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Below are 25 recent journal entries, after skipping 25

	2003.11.03  22.38 I feel like Used Meatloaf. I've been fighting an autumn cold for a couple of weeks now. I've been far too busy to relax for any good length of time. I'm lonesome and my throat's scratchy and I feel beat-down. In short, I'm completely pathetic today. That's it.

	2003.10.26  03.42 I am Completely Un-Cosmopolitan I do a lot of reading and more than my share of TV watching and in doing so I've noticed something about myself. I don't have a cosmopolitan bone in my body. I just don't. I never will. I am hopelessly and forever middle-class America personified. I don't drink wine, think that most poetry is overblown pap, avoid "a very special episode" of any TV show like the plague, and wouldn't attend a dinner perty if they served diamond-encrusted hors d`ouvers (See? I can't even spell that damned word! They're appetizers! Freaking Triscuits on a platter!!). I smoke without shame, listen to country music on many occasions (Sara Evans? Best singing voice in music today.), and think that an ideal Sunday involves football all day with beers and chips and dip. I watch wrestling when I'm home to see it and absolutely enjoy it. I do most of my shopping at Wal Mart or Target, have bought clohting off of e-bay (and will do so again), and live in jeans (or khakis) and pullover t-shirts. When I lsiten to rock and roll, the most eclectic I do is Warren Zevon because he's paid his dues. I don't do music with a cause. I think the recent book title "Shut up and Sing" ought to engraved in bronze on the front door of ever recording studio on the planet. I don't do nuances when it comes to issues. I believe that there are a hell of a lot of things that ought to be boiled down to a "right or wrong" decision and using "shades of grey" is just a cop-out that lets someone avoid actually using their conscience. Boycotts? I'm for them - think they're a wonderful tool for a population to get their point across. I believe that it's fine and dandy for us to kick the dogwater out of a tyrant who slaughters and imprisons his people and that we ought to do it wherever we can. I love my country and believe with all my heart that the culture and government we've built here over more than 200 hard years is the finest ever invented and we ought to hold it as superior over any other that doesn't inherently pursue freedom and opportunit for every one of its citizens. I think it's fine ot call people unpatriotic if you believe that their beliefs put this country in danger. I think that a family ought to have a Mom, Dad and kids and it's what we ought to encourage, even if we allow folks to do other things as they choose them. I believe that kids ought to watch cartoons, be read to every night, enjoy unfettered summer days getting muddy, wet, and dirty. I believe sex is enjoyable and ought to be indulged in responsibly. I believe we have an obligation to preserve life wherever we can and that we ought to always give it the benefit of the doubt. It's a shame that kids aren't allowed to be kids nearly long enough. I think that love is a thing too often sold cheaply, not pursued when it's hard to do so, and taken for granted far too much. I am the exact opposite of those wonderfully uptown folks you see on "Sex and the City" or damn near most other TV shows today. I'm closer to the family on "Reba" than I am anything else. I'm definitely not hip or cool and I"m finding that I'm pretty okay with that. :)

	2003.09.06  14.48 Nothing to See Here. Really. I don't have anything important to say today. I just don't want folks to think I've gone on to Blurty Purgatory or anything. Choirs started this week - both of them, and a sectional rehearsal. I've been busy and tired and a bit lonesome. I'd love a warm hug. I need a long neckrub in the worst way. I have music I need to write and no time right now to write a single note. I'm excited but weary and sort of overall blah (yeah, I know. It's an odd combination of feelings). On the other hand, the choral CD is out and I need to get word out that it can be bought (10 bucks - a bargain!). Mood: blah Music: "Blah Blah Blah" - Rockapella

	2003.08.31  04.21 Personal Revelations It's amazing to me at times how when a person uses their own experiences to help frame a point, it becomes fodder for the chowderheads to bash them. I had one of those experiences myself the other evening. I posted a rather long rant, prompted by the release of the Port Authority tapes, about the sympathy and pride I feel for the dispatchers heard on those tapes. I used my own experience on the job to talk about the kind of things that these folks go through every single day. More importantly, though, I said that even given my experience I could not fathom what those people went through that day. Even doing the job as long as I have, there's nothing that could prepare me for the worst nightmare a dispatcher could experience happen 37-fold all at once. Of course, this was turned by my chief chowderhead into how I was using the occasion to garner sympathy. He, of course, failed to note where I had actually asked for a himt of sympathy or did anything but praise those dispatchers. He faied to do these things because he is, at heart, a true idiot. I had the pleasure of pegging him as a troll early on in his posting career and he's never lived it down. Perhaps a revival of that thread might be in order. ;) Mood: aggravated

