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Friday, March 13th, 2009
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3:52 am - Moved.
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To all my dear friends who actually follow up on this blog.
Thank you for reading all these years. I really appreciate the care and concern, and all the comments posted (some were email-ed because some of you had difficulty doing it on blurty).
This is to inform all of you that I've moved. I'll no longer be using this blog but it will still remain here (for as long as blurty lasts).
The new blog address will not be posted here. Just drop me an email and I'll send the link to you.
Love,
Jas.
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| Tuesday, February 10th, 2009
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6:04 pm
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To be perfectly honest,
I have this fear at the back of my mind that blurty will close down and bring all of my memories along with it.
What a stupid fear. But yea.
Anyway I guess I might have to move somewhere else soon. One, so that I can rid myself of that stupid fear. And two, so that I can do more stuff on my blog. Blurty allows me to upload photos but it's not exactly user-friendly.
Party on sunday was nice, but.. stressful. BIG thankyou to clar for coming early to prepare and staying late to clear up. Love you girl - muack! Also, thanks to those who helped with the guests, drinks and photography =)
Still feeling kinda tired.
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| Thursday, January 29th, 2009
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12:43 pm
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Just got back to hall from biz comm class. For the first time since the sem started, I've got the whole afternoon to myself. I must admit that a part of me feels strange but, I think I need it.
Playing Craid David. It's been a while since I last listened to him.
To be honest, it's been a while since I last did something that I enjoy.
I don't know why I'm feeling so negative. Maybe I'm just too tired.
The match got postponed from last night to tonight. And for some reason, maybe because I couldn't make it for rehearsal, the full cast rehearsal for tonight got changed. So now I can go for the match tonight with no worries. God's good. And I finally got the full rehearsal schedule last night and none of my rehearsals fall on Monday, which means I can go for BSF. God's really good. Sometimes I just marvel at how wonderful He is. I don't even know why He did all that for me but He did.
I'm just really thankful for the fact that even though I seem to have lost hope in many things, I'm still able to desire more of God in my life. I've been so negative about things, especially from the last week or so.
I was talking to Dan that night on msn and he said something that's really making me think about what God wants me to focus on in this season and in this new semester.
Matthew 5 You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men.
I wonder if my negativity just stems from not wanting to break away from all that I've known and am familiar with.
And the question that has been on my mind ever since all that.. 'So, what now God?'
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| Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
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11:09 pm
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I love you Lord and I lift my voice
To worship you O my soul rejoice
Take joy my king in what you hear
May it be a sweet sweet sound in your ear
It's strange how people can just reappear in your life, especially when you least expect them to.
With school, basketball, birthday planning, cell meetings and rehearsals, my time has been spent keeping up with the schedule and getting enough rest. Having people from my past suddenly popping up certainly does not help in my sense of time and day. Sometimes I feel like I've lost a day, where the day just seemed to have gone without my knowing. And sometimes, I feel like the night seems to drag on with no end. At other times, I simply can't remember the date or which day of the week it is.
SECOND WEEK of school (18-24th Jan)
The first person to reappear came in the form of a phone call. Wensheng - He's one of the tallest in the TJ basketball team and he helped me a lot in my shooting. We were in contact again recently because he was going to take part in the 3-on-3. That night, he called me and we talked for more than an hour. I can't believe we had that much to talk about but the conversation actually lasted more than an hour, and we put down only because I was really sleepy and needed to sleep.
The second person to reappear came through a facebook message. Jit Siang - He's this cute guy from SA. We were from the same orientation group, Alesia if I didn't remember the name wrongly, but we never really talked or met anymore after orientation. My friend and I had codenames for him and his friend: Jam and Peanut Butter. But honestly, I can't remember who's supposed to be Jam and who's supposed to be Peanut Butter anymore, but I guess he's Jam since his name starts with J. We were in contact again recently as we starting writing on each other's walls but after that, he started texting me. Frankly I'm quite surprised that he remembers me, considering that we hardly even talked during my short stay at SA.
