| World of warcraft downloads | |||
| 04:00pm 25/03/2005 | |||
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http://worldofwarcraft.com/ for amish paradise http://www.guildvsguild.com/nuke/modules/media/pafiledb.php?action=file&id=147 music video http://www.guildvsguild.com/nuke/modules/media/pafiledb.php?action=file&id=153 music video http://www.guildvsguild.com/nuke/modules/media/pafiledb.php?action=category&id=3 the world of warcraft page |
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| Recent mage patch | |||
| 03:29pm 24/03/2005 | |||
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Mage - Training costs adjusted. Total training cost was decreased. - Improved Blizzard - Chill duration reduced to 1.5 seconds (4.5 seconds w/ Permafrost) and refreshes with each damage tick rather than at the beginning of the spell. In addition, a target that resists the damage will also resist the chill effect. - Blink - Using this spell should no longer cause you to fall through the world. - Blink can now be used to escape more of the stun effects used by creatures in the world. - Blink is no longer useable on boats or zeppelins. - Blast Wave damage radius fixed so damage properly extends to 10 yd. - Dampen Magic - Duration and mana cost increased. Now castable on all raid targets. - Amplify Magic - Duration and mana cost increased. Now castable on all raid targets. - Frost/Ice Armor - Mana cost reduced. - New Spell: Mage Armor (Available at level 34) - Allows for 30% of mana regeneration to function while casting and increases resistance to all magic schools. Does not stack with Frost/Ice Armor. - New Spell: Conjure Water (Rank 7) (Available through quest at level 60). - Arcane Missiles: Fixed a bug where the spell would not function properly against spell-reflecting targets. |
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| MWAHAHAHAHAHA | |||
| 02:51pm 24/03/2005 | |||
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Denis Leary - Life's gonna suck Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now Hey, if you know the words, sing along You're gonna have to mow the lawn, do the dishes, make your bed You're gonna have to go to school until you're seventeen It's gonna seem about tree times as long as that You might have to go to war, shoot a gun, kill a nun You might have to go to war when you get out of school Hey cheer up kids, it gets a lot worse You're gonna have to deal with stress, deal with stress, deal with stress You're gonna be a giant mess when you get back from the war Santa Claus does not exist, and there is no Easter Bunny You'll find out when you grow up that Big Bird isn't funny Life's gonna suck when you grow up, when you grow up, when you grow up Life's gonna suck when you grow up, it sucks pretty bad right now You're gonna end up smoking crack, on you're back, face the fact You're gonna end up hooked on smack and then you're gonna die And then you're gonna die ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Denis Leary - No Cure for Cancer 1 - Asshole [Spoken] Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream. About me. About you. The way our American hearts beat down in the bottom of our chests. About the special feeling we get in the cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the sub-cockle area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the colon, we don't know. I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job I'm your average white suburbanite slob I like football and porno and books about war I've got an average house with a nic hardwood floor My wife and my job, my kids and my car My feet on my table, and a cuban cigar But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested (Oh no) No Way (Uh-uh) No, I've gotta go out and have fun At someone else's expense (Oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I drive really slow in the ultrafast lane While people behind me are going insane I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole) I use public toilets and piss on the seat I walk around in the summertime saying, "How about this heat?" I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces While handicapped people make handicapped faces I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's a real fucking asshole) Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song Ranting and raving and carrying on Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong Naaaah! I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) [Spoken] You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado convertible, hot pink with whaleskin hub caps and all leather cow interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights, yeah! And I'm gonna drive around in that baby at 115mph getting one mile per gallon, sucking down quarter pounder cheese burgers from McDonald's in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when I'm done sucking down those grease ball burgers, I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam container right out the side and there ain't a God damned thing anybody can do about it. YOu know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why. [Spoken] Two words. Nuclear fucking weapons, okay?! Russia, Germany, Romania - they can have all the Democracy they want. They can have a big democracy cake-walk right through the middle of Tiananmen square and it won't make a lick of difference because we've got the bombs, okay?! John Wayne's not dead - he's frozen. And as soon as we find the cure for cancer we're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well multiple that by 15-million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be. I'm gonna get the Duke and John Cassavetes... (Hey) and Lee Marvin (Hey) and Sam Pekinpah (Hey) And a case of Whiskey and drive down to Texas... (Hey, you know you really are an asshole) Why don't you just shut-up and sing the song pal! I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole) I'm an asshole (He's the world's biggest asshole) A-S-S-H-O-L-E Everybody! A-S-S-H-O-L-E [Barking] Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Fung achng tum a fung tum a fling chum Oooh Oooh [Spoken] I'm an asshole and proud of it! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2 - Drugs "Ladies and Gentlemen, due to illness, tonight the part of Denis Leary, will be played by Denis Leary. And now welcome Denis Leary." Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And fuck you. There's a guy- I don't know if you've heard about this guy, he's been on the news a lot lately. There's a guy- he's English, I don't think we should hold that against him, but apparently this is just his life's dream because he is going from country to country. He has a senate hearing in this country coming up in a couple of weeks. And this is what he wants to do. He wants to make the warnings on the packs bigger. Yeah! He wants the whole front of the pack to be the warning. Like the problem is we just haven't noticed yet. Right? Like he's going to get his way and all of the sudden smokers around the world are going to be going, "Yeah, Bill, I've got some cigarettes.. HOLY SHIT! These things are bad for you! Shit, I thought they were good for you! I thought they had Vitamin C in them and stuff!" You fucking dolt! Doesn't matter how big the warnings are. You could have cigarettes that were called the warnings. You could have cigarrets that come in a black pack, with a skull and a cross bone on the front, called tumors and smokers would be lined up around the block going, "I can't wait to get my hands on these fucking things! I bet you get a tumor as soon as you light up! Numm Numm Numm Numm Numm" Doesn't matter how big the warnings are or how much they cost. Keep raising the prices, we'll break into your houses to get the fucking cigarettes, ok!? They're a drug, we're addicted, ok!? Numm Numm Numm Numm Numm *wheeze* I'm a little hyped up tonight. Little hyped up. Smoked a nice big fat bag of crack right before the show. "Agghhhh!!" I'm only kidding folks. I would never do crack. I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass. Ok folks? Kind of a personal guideline in my life. Somebody says, "You want some crack?" I say, "I was born with one, pal! I really don't need another one. Thank you very much! If I want the second crack, I'll give you a call, but for right now I'm sticking with the solo crackola, thank you!" God.. crack. Only in America would a guy invent crack. Only in America would there be a guy that cocaine wasn't good enough for. You know? One guy walking around New York City back in 1985 going, "You know, that cocaine's pretty good, but I want something that makes my heart explode as soon as I smoke it, ok? I want to take one suck off that crack pipe and go *snort* *splat* Now I'm happy! I'm dead, the ultimate high!" That's the problem in this country. People are never satisfied with stuff the way it is. You gotta make it bigger and better and stronger and faster. Same way with pot. For years pot was just joints, and then bongs came out and bongs were ok too, but then bongs weren't good enough for some people. "Neeehhhhhh!" Remember that friend in high school wanted to make bongs out of everything. Making bongs out of apples and oranges and shit? Come in one day and find your friend going, "Hey! Look man, I made a bong outta my head! Put the pot in this ear and take it outta this one! Good! Take a hit! *snort*" Then they got one of those big giant bongs that you gotta start up like a motorcycle. "Put the pot in!" *motor starting* Kids are driving their bongs down FDR Drive. "Pull the bong over man, I wanna do a hit. Pull it over!" What was the problem with just smoking a joint, eating a couple of Twinkies, and going to sleep? Was that a problem? They say marijuana leads to other drugs. No it doesn't, it leads to fucking carpentry. That's the problem, folks. People getting high going, "Wow man, this box would make an excellent bong! *snort* This guy's head would make an excellent bong! *snort*" Relax! That's why I stopped doing drugs in the first place. Not because I didn't like 'em, but because I didn't want to build anything, ok? I don't do illegal drugs anymore. Now I just do the legal drugs. Tonight I'm on NyQuil and Sudafed. Let me tell you something, folks. Forget about cocaine and heroine. All you need is NyQuil and Sudafed. I'm telling you right now, I took the NyQuil five years ago. I just came out of the coma tonight before the fucking show! Claus Vanbulo was standing over my bed going, "Denis, get up! There's something the matter with Sunny! Hurry up!" I love NyQuil. Man, I