Blurty for James Tan.
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| Friday, August 15th, 2003 |
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1.Today I was going to call up KLUE, the magazine I freelance for, and remind them that I'm back and ask if they had any assignments for me. Before I could do that, they called me and asked me if I was free to shoot for a food review tonight. Naturally, I said yes. 2. I saw an ad on a forum for a videographer/editor. I sent an e-mail detailing my studies, awards, and experience pertaining to this field. Apparently, it was impressive, and I received a call. He found out I was a photographer as well, and a potential long-term relationship has just begun. He is also a photographer, and every now and then he needs a second photographer/videographer/editor for a shoot. We meet tomorrow for him to view my portfolio. I pray that my work will impress. 3. I called up the person working at the newspaper, The Star, who asked me to write for the Youth section before. I told him that I'm interested and would like to meet to discuss further. He said that there was no need to meet. He asked me propose some ideas for articles, and once approved by him, I could go ahead and write them. It's amazing the freedom that I've been given creatively. These 3 blessings pertaining to my career all happened today. I truly feel watched after. Thank you my father in heaven. Thank you for watching over me and taking care of me. It is true that when I have you, I never have to worry about tomorrow. Thank you. |
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| Tuesday, August 12th, 2003 |
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I got a call today. The company that I was suppose to shoot their outing for has decided to hire a different photographer. They wanted someone with more experience. I don't blame them. God may not have given me a job afterall, but he has given me something more... hope. |
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| Sunday, August 10th, 2003 |
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I was feeling worried & anxious about the future and the stability of my job. So I poured out my heart and asked God to take care of me and provide me with more jobs... a few days later, someone called and asked me to be the photographer for their company outing! It's a great comfort! This will help me pay the bills! Praise God from whom all blessings flow! |
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| Monday, August 4th, 2003 |
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Earlier in the afternoon I took the LRT to Suria KLCC to catch a movie with my brother, cousin, and their friends. While on it I noticed a man next to me holding his baby son. He had a slight frown on his face and he just looked bored. His son was fidgetting about. I had the feeling to just talk to him and tell him that his kid was cute. But I was shy. I thought that if I said something nice about his kid, he might appreciate him more. I thought I could make a positive change. But I was shy. Before I could argue with myself any further, I found my fingers tapping the man on the shoulder. I asked him the name of the kid and told him the kid was cute. We had a conversation after that. It's not that I can remember what we talked about, or even the baby's name, but I know that because of my little gesture, I created a smile. He was happier. He played with his kid. And that was enough. |
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| Tuesday, July 8th, 2003 |
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I got a call this morning from the college I graduated from. They wanted me to come back and tutor some flim&TV modules. I was surprised and humoured by the invitation. I never would have thought that they would want me back there. The pay seems alright, but it will definitely alter my plan of being a freelance photographer. Of course I could still shoot during the night, but my days will be taken up. I really don't know what to do, and I have to give an answer by tomorrow. This year, life has thrown me many surprises. This is just one more. So help me. A stable income vs my dream of being a freelance photographer. |
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| Thursday, July 3rd, 2003 |
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| I found out that many of my photos from the last photoshoot didn't turn out well. It felt like shit. I was so uncomfortable, so frustrated, so disappointed, so embarassed. It felt like the end of the road for my career as a photographer. And yet at the same time I didn't want to give up. This hard blow took away a lot of that lovey-dovey feeling I had for photography, but it was reality. I'm inexperienced and slip-ups were bound to happen. I'm glad it happened sooner than later. Slip-ups lead to lessons, and this student is willing to learn. | ||||
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| Wednesday, July 2nd, 2003 |
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If I could only pick one state in Malaysia to travel extensively in, it'd be Sabah. The wildlife was amazing. Nature was pristine. The variety of scenery was abundant. Oh, the sunsets were georgeous as well. I was totally mesmerized by the whole experience. I actually climbed Mount Kinabalu, the highest mountain in the world without snow. When I think about it, I still can't believe that I actually made it. It was one of the most treacherous, no, it was THE most treacherous moment in my life. I was slow. Very slow. It took me 6 hours to reach the 6km mark where we would rest for the night. Most people take 3-4 hours. I was aching and pale. I owe my life to my guide. His packet of biscuits saved my life. The next morning, I started off earlier a bit. 2:45am. The guide knew I was slow. Even then I didn't make it to the peak in time for the sunrise. But I had a good view of it from where I was. I almost didn't make it to the peak. My determination was almost nil. I was exhausted. But I finally decided to just do it. It was just so I could say I did. The Kinabatangan river was another great location. We went on 2 river cruises. One during the day and one at night. We saw a vaiety of monkeys and birds. And at night we spotted a baby crocodile. I love cruising down the river. It's relaxing in a special way. Visit Borneo when you can. It's almost Eden. |