	2003.08.27  10.44 Conservatives Meet Strong Bad. Okay, for those of you living under the proverbial internet rock, Strong Bad is the brainchild of the two guys who run this cool site, home of perhaps the funniest and hippest animation on the Web. My personal favorite is the Strong Bad e-mail featuring Trogdor the Burninator (Burninate the Countryside!!). But now Strong Bad has appeared in one of the most unusual places, National Review! See the article here. Mood: Burninating the Countryside! Music: Normal Blake - "You Are My Sunshine"

	2003.08.27  00.05 Yet Another Monumental Poet This time, it's T.S. Eliot. If you haven't read Eliot, you should. Two of his works, "The Love Song of J. Alfred Profrock"and "The Waste Land", stand among the most evocative poems of the 20th Century. Eliot was the master of the long form of poetry and mixed language such as French and Latin with English to provide what I've always considered a muddling yet quasi-mystical feel. His use of mythological and legendary references in his longer works gives them an epic quality similar to that found in "Beowulf" and Robert Browning's "Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came" (which first line is perhaps the greatest first line of any poem ever written). There is an annotated and hyperlinked version of "The Waste Land here. I recommend that at some point you spend time with this last link.

	2003.08.26  12.44 DVD Heaven Today! Yes, folks, today is the day my Geek Flag flies higher than most other days. Today is the release date for Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers and the Double Super Secret Probation Edition of Animal House on DVD. And I'll have both of them waiting for me when I get home. Oooooohhhhh....life is sooooooo sweeeeet . Mood: giddy Music: "Shout" - The Isley Brothers

	2003.08.25  23.29 On the Alabama Froofarah. There's a pretty insightful and candid commentary right here. I think it's worth reading and I'm interested in any comments.

	2003.08.22  18.46 What I Like About Women In response to a recent friend's Blurty where she told us all what she liked about men (and it was a hell of a good list), I'm going to tell you all what I like most about women. Feel free to comment - add your likes about women, and women, feel free to tell us here what you like about men! I like it when a woman lets me do the dirty work and then tells me that I did a good job. It's even better when she gives me a kiss from a safe "I adore you but I don't want to get all smutty right now" kiss. I like it best when a woman watches me do the work with some amount of admiration. I like it when a woman takes my arm when I offer it to her on an icy parking lot without asking what I'm doing. I like it when a woman gets all dressed up just because she wants to look her best when she goes out with me. I like that she is careful of my reputation and wouldn't do anything to harm it consciously. I like it when a woman feels comfortable enough with me just to reach over and put her hand on my leg, just to let me know she's there. I like that best when I'm in another conversation and she comes up next to me and, without saying a word, puts her arm around my waist. I like how a woman feels when she melts herself into my hug. I like the curve of a woman's neck, especially that part right at the junction of the neck. I like the laughter of surprise and delight a woman gives when you do a small thing just to make her happy. It's the sheer delight in her exclamation that makes me feel somehow more real and significant. I like how, by doing small little things, a woman can make me feel stronger and more manly. I like it when a woman expects that I will open the door for her, carry her heavy packages, and act like a gentleman, but never takes any of it for granted. I like it when I kiss right below a woman's ear and can hear her satisfied sigh in my own. I like the little whimper a woman maks when you touch her just so in the right place. I like the faint little velvety wisps of hair on a woman's arms or stomach. I like it when I am the one to whom a woman comes when she wants to enjoy herself in ways innocent and not-so-innocent. That's not a bad partial list. I'm sure I'll be coming up with more. But why don't you share some of your likes?