love it! I love it. I love it. I love it. It's the best thing shit ever invented. Isn't it, huh? I love the name alone. NyQuil - Capitol N, small Y, big fucking Q! I love that fucking Q, don't you!? What a great advertising idea! Put a huge fucking Q on the box. They'll get high and stare at it. "The Q is talking to me! The Q is talking to me!" I love NyQuil, man. Because NyQuil has never changed, man. It's never changed. All the other medicines are doing that inner-child thing. "we know that there's a small child inside of you, so now we have grape and cherry and orange flavor." Not NyQuil! They still have the original green death fucking flavor! You know why!? Because it doesn't matter what it tastes like! It's so strong you go, "*wheeze* Hey this stuff really tastes like.." Bang! Yer in the coma already! "What happened?" "He said tastes like and he went right into the coma, it was unbelievable!" We have reached the point where the over the counter drugs are actually stronger than anything you can buy on the street. It says on the back of the NyQuil box, on the back of the box it says, "May cause drowsiness." It should say, "Don't make any fucking plans! Kiss your family and friends goodbye. Say hello to Klaus!" NyQuil, NyQuil, NyQuil, we love you! You giant fucking Q! NyQuil is the secret for all you twelve step recovery program people. Yes, all you AA people, NyQuil is the key! It's the thirteenth fucking step! You can drink it! It's over the counter! Drink as much as you want. "Are you drunk?" "No! I have a cold. Same cold I've had for two years. I just can't seem to shake it. I'm high as a kite and my teeth are green. Merry fucking Christmas!" Drugs man. Capital D, drugs. I did my share. I did my share, and your share, and his share. I did a lot. I grew up in the seventies. That's when drugs were drugs, man. We did them all, God dammit! We did every fucking drug there was to be had. We did them all! We did stuff that people don't even do anymore. Like Ludes. Remember Ludes? "Ludes, man. Fucking Ludes, man! Come on and pull up the Ludes, man! Fucking Ludes!" I think Ludes explained why we were wearing the giant flair bell bottom pants and the platform shoes. What do you think!? I think it's the only possible explanation! There we were in the middle of a sexual revolution wearing clothing that guaranteed we wouldn't get laid! Yeah, ok, yeah. People don't understand, man. Back in the early seventies, you couldn't buy anything except bell bottoms. There were no straight pants in the fucking stores, ok? The only way you could be a cooler guy, was to get bigger bell bottoms. We used to sit around and get high and go, "Man, when I some money, I'm getting the biggest bell bottoms in history, man! They're gonna start at my neck and go twenty feet straight out, man! I'm gonna be surrounded by ninety feet of bell bottoms! Homeless people are going to be living under my pants, man! I'll have platform shoes. I'll be twenty feet tall." We did 'em all. Man, we even invented a couple of drugs back in the seventies. Yeah. Get this, Wippets. See, some people laugh, and the others need an explanation. Get this, ok? Some kid figured this out back in the seventies, and this kid should have been involved in the space program, ok? Some kid took the time and the imagination to go down to the supermarket and figure out if you take a whip cream can container and you press the nozzle on top, just enough before the whip cream comes out, some gas comes out, you snort the gas *snort*, you get high for five seconds. We didn't have MTV! We had the fucking supermarket! That's what we had! We were down there everyday snorting whip cream and hamburger. We didn't care. Put some on your gums! We had to. We had to get over that bell bottom hump. We did it all. Cocaine? We started that. You're welcome! What a great drug that was. Yeah, I'd like to do some cocaine. I'd like to do a drug that makes my penis small, makes my nose bleed, makes my heart explode, and sucks all my money out of the bank. Is that possible please!? I'd like to make this face all night! I'd like to sit in the bathroom and talk to a complete asshole stranger for seven hours on end. Is that possible please!? With no penis and a nose bleed! Where do I sign up!? Take my penis away! That was the worst part about the coke, man, was being in that bathroom with that stranger at the end of the night. Wasn't it, huh? Talking about shit like solving the world's problems and the only reason you're in there is because he has the coke. That should have been a fucking sign, don't ya think? I mean if Hitler had coke, there'd be Jews in the bathroom going, "I know you didn't do it. *snort* I like your mustache. *snort* Fucking Himmler. *snort*" Ok. Yeah. Mmm. We used to do eight balls. Oh those were fun, weren't they? Nothing like getting a bunch of coke! Right? That was usually, like, eight balls were usually like four guys on a Friday night. One guy at 8-o'clock goes, "Hey man. Let's get an eight ball! It'll last us all weekend!" Four hours later the same four guys, "Let's get another eight ball! *frantically* Let's get another one! Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3 - Rehab We did it all. We did whatever we could get our hands on back in the seventies. We did fucking handfuls of mushrooms, pills, Ludes, coke. Whatever it was, we just fucking swallowed it, ok? That's what we did! People go, "Well why didn't you go into rehab?" We didn't have rehab back in the seventies. Back in the seventies rehab meant you'd stop doing coke, but you kept smoking pot and drinking for a couple more weeks. You know? "Yeah, give me a case of Budweiser and an ounce. I gotta slow down! Jesus Christ! I'm outta control. Look at the size of my pants for Christ's sake!" Because that's the big thing now. Rehab is the big fucking secret now. Isn't it, huh? Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Just go into rehab and solve your problems. Isn't that the big celebrity thing? That's what I'm gonna do. Yeah, I'm gonna get famous. Then when my career starts to flag, I'm gonna go into three months fucking bender. Ok? Coke, and fucking pot, and smack, and fucking booze, and drive over people, and beat up my kids, go into therapy, go into rehab, come outta rehab, be on the cover of people magazine, "Sorry! I fucked up!" That's what they do, man. They go into rehab and they come out and they blame everybody except themselves. They blame their parents, right? That's the way. Everybody comes from a dysfunctional family all of the sudden, huh? Rosanne Barr comes from a dysfunctional family? Not Rosanne! She seems so normal to me! The Jacksons were dysfunctional!? Not the Jacksons! These people give each other new heads for Christmas for Christ's sake! I am sick and tired of hearing that fucking speech. You know? These people come out of rehab they always have the same story. "Well you know, I became an alcoholic because my parents didn't love me enough. And then I became a junkie because my parents didn't love me enough. And I went into hypnosis and therapy and I found out that parents used to hit me." Hey! My parents used to beat the living shit out of me! Ok? And looking back on it, I'm glad they did! And I'm looking forward to beating the shit out of my kids, aren't you? For no reason whatsoever. *thbbt* "What'd you hit me for?" "Shutup and get out there and mow the lawn for Christs sake!" There's therapy for ya! Mowing the lawn and crying at the same time. "The Leary kids in therapy again. Their lawn looks great, it's unbelieveable!" God.. "I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would." Hey! Join the fucking club, ok!? I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet, allright?! "I'm not happy. I'm not happy." Nobody's happy, ok!? Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list! "I'm just not happy." Shut the fuck up, allright? That's the name of my new book, "Shut the Fuck Up, by Doctor Denis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy." I'm gonna have my patients come in. "Doctor, I.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "I don't feel so.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? He just told me to shut the fuck up and nobody had ever told me that before. I feel so much better now." Whining fucking maggots. And all these people quitting. I think it's a good thing, AA. And the recovery and rehab, because I've got some friends who'd be dead without those programs, but you know something. Now we've got a new problem. Because now they quit drinking and drugs, they're completely stressed out, and they decide to work out, which is fine. I'm not a workout guy, but I understood Nautilus. It made sense. There were arm machines and leg machines. But have you seen these people who are using the stair-master? Huh? Have we turned into gerbils ladies and gentlemen? People are paying money to go into a health club and walk up invisible steps over and over again for an hour and a half. "Where are you going?" "I'm going up! And I paid for it too! I can stay here as long as I want!" Folks, you wanna go up and down stairs, move into a fifth floor walk up on the lower east side. Ok? What's next? A fucking chair master!? "I sit down. I get up. I sit down. I get up. I sit down. I get up." The door master. "I open the door. I close..." What the fuck? