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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
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|Wednesday, April 7th, 2004|
the naivete exemplified in the single response to my previous entry is exactly what stimulates me to fuck up the lives of regressors. i am a darwinist, and i believe that if you get fucked with or fucked over, it is your own fucking fault. anyone so innocent to question the verity of my journal and the topics i soliliquize about should not read my journal. i will not disclose whether or not i blow coke because readers can believe whatever they please. truth is relative. all stories that anyone has ever told are true.
Current Mood: sardonic
Current Music: at the drive-in
|Monday, January 19th, 2004|
everyone who reads this should never expect me to update. but here it is for my faithful disciples. i just got done causing a shitload of drama in the lives of everyone i know. dont ask me why or if i regret it. it's all relative. the important thing is that those who matter to me are (somehow) still my friends. that says a lot about them. so now i'm kind of trying to sew everything back together with fucked up hands and the remains of a nearly obliterated conscience. Current Mood: pensiveCurrent Music: Rush-"2112"
|Monday, November 24th, 2003|
damn, i've slacked. no i've just dropped off the face of this incredibly nippy earth. it's fucking snowing!! what is that? it was sunny yesterday. anyways, i'm deep into this job i have, and this girl, and these drugs. i'm about to be expelled. i'm so fucking happy. this is honestly what i've wanted my whole life, to get the bullshit over with. i dont care about "the finest years of my life" or the fucking memories. i've already decided which people are worthwhile out of all the niggers i associate with. there are like, 5 people that i care about now. it's a lot less stress and drama. i'm so happy. i've got a fabulous job opportunity and a few great friends, a lot of money, security, and drugs. i can't think of anything better.
yes, Preacher, i'm still going to get my ged. that's good enough for me. Current Mood: accomplishedCurrent Music: pink floyd-"comfortably numb"
|Tuesday, September 30th, 2003|
|it's so cold
shit so it's been awhile, but nothing interesting has happened to me. i'm still the Terrible Pothead who spends all her money on cigarettes and drugs, and i've got an A or a B in every class. TOTALLY throwing my life away. the commenting preacher is right.
cleveland weather is shit. Current Mood: awakeCurrent Music: pink floyd-"time"
|Sunday, August 17th, 2003|
|words of wisdom
you're right Mr. Judgemental Anon Commenter. i should have figured i'd get dicked over. everything that seems too good to be true IS too good to be true. but logic doesnt work when you're completely infatuated, so thanks for the very USEFUL criticism, dumbass.
so i'm in canada where i can smoke weed legally and get married to a girl.....
i've completely given up on the idea of being committed to one girl. mainly because i know i can't do it, and while i'm a teenager i don't really feel that i need to act like an adult. true that we prepare for adulthood as teens, but let's remember that this adolescence needs to be experienced before it's over in two years. so, in blatent terms, i'm going to indulge in my sexuality now that i'm free.
ok, now i guess i don't need to ask for the criticism that's inevitably going to follow this entry. so enjoy judging me, buddy. Current Mood: contemplativeCurrent Music: pixies-"where is my mind?"
|Tuesday, August 5th, 2003|
wait, scratch that
yea, no...the sweetest thing ALMOST happened....
in short, i thought this girl vicki, whom i've wanted for over a year, was going to dump her boyfriend for me...but no. i guess not. she fed me all this crap about how much she loved me and shit...the girl fucked me over for the second time.
|Monday, July 28th, 2003|
wow. the people who left those VERY influencial comments were right. drugs ARE bad!!! shit, too bad i'm gonna do acid again this weekend. if you have a problem with my drug use, dont read my journal, because drugs take up about half of my life. and i bet i'm having a better time than any of those people who feel the need to waste their time preaching to me.
anyway i finally dumped raquel...it was a mutual decision though. so now we're just good friends.
i feel sober, but great anyway. like i dont need anyone or any drug to reassure me that life is sweet. the most incredible, unexpected, but long-awaited thing has happened. it happened a week ago and i'm still in disbelief. i'll explain later... Current Mood: ecstaticCurrent Music: "blinded by the light"
|Thursday, July 10th, 2003|
|10 new things i've learned
1) for every person that you have a crush on, there's a nasty person that wants you...this is WHY single people complain
2) for every hott girl you meet, there's another, equally hott girl who will make out with you
3)sometimes, it doesnt matter what you're DOING, it matters what you're BEING.....like an ASSHOLE
4) WHat if you needed id to buy ice cream? doesnt that clog your arteries, too?
