| So Strange |
[24 Apr 2003|08:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 geeky |
] |
So the one night this week I'm actually around, Paul isn't. *laughs* Don't you just hate how some things happen like that?
Maybe if I wait around a little while longer he'll show up...
~J
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[23 Apr 2003|09:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 discontent |
] |
Why do I feel so horrible right now?
I have an idea but I'm not completely sure.
Too many thoughts are running through my head. *sighs* I just need someone to talk to...
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| A REAL Update |
[23 Apr 2003|12:03am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 content |
] |
*Sits down at her laptop, setting her mug of hot tea next to her. Opens her journal and begins to type*
Alright. Tonight I'm in the mood to write a more coherent update, rather than the mushy lovey dovey junk that has become rather abundant in my more recent entries. Anyway, here goes.
Spending time with family and friends has been my top priority as of late. Don't get me wrong, I've always been extremely family oriented, but lately I've felt as if I haven't done enough for them. They've helped me through some rough times and most of them know me better than I know myself; spending more time with them is the least I can do.
While I meet up with individual family members and friends often, Easter was the first big group event I've attended in quite some time. Getting to spend time with my nieces and nephews (the oldest of whom is 15) was so much fun! They bring out the kid in me. *chuckles softly as she types* I'm the one adult who sits at the kids table and aids in the scheming of practical jokes. What can I say? Kids love me. *smiles* I'm just kidding.
Anyway, my sister did manage to snag me away for a few minutes. We had just finished lunch and the kids were busy decorating their eggs. My sister asked me to take a walk with her and I agreed. Little did I know what was in store, however. The minute we were out of earshot from the rest of the group she proceded to bombard me with a million questions. She noticed that I seemed happier than she had seen me in a long while. TOO long a while. But when she asked what, or who, was responsible for my change in demeanor, I merely shrugged. My sister and I are close, and any other time, I would have gushed right away about my current love situation. But something stopped me this time. I knew she was right to question me. SHE knew I knew that she was right to question me.
She continued to pester me until she figured it out herself. She realized the last time she saw me this happy was when I was working with Paul. And then it hit her. She gave me that look, the look that just speaks for itself and all I could do was nod with a blush and a small, shy smile on my face. Of course she asked more questions, but I didn't answer them. It drove her crazy. She didn't understand how her usually bright and animated younger sister could be so aloof. And honestly? I don't understand it either.
But that's what he does to me. He has a completely different affect on me than anyone has before. And I don't mind at all.
*Pauses to take a sip of her tea then continues*
Everything about my life right now makes sense, and I like that. I feel like things are falling into place. I just hope things stay this way.
~Jordana
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| :-D |
[19 Apr 2003|01:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 happy |
] |
I feel like I've been in a dream-like state this whole week. It seems impossible for me to really be this happy, but everytime I pinch myself, I realize that I really AM this happy. *smiles, tucking hair behind her ears* I'm smiling more, I'm laughing more, I'm just... content. And it feels good.
Wow, this is such a boring update, but I really don't have anything else to say.
Oh yeah, my birthday is a week from today! :)
~J
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| Wow. |
[14 Apr 2003|02:50am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 giddy |
] |
So much is going through my head right now. I... don't know what to say. *laughs softly* Anyone who is close with me knows that I always have something to say about everything. But not now. Not after what just happened. *smiles* I'll try to update later, I just had to post to say that I don't remember the last time I was this happy. And it's all because of Paul.
~Jordana
P.S. Eliza is an icon goddess. :) I'm going to put up the ones she made for me tomorrow.
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| A Pointless Update |
[13 Apr 2003|03:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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gloomy |
] |
I don't have anything important to update about, but I needed to do something to keep my mind off of things. *sighs, runs her fingers through her hair* I talked to Vin the other day, and things seem to be a little bit better between us, which is good. I definitely don't want to lose his friendship.
I still haven't talked to Paul, and I'm getting this feeling that he's avoiding me. Granted, I haven't tried to contact him, I just.... *sighs again* I don't know. I really hope he's not mad at me. I'm probably just blowing things out of proportion. I tend to do that quite a bit. *laughs softly*
Anyway, I think I'm going to go for a jog now. Maybe it will help clear my head.