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 4 - More Drugs And I'll tell you something else right now. I have the solution to the drug problem in this country. Nobody wants to hear it, but I have it. Not less drugs, more drugs. Get more drugs, and give 'em the right fucking people. Mmm mm, cuz every time you hear about some famous guy overdosing on drugs, it's always some really talented guy. It's always like Len Bias, or Janis Joplin, or Jimi Hendrix, or John Belushi. You know what I mean!? The people you wanna have overdose on drugs never would! Like Motley Crue would never fucking overdose man, never! You could put them in a room with two tons of crack. They come out a half an hour later, "Rock on man!" "Shit, they're still alive. Fuck! They're probly gonna make another double-live album now, God dammit!" I take music pretty seriously. You see that scar on my wrist? You see that? You know where that's from? I heard the Beegees were getting back together again. I couldn't take it, okay! That was the only good thing about the 1980's. We got rid of one of the Beegees. One down, three to go. That's what I say, folks. Yeah! Here's ten bucks! Bring me the head of Barry Mantilow, alright? I wanna drink beer out of his empty head! I wanna have a Barry Mantilow skull keg party at my apartment, ok?! You write the songs, we'll drink the beer out of your head. We live in a country, where John Lennon takes six bullets in the chest, Yoko Ono was standing right next to him and not one fucking bullet! Explain that to me! Explain that to me, God! Explain it to me, God! I want it! God! Jesus! Now we've got twenty-five more years. Yeah, I'm real fucking happy now, God. I'm wearing a huge happy hat, Jesus Christ! I mean Stevie Ray Vaughan is dead, and we can't get Jon Bon Jovi in a helicopter. Come on, folks. "Get on that helicopter John. Shut the fuck up and get on that helicopter! There's a hair dresser in there. Yeah, go ahead in there, yeah yeah." I don't get it. You know, I just don't get it. I missed the fucking point some place. The boat left and I wasn't on the boat. Explain it to me. Heavy Metal bands on trial because kids commit suicide? What's that about? Judas Priest on trial because "my kid bought the record, and listened to the lyrics, ....." Well that's great! That sets a legal precedent. Does that mean I can sue Dan Folgerburg for making me into a pussy in the mid-70's. Is that possible, huh? Huh?! "Your honor, between him and James Taylor, I didn't get a blow job 'till I was 27 years old. I was in Colorado wearing hiking boots eating granola. I want some fucking money right now!" Let me make sure I'm crystal clear on this issue, ok? Heavy Metal fans are buying Heavy Metal records, taking the records home, listening to the records and then blowing their heads off with shotguns? Where's the problem!? That's an unemployment solution right there, folks! It's called natural selection. It's the bottom of the food chain, ok? I say we put more messages on the records. "Kill the band, kill your parents, then yourself, ok!? Make sure you get your whole head in front of the shotgun. Thank you for calling! Thank you for calling!" I'll tell you something else I don't get, ok? This whole thing, these bands going backwards, you know what I'm talking about? This whole nostalgia for the late 60's, early 70's that's happening right now. The Black Crowes wearing bell bottoms again? I don't fucking think so, ok! I wore them once, they sucked, I didn't get laid, I'm not wearing them again! Let me tell you something. We need a two and a half hour movie about the Doors? Folks, no we don't. I can sum it up for you in five seconds, ok. "I'm drunk. I'm nobody. I'm drunk. I'm famous. I'm drunk. I'm fucking dead." There's the whole movie, ok!? Big fat dead guy in a bath tub, there's your title for you. And I also don't go for this other thing now, with MTV being so big where you get a band that gets a hit video, and all of the sudden they think that they're like icons and they can tell us how to feel about environmental issues and how to vote and stuff. You know what I'm talking about? Like R.E.M. "Shiny Happy People" "Hey Hey Hey Hey Hey! Pull that bus over to the side of the pretentiousness turnpike, alright!? I want everybody off the bus. I want the shiny people over here, and the happy people over here, ok! I represent angry gun-toting meat-eating fucking people, alright!" Sit down and shut the fuck up Michael! Don Henley's gonna tell me how to vote. I don't fucking think so, ok? I got two words for Don Henley, Joe Fucking Walsh, ok!? Thanks for calling, Don! How long's your pony tail now? Ok! All these rock stars should've been killed, man. Every single God damned one of them. Right after Jon Lenin died, we should've gotten the Partridge Family bus and driven around and killed them all one by one, you know? Elvis Presley should have been shot in the head back in 1957. Somebody should've walked up behind Elvis in '57 with a 44 magnum, put the barrel of the gun right up to his brain stem and just pulled the trigger, so you can remember Elvis in a nice way. Wouldn't it be nice to remember Elvis thin, with a big head of hair? Maybe that gold lame gold lame gold lame suit. Wouldn't that be nice? Because how do you remember Elvis? You know how you remember Elvis. He was found in the toilet with his pants around his ankles and his big fat hairy sweaty king of rock and roll ass exposed to the world and his final piece of kingly evidence floating in the toilet behind him! Creepy! One of his aids had to walk in and go, "Damn, Elvis is dead. I'd better flush the toilet. Oh man I should've saved that! I coulda made some money off of that! Damn man! A ding dang do!" That's why I'm glad Jesus died when he did. Oh yeah. Because if he lived to be 40, he woulda ended up like Elvis, come on! Oh yeah, he had that big enterauge. Twelve guys willing to do whatever he wanted to do. He was famous already at that point. If he lived to be 40, he'd be walking around Jerusalem with a big fat beer gut and black side burns going, "Damn, I'm the son of God. Give me a cheese burger and french fries right now. Where's Mary Magdeline, I want a blow job now. Come on now! Fuck you, or I'll turn you into a leper. Give me a cheese burger now, God dammit. Love me tender, love me true, empty my colostamy bag! Oh I think I shit my pants on that last... Change my diaper now!" I'm going to hell for that bit. And you're all coming with me! And don't try to get out of it, "We didn't laugh at that bit, Jesus, please!" "Shut up! Get on the bus with Leary and Scorsese. You're going right to fucking hell!" And you know what hell is folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing Shadow Dancing for eons and eons. And you have to wear orange plaid bell bottoms and sit next to the Bay City Rollers. "How you guys doing? This is gonna suck!" I was reading an interview with Keith Richards in a magazine and in the interview Keith Richards intimated that kids should not do drugs. Keith Richards! Says that kids should not do drugs! Keith, we can't do any more drugs because you already fucking did them all, alright! There's none left! We have to wait 'till you die and smoke your ashes! Jesus Christ! Talk about the pot and the fuckin' kettle. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 - Smoke I love to smoke. I smoke seven thousand packs a day, ok. And I am never fucking quitting! I don't care how many laws they make. What's the law now? You can only smoke in your apartment, under a blanket, with all the lights out? Is that the rule now, huh?! The cops are outside, "We know you have the cigarettes. Come out of the house with the cigarettes above your head." "You'll never get me copper! I'm never coming out, you hear? I got a cigarette machine right here in my bedroom. Yeah!" Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get one of those tracheotomies. So I can smoke two cigarettes at the same time. I'm gonna get nine tracheotomies all the way around my neck. I'll be Tracheotomie Man! "He can smoke a pack at a time! He's Tracheotomie Man!" I'm looking forward to cancer, man. I want that throat cancer. That's the best kind. You know why? You get that throat cancer, you get that voice box thing. Know what I'm talking about? ..[Talking as if has a voice box].. Sure it's scary, but you can make a lot of money with a voice box. Get a voice box, walking around the streets of Manhattan, "[VB] You got any spare change?" "Ahhh!! Here's my whole wallet, get away from me! Ahh!" Imagine a whole family with voice boxes. That'd be creepy, wouldn't it? They'd be out in that backyard everyday during the summer. "[VB] Dad, can we go to the beach?" "[VB] Yes, get your mother and the dog. We'll leave right now. Sparky, come here." "[VB] Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf Arf" Ahhhh!! Or the ultimate irony. A guy with a voice box pulling up to the drive through window at McDonald's. That has to suck, huh? "Can I help you?" "[VB] Big Mac and a large order of fries." "Stop making fun of me." "[VB] I'm not making fun of you." "I'm getting the manager." "[VB] Get the fucking manager, I don't care." I can remember a time in this country when men were proud to get cancer, God dammit! When it was a sign of manhood! John Wayne had cancer twice. Second time, they took out one of his lungs. He said, "Take 'em both! Cuz I don't fuckin' need 'em! I'll grow gills and breathe like a fish!" Babe Ruth, greatest baseball player to ever play the game. He had a voic box. He was the first American to have a voice box. Yeah! "[VB] This is Babe Ruth, the Sultan of Swat, the Bambino, I smoke twenty-five God damn cuban cigars a day. I had meat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I fucked eighteen prostitutes a night! 'course, I'm dead now. I'm up here in heaven. Lou Gehrig is up here with me. God love Lou Gehrig. Jesus Christ, poor Lou Gehrig. Died of Lou Gehrig's disease. How the hell did he not see that coming? You know. We used to tell him, Lou, there's a disease with your name all over it, pal! There ain't no Babe Ruth disease, I'll tell you that much right now. Have a hot dog and a Hummer. Go ahead, it's on me." I don't know. Personally, I think Billy Martin said it best when he said, "Hey! I can drive!" Because we tried to be nice to you non-smokers. We fucking tried. Okay? You wanted your own sections in the restaurants. We gave you that, huh. But that wasn't enough for you. Then you wanted the airplanes. We gave you the whole God damn plane! You happy now? You own the fucking plane! I'd like an explanation about that one folks because I will guarantee you if the plane is going down, the first announcement you're gonna hear is, "Folks, this is your Captain speaking. Look, uhm, light 'em up, 'cause we're going down, okay. I got a carton of Camels non-filters, I'll see you on the ground. Take it easy." Actually, it'd be more like this, "[VB] This is your Captain speaking. Smoke 'em if ya got 'em. Rrrr Rrrr" The filters the best part. That's where they put the heroine. Only us real good smokers know that fucking secret. Yeah, we tried to be nice to you non-smokers. We tried. But you just fucking badger us, you know? You won't leave us alone! You got all your little speeches you're always giving to us. All these little facts that you dig out of a newspaper or pamphlet and you store that little nugget in your little fucking head, and we light up and you spew 'em out at us, don't ya? I love these little facts. "Well you know. Smoking takes ten years off your life." Well it's the ten worst years, isn't it folks? It's the ones at the end! It's the wheelchair kidney dialysis fucking years. You can have those years! We don't want 'em, alright!? And I guarantee if I'm still alive, I'll be smoking then. I'll be in my wheelchair, with my adult diapers on and my twenty-five year old non- smoking born again christian son behind me. I'll be going, "Hey! Make sure you wipe this time. I was itching all week for Christ's sake! And get me some more wippets. I'm almost out, you fucking pussy! Come on!" Because you're always telling us, "You know, ever cigarette takes six minutes off your life. If you quit now you can live an extra ten years. If you quit now, you can live an extra twenty years." Hey, I got two words for you, ok. Jim Fix. Remember Jim Fix? The big famous jogging guy? Jogged fifteen miles a day. Did a jogging book. Did a jogging video. Dropped out of a heart attack when? When he was fucking jogging, that's when! What do you wanna bet it was two smokers who found the body the next morning and went, "Hey! That's Jim Fix, isn't it?" "Wow, what a fucking tragedy. Come on, lets go buy some buds." It's always the yogurt sprout eating mother fuckers who get run over buy a bus drive by a guy who smokes three and a half packs a day. "Sorry officer, I didn't see him. I was too busy smoking!