	2003.08.21  10.44 Dem Higly-Confusing Ol' Paperwork Blues Here's a good reason not to ever work for a State Government. A couple of weeks ago I went to a four-day training class. My working hours went from 6:30 AM to 7 PM two of the days (12.5 hours) and until 6 PM on the other two days (11.5 hours).Overtime was involved each day. That last part is really important here. I initially filled in my time sheet, and dutifully submitted an expense voucher for my lunches each day (less than 7 dollars per meal). My boss then brought both back to me and told me I had done them wrong. Apparently, since my instructor had given us a 1-hour lunch break (30 minutes more than the state normally allows), I had to separate that out because I wasn't going to get paid for it. I made the argument that during that hour I wasn't free to do what I wished and was still acting as a representative of the state, but that made no difference. Okay, so that whittles my workdays down to two 11.5s and two 10.5s. I wasn't really happy about that, especially since one of the days I was going to get a couple beers at lunch but was told that I could not because I was still on state time. This I do not understand, but I've been around log enough to know that most state rules are meant to be obeyed, and not examined too closely. They tend to fall apart under close scrutiny. The lunch issue wasn't a huge deal. I could almost expect that to happen. The lunch expense issue was the most boggling. Apparently, I could not claim my lunch expenses. But, I told him, I had eaten lunch and everything. I had receipts. I had emmitted solid waste as a result of lunch. No, said he, you didn't eat a State Approved lunch and so you couldn't claim lunch. But you could claim dinner. Wait. Dinner? I didn't eat dinner and what's this jazz about a state approved lunch? So here we go. There's a rule that says that breakfast and lunch is considered together and that you can't claim them unless you begin working 2 hours before your shift would normally start (mine normally started at 8 AM). You claim dinner when your shift ends two hours or more after your normal ending time (mine is 4 PM). My day started those four days less than those two hours before my normal starting time so, no lunch, receipts be damned. But, frabjous day! I could - nay, HAD to - claim my dinner allotment whether I actually ate it or not. So instead of 7 dollars each day, they'd have to pay me 21. Confused yet? I was. I still am. In the end, I don't get paid for an hour I actually worked nor do I get paid for the meals I ate. But I'm going to get paid for the meals I didn't eat. Remember I mentioned earlier that overtime was important here? The reason they cut that lunch hour from my time was to save that hour of overtime each day. Here's the kicker, though. By denying my lunch expenses and putting through my dinner "expenses", they're going to end up paying me more money (once taxes are figured into the equation) than they would have had they just signed off on the way I had done it the first time!

	2003.08.20  18.36 Today I Rocked!! (Yep, I posted this elsewhere, but dammit, I want to remember this day! I had my "A" Game today!) We got a visit today from the Secretary of the Department for which I work. It was one of those "meet the people not at HQ and hear what they have to say". The Superintendent of my Agency came along, too, along with a couple Deputy Secretaries, and three or four ther High Muckity Mucks in the Department. They were, I thought, supposed to come in, meet me, look around my office, ask a couple easy questions, and see the rest of the place. That's not how it turned out, though. I ended up giving a 15-minute impromptu presentation on the communications systems in my region and handling a few questions from the 9 person entourage. I certainly wasn't expecting it. It started after I had to handle a couple radio communications which were a lot more complex than they needed to be because of the problems with our system. When I turned around to talk to them again, I saw seven very confused faces, and two faces who knew what had happened and which were telling me, "Go ahead and tell them what just happened". So I did. We got into some of the critical problems we were having, my experience and expertise, some technical stuff, manpower issues, and there were even a few photos taken. But from the look from my Lt and the Superintendent, I did pretty well. I thought I knocked it right out of the park. One of the entourage came back and introduced himself. He is the man in our Department whose job it is to secure funding for all the projects we have in the pipeline that we can't get funded on our budget. He searches out grants, in-kind trades, and things of that sort. He liked my enthusiasm and how I explained things and asked if he could call me if he needed help on field communications in his office. Of course I agreed. Sure, in the scheme of things it was minor. But I managed to make a good imporession on some bigwigs and Damn, I rocked!

	2003.08.19  20.19 Small Ode to a Good Person This one's to one of my fellow blurty commenters (who, by the way, has yet to comment on one of my blurts) who I consider one of the purely nicest and most guileless people I've ever seen. Juicylips, you're a good lady. You've a solid heart and you don't mind sharing your care freely with those who need some gentility in their lives. I find that admirable in the extreme. Just a note for a person I don't much know, but admire.

