J.M.'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] J.M. [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

It's a par 3, but my mental handicap is a +17... [16 Sep 2005|12:29pm] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | Everything I've Known-Korn-Take A Look In The Mirror ] I'm one step away from getting booted from one of my classes. Strangely enough, it's not because I don't care but because I can't remember. I have been slowly losing my grip on reality for the last two weeks and I'm not even sure why. It could be a result of too much stress or malnutrition, but this is only speculation. Fortunately I will have a slight vacation in two weeks. I'm going to see Kristen and bring her a birthday present (don't know what to get her yet). I just hope this comes soon enough before everything collapses in around me. You're not supposed to start hearing things that aren't there. Déja Vú someone recommended, but I know how that feels and I can definately say this is not it. I start work in thirty minutes so I guess I need to go. Oh, and my roommate Cody won a Xbox 360. L8R. post comment

Holy Sh*t... [13 Sep 2005|09:43am] Guess it's been awhile huh? Oh well, but not much has happened really. At least I don't think so. So my new PSP has a web browser. Freaking awesome! I can download stuff and such and do most of what you can in a normal browser, except no flash. That kind of sucks. I'm going to see Kristen end of September! I'm really excited about it. Four months without seeing someone is a long time. Crap... more class. I'll have to do more tomorrow. post comment

psp and all... [26 Aug 2005|08:51pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | Switchfoot ] so today I got my new psp. I don't remember if I said how the old one was destroyed by a car. anyway, eh... I'll tell ya later. 1 comment|post comment

School starts... Kristen leaves... [22 Aug 2005|08:27am] I'm in class right now, so this is going to remain short. Kristen leaves for U of M today and I won't see her again till Christmas unless I go there, which I won't be able to do too often. My PSP is totalled. Flew off the dash and out the window while I was driving on the highway and th ea car ran over it. Yeah, it sucks. Uhh, more later or tomorrow if there's time. L8R. post comment

No posts 'til school probably... [05 Aug 2005|08:53am] I've moved! New apartment @ 1806 N. 4th Ave. over by NTC. If you want to visit, give me a call. Right now the place isn't that clean cuz the landlord didn't do anything to the place before we got there. They said they would, but alas, meaningless words the comfort the ears. Ehh, no sweat. I ttyl. post comment

I wish they had "fucking pissed/ depressed" as a mood emocon, but alas... [28 Jul 2005|01:32am] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Eminem - Sing for the Moment ] Yeah, bowling again tonight, but the whole thing was a show. Be nice, friendly and fun loving. guess I was being an ass to Kristen though. Truly am sorry about that, but my whole attitude was a joke. I guess I really should stop trying to hang out with people. I seem always to be the tag along and it just fucking sucks. I figure next time someone plans something and I am invited third party style, I'm just going to blow it off. Seriously, if they wanted me there, they would have asked me. Not like it matters because I don't have time to go to half the things anyhow. Why the hell do I do this shit to myself? Maybe not going will trigger some reaction, but as for now, still the third party reject. Always have been and always will be. I suppose it's amazing Kristen hasn't left me yet, though by the way things are going it might not be far from it. I just keep fucking things up, what I do best. Well enough of that shit. No one's going to read this anyhow, and even if they do, I don't expect them to give a fuck. They've got their own stuff to deal with and don't need to think about or cope with mine. For almost two and a half weeks I've felt like getting wasted, but without the means of doing so. Still in the same situation faced with the same dilemma. There is so much more to write about, but frankly I don't care enough to fucking write it out. If you want to hear about it, call me when I'm drunk, which has yet to happen as well. You could probably help me out with that too. Adios... post comment

Another night, another reason not to be... [21 Jul 2005|05:13am] [ mood | frustrated ] So this will be the third time I've written this. The program is acting up along with my computer but oh well. So tonight the group went bowling, and when I say group I mean Justin, Andrea, Erik, Rene, Tiffany, Verber, and a few extras. I accompanied Kristen to the event. Usually it would have been fun, and for the most part it was, but there was an apparent underlying tension between some of the participants. I'm not even sure how I can explain it, but almost everyone showed signs of it, some just more than others. My only problem was I knew that something wasn't right, but I was helpless to do anything about it. I really wanted to scream. There was a song I once heard and the chorus went "It's such a shame the game you play, congratulations you're invited to the masquerade." I guess that's how I envisioned the night, as a masquerade. Everyone walking around with their false identity, while trying to bury the other things away. I'm really sick of the lies and the fake smiles and people that say that they're fine even though they're slowly dying inside. The silent screams that fall on deaf ears, because people are too wrapped up in themselves to notice or care to anything to help. If only they would trust someone enough to help them, but I suppose that makes me a hypocrite. I don't know what to do. Should I stand by and watch them suffer, or should I try and help? I'm so confused... post comment