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 6 - Meat I love to smoke. I love to smoke and I love to eat red meat. I love to eat raw fucking red meat. Nothing I like better than sucking down a hot steaming cheese burger and a butt at the same time. I love to smoke. I love to eat red meat. I'll only eat red meat that comes from cows who smoke, ok!? Special cows they grow in Virginia with voice boxes in their necks. "[VB] Moo" I tried eating vegetarian. I feel like a wimp going into a restaurant. "What do you want to eat sir? Brocolli?" Brocolli's a side dish, folks. Always was, always will be, ok? When they ask me what I want, I say, "What do you think I want!? This is America. I want a bowl of raw red meat right now. Forget about that. Bring me a live cow over to the table. I'll carve off what I want and ride the rest home! [Making riding noises]" I gonna open up my own place. Open my own restaurant and get away from you people. I gonna open up a restaurant with two smoking sections; Ultra and Regular, ok? And we're not gonna have any tables or any chairs or any napkins. None of that pussy shit. Just a big wide open black space. And all we're gonna serve is raw meat, right on the bone! And only men are going to eat there, naked men, sitting around a big giant camp fire, and no men's room either. You have to piss, you mark your territory like a wolf! And if some guy has a heart attack from eating too much meat, fuck him, we throw him in the fire! More meat for the other meat-eaters! Yeah! Because you gotta have goals. Because everybody in this room knows everybody who's quitting. You all have that friend who's quitting it. You know what I mean? The guys quitting it, "I quit smoking. I quit drugs. I quit drinking. I quit meat, and I feel great. I get up in the morning and have a nice big bowl of oat bran. I go to the bathroom for three and a half hours. I have another bowl of oat bran. I go back in the bathroom for six more hours. All I do is eat and shit, I'm gonna live forever! My colon is the strongest muscle in my body right now. I could pass Elvis through my colon right now." And all these cereals they have, Cracklin' Oat Bran, and Horkin' Fiber Chunks, you know? Cereal used to come with a free prize. Now it comes with a free roll of toilet paper in every box. Guys get up on Sunday morning, "Forget about the New York Times, I'm gonna need the Bible. I got a big one brewing here." "Dad, there's a phone call!" "I'm on Genesis, God dammit! You tell 'em to call back after the creation!" People checking their own feces for fiber. You have too much free fucking time on your hands, ok. Red meat, white meat, blue meat, meat-o-fucking-rama. You will eat it. Because not eating meat is a decision. Eating meat is an instinct! Yeah! And I know what it's about. "I don't want to eat the meat because I love the animals. I love the animals." Hey, I love the animals too. I love my doggy. He's so cute. My fluffy little dog.. He's so cute- There's the problem. We only want to save the cute animals, don't we? Yeah. Why don't we just have animal auditions. Line 'em up one by one and interview them individually. "What are you?" "I'm an otter." "And what do you do?" "I swim around on my back and do cute little human things with my hands." "You're free to go." "And what are you?" "I'm a cow." "Get in the fucking truck, ok pal!" "But I'm an animal." "You're a baseball glove! Get on that truck!" "I'm an animal, I have rights!" "Yeah, here's yer fucking cousin, get on the fucking truck, pal!" We kill the cows to make jackets out of them and then we kill each other for the jackets we made out of the cows. You will eat the meat folks, because this country was founded on two things. Meat, and war. You eat enough fucking meat, you wanna kill somebody. That's the way it works. That was the ultimate American dream. During that Persian Gulf War, I was sitting in my living room, naked, with a can of Budweiser and a three inch stake watching the war, live, on TV. I had a six foot erection with a giant cheese burger on the end of it. I ate so much meat during the war that by the time the war was over three weeks later, I was like, "No no no. We need to keep fighting. Make a couple of stops on our way home from the Persian Gulf. First stop! Vietnam! Surprise the fuck out of those people, huh?" "You make a movie?" "Not this time, pal!" Personally, I think Mama Cass said it best when she said, "[Choking noises]" "All the leaves are [Choking noises]" "Monday [Choking noises]" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7 - Death I'm sick and tired of my generation getting blamed for the state of the planet. I'm sick of my generation getting called the TV generation. "Well all you guys do is watch TV." What did you expect!? We watched Lee Harvey Oswald get shot live on TV one Sunday morning, we were afraid to change the fucking channel for the next thirty years. "This show sucks." "Yeah, but somebody might get shot during the commercial. Now hang on!" That's what's wrong with this country. We always shoot the wrong guys. We shoot JFK, we shoot RFK, and it comes to Teddy, we go, "Ahh, leave him alone. He'll fuck it up himself, no problem. You know?" Biggest target in the whole God damn Kennedy family. He weighs about seven thousand pounds. You could shoot a bullet in Los Angeles and hit him in the ass in Boston five minutes later. He'd be standing on the lawn at the Kennedy compound going, "Ah Ah Ah Ah There's a bullet in my ass. Ah Ah ah ah" Ted Kennedy. Good senator, but a bad date. You know what I'm saying, folks? One of those guys who gets home at four o'clock in the morning and goes, "What did I forget? Oh! The fucking girl! What's the matter with me? Jesus, where are my pants!? Holy shit!" Because I'll tell you folks. We got a real problem with guns in this country. We have people snapping almost twice, three, four, five times a year. Right? People just snap. They can't take it anymore. They just snap, they go into McDonalds and kill fifteen people. I mean what the fuck is going on down at the post office? Every six months some guy gets fired, comes back and kills all his co-workers. If I worked at the post office as a supervisor, I wouldn't lay anybody off for the next twenty-five fucking years. I'd just walk around going, "Hanrahan, what're you doing?" "Nothing." "Well, keep it up, you're doing a great job! Jesus. I'll tell ya." And I am sick and tired for New York City taking the blame for the crime problem. You know, whenever you read a fact chart, it always says Detroit leads the world in rape and murder and everything else, but New York takes the blame. "New York's a cess pool. It's a cess pool of filth and crime. We're moving." Hey! I just moved here four years ago, and I'm not leaving, because this is the most exciting place in the world to live. Oh yeah! Yeah! There are so many ways to die in New York City, come on! Race riots, drive by shootings, subway crashes, construction cranes collapsing on the sidewalks, manhole covers blowing up, asbestos shooting into the sky. We had a subway crash here a couple of years ago. Five people died. The next day they found the driver was drunk and hooked on crack. Folks, this makes Disneyland look like a fucking bike ride, doesn't it? "Your drive today is Edward. He's drunk and hooked on crack. The man sitting next to you has a loaded nine-millimeter. Good luck, folks!" "Honey, get the camera! This is gonna be fucking great!" Yeah, I love living in New York, man, and people who live in New York, we wear that fact like a badge right on our sleeve because we know that fact impresses everybody! "I was in Vietnam." "So what? I live in New York!" "Really?" Yeah, because new york teaches you to live life the way it should be lived. Moment to moment. Yes, because every moment in New York could be your last. Oh yeah, yeah. You could be walking down the street tomorrow, feeling good about yourself, drink free, drug free, looking forward to the future and somebody accidently nudges their poodle off of a 75th floor ledge. Doink! And he's headed for the ground at a hundred and seventy five thousand miles per hour. And curchunk he's impeded in your head! You're dead on contact. The headline in the Post the next day reads, "Man killed by best friend." People cut the article out and they laugh about it at the office and you're forever remembered as the poodle man! "I knew the poodle man and he hated fucking poodles." New York teaches you to live life moment to moment and street by street and beat to beat. Because we've all played that street game in New York, haven't we? Yes we have. Good block. Bad block. Ooooh. Good block. Bad block. OoooOoooh. Gun block. Crack block. OoooOoooh. Asbestos block. Poodle block! Poodle block! Because most people think, "Life sucks, and then you die." I disagree. I think life sucks, then you get cancer. Then you go into chemotherapy. You lose all your hair, you feel bad about yourself. Then all of the sudden the cancer goes into remission. You look good you feel good, you're going great, and all of the sudden you have a stroke. You can't move your right side. And one day you step off the curb at 68th by Lincoln Center and bang, you get hit by a bus. And then, maybe, you die. Because I think Jim Hensen said it best when he said, "Anybody got any aspirin? I think I got a cold." And a chill filled the room. We all have this incredible attachment to the Muppets, don't we? "We love the muppets! They're so cute!" Did you hear about Jim Hensen's funeral? Here in New York City, huh? Kermit the frog and Big Bird sang "It's not easy being green" at Jim Hensen's funeral. If I'm fifty-six years old when I kick the bucket and a fucking sock is singing at my funeral, I'm gonna pop out of the coffin and go, "Hey! What the hell is this about? Sammy Davis Jr. gets Frank Sinatra, and I get a fucking sock!? I'm really pissed off now!