||silly quiet library talk...
So I've decided, almost for sure, that social work just isn't for me. I think all this time I tried to talk myself into because it seemed like the perfect helping profession... and, well, yes, social workers help people a whole hell of a lot... but it's not the job for me.
My mom said something to me awhile back that I'm finally starting to believe... If I'm happy with my job and my life, no matter what that job and life may be, then I'll be happier and more willing to help other people.
I'm not the activist type. And I also realized that every time I decide I'm going to do some community service, volunteer-type job that would be related to a career in social work... well, it initially sound appealing, but when the time rolls around to actually do that work, I lose interest. That's gotta tell me something there.
I look at my kid sister. Granted there are many personality traits that she posesses and I do not wish to have... well, she's a smart kid with a good life and a good future. She's happy with what she's doing with her time. She's pushing herself, even if it means not being perfect all the time. I need that.
I'm going to teach myself photography. That's one thing I've been interested in for quite awhile. I love making prints (although I've only done it once in high school) and love finding artistic angles on everyday things. I think it'd be awesome to be a photojournalist. Too bad my school has no program. I've got a couple of thoughts on that. I could transfer... although I'd already be at senior credit status by the time I could do that, so I might as well just finish up with what I'm doing here and start somewhere else, if needed. I could also take classes at a nearby community college and work to get my associate's while I'm finishing up my bachelor's. This option is sounding good. At the very least, I could take a couple classes and learn a little bit more... even if I end up going all the way through the program and don't end up doing that as a career... well, I've got a better handle on a hobby I already enjoy. Thirdly, and I could do this in conjunction or seperate from option number two... talk to the local paper(s) about what I could do to work/intern for them... or even local photography studios... or maybe see if I could shadow a photographer. That way I can get some first-hand experience.
I hope I'm not thinking about photography for the wrong reasons... I have a tendency into talking myself into liking something just for the sake of finding my career path. Last semester I had the mindset that I could do whatever I want until I get bored with it, and then move on. I'm starting to readapt that, and that's a good thing, I think. But I remember when I was in high school... there was this girl, she was going to be a premed major, and a month before graduation she decided she wanted to drop out of one of the best med school programs in the nation and go to the east coast to take a photography workshop. Her parents weren't exactly thrilled, to say the least. So after she went to this workshop, she got a full-time job, her own place, and started paying her way through CC, majoring in photography. I was so jealous... I wondered why I couldn't do something like that. At least I'd have the support (even if it was only feigned support) from my family.
I'm gonna give it a shot. Well, first I'm gonna pull out my mom's old 35MM and get a couple of books (Photography for Dummies, anyone?). Then I'm going to dedicate a bit of my day to this goal, every day (or every other day... whatever works best). I'm starting to get better at prioritizing my schedule, so I should be able do this.
Oh, couple of closing thought... 1, well, I talked to a friend from my study abroad. She's totally on the top of the world... making her way through networks and trying to find things to do after college... she's applying to the peace corps, talking to the mexican consolate for jobs, interning and working other jobs... training for a marathon. I think about what I've done since I got back... taking two classes, "working" temporarily for my dad (hopefully only till the end of this week), and backing out of a volunteer job. What a pathetic difference. I don't necessarily want what she has, but I want to be making better use of my time, and finding a goal. And if I don't have that goal yet... well, I at least want to find a journey (because that's really the important part). 2, this same friend of mine is thinking of doing a photodocumentary, and I totally might get to work on that with her! I'd absolutely love to do that! So hopefully that follow's through.
So I go off to class... then hopefully home to pull out the ol' camera.