jenalyn's Blurty

Subject:	looking back
Time:	7:16 pm.

i was just reading old journal entries and realized i don't even remember most of it. so i guess it is a good thing i keep this online journal. i get to be reminded of what happened in my past. i posted a blog about a friend and couldn't remember which friend i was talking about. i tried... i really can't remember. then i read an entry i posted on september 4, 2005. i was talking about a big change in my life. for some reason, i was just feeling it. then i ended that entry with, 'i have a feeling i will be married within 2 years.' well, i was wrong. i got married 2 years and 54 days after i posted it. :) i just thought it was interesting. i don't even remember predicting it.

i should be updating my journal more often.

here's a new family picture to start with.

jedd is growing like a weed. it's just amazing how he learns new things everyday. how surprising that he just talk more the next day. right now he is crazy about puzzles. i don't know about tomorrow. darin is still working for NAL. he's worked there for years. i'm still with first financial bank. i can't believe it will be almost 3 years since i first started. jedd goes to happy day express while mommy and daddy is working. i drop him off in the morning before i go to work and pick him up after work. sounds like my everyday routine. i eat lunch at leslie's house on weekdays. leslie is the best cook in town. :) thanks to her i don't miss filipino food as much. i don't know how she can cook that good and i can't. but she shares. even the recipe.

that's it for now. i still need to give jedd a bath and do other things after. i need to wash the dishes and clean up some and of course get ready for tomorrow.

christmas is getting close. merry christmas everyone. may the true spirit of christmas live among us.

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Subject:	the gift
Time:	6:20 am.
Mood:	grateful.

they say being pregnant is not easy at all. i agree with that. nevertheless, i have so many things to be thankful for. i never had morning sickness. i know how tough it is for some women. my weight gain is just within the normal range. for the record, i have gained about 18 lbs. i was around 91 lbs before i got pregnant and now i'm up in the hundreds. my waistline is now 33 inches (and counting). it's amazing to see your belly grow and how your shape changes. i have to admit i'm more emotional now.. but thanks to my understanding husband.. he makes sure he is always there for me. i have been walking almost everyday on weekdays and it helps a lot. walking around the block with my neighbors has been a blessing. it's nice to have someone to talk to while walking, or just listening to the sound of the birds; the dogs barking like they want to join us; the cool breeze; the warmth of the morning sun; the sound of our steps; the trees that are starting to bloom.. everything is just great.

4 months pregnant

at 20 weeks, we found out that we're having a baby boy. choosing the name for the baby however is not easy. we came up with different names that either him or me will not like. in the end, we came up with a name we both agreed on. JEDD DANIEL.

our little angel is coming out soon..

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Subject:	Mr. Right
Time:	7:38 pm.
Mood:	loved.

this entry is dedicated to the one i love... to you Darin.

when i first saw his picture, i told myself... this man is too tough for me. but when i read his profile, i changed my mind. this man has a soft side after all.

this is what he wrote:

A little about me...
im a simple guy who likes to travel, read, watch movies, and looking for that someone special. i'd like to think there is someone out there for me.

What are you looking for in a partner?
im looking for a simple attractive female who likes the simple things in life. someone who knows how to work for what she has and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. someone who is adventurous and a risk taker. someone who can laugh and be romantic. im looking for someone who wants to find love with someone that they want to start a family with.

this is the reason why i changed my mind. it seems that i am that person he was looking for. something in me was telling me that. it all started with a "hello" and then we started exchanging emails, chatted for months until we actually met in person. it didn't end there.... i got to know him more as we constantly communicate. i got to see the person that he really is. he was the total opposite of what i thought he was when i first saw him. he is a man with a soft heart. not a tough guy or a bad boy.

he has the traits of a guy that i want to be with.... for the rest of my life. he is my perfect match, perfect not in it's literal sense but perfect for my heart.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

so i have finally found Mr. Right.... after 28 years.