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 8 - The Downtrodden Song You know, we spend a lot of time in this show talking about death and disease and cancer and catastrophe and we do it because, well I think it's fucking funny. We want to send you home now, with an upbeat number, with a dance number, with a song that'll put a smile on your face and a nic warm feeling down here in the cockles. Everything is horrible Really really really terrible I'm really depressed I'm really downtrodden The whole world is doomed We're all gonna die 25,672 people die every single minute Seventeen hundred and fifty people just died Cancer Death Aids Inflation Taxes George Bush Hell Satan Cancer of the face Cancer of the colon Cancer of the write and John Denver on compact disc -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9 - Traditional Irish Folk Song They come over here And they take all our land They chop off our heads And they boil them in oil Our children are leaving And we have no heads We drink and we sing And we drink and we die We have no heads We have no heads They come over here And they chop off our legs They cut off our hands And put nails in our eyes O'Grady is dead And O'Hanrahan's gone We drink and we die And continue to drink O'Hanrahan No O'Hanrahan They buried O'Neil Down in country Shillhame The poor children crying And fe dee din de Hin fle di dinfle Di din fle de din de In hey bibble bibble Hey bibble bibble Hey fle bibble de O'Hanrahan No O'Hanrahan We drink and we sing And we drink and we sing Hey! We drink and we drive And we puke and we drink Hey! We drink and we fight And we bleed and we cry Hey! We puke and we smoke And we drink and we die Hey! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 10 - Voices in My Head I want you to get a gun And head on down to Washington I want you to climb up high High in the sky And shoot them all They don't deserve to live What did they ever give to you [Spoken] You know what I want you to do? I want you to go upstairs to that apartment where that guy keeps playing that Barry Manilow record "Copacabana" over and over and over again. I want you to ring the doorbell, and when he answers the door. I want you to stab him in the neck with a number 2 pencil over and over and over again because he must pay! Chop him up and put him in the freezer and as you leave the apartment light the place on fire! Voices in my head These are the Voices in my head Voices in my head These are the Voices in my head You should dress up like a clown Bark Bark Howl [Spoken] Hi you never called me back. I got the pictures back from thanksgiving. I don't know why you wear that earing. If your father was alive I don't know what he'd say. I was talking to Mrs. Corelli yesterday. You know Bobby Corelli who was in your grade? He got promoted again in his law firm. He's making 175,000 a year now. Are you on drugs? Why don't you ever call me back? When are you gonna get married son? Isn't it about time you settled down and got yourself a wife and got yourself a house and got a kid, and got a car, and got a dog, and got a lawn mower, and got a nice picket fence... Voices in my head These are the Voices in my head Voices in my head These are the Voices in my head The voices in my head Why, why is it every time i gotta Wait on fuckiin' (friggin) line [Spoken] Why is it every time i turn on my television set I gotta see Sally Struthers and those starving kids? Why can't somebody just send her a check and shut her and those God damn kids up? Jesus Fucking Christ! (Where's Rob Reiner when you need him?) Why, why don't they drop the bomb Right on top of everyone Voices in my head These are the Voices in my head Voices in my head These are the Voices in my head Stop, stop, stop with the singing! |
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| I knew favorite song | |||
| 08:43pm 13/02/2005 | |||
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Vermillion part 2 by slipknot She seemed dressed in all of me Stretched across my shame, All the torment and the pain Leaked through and covered me. I'd do anything to have her to myself, Just to have her for myself. Now I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do When she makes me sad. She is everything to me, The unrequited dream, The song that no one sings, The unattainable. She's a myth that I have to believe in, All I need to make it real is one more reason. I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do when she makes me sad. But I won't let this build up inside of me. I won't let this build up inside of me. I won't let this build up inside of me. I won't let this build up inside of me. A catch in my throat, choke, Torn into pieces, I won't. No. I don't want to be this but I won't let this build up inside of me (won't let this build up inside of me) x4 She isn't real. I can't make her real. She isn't real. I can't make her real. |
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| Omg, these songs are amazing | |||
| 08:25pm 13/12/2004 | |||
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I love this song, it fits me so beautifully The Exies - "Ugly" Are you ugly? A liar like me? A user, a lost soul? Someone you don’t know Money it’s no cure A Sickness so pure Are you like me? Are you ugly? [Chorus] We are dirt, we are alone You know we are far from sober! We are fake, we are afraid You know it’s far from over We are dirt we are alone You know we are far from sober! Look closer, are you like me? Are you ugly? Turn a blind eye Why do I deny? Medicate me So I die Happy A strain of cancer Chokes the answers Are you like me? A liar like me? [Chorus] I don’t care, you don’t care I’m bitter, you’re angry. You don’t care, I don’t care You love you, just like me I blame you, you blame me I’m bitter, you’re angry. You don’t care, I don’t care You love you, like me [Chorus] Are you Ugly? [X3] |
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| Yeah.... | ||||
| 08:42pm 12/12/2004 | ||||
Such a pathetic girl, as she cries herself to sleep. Such a sad girl to be, as she cuts herself deep. Such a wasted life, so i wish to die. Such a sad girl to be, as she commits suicide . . . fairytale horror by deadinsidexx cinderella dont you cry prince charming will make things right dont let the blood spill on your dress your porcelain skin is now blemished makeups running and eyes all red stained dress from all you bled cut up arms, and tears still form heart is shattered, youre torn fairy god mother must've left your side her mistake, you could've died over and over it plays in your head sitting with razor in hand thoughts wishing yourself dead cutting away all things you couldnt stand blood pouring from your own veins every little thing driving you insane losing all self pride praying for courage to end your own life never thought youd ever press down never knew youd ever slit your wrist always cried without a sound always wanted something better than this cuts away all her pain with that knife this is cinderellas so called fairytale life suffer by deadinsidexx im crying my eyes dry worse than before no matter how hard i try still wanna hide behind my door hand holding the blade the one that will take my life the one last choice i made on my last night dont wanna think about you, dont wanan think about me or think how much better off youd be its my turn,its my time ive suffered all i can take im at the end of my line and youll hate me for my mistake and im so sorry cry me a lullaby.... by deadinsidexx held on till theres nothing left, you had no choice but death all you wanted was one last hug one last kiss, and all of my love you couldnt move,you couldnt speak you couldnt function, your body was too weak no longer could you fight you held on longer than expected fought with all your might to make sure i would be protected deadinside, bones are cracked emotions of sadness still intact your love for me, has only grown i just wish i would've known and all of this was found out too late no second chances,no clean slate no lullabies to put me to sleep or a kiss goodbye on my cheek not even a last i love you dear all thats left are these black tears strange by deadinsidexx its back,im the same old me youre all upset, bc im so ugly try and help, but it does no good scared bc i dont act like i should underneath im still gray bitching at me like always you drive me up the wall on the edge, you push me, and claim i fall you know youd be happy for my suicide you wear it on your sleeve, dont try to hide....it make me feel like shit wont take any of the blame youre my mother, arent you ashamed? to have a daughter like me who you hate, and whos gone crazy? it must kill you, knowing i hate you sitting there wishing for a different girl,the truth the truth, i lie just like you tell a white lie or two its no big deal letting blood run down me, just to feel im alive, and im real being turned upside down its been a year ive worn this frown and a year since ive made a sound silent tears runs down my face every hour of every day get so anxious, my heart beings to race and it happens in the strangest way This mirror of mine. by SadGothicAngel i hate everything about you you're weak, and your worthless you're ugly, and your fat just look at your body how can you stand that? covered in cuts i hate you so much. you walk around with tears in your eyes i think you deserve it... you deserve to cry You deserve to hurt you deserve your pain you deserve crimson that always stains when i look at you i feel my face distort in disgust you have no idea i hate you so much of all the people that flood this earth you are the one that makes my eyes hurt and of all the people that have to live you are the one that your life you should give. it hurts to say this but i'll say it anyway you are the person i'd kill any day... in my sleep, you haunt my dreams all your scars covering me until i wake up and i have to realize that the "you" i hate is in my eyes. i hate myself, for trying to deceive me hate the thought that people want to be me but then i'm comforted when i look in the mirror and see the blood, in straight lines it appears... Yeah I am just bleh...whatever |
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| Here it is. | |||
| 05:45pm 22/10/2004 | |||
