the most? amber 85. The last person you slept with? uh no one 86. The last person you called? brit 87. The last person you seen? brit 88. If you could what person would you want to see one last time. kevin... 89. A friend who has a big house? hmm i dunno 90. A friend you makes you laugh! most of them 91. A friend who makes you feel at home? i have noo idea 92. Who do you feel most comfortable around? Brit 93. A friend who is annoying?brittany but its funny lol 94. A friends house your at alot? i dont usally they all come here 95. A friend you kiss the most? none 96. A friend who isn't a virgin? i can think of some but not gonna say lol 97. A friend who will get married first? Jessica 98.Who will have a baby first? Amber lol 99. (In your grade) Who's the youngest? i dunno ... me? 100. ( in your grade) Who's the oldest? Andrice... 101. A friend who is loud? Brit 102. A friend you e-mails you most? i dont know lol 103. what is the time now? 11 04 comments

[06 Jul 2004|10:43pm] [ mood | fine ] [ music | | Flaw : Whole | ] Well yeah i havet written in a while.... been in VT yeah i got the trike going drove it in the woods.. it was fun.. shot my paintball and pelet gun... got a fire going.. went for a walk got chased by a dog... took Jenny for a tractor ride... hurt her ass hehe* yeah and then jenny drove the trike and hit a tree ... hehe we did big fireworks... there ar elike 30 hippes with a banner that says "habbitat for hippies" haha wow and they are like REAL hippies not the little posers with the tie die shirts. haha yes there dog chased me on the trike so i sped up..then i snaped the clutch in half i was so mad! but josh fixed it some how.. yeah he was shooting skeet he was good at it... hit it everytime.. yeah i missed my dog :( i wanted to bring the pooch! hehe i love him.. yes i dont know there isnt much to say.. i love Vermont... i dont know why... i think im going back in like 2 weeks.. yay.. o and i watched karate kid 3 times.. love that movie... JENNYSON....show me sand the floor...haha COME HERE.... thats the best movie... hehe yes.. and then something bad happened! i feel i have a big old bruise on my knee! o and my siter flipped the trike in the woods.. she got a few cuts and a burn.. nothing serious... but josh ran really fast to get her... what a good kid he is.. and then Jenny was going YEAH it was funny well jessica thought it was hilarious... and i had to give laura and jess rides on the trike.. then laura kept stalling it.. damn her she dosent know what she is doing .... yes and how about Charlie Payne... wow what an asshole... lol fucking lying bastard... hm... ok well not much more to say about this trip.... yummy subway... lol bye (( Juliann )) comments

[30 Jun 2004|11:36pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Smashing Pumkins ] well i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me... depressed again.. i cant take bull shit anymore....i cant stop crying people are getting mad at me for no reason.. what the fuck i know im a piece of shit and wont satisfy anyone but thats fine cause i guess thats my place in the world.. o well maybe i should die cause i dont need to be here.... but there is nothign to say anymore.. life sucks nothign is ever right wow i hads fun in VT and thats the only good thing i have now.. nothing left but i fucking ghost thing thats alive.. totally numb with no soul... yeah that sums it up i dont know why i bother writting in this... my feelings dont matter... o well i dont have a place.. im just here like some kind of..i dont know some kind of shit... im sick of this depression why can others be happy? im sick of it.. i dont know anymore.. i dont want to be loved.. cause love isnt true anyway... its like people are there but are they actually there... who is gonna have your back in the end? no one you die alone.. thats how it goes...im sure plenty of people would wanna spit on my grave when i die... or would they waste the spit? who knows whatever im in pain right now... my vein in my arm always hurts.. i dont know why.. its fucking weird.. well im tring not o do something i really wanna do right now but its the only way.. o well we will see... i dont know anymore... im like eh half dead.. o well maybe i will try to sleep who knows.. but m,y bed might reject me like everything else.. wow im so lonley... no one loves me.. i will be alone my whole life but its ment to be that way... i know it is.. who cares...whatever comments

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