11:25pm 29/05/2003
music: Smashing Pumpkins - Mayonaise
as i choke on the black smoke i realize i have never been more alive in my life. there is so much to look forward to. ill take my knife and slit my throat for the smoke to escape before my lungs consume it. i need you to make me feel clean again. just for a while...wash away the dirt.
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09:34pm 22/05/2003
music: Cranberries - Ode To My Family
ill stare at my weathered shoelace
remember the day you stepped on it
you were walking away,
but it brought us back together for a time.
it is gone now
09:27pm 22/05/2003
music: Bright Eyes - The City has Sex
carry my wooden leg around ,
i often lose it .
01:05am 10/05/2003
  my frenetic pace dazzled the masses as they looked on in wonderment. my heart was ten stories up and everything was a blur. i saw your face as it was sticking out of the mob like a sore thumb. how can you be so radiantly beautiful without even trying? if i wake up tomorrow and it is all a dream i dont think i could stand it. i would go away and start over. i would try to forget everything but would realize i didnt want to. i would find your picture and stare at it practicing what i was going to say to you. if i tried to steal a moment with you and you allowed it, heaven would tumble down around us and sweep us into blissful beginnings.  
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11:32pm 21/04/2003
mood: o_O
music: Coldplay - Sparks
my skin is burning
your scent left its scar
it will singe the hair
if i dont wash it away
i wont clean it off
it is too lovely
to imagine.
04:08pm 01/04/2003
music: Led Zeppelin - Custard Pie
tear my flesh away in every direction,
save a piece of it for yourself.
i sensed your inevitable ambition,
it was only hidden on your shelf.
dont be afraid to cut,
dont be afraid to saw my life away.
you know i would do anything for you, but,
i will be eaten away any day.
your life   
03:55pm 01/04/2003
music: ** 4. Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dosed
sometimes i wonder,
if i had told you
what lies beneath,
would i be the same,
with the exception
of not being the same?
...tastes like burning...   
11:57am 22/03/2003

06:52pm 16/03/2003
music: The Flaming Lips - Are You a Hypnotist--

Take the Which Stroke are you? Quiz

07:17pm 11/02/2003
music: Incubus - Nice To Know You
last nite when the fluttering green orb hovered above my soul i realized that i was alone yet again. alone in the vastness that is everything. alone in every miniscule way. still, the orb floated above and beyond me. i wondered why it had chosen now to come back. perhaps it is my time. maybe my day has finally come.
01:08am 02/02/2003
mood: blank
music: Police - Roxanne
people behind me
their voices
have crept inside my mind
it makes me less lively
wears me down inside
if i could push away the demons
i wouldnt have to hide
poetry overload   
09:58pm 23/01/2003
music: Queen - The Prophet's Song
--to me--
if i could make you feel again
id never do you harm
you would be protected from danger
and, for one thing, you wouldnt know anger
but most of all you would love
and you would smile and smile
youd go through your life without any doubts
most likely unbridled passion would find you
but thats not who you are now
and youll never be
but one thing that you know
is that you'll always be me
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09:45pm 23/01/2003
music: Coldplay - Parachutes
can you see me gazing from afar,
do you realize i know your name?
i love the way your hair falls over my knuckles,
when my condition makes you softer.
does it hurt to hear me cry,
do you cringe as i frown?
if there was a pedestrian,
could he feel my pain, and know my name?
or would it be just another empty moment,
the same that i always have.
i guess ill never know,
im too busy thinking.
analyzing my ending,
rebirth of life, or untimely demise?
horrid poem   
09:24pm 22/01/2003
mood: full
music: Buju Banton - Champion
across our town i saw your face
it was pretty but plain with warm embrace
a shadow made me 'trip over my shoe'
only i eluded that it was you

i searched within myself for something to say
holding back, i knew it would make your day
i ended it all, walked to the sea
and i really was glad you were there with me
05:13pm 14/01/2003
mood: complacent
music: Dashboard Confessional - A Plain Morning
hello it seems ive seen you somewhere before. perhaps i was a passer-by of your beauty in some strange place. perhaps we've crossed paths before, yet i dont recall. most likely its because you have that universal beauty. the kind that makes anyone feel warm and in a safe place.beauty that draws people to you. they would talk to you if only they werent so in awe....
08:43pm 13/01/2003
mood: working
music: Radiohead - The Amazing Sounds of Orgy
the red lights on the truck entered a blur as they passed through the town. it flows like a stream, the notes are bubbling over and into the air..flowing ever so smoothly into my ear and inside my head. this kind of music is the kind that will never leave my brain, it stays and stays- just lingers on forever. its a good thing i was frayed...
holy moment   
08:33pm 13/01/2003
mood: working
music: Bush - Glycerine
the holy moment... i dont know if you can actually have it if you realize youre in it..i guess you could have it..being oblivious to anything but this one thing...but if you then realize youre in it, are you then not in the moment anymore...i think it has to be totally truly honest, unknowingly beautiful..later you can reflect on it, but right then, right there, youre just lost in the moment.
01:35pm 11/01/2003
mood: pleased
music: Radiohead - Worry Wort
i found myself awaking at the least likely moment. during this frenzy of scattered inputs i thought of the last few days and realized that they were real, though it seemed they were fake at the time. i cant believe where im at, waking up in strange places is, well, strange. im gonna go for another one.
07:49pm 10/01/2003
mood: intimidated
music: Ren and Stimpy Theme
i really dont understand myself anymore. i feel like i just want to start living one of these days, but i dont. i dont understand what is holding me back. why am i just blah. i know that i dont matter one bit in this world. maybe its me knowing certain things that just depresses me. i know that nothing i do will affect anyone else, really. if i was a cardboard cutout of a man i would be just laying there, not being used. instead im alive and just laying there, motionless, emotionless, searching for something more than what i have been dealt. it could be that im just a flake, but i dont think thats it. my intelligence often surprises people and i dont know why. just because im not an autonomon following popular society and beliefs doesnt mean that i cant be anything. or maybe it does. im so sick and tired of rather being safe than sorry. i want to indulge, take a leap, see where my life will take me. yet i dont know why i cant, even though i know that no one will care at all what i do. i just wish i could find my soulmate. feeling complete would be nice. im a huge hole into which i have dug myself. fall in. fall in. never hit the bottom. never give in.
p o o   
07:23pm 10/01/2003
mood: cold
music: Used, The - On My Own
i dont know what to say but ill say it anyway....i cant sleep but everyone else wants to...
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