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Ok, Kim wants me to write down why I think I don't want to be happy. She figures that me being masochistic and going into things that I know will hurt me wont change until I solve my whole happiness issue. 1.) Kim made I very good point when she said that some people know what its like to be depressed, but not happy, so they stay with what they know. I think that is a big factor with me as well as many others. I have had serious depression since I was in 4th grade, and my folks think it started in 8th, they dont know anything. Even before 4th grade though, it was all down hill. I can remember back too when I was 6, so I assume that is when It started. It was around that time that I started to withdraw and feel insecure. I also felt like I had to be perfect and compete with everyone, and that I was never going to be good enough. it just got worse and worse as the years went by. 2.) I think I take comfort in being depressed. Because It is all I have known, its safe. I don't have to worry to much about getting hurt, because I am already hurting, so what is a little more? When I put myself out there I get pulled down or knocked down and that hurts SOO much more than just staying unhappy. 3.) A big thing is that I am in unhealthy environments that feed my depression. Also because I am depressed my brain magnify's things. At my moms I get pushed around and hurt, and have to watch those I love get insulted while I can't do anything. At my dads I feel like I have to be perfect and I'm not, so when I am there I feel just as bad because I feel like I am always failing. At least at my moms I know noone gives a fuck so I don't have to worry about being perfect, I can be faulty and pathetic and nothing and just get reminded of it every second, ut at least I am not disappointing anyone. 4.) Because I have been depressed for almost all of my short life, though it seems long, my brain chemistry has altered so that it matches my feelings. My brain is no longer producing enough serotonin so that the mental and biological parts of me match and keep each other down, its like a bad cycle. If one raises the other keeps it weighed down. 5.) I am not sure of any other major reasons as to why I don't want to be happy, I just know that I don't. If I did then I would be happy wouldn't I? If I really wanted to I woudln't let things get to me, and I would just be happy, but I am not. I refuse to believe all the good things people say about me and focus only on negatives. I do everything to make sure that there is no way that I can be happy anytime soon. I think the worse thing is that I realize it and so I think about it which just makes it worse. I also said I would describe some possibilities as to why I like being hurt, they will most likely fall along with the reasoning above, but we will see. 1.) I hurt myself, which I know is wrong, and it puts me at blame when I do it. If someone else hurts me, it isnt my fault, its theirs, so its justified in some way. That is why I defend Mike, because he feeds that, he calls me fat, bitch, and other fowl names and so being around him insulting me or my sister, which I adapt to myself, it keeps me down. Thats also why I stay with guys like Andy, because it gives me a reason to be sad, so that way I can at least justify myself, and not explain inner feelings on the issue or come up with no logical reason. 2.) I have always been hurt, people have always pushed me around, bullied me, insulted me, hit me, make me feel like nothing. I am use to it, so it has turned into a need, its an addiction. Being hurt is something that I like now. I don't know If I have ever said this to anyone, but I like it when I get insulted by mike, it justifies my thinking and therefor makes it true and ok. 3.) I am at nature a submissive person, which makes me slightly masochistic in itself. I just don't like rebeling, I like being controlled. Maybe because then I get hurt more, I tend to like guys who are on the brink of abusive, or maybe I just like being controlled for other reasons. I guess I feel that I have to be submissive, which is odd since I wasn't raised to be, but It's how I feel. I fall into the cooking, cleaning, mother type, but I will have a job if I ever get to that point. yeah I may add more later but I want to go to the store so bye. I will update tonight if I feel like it. |
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| The gathering "a life all mine" | |||
| 03:44pm 21/10/2004 | |||
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Razor sharp I cut The bull from my life Too blunt your knife To slay this dreamer We might be dogs astray No running line will hold us So rather kick and kill me I'll be butchered all the same No words are spoken But the world is broken 'Cause I want something Something all wrong done A life instead of mere living Folding crumbling withering oh hell What difference when working the way The crown of my work Is what I shall gain At the end of my days Daylight awake to a puppet world No strings attach to this body of mine Folding crumbling withering oh well The punished pushed along the line All my actions, all my moves A life all mine to lose The crown of my work A life all mine to lose A life all mine Is what I choose At the end of my days |
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| Odd | |||
| 04:24pm 18/10/2004 | |||
| You know what's weird, I always say how I am horrible and ugly, which I am, but yet people still like me. I just don't understand it. In the past two years Jesse, Nick, Denny, Andy, Nate, Alan, Bobby, Tim and Kyle are all great guys(except Denny) who have liked me. It makes no sense, I'm nothing. I'm just an insignificant little twit so why the hell do they care about me? What the hell do they see when they looke at me? Whatever it is its something completely different than what I see when I look in the mirror. It's just odd, anyway my sis is here I have to go, bye. | |||
| Thats fucking it! | |||
| 11:24pm 13/10/2004 | |||
| Ive gone a good amount of time without cutting but right now I dont give a fuck! This is fucking gay. People tell you that they care and all this shit but do they help you or talk to you when you tell me you are upset or make it clear that you are, no. They only fucking want me around when I'm all sweet bouncy and bringing them up and praising them. God forbid I be fucking upset. Of course not, christine isn't aloud to be upset. Christine is nothing. Her only purpose is to make others feel good about themselves, and if she isn't focusing totally on them than she has commited a great crime and should pay. Neglect her, hurt her, punish her, beat her, insult her, push her, beat her down. Christine can't possibly feel happiness, It always ends badly if she does. When she starts to care about someone, they just drift away. Its a punishment, Christine is never meant to feel love. She is the girl that you try to dishonor, abuse, or cheat on. Go out with Christine, she doesn't mind if you go off and cheat on her, everyone else does. Does she complain to a soul when it happens, of course not, its perfectly acceptable. Call christine ugly, she wont get mad, christine doesn't get mad. Christine is too sweet and kind to get mad. She would never yell at someone, shes too submissive. Christine is a masochist, she likes getting hurt in everyway possible, so lets all just abuse her constantly. When christine stands up for what she thinks thats awful. She has to see your point of view, she isnt aloud to have one of her own. Christine should know by now that she has to be the one to take care of people, she knows it wont happen in return. Is Christine sick of it? Yes shes starting to be. Obviously. Christine bitches to much and she needs to stop. She knows this but she still does it anyway. Christine is a fat, ugly, bitchy peice of shit. She is nothing. Beat her down, she deserves it. | |||
| 10:59pm 13/10/2004 | |||
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(psst Katie, DO NOT read this when Brad is there, I am trusting you to read this without him present, I don’t want him being capable of acquiring this information, and if he does I will be quite unhappy. I trust that you know this though, I just thought I would warn you incase he is there. If he reads this, and I find out about it or have a feeling he has by something he says or something, I’ll be really upset, so just make sure he doesn’t read it.) Dear Liete, Hi, It’s me again. Hmm I’m kind of upset at the moment, I want to cut but I don’t want to get caught, I will Tonight though, If I get caught I don’t care, I need to. Liete everything is really bad right now, I really want to cry. Andy Is In love with Rachel. Whenever we talk he always brings her up, saying how she’s ruining his life and how he’s always thinking about her and how she makes him cry all the time. He also mentions how he thinks she’s dating this Cory guy that cheated on Kim. He says how it really pisses him off. He use to say that he wanted me to ban forbid him from ever seeing her again, but I told him seeing her was his choice. She came down last weekend or something and he was saying how he was so pissed because she went to see Cory but not him. He’s jealous of Cory, I know he loves her, he’s told me he does. He also kissed her, well she kissed him but he didn’t push her off, before I broke up with him that time a while ago. That happened when he was at senior week. He said he was crying because he thought I was going to break up with him because of it, heh… “Why, its not suppose to hurt this way, I need you I need you more and more each day.” “Are you and me still together, tell me, do you think we can last forever, tell me, why.” I can’t be angry at him for it though, since Denny kissed me, even though I didn’t really want him to at all, but oh well. I have no right to complain about him liking Rachel. The girl is fucking hot. She’s short and skinny, with a great figure (big boobs and all.) Plus she’s known him longer than I have, so she was there first. The thing is, she said at senior week that she liked him, but she doesn’t really. She never wants to hang out with him, and she is kind of mean to honestly. She ignores him mostly. Not to be mean to Andy or anything, but the girl gets drunk really easily, and according to everyone, she was drunk, just like everyone else but Steve, and sometimes Andy, the entire time they were there. I guess it’s the way he talks about her that really gets to me. Besides the fact that he talks about her all the time, it sounds like he wants me to tell him to forget about me and go after her. He is such an ass for