[15 Jul 2005|01:11am] [ mood | groggy ] [ music | Open Your Eyes-Alter Bridge-One Day Remains ] So is being with another woman (a friend) besides your girlfriend on a couch watching a movie considered being unfaithful? I don't think so, but I was confused as to what would be crossing the line. See, I'm not a girl so I don't know when jealousy starts to set in. Obviously I can talk to the person, but does spending time with them cause problems? I guess it is clouded for me. When I think about what I'm doing, I see me comforting a friend and hanging out, but I don't want things to become misconstrued. Oh well, what happens happens. Yeah, so went apartment hunting with Cody today. That was ok. Then we went back to my house and playing Halo 2 with my bros. Kristen stopped by later and we talked for awhile, played Mortal Kombat and then I took her home. That leads up to present. I bought the Alter Bridge Cd today as well as the movie Stripes with Bill Murray. Cody bought a bunch of movies for him and his girlfriend to watch tonight. He finally bought his first PSP movie as well. As for today (since it is after midnight), I don't really want to go to work. I kind of hate the place. Shopping there, that's fine, but working in that... no comment. If I could find another job, that would be great, but for now I'm stuck. Starting to get tired and I work at ten today, so sleep might be a good idea post comment

It's been a couple, so what new... [13 Jul 2005|08:58pm] [ mood | thankful ] [ music | Lifeless-12 Stones-Potter's Field ] Not really sure when my last entry was, but I suppose it doesn't really matter. Umm, Kristen went to U of M on Monday and Tuesday. I spent I think Sunday and Monday night at Justin and Andrea's. It was fun. The first night Andrea and I watched Collateral with Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx. Then the next Justin joined us for the whole thing, Anchorman, and then went to bed and we stayed up and watched Tailspin and such. Super! LOST is on, time to go. Maybe more later... post comment

[10 Jul 2005|01:10am] [ mood | thankful ] [ music | Lifeless-12 Stones-Potter's Field ] It is now Sunday morning and I just got back from Rene's. I have to say that it was much fun and while we didn't get to play Temco Drum Master (or whatever the hell it's called) I enjoyed her and Kristen's company very much. We went for a walk to Briq's and Tbell and then played Sorry. Speaking of Rene, in response to her post on the last entry, I wasn't directly referring to specific people on that comment. I know for a fact that people manage to get by quite nicely even if misfortune is glaring them in the face. In other words, even if you weren't granted the things that you were, there is no doubt in my mind that you would have been just fine, but every little bit helps. Also, while I'm on the subject of financial matters, I got a letter today from the tech saying that I am getting $300 from Ped Fall Grant, $276 from the Wisconsin higher education grant, and about $1,400 in loan allocations. This fantastic news to me that I've even got anything because I was under the assumption that I was to receive absolutely nothing. Now, if I watch my spending, I'll have enough for the Germany trip and a car after all. I guess things do work out for those who are patient. Hmmm, up till this point, every paragraph seems to have linked to the next. Too bad it couldn't last. Pam still has my dvd and I need to get that back. I also want to pick up the new game "Coded Arms" for PSP. It's the first first-person-shooter to come out for PSP. But as for now, I don't have enough for it, so wait it will. And now I'm tired so goodnight all you loverly people and may the sunshine smile upon you as it has this day. Night all! post comment

uh, too tired to write... [09 Jul 2005|03:03am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Playing on PSP - Midnight Club 3: Dub Edition ] Well as you can see from the title, I'm going to bed. Damn, what a weird entry... post comment