The third person who reappeared is arguably the most important person, not just among the three, but among the people I know. I suppose he needs no introduction nor description. Even so, I wouldn't know where to begin. Jon - He texted me and asked if I wanted to meet him. Due to my packed schedule, we finally met that night for a quick dinner. The events of the night are too much of a hassle to explain but what happened eventually gave me the closure I had been seeking these two years.
What followed the appearance of these three persons was the revelation of certain information through different people, all in the same week.
The extremely messed up relationship between the members of the basketball club exco. I sat down with Roger at the bus stop that day and he told me all that had happened and was happening. I finally saw the reasons behind all that I was seeing(or not seeing) at the courts every friday. Somehow, after knowing the truth, I'm not sure if I really wanted to know it anymore.
The feedback for cell. I was really hurt by the way the remarks were made. And really discouraged.
The incidents that happened to Wei Hao. It was a strong reminder once again that I shouldn't treat people based how I felt, and that I shouldn't judge them based on external appearances. The first time God taught me this lesson was when I met Jeremy at NM2219 tutorial..
As the week droned on, I really wondered why there was such a sudden onslaught of happenings. The two that had the biggest impact were undoubtly meeting Jon and getting feedback about cell. What with school and preparing for 3-on-3, there was so much to carry, so much to bear that by the end of the week, I had cried about 3 times. One thing I couldn't understand was why everything had to come together. Is there something to take away from all these? It's the third week of school now and still, I don't feel in sync with school. I feel like my heart's in a tumultuous state. It's different from being in a state of confusion and indecisiveness. It feels like it's been stirred up and it can't find peace...
Take joy my king in what you hear because nothing else matters except you.
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| Thursday, January 15th, 2009
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11:52 pm
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Honestly, this week is really a long week. I just realised this as I was wondering what day today was.. and I was like, it's only thursday?!
I'm tired.
Maybe because it's been such long days that the week seems long too..
Anyway I've been meeting the director/producer/and cast for the play these two nights. It's really interesting. It's my first doing any sort of stage work and with this play being directed and produced professionally, I think I'm more than blessed to have this opportunity to be working in it.
Daf came to NUS today :)
We had lunch at Macs, then went to buy her immunology books at the science co-op. It was a good thing that the place was in a good state. It was not even a quarter as bad as the central forum co-op. The central forum co-op is simply a state of chaos during the first two weeks of school every single semester. Then she came to visit my hall. We later left school to meet Clar at Jurong Point.
It's really nice seeing you girls today.
The three of us haven't met up like that in a long time.
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| Monday, January 12th, 2009
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9:02 am
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I never imagined I would have my own room in one of the halls on campus.
It just seemed like an impossible possibility.
Yet right now I'm sitting here, in my own hall room, typing this.
It feels kinda strange though.
As I walked towards my room just now after daddy alighted me (really early at 7am and class starts only at 10am), I wondered to myself how to use the washing machine. Thinking that I should go find out how to use one, I unloaded my (really heavy) bags in my room and went down to the first level. The washing room. There wasn't anyone there. There were just lots of clothes lying around in piles and in baskets, and some still tumbling round and round. I tried to find some instructions on how to use the washing machine but there were none. Should the washing powder go in the middle column or the right column? Which knob is the one to control the temperature of the water? I really didn't know. Besides the washing machines, there were dryers too. Feeling that these machines are making me feel really small, I left the room.
That was an hour and a half ago. When the hallways were still a dead silence. I hear some girly squeals outside my room now, I guess people must be getting up.
I've started a photoblog. It has one photo.
I've got to get going. I need to return the master card for my room and get my own matric card coded. Careless me forgot to bring her matric card when I checked in on friday. And my first class is at Biz. I've never been inside Biz save for its canteen so I need some time to go navigate my way to the class. But I've already found out the unit number so it should be easier.
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| Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
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11:25 pm - It's the new year and new academic semester.