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Subject:	yes...
Time:	3:38 am.
Mood:	contemplative.

i am about to start a new life soon. i'm READY to face it. i know it's gonna be different. but what doesn't change? i have been wondering how am i going to cope up with these changes. i just know i will, in time. it's not gonna be easy.. but i know i'll be in good hands. i no longer have any hesitations.

the sad part is, i'll have to leave my family behind. but i will have my own family soon. besides, they will always be my family.. even if we will be miles apart. i'll have to leave work too. i'm gonna miss my workmates here. oh well, sooner or later, they will also be leaving the company. it wasn't easy when i left my previous job as i was very close to my workmates.. but we are still friends up to now and we still get to see each other once in a while. after all, it's not the number of times you get to see each other that counts.... it's how you value your FRIENDSHIP.

i'm missing the kids back home. i can't wait to go home and spend some time with them. they're back to school now so we will not really have that much time to spend with each other. we will just make the most of whatever time we could have. HMMM.....

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Subject:	i am not afraid.
Time:	1:07 pm.
Mood:	contemplative.

there are still a lot of things in life that continues to amaze me. some things happen when u never expect it. but then again, if you always know what you need to do without requiring a single brain cell to work, you will be living a dull life. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. i know soon i will learn to appreciate everything that is happening now. soon i will have answers to questions i have been asking myself. soon i will be trudging the road i'm destined to take. right now, i still don't know which path i'm taking. i have been contemplating... and will soon make a decision. i'm just taking my time... this decision is something that will really make a difference in my life. it's not easy but i know the pieces will eventually fall in the right places.

do i really need to think hard? do i have to search for answers? i don't know.

there is only one thing i'm sure of.. i have someone who will always be with me.. and i am not afraid.

................... seeing one set of footprints in the sand

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Subject:	it's a girl thing
Time:	7:12 am.
Mood:	good.

9 hrs has passed and somehow i feel like i still have the energy to keep me going for the next few hours. it wasn't a busy day today. not too many issues to deal with so i'm proud to say i'm still sane after all this time. i'm not completely feeling good though with my monthly visitor around. but nevertheless, i'd rather have this burden than to listen to irate customers and bug my ears with their never-ending complaints. but i don't know. this visitor gets crazy at times too. sometimes it gets too painful that you could almost think you are dying. it's TrUe. so i symphatize with all the women in the world who had to go through the same ordeal every month.

i had it late. we have been discussing about menstrual period in class and sadly i can't relate. i have been expecting it and most of the time i'll get frustrated. some said i should see a doctor. maybe there is something wrong with me. maybe that's why i'm smaller compared to some girls my age. then finally the long wait came to an end. i had it and i started feeling normal again. :) it wasn't bad the first few years... but after a while, i started wishing i didn't have it.

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Subject:	i like u.
Time:	7:30 am.
Mood:	mellow.

what would you do if you like someone? i know i won't do anything unless that person will approach me. i don't know if that's how it should be but with how i was i brought up, that should be right for me. i'm from the old world.. i will never make the first move. i feel that it's the guys responsibility to win the girl. i know it's not always the case now. if you're a guy, what would u do to capture your girl's heart. i'm sure you'll do everything you can think of. i just hope you are sincere in everything that you do and you mean everything you say. WARNING: most guys are not.. and so are some of the girls. they should be the perfect match. unfaithful partner to an unfaithful lover.

it's valentine's day soon... i remember there's one person who told me it's just another ordinary day. maybe it is... maybe not. we can always make everyday special. but there's only one feb. 14.. and whether we accept it or not, a lot of people are hysterical about it. where to go out on a date... who to be with, what to give... etc. after all it's hearts day. and literally it is. there are giant hearts everywhere in the mall, in restaurants... even here at work. so HAPPY VALENTINE'S. spread love.... :-)

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Subject:	lost
Time:	8:31 am.
Mood:	gloomy.

can i say i'm in one of the worst situations in my life? maybe... or the worst is yet to come? who knows.. nobody knows. nobody knows which is the right way. i think there is no such thing as a right way. after all a wrong way could still lead to the right way. it's all up to you. we go through different trials in life... difficult times. We couldn't say If i took the other way, maybe this didn't happen. the best thing to do is to stand up and move on.. there's always a right way ahead. there is hope for everybody.

i took time to think things over. i wish i'm not in this situation.. but I AM. so i have to face it. i know whatever path i choose i won't have regrets. somewhere.. somehow... i'll be hurting somebody, and i'll be hurting myself. they say for once i should stop thinking about other people and just think of myself. to be SELFISH. but it's not easy. darin and i have shared something special and it was real. i never thought it could change. i was all set to go his way... then something happened. suddenly i had two roads in front of me, and i don't know which way to go now. i don't know how long i should think about it.. but i don't want to prolong pain. I AM BOTHERED.

