took my hand

[30 Apr 2003|08:20pm]
I haven't really come out of my shell like I promised myself I would. -threads my fingers through my hair and takes a sip of the beer in my hand, leaning back in my padio chair, looking out over the pool, moonlight reflecting off of it- Oh well, not like anyone really missed me anyways -laughs bitterly to myself I really should call my parents though, let them know Most Talented Kid is still going well, that no I haven't talked to Laura lately and as far as I know we are not together. It's sad some people cant get over things, they should just except the truth and move on. Why linger on a dream that's not going to happen or facts that aren't going to change?

[26 Apr 2003|11:36pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

I hadn't had a lot of time to myself over the last year, what with the 'Celebrity' tour and then my space expidition, I barly had time to catch my breath, let alone have time to contemplate what I wanted in life. So since the new year I've decided to have some more 'me' time. I've gotten massages, manicures (with the suggestion by C), and I even bought a journal. I figure right now I'm in my prime. I have money, single, and some-what famous. When I'm 60, balding and sitting at home one day I want to be able to remember what I felt, thought...I want to capture every moment in a bottle and save it for a rainy day. As cliché as that sounds it's true.

I went and saw 'Phone Booth' the other day, I figured if Brit spent time with the guy he must be a pretty decent guy and spending 5 bucks to watch his movie would be a good idea. And it was. I honestly enjoyed the movie. It had a good unlining message that you should be honest to everyone, the karma is a bitch and wll catch up to you in the end,...and don't use phonebooths in the tricountry area. See? Happy go-lucky movie huh? Yeah...right up there with 'The Rugrats in Paris'.

It was a pretty nice day today for like 3 hours (9am-12pm). I sat out in my hotel balcony and read the paper. It was very nice. It was one of those moments that you just breath in and exhale, smiling and loving life...then it started pouring cats and dogs so I had to go back inside. It was a shame since I planned on going to the beach today and tan my Missiaaippi-albino ass.

I saw J on T.V the other night. He and Chrissy were promoting their tour on Access Hollywood. I should call J, haven't phoned him in a while...though by what I've head he's had enough phone calls (Java Joel interview). Poor guy, that DJ had no right to ask the type of things he did and I have to give J props for just calling him a bitch. The damned mother fucker...

I saw Josh on T.V. I watch too much television don't I? Anyways, he looked good, he didn't cut his hair like it was rumored he had. The trucker hat he wears amuses me to no end for some reason...he should wear the Pac Man one more often, that hat kicked ass. I should give him a call to see how the albums going, make sure he's sleeping enough and such. "Mother Hen" him.

It's my Brithday next a week from tomorrow. I haven't decided what I want to do yet. Maybe I'll just fly back home and hang out with Mamma and Dad. I'd get to see my little neice and all. She's growing so fast it's amazing...speaking of babies I can't believe Bri's so big. She can walk, talk and everything. It's so...mind blowing. Seeing the girls grow makes me want to have kids. Settle down. Find "the one" and start a family with them.

It would be weird to go home though. Ever since I came out, my parents have been a little distance from me, which is devistating, but at least they didn't disown me for liking guys and girls. When I told Stace and Ford, Ford started like backing away from me, I was like 'dude I'm not going to hit on you, come on.' It was...dissappoiting but oh well. The responce didn't really motovate me to want to tell the guys, but I know I should, hey maybe I'd get a bus to myself if they all freaked on me. That would be a perk...but eventually I'd miss Justin and Chris waking me up at 4 in the morning running down the isle, hitting each other with pillows. I'd get lonely by myself for too long...kinda like I am now...

2 light my|flame

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