[07 Jul 2005|09:52pm] [ mood | pissed off ] [ music | Music: None cuz it'd piss me off too much... ] So I have till August 1st to find the funding for school, just over $1600, or I won't be attending this next semester. For some odd reason unknown to me, I received absolutely no financial aid and am trying to find alternate means of coming up with the money. I had some set aside, but that had to be used for other things that came up. Now I'm sitting with just under $500 and less than a month to come up with the remainder. Plus I still have to fix the parking break on the Berretta and I have no idea how much that is going to cost. Oh, and the family is coming home two days early, so that's wonderful news too. If you've ever hear the song "Home" by Three Days Grace you'll have a pretty good idea of how I relate to my family; it's not. As far as I'm concerned I just live here rent free for the time being till I can find better accommodations and move out. But now having to find more money for school so that kind of put that on hold and my parents are getting worse. For those that think their parents are being "psycho" or something just because they won't let you stay out late or took your cell phone they they paid for anyway, you need a wake-up call. If you think that this is bad and wish you could go back to when you were "witto squirts and we never had to deal with all this grown-up complicated stuff," get the fuck back! I guess I'm not as concerned about the money as I am about the future. And by the way, the context of the quote from above is serious, just not the person who said it. Your petty arguments over high school drama shit makes me sick. If you were really "all grown-up," this shit wouldn't really make a fucking difference. you might not be ecstatic about what they did or what they got, but think of what you have and how fortunate you are. Think about those people who most likely will never get a chance to go to college because they were just born into the type of life that didn't give them that opportunity even if they tried their best. Now look at that friend you are fighting with and ask yourself, "would they have made it otherwise? If they hadn't gotten what they did, could they have the same opportunity as they do now?" Forget it, words of the wise fall on dead ears of the ignorant, well not even ignorant, just pig headed. If you think I'm being unfair and over judgmental, please feel free to say so, but make sure it's not just because your fighting a truth. Make sure, absolutely, that I am being unjust. Till then, goodnight... 1 comment|post comment

Spare time, but nothing to do. [07 Jul 2005|02:04am] Alright, it is kind of early in the morning and I'm not tired. I need something to do. If anyone is up this late and wants to hang out or go to a party, call my cell sometime: 846-3601. I think I'm going to go rollerblading. It's now 3:08 and I already went rollerblading for about an hour. I passed Rene's house and all the lights were out. I just ended up going in a huge circle, well sort of. I'm still not tired. Justin was going to try and have another party on Friday and I was going to bring something, but I still have yet to find anyone to get it for me. Life can be frusturation at times... post comment

A man and his emotions... [06 Jul 2005|02:39am] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | playing my own ] If society had it's way, these two couldn't even exist in the same sentence let alone have any attachment to each other. But that's what I deal with everyday; life. Love is not an emotion. Emotions are whimsical, they change with each passing minute, swayed by the events that shape us. Love, on the other hand, is a state of being, a frame of self. But you might say, "hold up, you're trying to make this a deep thought, but it's a load of bullshit." Is it? Think about it for a moment: when a person says they're "in love" like people did in high school, it was this feeling of physical attraction. Now I'm not saying this can't be a part of it, but "love" is not based on it. This, my friends, is known to many as infatuation or in some cases, lust. The majority of the populations problem in marriage are based on the fact that love in society is defined mostly as infatuation, thus why when people respond as to why they're getting a divorce, they say "we just fell out of love." The other reason usually is a breakdown in communication, but that is a whole separate issue in itself. I really have no idea why I just ranted about that, nut it felt good. Anyhow, I watched "Hitch" tonight. Excellent movie which was surprisingly recommended to me by the first girl I ever asked out. We never dated, but that was my fault. I was somewhat of an ass my eighth grade year, which was when I met and lost her. All for the best I guess, because now I'm with Kristen and I wouldn't trade it for the world. But yeah, watch the movie, or borrow it from me. That reminds me, Pam still has my movie. Well, enough for tonight. I guess with all the work I have to do today I should get some sleep before that sun comes up. Night... post comment

When to say goodbye... [05 Jul 2005|03:26am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | playing my own ] I guess I'm kind of worried. I mean I have a right to be don't I? When she says that "we just don't get along," idk, I... Panic is not something I normally endure, but that's exactly what I did; I panicked. Maybe we aren't meant to be and I suppose it would be better to find that out now than once she goes away to college. But that's not how I want this to go. After two and a half years of my life with her, I don't want it to end. What am I supposed to do though? It's not like she'll tell me what's wrong. I notice a change in her behavior, and she blows it off then accuses me of doing something wrong. Like tonight. NVM, I'm not getting into it. I just don't see how I can help change if she won't even tell me about it. Otherwise the night was okay, fireworks and then drinks @ Justin's. I have to see if I can bring something next time around, granted I can find a provider. Well, I'm not tired yet, but I don't really have much else to say either, so L8R DZ. call me sometime just for fun: 846-3601 post comment