suggesting this next idea. He said that he wished we could both go out with him. It’s like he really does want me to break up with him so he’s free to go after her… I don’t know what to do. I keep trying to cut our conversations short because he keeps fucking talking about her. I mean I have no problem discussing the issue that is Rachel, I like the girl, she’s a major sweetie, and she was really nice to me, it’s just when a guy talks to his girlfriend constantly about another girl that he admits he loves, and who is super cute, it tends to get to you. What am I suppose to say to him. “Yeah just go and be with Rachel, It doesn’t bother me that your in love with another girl who is in everyway better than me, nope not at all, go fuck her brains out, I don’t mind!” Fuck no, that’d just retarded. I guess it doesn’t help that after he told me that he and Rachel kissed at senior week I said that it was ok. Lol, I also said that I was just glad it wasn’t Lindsey (ex-girlfriend, a.k.a slutty little whore that I along with a few of his other good friends hate because she really is a bitch and she really hurt him.) I have just been so submissive when it comes to Andy, I tell him that he should do whatever he wants and that everything is perfectly ok with me. But I really like him, I wouldn’t say I love him as any more than a friend, It’s WAY to soon to say something like that, though I tell him I love him, because technically I do, It’s just that, I want him to be as happy as possible. I do want him to do what he wants and not worry about me, but that does cross a line. I CAN’T tell him that though because it might upset him, I don’t want him to feel guilty about feeling or wanting certain things. Plus he doesn’t even know much about me, as far as personality and feelings go. He knows my little quirks, that I don’t like eating in front of people, that I’m really insecure, and that I have a thing for red heads. The things he doesn’t know is like me cutting, me trying to kill myself, that I really REALLY dislike myself, a lot, and the reasons as to why I don’t like eating around people. I can’t exactly tell him those things, I’m afraid of how he would react. I mean hell, I’m already afraid of loosing him to Rachel, so why not just scare him away. That’s real intelligent there. Sigh I just don’t know what to do about it. I should probably talk to Jeremy or Kim, most likely Jeremy. He would tell me what to think about everything I’ve said so far, and he would tell me if I’m being overly sensitive or if I’m just being paranoid and reading to much into it. Though I think Liete, if you heard him talking on the phone during one of our conversation, you’d agree that I’m right and that I’m not being overly sensitive or reading to much into it. I just don’t know how to remedy the situation. Then there’s the problem of my Psychiatric evaluation on Tuesday. I have to go to determine if I need medication or not, which I won’t take anyway. I guess I’m nervous because I’ve never been to one before and I don’t know what to expect. Do they just ask you your basic mental type questions like sleeping habits, cutting, how you feel and that stuff, or do they also ask medical questions like what I’m allergic to and everything. I also want to know if my mom has to be in there when this happens. If so I wont say a thing, because that would be really gay if that happens. Yeah well anyway it’s 6:40am and I think I’m going to go to bed. Thanks Liete (and you to Kate since you’re the only one who can read this) I feel a lot better after getting all this out. With Love, Christine/Xine P.S – Kate could you please respond or call me or something and tell me what your personal opinion of all this is and what I should do? Thank you. |
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| 10:59pm 13/10/2004 | |||
| Yeah I'm just in a numb mood at the moment, still slightly in shock that everything got to me enough so that I actually cried which hasn't happened in a very long time. Yeah I'm being really petty at the moment I know. When whoever reads this there going to be like "omg shes so fucking gay" but yeah. I'm just upset by everyone calling me ugly. Like mike just recently called me fat and all, and Cassidy said I was ugly the other day, Jesse implied it, I guess it's just getting to me. I want to cut but I know I shouldn't. I think I may just not eat much, like only 100-200 calories this week or something, I've done it before so I know I can, I'll probably start exercising too, I don't know. I don't even know why the fuck I'm writing this, whatever bye | |||
| 10:57pm 13/10/2004 | |||
| Ok I have been on greatestjournal, but now im back and Im going to bring over all my good updates on here so yeah | |||
| more lyrics | |||
| 09:14pm 12/03/2004 | |||
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Mt Immortal ~ Evanescence i'm so tired of being here suppressed by all of my childish fears and if you have to leave i wish that you would just leave because your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me you used to captivate me by your resonating light but now i'm bound by the life you left behind your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams your voice it chased away all the sanity in me these wounds won't seem to heal this pain is just too real there's just too much that time cannot erase when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears and i've held your hand through all of these years but you still have all of me i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone and though you're still with me i've been alone all along Running Away ~ Hoobastank I don't want you to give it all up and leave your own life collecting dust and I don't want you to feel sorry for me you never gave us a chance to be And I don't need you to be by my side and tell me that everythings all right I just wanted you to tell me the truth You know I'd do that for you So why are you running away? Why are you running away? I did enough to show you that I was willing to give and sacrafice and I was the one who was lifting you up when you thought your life had had enough when I get close you turn away, nothing that I can do or say so now I need you to tell me the truth you know I would do that for you So why are you running away? Why are you running away? Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do To make you change your mind Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do Is it a waste of time? Is it me? Is it you? Nothing that I can do to make you change your mind So why are you running away? Why are you running away? (What is it I have to say?) So why are you running away? (To make you admit you're afraid) Why are you running away? Always loved that song..... I will dedicate and sacrifice my every--thing for just a seconds worth of how my story's ending I wish I could know if the directions that I take and all the choices that I make won't end up all for nothing Show me what it's for Make me understand it I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer Is there something more than what I've been handed? I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer Help me carry on Assure me it's ok to use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness Will the ending be ever coming suddenly? Will I ever get to see the ending to my story? Show me what it's for Make me understand it I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer Is there something more than what I've been handed? I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer So when and how will I know? How much further do I have to go? How much longer until I finally know? (finally know) 'cause I am looking and I just can't see what's in front of me in front of me Show me what it's for Make me understand it I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer Is there something more than what I've been handed? I've been crawling in the dark looking for the answer Remember Me? I stand here face to face with someone that I used to know used to look at me and laugh Well now he claims That he's known me for so very long but I remember being no one I wanted to be just like you so perfect, so untouchable Now you want me to be with you someone who used to have it all do you remember now? you acted liked you never noticed me forget it! because the dawn has come around you're not allowed to be a part of me Did you know me or where you too preoccupied with playing king in your small kingdom Well now the real world has stripped you of your royalty from your kingdom your evicted I wanted to be just like you so perfect, so untouchable Now you want me to be with you someone who used to have it all Do you remember now? you acted liked you never noticed me FORGET IT! because the dawn has come around you're not allowed to be a part of me part of me (x3) you're never going to be a part of me (x6) Do you remember now? you acted liked you never noticed me FORGET IT! because the dawn has come around you're not allowed to be a part of me part of me (x3) Up And Gone Staring at the white above can't tell if I'm alive or am I dead? or is it in my head? (Where'd I go wrong?) Staring at the white above one day I closed my eyes then here I am a cold, unhappy man I've come to realize the life I have I hate, the pulse I need is slowly fading until I've lost it all I've been waiting for an inspiration for a chance I never got to take before it's much too late (Where'd I go wrong?) Where's the boy that used to run? Could it be he's up and gone away? He seems so far away And all the things I could have done Could it be they've up and gone away? They seem so far away Feels as if the boy in me has left and been replaced with a cheap and bitter imposter of myself I must find the one that used to be approach him slow, don't be afraid to say "Can he come out and play?" (Where'd I go wrong?) Where's the boy that used to run? Could it be that he is up and gone away? He seems so far away And all the things I could have done Could it be they've up and gone away? They seem so far away Staring at the sky above I've found a chance I'm finally going to take I've learned from my mistakes (Where'd I go wrong?) Where's the boy that used to run? Could it be he is up and gone away? He seems so far away where'd I go wrong? And all the things I could have done could it be they've up and gone away? They seem so far away Where'd I go wrong? |
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| *SCREAMS AS LOUD AS SHE CAN WITH HER HIGH, SQUEAKY FUCKING VOICE* | ||||
| 06:16pm 14/02/2004 | ||||
unrequited love |