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One of the first things I did when I came back from Borneo was to head to the newsstands and browse through the latest copy of KLUE. The anticipation was killing me. Flipping through a magazine never took longer. And then I found the page. And there they were. Four glorious photographs. My babies in print for the first time. Bliss... Looking through it later again I realised that they used one of my photographs as the main pic for the 'Aroundtown' section of the magazine. Bliss... |
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| Saturday, June 7th, 2003 |
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It's been a whole week of pleasant surprises. Here's one more... It's 3:26am and I have to wake up at 6:30am to catch a flight to East Malaysia. So what am I doing awake? Well, I received an e-mail that told me that my photos on my lomohome (www.lomohomes.com/Jamban) have been selected to appear in a top German photography magazine (www.fotomagazin.de). I couldn't believe my eyes. So I just finished scanning the photos and am sending them through e-mail now. "...it would be a honor for us, if you would be this face of lomography this time." - an excerpt from the e-mail I received. Below is the unabridged version of the e-mail. hi mr. Jamban my name is docflaps and i work at the lomographic society int. in vienna as the head of the web_department. just got a phonecall from a guy working for one of the most important fotomagazins in germany (www.fotomagazin.de). he wants to write an artikel about the lomohome movement and asked me for my favorite lomohomes. of course i instanteneously had to think about your masterpiece. if you would like your beautiful lomohome to appear in this articel we would need the pictures of your lomohome-wall as high resolution scans (300dpi). would this be possible??? the files will of course only be used for this article. we do not get any money from this magazine, so the whole thing is just to show the strenghts of the lomohomes as colorful as possible. it would be a honor for us, if you would be this face of lomography this time please tell me what you think thx doc docflaps * * *** ________ * _| .| ,---. |:| .| 0/0 ? \| .| ,==|D_|\===, |________| '| : =x= \ __|___|__ __/_|___:____|/ |
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| Friday, June 6th, 2003 |
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I got back some photos from my first photography gig at Rap Fest yesterday. I was half disappointed and half surprised. I knew immediately that my lack of experience had bitten me hard at the ankles. Some exposures were too long. I didn't deal well with the bright spotlights and the darkness out of the light. And yet there were some that were very interesting. I've been worried what the photos back at the magazine would look like. I was thinking that they'd be thinking, "Oh my goodness... these photos are crap! We can't use them." "I can't believe this amateur would even dare to apply for the job in the first place!" "We're never gonna call him again." Well I got a call from them just an hour ago. They said the photos turned out fine, and that they'd be using them. I was asked to meet them again to discuss the terms and agreements. The verdict is in: Pass. |
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| Just had one last dessert with Billy & Kaye, a couple from the UK, whom I met while travelling in Cherating. One of the things they said that left a lasting impression in my mind is, "KL wouldn't have been the same without you. In fact, if it wasn't for you, we'd have left KL much sooner." And I realised something. Even though the time we've spent getting to know each other was short, the friendship was real. Very real. I consider them friends. And I believe they call me 'friend' as well. | ||||
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| Thursday, June 5th, 2003 |
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I just had lunch and a great conversation with my pastor, Sivin Kit. We talked about history, the present and the future. We talked about cutting edge ideas that the church never spoke of before. Now the challenge is to materailize these dreams. I also confirmed another trip. It seems this year will see me travelling... and travelling... and travelling... More surprises and new plans seem to spring up my way when I least expect it. Life itself is a journey with wonderful surprises. This new journey will commence in July and will take me to Canada for 3 weeks! The Lutheran World Federation is having some sort of convention and I will be the sole Malaysian sent there. It's a priviledge. Someone pulled out, and I got in. Surprise... |
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| Wednesday, June 4th, 2003 |
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"Sometimes the best thing any of us can do, Christian or not, is to think through what it is we ACTUALLY, REALLY believe about God and where we are in regard to issues of “control”. Sit down and think about it some day…" ~ Todd Hunter It's so true what Todd Hunter said. And it's something many Christians live their whole lives without thinking about... what they actually, really believe about God. I'm glad that I've had time in solitude to think about that. Even before this trip I've always thought about it. I can't just believe in a god that I don't know. 2 weeks ago when the replacement speaker asked who believes that God changes. I was the only one who put up my hand. Controversial? Yes. If we say that God does change his mind, many will say, "How can you say that? God is perfect!" Yeah, agreed. But does perfection mean that you don't change your mind? Or does perfection mean that you are humble enough to consider others' pleas and change your mind? |