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And in two days time, I'm moving into hall. Well I'm not moving in like, I'm actually gonna stay there day and night, but just whenever there are rehearsals and perhaps, during IHG. Did I mention that I'm so glad I kept it from Weicheng for a whole month till I met up with him on Monday? His reaction was SO worth the effort. Haha..
Shearite.
I'm gonna have to get used to it.
It's the new year now - HELLO 2009 :) hehe don't I sound absolutely hyped up! But oh well sometimes I wonder if I'm truly thankful for what God has given to me. And I thought what Suanne shared during last night's bbq was really useful, especially in this season when friends are flying off for exchange and comparing CAPs...
The NUS people came over for a bbq at my poolside last night and we had this mini sharing session after all the food was gone and people were just settling down comfortably around the table. Suanne talked about this passage which spoke to her as she was thinking about her grades. It's about a conversation that Peter had with Jesus.
Jesus said to Peter, "Follow me." And Peter turned and saw John, the disciple whom Jesus loved. He asked, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered him, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."
Suanne explained, "It was like God was telling me, If I want to give others good grades, what is that to you? You must follow me. And I realised, yes, if God gives other people good results and good grades, what is that to me? Why do I compare with others? I follow him."
That really hit me.
I must have read this conversation between Peter and Jesus a couple of times before but I've never seen it in this manner. And I thought it was really timely how God used it to remind me of his truths in my life because for the past few days, I've been wondering if I'm genuinely thankful for my grades and for not going on exchange, or was I just living in self-denial of the fact that I'm disappointed.
What is that to you? You follow me.
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| Friday, December 19th, 2008
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11:05 pm
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I get so caught up with doing things that I think I'm beginning to feel very VERY tired...
Anyway it's zhiqiang's birthday today and I went ice skating with him. After not skating for more than half a year, it feels kinda strange being on ice again. But it was worse feeling that just few months ago, I had been so much better.
I guess it happens.
I think I'm gonna have to get used to feeling this way especially since I'm starting training for basketball again.
Just thinking about the first few months of next year.
Leading a cell's not gonna be easy.
Plus rehearsals for the play.
And trainings.
And of course, how could I forget. My studies.
Really, I shouldn't be worrying about tomorrow. But I just can't help but think about it.
It's christmas in six days. Honestly, I don't feel very christmasy this year.
And know what, the only time I've gone shopping ever since the exams ended was two days back together with clar. I was looking for a dress to wear to the dinner and dance. It's at shangri-la so I couldn't possibly wear any old thing and really, it's my dad's company dnd so I'm like, my dad's companion. Had some trouble getting a dress because of my sunburnt skin, which is considered already looking very good in comparison to the past week. Lesson learnt the hard way. I'm bringing sunblock everytime I go to the beach now.
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| Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008
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5:26 pm
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Okay guess what. I have two papers tomorrow and I just spent the whole of the last three hours reading my past journal entries here.
What have I done! I can't believe it...
You know, it's like how people spend half a day facebook-ing and then freaking out when they realised that 6 hours have passed? But well, it was kind of nice going down memory lane even though it isn't the best time to do it because I'm supposed to be preparing for my papers tomorrow. I read my first entry, then my second and subsequently I covered every entry from 2003 till 2006! That was 4 years worth of thoughts, whining, nonsense, squabbling and the like commonly found in the blogs of angsty and supposedly trouble-filled lives of teenagers. Then I decided I had to stop this little memory trip and leave the rest till after the exams, lest I spend another 2 hours here. So as I was going through each entry, reading what I had written at that point in time and the comments of those who had left some sort of a footprint in these entries, I started to compare the person I was then and the person I am now. But more than that, what made me smile, at times woefully, as I read each entry was not because I think I'm more mature and grown up now, but merely because of the things themselves that happened. Many times I know I could have done something differently, or handled the situation better, or be clearer about what I wanted and if I had been been able to see these things in the light that I see them now, there are many things I would have done or would not have done. Still, I think these things that happened can be in a sense, considered my own life story, and if any of it were changed, even for the better, it wouldn't have been me anymore. People say that when you love someone, you love him for all his strengths, weaknesses, flaws and goodness, you accept him and believe in him even if his history is less than satisfactory. I think to love oneself - for me to love myself, I have to do just that, to accept myself and believe in myself despite my less than glorious past. It's not a call for narcissism. It's a step of faith in God.