	2003.08.19  17.36 Friends in Pain I don't have many people I truly consider friends. Sure, I have a bunch of people with whom I'm friendly, but less than a handful for whom I would do anything I could to help them. Lately, though, three of those people have been going through some rugged times. None of it really's been avoidable and when I think about it, I know that all that stuff is normal and part of life and all that crap. Even so, it bothers me. I am their friend. I want to help. More importantly, I believe that as their friends I ought to be able to help. Unfortunately I can. The situations are such that there really isn't a damned thing I can do to make their situations better. I listen when they want to talk. I make myself available for rant sessions and once in a while they come. But as for tagible help, bupkus. I feel like a bad friend or just not a very valuable one. I feel useless in the situation and that galls me.

	2003.08.14  02.11 Here's where I post the Funniest Joke I've Ever Heard! I heard a couple months ago about these two cows that were standing out in a field in Canada. One of the cows turns to the other one and says, "Have you heard about this whole Mad Cow disease problem? One day we're fine, chewing our cud and mooring and then - BAM!! - we're nuts! Ever since I heard about this I haven't been able to eat or sleep. I can't give good milk. I feel completely tense and at wits end. then I look at you. You're so calm and composed. Nothing about this seems to bother you. What's your secret?" The second cow is quiet for a moment then turns to the first cow and says, "What do I care? I'm a helicopter!"

	2003.08.14  01.58 Look! I'm a Helper! Most of my life I've been a Helper. It's translated through my personal life my professional life and even my social life. When there's a problem, when there's something that needs to be done, I'll be there Helping. I'd honestly like to say that there's a purpose to this, or some reason, but there isn't. Well, that's not entirely true. Sometimes there is. Sometimes I'll jump in front of the bus because I think either that I need to or because I'm the best person in the situation to help out. But there are a lot of times when I don't intend on Helping. I just want to sit back and let someone else do it. It never lasts. Eventually, I'll be there doing whatever I can to make things better. So why am I biitching about it, especially since I volunteered to take on a rather big responsibility in the Helping category at work (more on that later)? I'm bitching because during my four days I spent in training learning about these Critical Incident Stress Teams, I've realized that many of the trouble signs I need to look for in others I can see clearly in myself. I realize that I've spent an awful lot of years helping take care of other people and little to no time taking care of myself. The problems have been there and I've not seen them, probably because I've been too damned busy doing other things. My question, though, is who helps take care of me?

	2003.08.12  06.21 Monday Quotes on Tuesday! Yes, it's that little bit of Monday Goodness, one whole day later! I'm going to theme my quotes like the luscious and unattainable Muffin has done. This week, Homer Simpson! 1) "Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers." 2) "I bet Einstein turned himself all sorts of colors before he invented the light bulb." 3) "Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so that it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use." 4) "Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button." 5) "Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing." 6) "I've always wondered if there was a god. And now I know there is -- and it's me." 7) "Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel." 8) "Look, all I'm saying is, if these big stars didn't want people going through their garbage and saying they're gay, then they shouldn't have tried to express themselves creatively." 9) "When will you people learn? In America we stopped using corporal punishment and things have never been better. The streets are safe, old people strut confidently trough the darkest alleys and the weak and nerdy are admired for their computer programming abilities. So, like us, let your children run wild and free, for as the Bible tells us, 'Let your children run wild and free'." 10) "We can outsmart those dolphins! Don't forget -- we invented computers, leg warmers, bendy straws, peel-and-eat shrimp, the glory hole, AND the pudding cup!"

	2003.08.10  00.24 Jim's Mini News Teases 1) I'm going to be a Crisis Incident Peer Counselor! 2) I have a legit shot at becoming a certified instructor for my agency. 3) I've quit smoking. 4) I'm considering taking up Aikido again. More news on these later, as time allows. I'm more than happy to expand on anything here, if you have questions (Please have questions. Otherwise I'm going to drone on and on and on needlessly).