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Subject:	for the best dAd in the world
Time:	9:00 am.
Mood:	touched.

i read through a friend's journal and found a blog about her dad, and how her dad stopped her from doing things that she wanted to do. most of my friends' fathers are like that. they are always prohibited from doing something and had to ask permission wherever they need to go. i wasn't one of them. at a young age, i can decide for myself. should i say i'm lucky? i guess so.... but i'm also longing for that kind of concern. i wanted someone to tell me "you should go home early" or "you can't go there, it's not safe." maybe we just have the tendency to ask for something we don't have or we don't feel. it was only when i became more mature that i realized my dad trusted me that's why he let me do things on my own. also, his lifestyle is different compared to typical dads. he only grew up with a father who also left him when he was 12 years old. he was on his own since then, and has not read a book about parenting. all that he did is follow his heart. i am proud to say my dad has a pure heart. it is for the same reason that some people took advantage of him. i can't say i have been a good daughter. i have given him headaches and heartaches. but despite all that, he had always been a proud dad. i used to hate it when he starts to brag about me. i took it as his way of telling people i was just like him... but in the end i realized dads or any parent will always be proud even for their children's smallest achievement. i wanted him to have authority over us. i never had that fear that most children had for their dads. but i appreciate it now. as he grows older, he starts to become the baby in the family. my good ole dad who only wished the best for his children... who wanted to give more but couldn't... a dad who only wished to love and be loved. he was alone for 17 years now.. never looked for another wife even after my mom died... he chose to be with us and i could never be more thankful. it's not easy to open up to him... though there are times that i try to. again, we did not grow up doing these things... but nevertheless... i love him and if one day i will be given a chance to choose my father.... i would still choose you tay... because for me... you're the best dad in the world. :-)

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Subject:	what's next?
Time:	6:30 am.

i treat my niece and nephews like my own children. i want them to grow up responsible. i want them to understand that we only want what is best for them. but kids can be kids sometimes. that's why they have parents and elders to guide them. i wish i can always be there for them. sadly, i can only be there in spirit. heard they are doing good in school. aj is getting older.... she's gonna be a young lady soon. i'm really worried about her. tried to look back and i can't remember doing the things she is doing now when i was her age. alright, it's a
different generation. but i'm still scared. the older they get, the more difficult they are to handle. i know it's one of the pains of parenthood but as much as possible i want to be able to inculcate in their minds the beauty of obedience. it's nice to see them doing exactly what you told them to do. most of the time though, they don't.
i just hope and pray they don't give their parents too much headache.

aj, karl, kurt,noy-noy

i will be talking to aj this saturday. heard her mom and dad was upset about her. she went to a classmate's house instead of heading straight home. at her age, it's not safe, unless she actually asked permission. it's not a big issue but it worries me. right now, her world revolves only around the small town. what if she's out in the
city where she can do more. i want her to show that she can be trusted.... to be responsible for her every action. i know she's too young but when does she start learning if not now? i'm just thinking
too much i guess...

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Subject:	a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow
Time:	2:25 pm.
Mood:	loved.

i have not been updating i know. i'm not that busy, i get two days off and not really doing anything. if i don't feel like writing, i can't write at all. today, i feel like opening my heart a little, so here it goes...

i finally met the guy i've been chatting with for quite a while. i already have special feelings for him even before we met. before that i had to ask myself over and over again if i'm really in love. i thought i was... then some days i get confused. i thought about it for a while and then one day i just realized i loved him... and i can't really tell when it started. we just chat almost everyday and that's how i came to know him better. i like his personality... not like most guys i know. when we first met in person, it was totally different. it was the first time i've been in that situation and quite frankly i'm not comfortable at all. if i could take an exit that time, i would but it won't be proper. i'm glad i didn't have that chance. :-) after a few days of being together, i'm finally out of my shell. somehow he found a way to get through my wall.