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drained| 12:51am 03/02/2004 | |||
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im going to write a huge rant and update when i finish so this is just to entertain liete(my journal) I'm so tired of being here Supressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave 'Cause your prescence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time cannot erase-"My Immortal"-Evanescence Imaginary:Evanescence don't say i'm out of touch with this rampant chaos - your reality i know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge the nightmare i built my own world to escape in my field of paper flowers and candy clouds of lullaby i lie inside myself for hours and watch my purple sky fly over me I'll draw you a picture, I'll draw it with a twist, I'll draw it with a razorblade, I'll draw it on my wrist. And if I draw it correctly, a red fountain will appear... to wash away my sorrows, to chase away my fears." -Anonymous "It's not enough. I need more.Nothing seems to satisfy. I don't want it. I just need it.To feel,to breathe,to know I'm alive." -TOOL- "This may hurt a little but it's something you'll get used to. Relax. Slip away.Something kinda sad about the way that things have come to be.Desensitized to everything.What became of subtlety?How can it mean anything to me if I really don't feel anything at all? I'll keep digging till I feel something" -TOOL- "Venomous voice, tempts me, drains me, bleeds me, leaves me cracked and empty. Drags me down like some sweet gravity" -TOOL- "I need you to feel this, I can't stand to burn too long. Released in this sodomy. For one sweet moment I am whole." -TOOL- I need you to feel this. I need this to make me whole." -TOOL- "I am just a worthless liar. I am just an imbecile. I will only complicate you. Trust in me and fall as well. I will find a center in you. I will chew it up and leave, I will work to elevate you, just enough to bring you down. Trust me." -TOOL- "Tell me something beautiful , Tell me something free , Tell me something beautiful And i wish that i could be" -Marilyn Manson Some people wear their smile like a disguise. Those people who smile a lot - watch the eyes. I know 'cuz I'm like that a lot you think everything's okay and it is 'til it's not. ~ Ani DiFranco |
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| love this song | |||
| 01:53am 02/02/2004 | |||
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Gary Jules Title: Mad World Album: Gary Jules [SPONSOR] all around me are familiar faces worn out places worn out faces bright and early for the daily races going no where going no where their tears are filling up their glasses no expression no expression hide my head i wanna drown my sorrow no tomorrow no tomorrow and i find i kind of funny i find it kind of sad the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take when people run in circles its a very very mad world mad world children waiting for the day they feel good happy birthday happy birthday and i feel the way that every child should sit and listen sit and listen went to school and i was very nervous no one knew me no one new me hello teacher tell me what's my lesson look right through me look right through me and i find i kind of funny i find it kind of sad the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had i find it hard to tell you i find it hard to take when people run in circles its a very very mad world mad world enlarging your world mad world |
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| choices | |||
| 10:25pm 23/01/2004 | |||
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Is ir possible to feel 2 emotions that completely contradict each other? well write now i do, i feel incredicbly depressed yet numb at the same time, my eyes sting from holding back tears, well not completely holding back. Ive made a descision, I've maded many actually, Peter helped me with one, "dont be freinds with those who hurt you, if they do then they aarent really your friends" he said something like that, so ive decided about kate and laura, I have NOT given up on her, she just doesnt need me anymore, and me her, she needs to stand on her own, and ill always be there to help, but i want to try and be ditached, i need to be, i always feel hurt by them both, not when they arfe seperate, when they are together, so im going to try and bve ditached from them, i hope it will last. Ive also decided i should eat healthier and stuff and exercise more, so that way i can actually fix my prob with my figure instead of bitching, and pete why are you frustrated? who are you afraid of hurting? If its me then just do whatever it is you want, dont be afraid to hurt me, its ok, i promise! I want to buy Jays journal and the me nobody knew, i ordered them and they should come in soon so then ill have my 2 fav books third is witch child, lost that too......i think all females should read The Me Nobody Knew, every female goes through feeling like that, well all my female friends, and It makes you look at it from a diferent perspective. I finished it in a couple hours, and jays journal is awesome too, wish i chould have helped him before his end, yeah hmm im going to compose a list about the things i want from my self, like late new year resolutions or something 1.) be happy 2.) exercise more 3.) eat better 4.) do better in school 5.) stop being lazy 6.) stop likeing people 7.) make parents proud 8.) dont let what people say get to me 9.) beleive my friends when there being honest about how i truly am 10.) create 1+ manga's before next year I have others but i wont add them since there bad things i know are bad.....and what i expect from those 10 things may be a little extreme, but i think the biggest thing is i need to stop lieing i need to stop telling my freinds while trying on slutty clothes too big for me, "ugh i hate being skinny" when i truly feel slightly proud that the smallest size is too big. I also need to stop caring, and start caring, its awkward but when numb im either a puppet or i wont do anything, or im feeling such extreme emotions i cant concentrate at all. Another thing i need to do isget a theropist(sp) to help me when i feel i cant talk to my friends out of fear of hurting them, or carry a journal again and let someone read it when its about them so that they know how i feel instead off being totally confused. yeah, there are goals i have that are unmentioned but i dont know weather i should put them of not, well i guess i should, they can always change 11.) 10 times a month, deeo, 12.)try "cleansing my body" as i have thought of it, dont ask you wont understand, 13.) kill self if things get too much, or at least try, well hmmm awkwardness now. I'll update lata |
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| Those stupid bitches! | |||
| 11:24am 23/01/2004 | |||
| Dude, Kate and Laura are such fucking bitches, and you know what I hope you show them this Brad! I can't beleive they fucking asked me that! Kate was like "does your dad have syringes?" they asked because they wanted some to use for doing wahtever fucking drug they felt like at that fucking moment. I mean what the fuck is your problem, my dad is fucking diabetic, he needs it to fucking live you stuppid godamn heartless spoiled little brats! I fucking love my dad and if you think i would let him get hurt because of your pathetic, WEAK, habits then your sadly fucking mistaken!! Or were you trying to be a bitch again and get under my skin by saying that horrible cold hearted comment, hmm thats probably it to! And you know what, I've come to the realization that i fucking hate both of you, all you ever do is put me down and make me feel like shit even more than i already do, I dont need that, im fucking better than that, so why dont you guys just leave me the hell alone and stop talking to me, go off and overdose on heroin or whatever fucking drugs you guys mix together now adays! Oh but if you do can i have that book, its really good, you wouldnt need it were you would be anyway(shut up kelly) well i hope you guys fucking enjoy yourselves! | |||
| 05:16pm 11/01/2004 | |||
| hmm...everything seems to be pilling up...I actually thought about killing myself the other night...It's getting harder and harder not to cut, I'm trying not to for Parker cuse i know he hates it and i don't want to get introuble for it, but i want to do it so fucking badly and i want to press down really hard, and now i actually wanna do the wrists....Kelly spent the night over my moms...she seemed bored..i just didnt want to be alone because i have razors and lots of pills and i really want to break down and cry or just fucking kill myselves....i thought about slicing my wrists...everything is getting to hard...im never good enough...im worthless..im nothing......i just want to be takin care of and be held and cry in one of my friends arms....i want someone to care about me...im too fucking needy..its pathetic....i dont want to do anything..i feel really numb at times now..THATS NOT ME....ive never been the one feeling numb but now i do...its not all the time...just sometimes...and i feel so selfish, i shouldnt care about myself i should care about everyone else but the problem is i do want my problems solved and i do want people to care about me but thats so a selfish and im not suppose to be that way, i have to take care of everyone else, not me ITS DRIVING ME INSANE i need to help someone so i can worry about them..GRR..I hate my fucking brain, lol wel i hate myself so i guess it isnt just my brains fault..hmm why do we think...why cant i just be this empty person...why cant i just be numb right now, that would fix this...why dont i go and down all the pills in the house, or go introduce a razor to my body hehe wait they've already met.....i need more ace bandages for my plan, 2 more and then i can do what i want..though i have heard that carving on your stomach hurts like a bitch but i want to, i need the pain, i deserve it for being so selfish, plus i want to see if carving my wrists is how i think it will be, if it is i'll probably pass out...i want to starve myself or purge or something, all i need to do is be 82 then my bmi will be 15 and ill be happy i think...thats not bad its only 15 lbs, i can lose that right?....im sure i c an..i just need to stop stuffing my fat fucking body...82 is perfect....scars will help me along the way..im sure ill need to be punished in order to get there..i can do it, i know i can...heh yeah, im going to go and print lyrics and read or something... c ya | |||
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