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| We sometimes act differently when we're with different people. And for most of us, it's not because we want to deceive, it's just because we react to different people differently. | ||||
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In response to sexyhottie's comment "I would love your life!!! I want to be a photoghper so bad! I'm going to school for it, but all the real experance I can get is buming around with friends. O-well, ONE DAY!": You know what? I've loved photography for as far as I can remember. In fact, when I was 4-5 years old, I took my dad's camera and photographed the Japanese calendar on my wall. Parents said it was a waste of film. I thought it was art. Well, what do I know... I'm just a kid. Then in later years all I used were compact cameras. Until February this year. I taught myself how to use an SLR in one day, and I've never looked back since. People question the photographs I take. "What's that?" "Why do you want to take a picture of a toilet?" "Why don't you take pictures of yourself when you're on holiday?" "Why is that blur?" Simple... because that's the way I want it. So go ahead and take every picture that you want to. Don't be conformed by what's in magazines. Be different. Take photos that will never be repeated again! Then ONE DAY will come sooner than you think it will. My mom said to me a few weeks ago that I spent too much money on my photography. And I told her that if I didn't, I wouldn't learn. And I told her that by the end of the year, I'd be a photographer. Who knew that it would come sooner? 4 months after I taught myself how to use the SLR, I am now a photographer. So who said dreams couldn't come true? One of the reasons my passion for photography grew even more: www.lomography.com And check out my photos: www.lomohomes.com/Jamban |
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Just got back from my first photo assignment. The New Straits Times wants my photos as well. Their photographer didn't turn up. Let's see how this develops. I'm having a headache. It's been a long time since I've volunteered to be in a room heavily clouded with cigarette smoke. This time the room was full of fake accents too. What is it with hip hop and the fake African-American accents? We are Malaysians after all. And that's not how we speak. They should take a hint from one of our funniest and best local Chinese singers, Aniu (don't know how to spell it). He sings funny songs and on one rare English song, he sings it like we speak it. Now that's keeping it real. In that song he questioned, "What is my culture?" A question not many urban Malaysians consider. The highlights of the event? B-Boys and grafitti. I love the intense colours that those aerosol spray cans spit out. And the breakdancers were on top of their game. They really can move in ways I could never have imagined. If I tried it, I know I'd dislocate my elbows and my hips. This was the first hip hop event I've attended. Maybe I'll go back for more. Hopefully the next time there'll be less fake accents and more breakdancing. |
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| Tuesday, June 3rd, 2003 |
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It's interesting that plans can change so suddenly... for whatever reason. For my solo travels around my own country, Malaysia, I had decided to forego East Malaysia, which requires me to fly across. But a dear friend of mine recently (and finally!) managed to secure a new job and escape the tyranny of the previous boss, and I was encouraging him to go for a holiday. He deserved one. I thought we'd go to Taman Negara, the national park in the state next to our's. But he felt like going to East Malaysia and suddenly... I too was on my way to East Malaysia. Just a minute ago, it wasn't on my list of plans, at least not for the next 2 years. Tonight I was going to have a nice quiet dinner and maybe a movie. But Rap Fest 2003 turns out to be tonight at 8pm. So another change of plans, and suddenly... I'll be on my first photo assignment for a magazine tonight. It's just a trial though. And I'm not a big fan of hip-hop. I'd take indie rock any day, but I'm open to all sorts of music, cultures, people. It should be fun, but I have a feeling that it'll be a really long night... |
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I refuse to be seen as someone who is incapable. Or irresponsible. Or bum-like. Or self-insufficient. Or stupid. It's hard to believe that after one month of travelling solo to places that I've bever been to before, I still have so much to prove. I thought that after this adventure people would assume someone who had driven in a beat-up Honda alone for hours on end, slept with cockraoches and spiders, shat in an unkept toilet inhabitted by 13 dead cockroaches, bathed in public toilets, swam with sharks and barracudas, walked barefoot for a week, and brought back souvenirs for his grandma would gain more respect than this. On top of that I just got a job at a magazine as a photographer today. My first gig is this Wednesday at Rap Fest 2003. But I guess I still am incapable. Irresponsible. Bum-like. Self-insufficient. Stupid. I hate it when I'm accused unnecessarily. I hate it when I'm accused without reason. I hate it when I'm accused without a background check. This Saturday I'll be on a journey. The mission? To climb the highest mountain in South East Asia: Mount Kinabalu. If that doesn't make me capable, responsible, unbum-like, self-sufficient and not stupid... I don't know what it'll take. |
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Blurty for James Tan.
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