*pushes update and shuts down computer*
~Jordana
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| It's too early to be awake... |
[10 Apr 2003|06:35am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 confused |
] |
I can't sleep anymore, my mind is running a mile a minute. I had a great time yesterday with Paul, but I feel like I can't post about the details, or go on about how much fun I had, because I don't want to hurt other people. *Sighs, running her fingers through her long brown hair* I really wish I could, though. God, I want to post every single detail, just to remember everything. It was that perfect.
See, when I'm with him, I forget all my problems or whatever else is going on in my life. When I'm with him, it's just Paul and Jordy, having fun like the old days. Well, maybe not EXACTLY like the old days, but you get the idea.
Neither of us wants to hurt Vin. That was never the intention and I hope he knows that. Sometimes things just happen, and no matter how hard you try, or fight against them, you can't help your feelings. I never saw it coming. Honestly I didn't. Paul's always just been this good friend. But when he looked at me yesterday, my heart stopped. *Sighs*
Nothing is set in stone. Paul and I aren't "together" or "hooking up," we're just taking things one day at a time and seeing where things go. I guess all I know for sure is that being around him makes me happy, and I don't want that happiness to go away.
~Jordy
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| Paul and Vin! |
[09 Apr 2003|06:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
It's so ironic how life works. One day, I find out my boyfriend is cheating on me and that my world, which I thought had been perfect, falls completely apart. But then, the next day, I am reunited with two of my closest friends. Yes everyone, I'm talking about my Fast and the Furious co-stars, Paul Walker and Vin Diesel. I'm so happy they've gotten journals. I've missed them very much.
The first few days without Nick were hard. I felt empty. Lost. But today I woke up happy. I SMILED instead of frowned. You see, I get to see Paul today. *smiles to herself as she types*
There's not enough room in this journal to write about how wonderful Paul is. We clicked from the moment we met on set a few years ago, and though we lost close contact after filming wrapped, we've kept in touch a bit. He's just so fun to be around. We were definitely the jokesters on set. Whether it was toiletpapering Vin's trailer late at night, or putting salt in the sugar shakers before Michelle added it to her morning coffee, it was laughs the entire time.
I don't have to worry about not having a good time tonight. Lack of fun is never an option when I'm with Paul. *chuckles* I'll update when I get home, unless I'm too tired. In which case I'll update tomorrow.
~Jordy
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[04 Apr 2003|09:30pm] |
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mood |
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 shocked |
] |
Nick and I are officially over. He told me that he's been sleeping with someone else. It's so strange to me, because I'm still in this state of shock. I mean, I knew we were having problems, but why this? Why did he have to CHEAT? That's the part that hurts the most. The fact that he couldn't be honest with me and just tell me things were over between us.
Though I've cried a lot in the past few days before I found out, I haven't cried since he told me. It's as if the tears won't flow. I'm just... empty.
The more I heard people tell me how great we were together, the more I started to believe it. But I guess everyone was wrong. And I was wrong too. I allowed myself to be easily fooled.
~J
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| *sigh* |
[03 Apr 2003|09:31am] |
| [ |
mood |
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depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Jessica Andrews - Never Be Forgotten |
] |
So I called Nick a few minutes ago. I got his voicemail. *sighs* I honestly don't know what's going on with us. A few days ago he told me he needed a break from us. I said okay, after all, what else could I say? It just hurts. A lot. I love him with all my heart and soul, he's the man I can see myself with for the rest of my life. *laughs uneasily* Wow that sounds stupid, I know. But it's how I feel.
I'm still in this state of shock. I miss him so much. He's all I think about. I can't even get myself to do everyday things. I read his journal entry and he seems so... happy. While here I am, falling apart.
~Jordana
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[31 Mar 2003|04:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
I feel like things are falling apart. I haven't talked to Nick in a while, and I feel... sad. And lonely. And lost. I look around my empty house and I feel cold. Things have been really busy for me lately, but I'm still getting this feeling that Nick and I are growing apart. I love him so much, but does he still love me?