Well I know I'm not that old to have a complete life story, those few entries are only but four years, so it does seem a little strange to call them my life story but let it just be a figure of speech. I'm only 20, and there are so many things I wanna do :)
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3:56 pm - The Winner takes It all
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by ABBA
I don't wanna talk
About the things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory
That's her destiny
I was in your arms
Thinking I belonged there
I figured it made sense
Building me a fence
Building me a home
Thinking I'd be strong there
But I was a fool
Playing by the rules
The gods may throw the dice
Their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here
Loses someone dear
The winner takes it all
The loser has to fall
It's simple and it's plain
Why should I complain
But tell me does she kiss
Like I used to kiss you?
Does it feel the same
When she calls your name?
Somewhere deep inside
You must know I miss you
But what can I say
Rules must be obeyed
The judges will decide
The likes of me abide
Spectators of the show
Always staying low
The game is on again
A lover or a friend
A big thing or a small
The winner takes it all
I don't wanna talk
If it makes you feel sad
And I understand
You come to shake my hand
I apologize
If it makes you feel bad
Seeing me so tense
No self-confidence
But you see
The winner takes it all
The winner takes it all
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| Saturday, November 29th, 2008
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2:06 pm
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Two down, three more to go. Can't wait! =)
Oh. And guess what, zhiqiang cooked dinner yesterday. Hee.
I was doing something stupid again this morning. I wrote something. And I kept it. Thinking perhaps that there would really come a day when it would come in useful. Self-delusion? Euphemistically, it could be called optimism. Well, sometimes I really wonder if anything's real at all.
The bombings in mumbai have left me worrying. Because raymond's there. But at least he's safe in camp. And the airport's still open, unlike Thailand's.
I just have to remind myself constantly that when I can't trace God's hand, I'll only have to trust His heart.
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| Tuesday, November 25th, 2008
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5:37 pm
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It's my first paper tomorrow.. Realized that my papers actually do start pretty late, in comparison to the rest. Which explains why I have been able to still do a lot of stuff last week and not end up in a state of panic now.
Last friday I went to watch DAS EXPERIMENT: BLACK BOX at The Pavilion with Joel and Herng Liang, and it was a totally different experience of watching a performance. Besides the fact that it was so hard locating the venue... We're so familiar with movies, I could even tell you which floor the cinema is located in a mall. For one, it's different because it's a play and not a film. And second, its dark undertones made me feel rather unsettled after watching it. But overall, it's a 'different' experience in the good sense of the word. Enjoyed it! Will be back for more plays. Definitely after the exams the next time round. I'm not that bold to attempt another 'entertainment-for-stress-relief' endeavour. Heh. But truth be told, it does burn a tiny hole in one's pockets...
I'm looking forward to watching It's My Life. And yes, I'm going after my exams has ended. Haha. On the VERY day of my last two papers ;) A friend of mine is in it but that isn't the main reason for wanting to watch it. I guess I'm just hungry for an alternative form of entertainment after a whole semester of films, films and more films. Haha. I'm not very close to her but in a way, although she's not the kind of girl I strive to be, I really admire, and perhaps to a small extent, envy the way life has turned out for her. Maybe it's because I've always wanted to get married young, before I turn 25... Well, I don't mull over it, and even if I never get together with anyone again for the rest of my life, life is not going to be any less meaningful or fulfilling because I live not for myself or anyone else, I live for my almighty God :)
I was planning to take up electone lessons at Yamaha again, and join the newly started Grade 5 class in december. But with the upcoming state of events, it's gonna be impossible going back anytime soon... And if my SEP application gets approved, haha I can forget about electone class for another year.