	2003.08.07  20.33 Inconsistent Episcopalians First off I want to note that I am not Episcopalian. I was raised Baptist and most closely identify with that religion. I have not practiced my religion in several years. However, I maintain a closely held set of personal religious beliefs and I work on increasing my own faith and knowledge every day. Having said that, I will never look at the Episcopalian Church (EC) again with any measure of respect. They have, in my opinion, sold out to a false idea of diversity and the siren song of increased church membership at the cost of their integrity. They have lost their ability to speak with authority on religious matters in particular or moral matters in general. But their loss has nothing to do with whether or not homosexuality is a sin. It is a firm matter of EC Doctrine that both homosexuality and having sex out of wedlock are sins. It is also a firm matter of EC Doctrine that in order to be a good Christian, one must honestly repent of their sin and (among other things) earnestly seek not to commit that sin again. In fact, the second part of that is essential to the forgiveness of sins. Repentance does not exist without an earnest attempt not to commit the sin for which you've repented. Yet, last night, the EC named a man who is publicly homosexual and who publicly lives in a homosexual relationship as a Bishop. He is clearly violating both of those Doctrines but, despite that, the Episcopal Convention elevated him to the position of Bishop, a very high position in the EC. I can not understand why they would willfully dismiss his continuing violation of those laws yet name this man good and moral and an example to Episcopals everywhere. How can he be good and moral is he clearly violates those laws? Simply put, he can not. He is neither good nor moral by definition, any more than a man who is a publicly-known thief. The arguments I have read which point to his appointment make no note of these points and act as if they do not exist. Instead, they talk about what a good thing it is to openly embrace homosexuals as church members in good standing. Again, though, according to church law, they are not. They can not be as long as those laws stand. I'm not arguing one way or the other on the moral status of homosexuality. For the purposes of this debate, the moral discussion is irrelevant. The EC would have kept some semblance of moral integrity if they had changed the Doctrines in question so that Robinson's behavior was no longer sinful. That debate would have been robust and, I believe, would ahve resulted in the removal of those laws - or at least to their dimishment from the realm of Doctrine. But that's not what they did. They ignored their own law. How, then, can they speak with any authority on any other point of Doctrine? If a member may be a good member of the church and violate these rules, how can any other member be held to account for any other point of Doctrine. As I see it, they can't. The EC has invalidated the entire body of Doctrine in their church in one fell swoop. That's going to cost them greatly.

	2003.08.06  00.44 How will we conquer space? This is a damned good start.

	2003.08.05  12.21 For those of you who Love the old, bad movies. Here are a couple list to make you smile. Of course, you bad movie fans out there will recognize these immediately. If you don't, you're not watching the good stuff! I mean, Beastmaster? Beastmaster 2? The Ice Pirates? Howard the Duck??? These, folks, are classics! The Top 100 things I'd do if I ever became an Evil Overlord The things I will do if I am ever the Hero

	2003.08.03  22.26 Here's a link I want to save. Because, you know, I might want some old music one day. Kazaa Light, sans popups.

	2003.08.03  22.19 Going to Wal Mart is Becoming an Increasingly Bad Idea First, I must note that a very good friend tells me that WalMart is "The Devil". I'm inclinced to agree, but at least The Devil sells stuff at great prices and when you're not rich, great prices are a good draw. But I dread going there because once inside, I find myself not in a store, but in Dante's Seventh Circle of Hell. Instead of being a humble lower-middle class shopper trying to find a few small items, I ahve been transformed into one of the Damned, shuffling along with my cart trying to squeeze down an aisle made far too small by an oversized mother and her three imps who have decided that 3/4 of the aisle is the appropriate amount of space for her cart. When that is not happening, the Imps of Hell, in the form of "shoppers" are trying to cripple me for life by crashing their carts into my achilles tendons or not apparently caring when their boulder of a son ( just as dense, but not as smart as one, anyhow) body-checks me into a DVD display. I was going to tell some detailed stories about my last ventures into the Seventh Circle of Hell the last couple days, but I decided not too. It's bad for my blood pressure. Suffice it to say that there is a certain politically protected segment of society about which I have a very bad image right now, and have ample reason for having it, too.

	2003.08.02  10.22 I'm calling this my favorite poem. Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll Carroll may be my favorite poet altogether but Langston Hughes runs a very close second.

	2003.08.02  09.48 Time for some Mindless Internet Fun! Here is a neat place to while away a little time. The Internet Anagram Server - Take your name, put it in there, and see what fun you get. Mine aren't all that much fun owing to too many "J"s. As you die-hard Scrabble and Literati well know, there aren't many truly cool words that use the letter "J". So it truly stinks to be a Junior. The good news is that if I try different languages, I'm one of the few people you know who could end up with the word "Hajj" as part of his name anagram. Mood: awake

	2003.07.30  19.26 I want to save this because, well, it's funny! I came across this on a pundit blog site. Good Reading. I just may buy the book from which this is excerpted.. ZEN JUDAISM Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And sit up straight. You'll never meet the Buddha with posture like that. There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that? The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish. Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish. The Buddha taught that one should practice loving kindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish? Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.