*sighs and pushes update, crawling into bed, starting to cry silently*
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[23 Mar 2003|03:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
Life is good. We're back home from the tour and everything is perfect. :)
The end. *giggles*
I'll update more later.
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| It's almost over! |
[12 Mar 2003|06:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
The tour is almost over! *grins* As much as I love the new adventure, I can't wait to get back and have things return to normal. I'm counting down the days. I think we all are.
Nick has been a little bit better than before. I was really worried, so it's a big relief to know that he's relaxed some. I've been wanting to talk to him about something, but the time hasn't been right. Hopefully it will be soon.
I'm sorry this update doesn't make a whole lot of sense, I'm a bit scatterbrained right now. *laughs a bit*
~Jordana
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| *sighs* |
[05 Mar 2003|09:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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confused |
] |
I miss Nick.
I know he's busy with the tour, but I feel like we don't get to spend much time together, even though we're around each other a lot.
People have been saying some things that have really gotten me thinking about my life, and especially Nick. I'm just really confused right now.
Is it wrong that I love him so much and I want to spend every moment with him? *bites lip*
~Jordana
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| Nick, Nick, Nick! |
[25 Feb 2003|07:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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giddy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Jessica Simpson - I Think I'm In Love |
] |
Is it wrong that Nick has been the relavent part of most, if not all of my recent entries lately? *smiles* He's just such a big part of my life, and he seems like the most important thing to update about.
I'm falling in love with him. Everything about him makes me weak in the knees.. All it takes is one look in my direction, one hug, one kiss, the sound of his voice, the smell of his cologne, just one tiny insignificant thing and I fall apart. It amazes me how I can be so much in love with someone after such a relatively short amount of time. He's special, and I've been wondering lately, if somewhere down the line, he'll be the one I share the rest of my life with. *blushes* Obviously if that happens it won't for a while, but it's something to think about, right?
Anyway, we're still on tour and I'm having a great time. I just hope Nick isn't sick of me yet! ;)
~Jordana~ :)
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| Life is Good :) |
[20 Feb 2003|05:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Martina McBride - I Love You |
] |
So things have been going really well.
I've gotten to meet, or at least talk to, most of the Carter family, and I love them! They've been so welcoming of me and I'm extremely grateful for that. :)
Right now I'm on tour again with Nick. It's getting to the point where his band a crew know me really well. *laughs* We even have some inside jokes. Leslie is on tour with us too, and it's nice to have another girl around. I think we're going shopping later today but we haven't finalized. Leslie! You need to let me know! :)
Nick gave me a diamond ring the other day as a lat Valentine's Day present. No, it's not what you all are thinking. We're not engaged. *laughs and looks down at the ring* I love it though. But not as much as I love him. *smiles, blushing a little*
On a different not, does anyone feel like re-vamping my journal for me? I'd very much appreciate it. Hugs and cookies to whoever helps! :)
I better get going, someone's calling me. Talk to you all soon. :)
~Jordana~
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| Nick |
[16 Feb 2003|08:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
I miss Nick... *sighs* Where is he?
How's that for a one liner? :)
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| Ideas for Valentine's Day |
[10 Feb 2003|06:10pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 determined |
] |
Valentine's Day is coming up and I don't know what to do for Nick. Anyone have any suggestions?
*bites lip, thinking*
I really hope someone does. Maybe some of his siblings?
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| Japan and Nick :) |
[05 Feb 2003|03:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
Well, I'm in Japan *smiles* I know you all are probably thinking "Huh?" but I have a very good reason to be here. My BOYFRIEND is here. *grins* Yes, you heard me right, my boyfriend. *giggles* He's amazing... I'm so happy.
I've never been to Japan before, but I love it! It's great to not be surrounded by the same stuff all the time. *shrugs* There's nothing else to say on that, *chuckles*
I'll try to update as soon as I can! :)
~Jordana
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| :-D |
[30 Jan 2003|12:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
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happy |
] |
All I can say is...
...Wow...
I'll update tomorrow... ;-)
*grins happily and pushes update then crawls into bed, turning off the light and sighing contently*
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