Just wondering what God has up his sleeve this time...
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| Wednesday, November 19th, 2008
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11:57 pm
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| Thursday, November 13th, 2008
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12:08 am - Indescribable
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That's what my God is. Indescribable.
What happened the last few days showed me a side of NUS life that I would cherish for a long time to come. What I experienced was a privilege given, not a right nor is it earned. It made me realize the 'real-ness' of these people I've come to know and call my friends. This side of NUS that is so real, so human and tender that from that moment, NUS no longer held the image of being just a learning institution, but also a network of true friendship and individual identity. I stand convinced that what I bring away from tertiary education ultimately is not just a paper, but the relationships that were formed and developed over these few years.
This semester has been amazing.
I never expected anything to be different even when I decided on my 'mission' for this sem. And surprise, it was NOT to 'study hard and score well'. Well, it was something else - which I will not mention here :) but shall briefly explain.
The 'mission' came about after I figured that the past two sems were enough to tell me that doing well in school was not the only thing that God wanted for me here in NUS. Getting bad grades for my first two sems, despite studying, was more than enough to tell me that there was more to life than just studying. It was more than enough to tell me that there had to be something else to God's plan for putting me here in NUS. There had to be something more. Something which I had not been doing. And I had to find out what that something was. After some thinking and praying, I believed that the 'mission' was what God wanted me to do and focus on in this coming semester. Still, I wasn't exactly sure how but I was going to try it out and just put everything in His hands, for Him to lead and provide. As the weeks passed, He showed me little by little the things He wanted me to learn. By mid-sem I had experienced so many instances of His providence and love that I just grew hungrier for the lessons He wanted to teach me everyday. It's the last week of the semester now and all I can say is that, He's been truly amazing.
Abiding in the wisdom of the Lord really feels like foolishness sometimes, especially in the eyes of the world. As a student, studying hard and scoring well should be my top priorities, yet, in one semester, in 14 weeks, He proved to me that when I honour His real purpose for me, when I make His priority my priority, He provides all and everything that I need.
Thank you Father, the glory's all yours.
Indescribable by Chris Tomlin
From the highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation's revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to it's light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
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| Monday, November 3rd, 2008
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11:40 pm
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Fashion show on friday was awesome. It was truly an eye opening experience for me.. And it was REALLY an experience.
Well, I've lots more to say about it, there was so much but I'm just not exactly in the mood to talk about it now. I'm thinking about how, just 5 years ago, when I was still 15, it seemed perfectly normal to be sad and to cry yet at this moment in time, it doesnt seem normal to cry anymore. In fact, it seems like it's almost wrong to cry.
Anyway something (quite) funny happened today during the 10-min break I had during lecture. I was walking back to the LT myself, Jo and Char had gone off to buy food so I was alone, and as I pulled the door open to enter the LT, the whole handle came off... I was stunned. It's not a tiny door handle, it's those big vertical bar-like handle used for heavy doors. I stared incredulously at the handle and in a desperate attempt to fix things, I hurriedly placed the handle on the place where the screws and bolts are supposed to be but as we all know, that obviously wouldnt work, the handle wouldnt miraculously glue itself back to the door. So there I was, holding the handle in my hand, laughing nervously at myself because I couldnt believe I had found myself in such a position! And some girls sitting nearby were laughing. Yes, they were that loud for me to hear. But it was really very funny at that moment and I started laughing together with them. Haha.. I then asked if the handle was already spoilt before I was there but they didnt know anything so I left the handle at the side of the entrance, went into the LT (and pretended nothing happened), wondering to myself if there's any number I could call to report about the, err, accident.
