My dearest Jordan....   
08:25am 07/10/2003
 
mood: loved
music: "No Matter What" by Westlife becuz it describes how I feel
Jordan, I barely know where to begin. This blurty is absolutely, positively for you because I have so much to say, so much that I have wanted to say, but have been afraid to. I don't know why, I guess I just worried that you didn't feel the same way, or that it would freak you out, or something where you would end up not wanting to be around me anymore....that's the last thing I would want, ever.

I can't remember the last time someone made me as happy as you make me. You make me smile, you make me laugh, and you make me feel so good about just being ME. You are so supportive and you're a great listener. All I have to do is THINK about hanging out with you, and I feel instantly better. You (and Sarah, of course) have been so wonderful throughout the whole Brett bullshit, and into all the other friend drama. You are an amazing person, Jordan, you really are. A lot of guys would have tried to just get away from all that stuff, but you stayed, and I am eternally grateful.

Okay, onto the REALLY GOOD part.....I love you. I have felt that way for quite a while and it freaked me out at first. But you know what, it just feels RIGHT. I still love you, no matter what has happened, or what happened before I even met you. Because we all have stuff that we did that we would like to forget about, but that's the way life is. It's all just a learning experience, and wow I've learned a lot in the past couple of months. When we broke up, it broke my heart, but I guess it wasn't completely unexpected. I knew it was inevitable, I was just somewhat in denial. And I think we made the right decision because it would have been too difficult to retain our relationship to the way it was while you were in Riverside. I picked parting as friends not because I really wanted to lol but because it was the right choice and I knew it. And about what you wrote in your blurty....Jordan, nothing would ever have scared me away. I was there for you not only as a girlfriend but as a friend, too, and I'm sorry that you had to bear the burden of your past completely alone. Still, to this day, I will be your friend NO MATTER WHAT. So you've got me whether you want it or not lol.

I was in total shock after I read your blurty, I can't lie. But it wasn't because I was in shock about WHAT you did or anything, it was because I didn't know why you didn't tell us before. That is such an amazing burden to carry by yourself, I can't imagine how difficult that was for you. I hope that now that you have shared it, you feel somewhat better. That's why I love my blurty, cuz I can just get it all out there. Sometimes I think I'm a bit too honest lol but enough about my blurty....I know this is going to sound dramatic, but I'm gonna say it anyways....Jordan, I can't live without you in my life. I just don't want to. Because you have enriched it more than you even know. I mean, I got to work this morning and I couldn't stop crying because I thought that you were just going to disappear out of my life. But now that I have written all of this, and you know how I feel completely, I feel a lot better. So I just want you to know, I love you. And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you around. :) XOXOXOXOXOXOXOX		  
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  jettaisbetta
 
 
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