5) everyone needs to associate with a few losers in order to maintain a little self-confidence
6) flirting is NOT fucking, although some may place equal emphasis on both
7) neutralization isn't always the answer
8) if sodomy is immoral, why do dudes have a g-spot in their asshole?
9) i dont know, but at least sodomy's legal now
10) people waste a lot of time
half of these, i realized while i dropped acid on the 4th. it was something i think i needed, even though some of my friends gave me shit for it.
i left lakewood to chill with lauren. be back friday... Current Mood: highCurrent Music: "build me up buttercup"
|Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003|
Ahhh, a new day! how to spend it? i have endless possibilities and no responsibility! right now, it's 4:20. i am about to go smoke more weed because that's all i fucking do. it's becoming mundane and sometimes tedious. but i hav nothing else to do, and it's so easy to just toke and forget that life is boring.
i need to get a life...
after i smoke a bowl... Current Mood: boredCurrent Music: sleater-kinney: "all hands on the bad one"
|Friday, June 20th, 2003|
well well well
i know, my absence left all of you distraught. i return to tell a very shortened, long, sad story.
raquel, the girl i've wanted for the past 7 months, finally asks me out. of course i say yes, and think that my life is the greatest life ever. "oh man i just wanna kiss her, now that i can."
2 weeks later, i finally get to kiss her, but she's drunk.
next time she kisses me: drunk on the last day of school
next time: drunk after a party
next time: DRUNK at tyler's
a pattern? i think so. she claims that she's just not very horny. ever. I claim that she's fucking asexual and is dating me to compensate for her weirdness. i knew it was too good to be true.
PRIDE parade is tomorrow. i'm going with her and hopefully, i'll meet new girls.
|Thursday, May 15th, 2003|
ok, anon deepthroater noter...fuck me, someone said the same watergate thing to me at school and i dont remember who the fuck it was. i'm fucking stoned and you keep fucking with me.
well, pretty girls make graves is fucking sold out, what to do? i'm thinking i should just go to a nunnery...today at the gay-straight alliance club at my school, we discussed religious homos and how the sometimes become priests or nuns. i think it would bring me back to...uh ::cough::... god... ::cough::, and i wouldnt have to deal with relationships. plus, when i do need some, i'll just go to a fellow lesbinun and get it on in a coat closet or something. AND, the added kink of "ooh, we might get caught" is present. yep, i have it all figured out. now all i have to do is start believing in god.
this entry took me so long to type. i got rid of all the typos that had occured because of my marijuana intoxication. Current Mood: highCurrent Music: bikini kill: "tony randall"
|Sunday, May 11th, 2003|
can't seem to get certain ideas out of my head. consciously, this chick from forever ago is out, i'm over it. but subconsciously, she's involved in everything that goes on in my sleep. and they're vivid dreams too. and when i wake up in the night and go back to sleep, the dream continues from where it left off. the more i am getting over this girl, the more frequently these dreams occur. i'm beginning to believe that i have some sort of attachment complex. on one hand, my life in the "girl" area is in constant flux. on the other hand, it remains the same because i've still never managed to get into a relationship, even though i've had opportunities, and i wonder if it's because i'm still subconsciously attached to that fucking bitch and not ready to believe that someone else is better. or maybe i've just had a run of shitluck. i think i may be the perfect paradigm of a confused teenager. at least i dont "suffer" from self-abuse, and at least i am secure with myself and who i am becoming. those are pretty much the only elements that separate me from my fellow naive fucks.
pretty girls make graves concert on saturday. i need to get a fucking job. Current Mood: contemplativeCurrent Music: sleater-kinney: "lora's song"
|Saturday, May 10th, 2003|
|what a boost
NO!!! Not only do you absolutely, positively, NOT
suck, you are cool. Awesome. Fabulous. Can I
have your number? Do you suck? brought to you by Quizilla
TOO MUCH AWESOME!!!!!!! NOT ENOUGH SUCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE SUCKFACTOR IS NEGATIVE!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by the wa, kelly, leave a comment so i kno what yr fucking journal is.
hey chicks and dicks, i'm pretty drunk right now...so forgive mme if there are any typos.
so yesterday i got clay all over me in art class and i had to throw water all over me pants to get it off. i looked like i did some kind of wild piss jig in my pants, man. i decided to stop hugging guys cuz they all do that pelvic trust when they hug you. it's disgusting... i'm going to get my tattoo fixed tomorraowe. that should be nice for a little (sort of) masochist like myself. ok does anybody agree with me that chicks who totally fuck you when yr drunk arent straight. i dont know that's just my own hypothesis, i'lll be doing further research and experients.
emily rocks, i hope she finds someone...
|Friday, April 25th, 2003|
|where'd you get the coconuts? ...we found them
what do you mean you found them?
Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look? What Monty Python Character are you? brought to you by Quizilla
IT COULD BE CARRIED BY AN AFRICAN SWALLOW!
well an african swallow maybe. but not a european swallow, that's my point.
but then, african swallows are nonmigratory...
|Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003|
what it's like to come out of hell
well i'm home from that godawful country. my family is full of agist, incompetant cunts. the last nght i was there, i went to bed and cried listening to pink floyd, because i was so disappointed in myself for turning into them.
anyway, on a brighter note, i will NOT be asking that maggie chick out because i've realized that i am totally incapable of committing, and she told me she doesnt want a relationship, so i'm cool. back to the crackhouse i go.
SO MUCH CHOCOLATE FOR EASTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was great...all that dry, brown, dehydrating saturated fat...[salivation, causing drooling on self]...
i guess that's it, i'm very boring as usual.
|Sunday, April 20th, 2003|
Scary in a very good way, you're Fairuza Balk.
Intense. What sexy girl are you brought to you by Quizilla
fairuza balk is the hottest thing alive! the self-esteem-o-meter went all the way to 90%! whooo!
ya, anyways, i'm in canada right now. it's 4:20 and i have to see my gigunda, short, irish-catholic family for easter. i'm gonna find one of my cool cousins to smoke with though.
i made this journal with the intent to just bullshit without my friends reading it. but stupid me i gave the URL to two of my friends, but still, it's not like i do any shit-talking on this thing. i mean think about it: "hey psycho internet geeks, this bitch i'm friends with totally sucked the shit out of this dude's cock. what a fucking slut!" i dont think the webnerds give a shit about the drama in my friends' lives. this is pretty much me talking on and on about myself and how much i fuck my mother. sorry.
|Tuesday, April 15th, 2003|
hey whoever was teasing me in my comments about deep-throating my 3-in, don't be such a fucking cock-tease! yo tell me yr name gurrrl, i'm dyin fo you baby.
enough of that. liz is out. so is raquel. maggie is in. just a playa's update.
so i saw slc punk and my GOD how that movie fucks its mother. it's my friends! they must all live by the code of this fucking piece of shit movie. i'm sorry, if you're not from the 70's era of punk, then you SUCK! you're a sad emo poser with no sense of style or music. hardcore? what's hardcore? dashboard? coheed? fuck no. hardcore is sticking a pen in your cat's ass.
and what is so hardcore about saying "fuck the system"? depending on the crowd you're with, that term can be taken so many different ways. i just can't decide how i want to intepret it. i mean, if you're with political bitches, then i guess it's the government. but what if you're with teachers? is it the school system? or with nintendo freaks, is it the sega or playstation video game system? what about when you're in the car? i got so confused this weekend that when i was in a car on the way to a show and someone blasted the bass and said "like my system?", i yelled "FUCK THE SYSTEM!"
i dont know, i hate people who think they're punk.
|Friday, April 4th, 2003|
well i skipped school today with raquel for the second time in two weeks...being around her just reminds me how stupid liz is. liz is this chick that i've liked, but now that i can have her, i dont want her anymore...it's like i was only in it cuz of the chase. girls have persued me and not wanted me when they got me, so i know how much it sucks. and i feel bad but i cant change anything. this blows, but i went to coventry today and my new, -very- ghetto tattoo has stopped itching. my mother doesnt know about it, and i keep forgetting that it's very visible on my back. one day she's gonna see it and probably give me another tattoo (using a kitchen knife) that looks like a huge gash in my side...
|Monday, February 24th, 2003|
kicked out of the brothel
i haven't written in a month but there's absolutely nothing to say. i have recently decided to stop being a whore. now i dont know where i'll get my crack-money, but i did it for me. i really dont know why because i've become even more miserable now that i'm celibate. it was a very lonesome valentine's day. i couldn't even chill with my pseudo-boyfriend tyler, who is also gay. we broke up because we were both drunk and tripping on shrooms and started yelling at each other. it was serious THIS time because he made me give him his cologne back....
i turn 16 in two weeks so that's something to get drunk over. in the meantime, i'l soak in my self-pity instead of sharing it with all of you.