Went to meet Clar after lecture today. A side note, lecture today was really interesting and it was refreshing watching so many short films that are of quality. Totally cool and I think they really reflect Singaporean issues in a very honest yet light-hearted manner. There are dark undertones to them but viewers don't really sense them unless they start examining the essence of the films. Different from Eric Khoo's. And definitely different from Jack Neo's. But then again, these are short films and cannot be compared by the same yardstick to feature films. As the films were being screened, I was particularly drawn to My Secret Heaven. Maybe I found the little girl really adorable, or that the style was to my preference, but there was this morbidness about the film that just kept me thinking about it. Kinda eerie just thinking about it now. Haha paranoia. Autograph Book brought back primary school memories and I was reminded of Constance and my years in Fengshan. The Call Home is something I felt that touches on an issue that Singaporeans tend to pretend that they arent bothered by but are. It offers a different perspective, one that most people wouldnt see, or refuse to acknowledge. Well, just my personal take. Birthday is quite a 'emo' show I felt, it wouldnt make one cry but it does stir up one's emotions and cause a slight restlessness in one's spirits. There were a number of clips from other short films being shown too..
Oh yea so anyway I was with clar at Parkway today. Eons since I last stepped into Parkway. And clar and I agreed - there was indeed a sense of nostalgia. We bought Andersons and sat down to talk. I miss sessions like this with her! Secondary school seems like a really long time ago...
The earrings daf made for her are so pretty that I requested for an exact pair to be made. Hee. Clar said we're gonna have sister earrings! Wait, was that the word she used? Sister? Okay I can't remember but it was something along that line.
Got to meet mel a short while yesterday too, while I was with Weicheng at Gloria Jeans. She came by on her way to Esplanade. Then I got to see daf again a short while in the night when she popped by the clinic to pass me clar's present and a drink from mr bean =)
Sigh i miss these dear girls so bad. Things seem better when they're around...
I know I have no reason to feel sad, what with so many other people in Singapore alone who have worse lives than me, but I just dont know how to grow up. If growing up entails being in control of one's emotions than I'm nowhere near.
Dr Goh's baby girl is so adorable. I got to carry her for a short while yesterday.
Babies.. Would I be condemed if I choose not to have children?
School's gonna be over in 2 weeks... And exams, on 3 dec. I realized there's a particular occupational hazard in studying phonetics and phonology - I'm beginning to transcript everything I hear into phonetic symbols.
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| Tuesday, October 28th, 2008
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2:44 pm
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I guess religion works both way. Either you stay piously devoted even in bad times or you trust the gods only in the good.
And I wonder to myself: Where does my relationship with God really stand?
It's so easy for me to stray when times are good. I had one of the most enjoyable and unforgettable weekends ever, yet one incident was enough to cause tremors in my walk with the one I love the most. People could be here one day and gone the next. They may never leave but they always never stay. Why do I find security in them when all I ever need is the One on high? Sometimes it seems like saying sorry is never enough when I keep repeating the same mistakes, falling into the same traps, and allowing the same strongholds in my life to remain.
Despite it being a long weekend due to deepavali, it literally flashed past, making everything seem almost surreal. Why is it so much easier for me to trust God when the days are long and the going is tough? Why do I let my guard down when I -think- that I've already overcome an obstacle? In this past weekend, I shopped for presents, went to a book sale, attended two birthday parties, strolled along east coast, caught two movies, attended church, had a 2hr project meeting and actually still had time to sleep 8 hours and do a little of my schoolwork. Amazing. What's wrong with that? I'm not thinking too much, I know something is wrong, and I hate it that I do not have the courage to face up to it.
I'm so insecure I can't trust anyone.
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| Tuesday, October 21st, 2008
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1:24 am - Nights in Rodanthe
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Amidst all my deadlines and tests, I went to watch Nights in Rodanthe today.