Title"my

right now there is distance between us but i'm not bothered by it. it doesn't mean i'm not wishing we are together. i wish we were... but only time can tell. i really hope the search is over. i love you, darin.

IF GOD GAVE YOU TO ME... HE WILL BRING YOU TO ME.

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Subject:	your turn or you turn
Time:	2:15 am.

i'm here again at work on a rest day. but i'm not working. we went out today and had dinner at Mr. A's. it was nice a place with a good view of the city. at night, it's looks like space and the lights in the city are stars and galaxies. i think i'm exaggerating. i was just amazed with the view. i find it very relaxing. after dinner we went to another place where my workmates ordered beer. i still have a vivid memory of the times i had beer. twice for the record. today was the third. it's not like i'm wanting to drink, but they insisted that i just drink a little. i gave in and had 3 glasses. for someone who drinks no alcohol, i should be tipsy. i find it odd though, i didn't feel anything. i haven't really tried drinking more but i have a feeling i have high tolerance for alcoholic drinks. oh well... i'm not wanting to find out. i never like the taste anyhow. i told them i need to feed my neopets so i had to leave. they had a good laugh for that. went back here with damzel and cold who are still reporting for work. it is late so i decided it's better to stay here. i'm sure i can't sleep anyway. i'll go home in the early morning.

cold stayed with me last friday. we watched tv and talked and enjoyed each other's company, drifted off to sleep and went to work together. she sent me an online thank you card that i was not expecting and i was touched by the simple thought.

Hi jen,
i had a great time with u today.
i was soooo at home and comfortable. Thanks for taking good care of me hehehehe.
C yah around.
Hontoni Arigatoo Yumi-san

she's not being "cold" at all. :)

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Subject:	90/10
Time:	3:15 am.
Mood:	pissed off.

Some call it the 90/10 secret because not all apply it or realize the beauty of it. Life is 10 percent what happens to you, and 90 percent how you react to it. We have absolutely no control over the 10 percent. You're boyfriend leaves you. You cashed in your whole two week's paycheck then you get mugged. You left your brand new cellphone in the cab. You're whole house burns down. You can't control all these things but you can control your reaction which determines the big 90 percent. Let's use an example.

You're eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee on your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking over the coffee cup. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize them for placing the cup to close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to get a cab to drop off your daughter at school. Because you are late, you get into an argument with the cab driver for driving so slow. After a 15-minute delay and the cab driver showing his resentment to you by deliberately driving recklessly, you get to your daughter's school. Your daughter runs to the building without saying good-bye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to going home. When you arrive home you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter. Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning.

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the cab driver cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D.
You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say "It's OK honey, you just need to be more careful next time." Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase. You come back down in time look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You and your spouse kiss before you both go to work. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good of day you are having. Notice the difference. Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% is determined

by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 secret.
If someone says something negative about you, do not be sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you. React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out, etc. Let them be and it will all go back to them.

God said, "build a better world." I said, "how? The world's so messed up! What can I do?" He said, "then build a better YOU and influence others."

***
i can apply same experience that I had with a friend today. it's the same friend that keeps doing it over and over again. i always try to look at her good side. although i have not forgotten, i'm over it. it's when she do it again that i recall the past. i am in charge of the chatroom and it's raining request for lunches and breaks. a lot of agents had long calls and was not able to take their lunch on scheduled time. because of this, i am not able to approve lunches right away. we have to make sure that we have enough agents on the floor to take calls. i thought that they would understand... and most of them did. i knew it. and then there is this friend of mine. i heard her complaining about her late approved lunch. i tried to explain to her why but i doubt if she ever listened. it's not like i just want to delay her lunch. i heard her rebut that it's their schedule (like it's no reason to delay their lunch) i've been there before so i know how it feels when your lunch is delayed and you are hungry. but i never blamed the people who approve it. but it has been said and it hurt me again. i don't see any reason why she should act that way. i really hope she watch out the way she react in situations. but then again i will try to understand... and hoping to feel better after writing it down. i know what she will do next time... she will be extra nice to me after realizing that she hurt my feelings... oh well.... hope she learns her a lesson soon (90/10).

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