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Saturday, September 27th, 2003
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10:55 am - I'm missing you....
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It's Saturday, last night was Friday night and I realized I'm a loser! I didn't do anything! My friend Annie wants me to drive over to Durango tomorrow, but my boss has got me working from 5pm-10pm and then comming back tomorrow from 9am-5pm. Somehow I just don't think thats gonna work, plus I was kinda hoping to see my friend Craigy poo a little before he leaves on Monday. I don't want him to go, I'm gonna miss him soooooo incredibly much. :( If nobody else in the world could make me laugh, he could without even trying!! He brings a sense of fun and excitement to everything we all do together, even if it is just playing basketball!! Now that Craig is leaving, I'm starting to get a little scared about when I leave, I wonder if I'm gonna cry? I'm glad that I get to see one of my best friends Kyle before I leave, it will give me a last sense of "the group" before I take off, although a very vital part of the fun will be missing, we'll just pretends he's there. I'm glad that I'll get to see all of my friends here before I leave, but I do wish that I could see best friend Clintimus Milner once more before I left, I miss him wicked bad and I hope he knows that I love him. Sometimes I love change, and sometimes I hate it with a passion. Well I've got a few big changes comming up on me quickly, and for the first time in my life I'm actually going to make a real attempt to stay in touch with my friends. I always say that I will keep in touch, but I've already lost contact with some good friends because I'm so bad at calling or writing. My best friend Candace is having her baby shower today, I can't believe she's really gonna have a baby!! The only bad part about it is that I won't be here when she has the baby. As soon as I get back I'm going to spend as much time with him as I can! Anyways I'd better get my stinky butt in the shower!! Write later!
SHOUT OUTS!!
KYLE-Hey punk, I miss you wicked bad and I love you, thanks for always being there!
CRAIGY POO-I'm really gonna miss you poop face!! Thanks for always making me laugh, love ya!
LACEY-Hang in there girl, it'll all be alright, I'll always be here for you! Love ya!
MISTY-We're family and you'll always have me and my love, but your really turning into this wonderful person and I'm so proud of you, love you jigga!!
CLINT-I'm sorry that I'm not going to be able to see you again before I leave but I love you and I'll be calling ya!
current mood:  nostalgic
current music: Baby I Promise-Jagged Edge
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| Friday, September 26th, 2003
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12:36 pm - Destiny??
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Well, looks like it's back to the grind again. One of the other girls at work quite so looks like I'll be working my butt off until I leave. Owell, I'm the one that said yes :( I could kick myself in the ass for that one! I'm bored so I'm burning a cd right now. So I've been talking to a couple guys online, they're tellin me they miss me and shit like that! They don't even know me! I'm so sick of guys right now it's not even funny. I was watching the movie Serendipity last night and got to thinking about a guy I knew once. I started wondering if there was such a thing as fait or destiny. Soulmates, is there really such a thing? Do we control our own paths in love? Or is just that we feel that way, when really there is something bigger out there leading us? I think some people want to know that they control their destiny, and I think we do to a point. We are given choices to make, but either way fait is there to lead us either road we choose. I would rather let destiny take my love life into it's hands, I'd rather not have the stress. Have you ever had the breifest love affair, but the memory never faded because it was the most perfect moments that in your heart will last a lifetime? Is that because it was so breif, because you felt you didn't have enough time? Or was it because it was something real, but in destiny's eyes it wasn't time yet? Yes, I think I'll through myself at the mercy of the cosmo's and let them guide my destiny. As for my part, well I will always follow my heart, give all of my heart, give all of me to everything I do. Because if I don't, I fear I will come out in the end with nothing. I have faith in destiny, that it will guide me where I wish to go, and I have faith in myself that if the choice is left to me I will make the right one for me.
To Andrew, where ever you are, thank you for giving me faith in destiny.
current mood:  loved
current music: Blurry-Puddle of Mudd
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| Thursday, September 25th, 2003
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4:54 pm
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"I'd rather regret the things I've done than the things I haven't"
I just got off the phone with Raytheon and found that I leave @ 4:52pm on Oct. 9, 2003 for my big adventure. It's alot later than my anticipated departure date, but there is a very bright side, I get to travel with one of my best friends, Erin McNulty. I don't think that the realization that I'm going across the world has really had a chance to sink in yet. I'm so excited to be able to jump at the opportunity to travel, and for free!! I am anxious to start my life, to get out travel and try everthing. I am so afraid of any kind of commitment right now, I'm afraid to stay in the same place for too long for fear of getting stuck. I definatley realized that I don't want a relationship right now either, it took me a while and a couple heartbreaks to get that one! It's not worth wasting the precious time we are given to be here and to take advantage. I want to be young and drain it for all it's worth, my biggest fear in life is to look back and wish that I would have done or tryed something. I have the rest of my life to settle down in a routine, but right now I want to learn, and have fun with these few precious years of being truly young that I have left. I've learned that you can't stop change, you can't stop time, and those times and memories that you create are all you'll have left because it's never the same. And to truly give yourself to something, to really gain something out of an experience you have to be completely comfortable with yourself, otherwise you won't put your all into it and you'll get nothing out of it. I don't even know if any of this is making sense, my thoughts run so fast and get jumbled when I try to get them out.
SHOUT OUTS! This is the part where I tell my friends that I love them and miss them!
TO BEST FRIEND CLINT MILNER- I love you punk and I miss you wicked bad!
TO ERIN MCNULTY- You're a strong, beautiful, wonderful girl and don't you ever forget that! We'll get through it together;)
TO NEW KID AND BAD- I love you guys and I miss you!!
current mood:  anxious
current music: So Gone-Monica
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