Pretty nice, with all that awesome scenery but I didn't like it when the guy died. I guess I kind of expected it, this being based on a Nicholas Sparks novel, and I didn't shed a single tear throughout the whole movie. I ought to deserve some reward for not crying in a sad romantic love story. Maybe I was angry at Sparks for letting the guy die. He really shouldn't have allowed the guy to die. I guess I was being too angry to feel sad. Then again, Amanda and I both felt that it wasn't exactly tear-jerky enough, although the ladies seated around us were all crying their eyes out. Interestingly, or maybe not, everyone else was with a partner of the opposite sex and Amanda and I were feeling like we intruded into something (haha oh well). So perhaps, it was just that the build-up to the climax was not strong enough to warrant an emotional outpouring. AND perhaps, this should be my last contact with anything-Nicholas Sparks until my exams are over.
It's obviously not a good sign when I'm bombarded with surprises and feeling confused about them. Add Sparks in and it's gonna just be a downward spiral. NOOooo...
So since God has given me the wisdom to know what's better, I should not pretend I do not know. And since God will strengthen me, I know I shall overcome.
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| Saturday, October 18th, 2008
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11:23 pm
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There are some days I feel tired and so un-loved but somehow God doesn't fail to show me how much I'm really loved and cared for.
The empty seat on the train on days I lack sleep.
The text message from Herng Liang from Taiwan.
The multiplied hours of restful sleep.
The yogurt bar from Wei Cheng.
The peace (which surpasses all understanding. haha)
The lunch dates.
The car ride to Vivo for a change in routine.
The individual text messages from my girl friends.
The beauty of His creation.
I'm simply amazed by His grace. For many reasons.
But particularly because I really didn't deserve that mark at all. It's not the highest in class, although it's close, but it's so clear in the way He tells me that "Hey look my daughter, I've got everything taken care of!"
He's teaching me in so many ways to see beyond my school work and projects; missed opportunities and sacrifices; family problems; and worldy standards.
I see my life.. being in eternity with Him.
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| Thursday, October 9th, 2008
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1:12 am
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I've been worrying a bit too much recently. And this is when Matthew 6:25 comes in. To be honest, it's quite funny to think of myself as flowers and birds. Maybe a flower isnt that hard, im jasmine after all =D HAHA
But looking at it again, I think that in God's universe (if you can actually fathom the vastness of it) if you compare the size of even the tallest human being with the size of a pea, there perhaps isnt a significant difference at all.
Well well, my hamster needs to go to the vet again. Poor boy.
There was a period of time when i wonder if God actually takes cares of my hamster. I know He does, but.. sometimes it's really hard to believe.
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| Monday, October 6th, 2008
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12:25 am
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I'm still thinking about something that happened a few days back. I felt bad about it but i didnt expect to STILL be feeling bad about it till now.
Here's what happened, briefly:
He offered to help me with something. I said its okay, i wanted to do it myself.
Two reasons: I didnt want to trouble him (although he's a friend and he's a really nice guy). And, I myself know that i can get quite anal(read: unreasonably fussy) about the way certain things should be done and i rather do it myself than end up having to accept something i dont like.
He allowed me to help myself, without me having to state the above two reasons, and he stood beside looking on as i fumbled with the task. Almost immediately he stepped in and started doing it his way. HIS way. All right, internally my pulse raced but thank goodness i appeared calm on the surface and, with a tinge of curiosity, asked him what he was doing. He went on to say that i should do this this this and that. So yeah, like that was really explaining so i got kinda irritated and told him that i didnt understand what he just did and that i will just continue with whatever i had already done. I dont know if my impatience showed through, but if it did, i must say that he was extremely patient with me because he tried to explain again. Eventually i did get most of what he said and he left me to finish up the task. As I stood there by myself doing the work, I thought back about what had just happened and I wondered to myself, "why was i so angry?". After all, he was merely trying to help. He could have not bothered at all. And here i was, not appreciative of his initiative. Well i did say thank you but on the inside, i was struggling with self control - and now, i feel really really bad.
It also makes me wonder what it means to love others.
I've been talking to God a lot about this these past few months.
How do i love others the way He loves them?
How do i love others the way He wants me to love them?
And i think i've got so so so much to learn. Every single day.
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