[04 Jul 2005|03:52am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | playing my own ] Why do people insist on being so idiotic? 4.5 hours for work is just utterly a waste of time. They might as well have extended the other persons hours by two and made them close. Grrr! Oh, well. Just wrote a song, no words to it though, but it sounds really nice. New watch should come either today or tomorrow. I think I'll leave a note for the UPS guy to just leave it inside the door. I won't be home when they arrive so I don't want to have to go there and get it. Guess this is going to be another short one for the books. I'm kinda tired and want to sleep. night... post comment

No fun tonight... [03 Jul 2005|03:42am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | playing my own ] Well, I take that back. There was some fun, but I didn't go to Justin's tonight. Last night was fun though. It was kind of weird to find out that Casey was an obsessive about Erik. Had a few drinks, close to what Justin had, and had no reaction whatsoever. As crazy as it may seem, I seem to be a serious heavy-weight when it comes to alcohol. So as I said, I transfered my whole Xanga account to here. My next major task is to put the 250+ music videos I have on to DVDs so I can watch them when ever. tim has a burner for it and I have the DVDs, but we still need to find a suitable program that will set it up the way I want. Any suggestions? It has to be a PC program though, not mac. Joke time: So a penguin walks into a auto repair shop and tells the mechanic that there's something wrong with his radiator. The mechanic says he'll take a look at it and the penguin should stop by later. So the penguin goes out of the shop and walks to the mall near by. Suddenly hungry, he stops for ice cream before heading back. "Well," the mechanic says, "looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "No, it's just ice cream." Okay, maybe it wasn't that funny. Anyway, if you are bored tonight or any night and are looking for a good movie to rent, get "Benny & Joon." That should be it for tonight. I'm really just too tired to write anymore. gnite awel! 1 comment|post comment

Finally… [01 Jul 2005|01:26am] [ mood | blah ] [ music | playing my own ] Everything that was on my Xanga account has been transfered over now. Well, save a few minor entries and someone's post, but w/e. Bought the Resident Evil video for PSP today. No more games and such after this though. I seriously need the money for school and other things. idk, I guess I really feel like typing too much. It's kind of late and I have to work today. That and I need another drink. If you want to let people know I'm on Blurty now, feel free, but use common sense. Some people I know can't seem to understand what confidentiality is. If you say something to one person, it's usually expected that they aren't going to go around telling others about it. Same goes for this here even though it is somewhat public. just be smart about it. L8R 1 comment|post comment

[30 Jun 2005|04:25am] [ mood | blah ] I don't even know what date this is going to show up as, but whatever. Um, today was the two and a half year aniversary for Kristen and I. It still amazes me that I have been with someone so wonderful for so long. We went to Chen Garden for diner and then watched Batman Begins. There was a little inbetween time for… stuff. All in all, it was a good night. I just wish she weren't leaving. I'm a little worried about her going to college, but I'll have to get over that. It's just that she's displayed a lot of misconceptions about college life, like you have to drink to have friends. That's complete bullshit in my opinion. If they were real friends they would respect your decision and wouldn't pressure you. They can ask if you want to, but well, you get it. I didn't go to work after Kyle's party on Saturday. I drove Kristen home and crashed there because I was afraid that I would fall asleep at the wheel. Co-Manager Nathan was really understanding and said that I should get some rest and get better. I haven't heard back from that other place yet either. I'm sure I will though. I don't think I mentioned this yet, but I have no financial aid for this up coming semester. Not quite sure why, but I have to come up with $1,600 by mid-August. I also need another $2,000 for a car and possibly an additional $2,000 or so for a computer and other expenses. Needless to say, not a fun ordeal. My mom offered to buy the car and have me pay her back, but I don't want to have to be in debt to my parents. I guess that's all that I'm going to write tonight, or this morning. Oh, and if Pam reads this, tell your boyfriend that I haven't gotten his e-mail yet. I'm going to need that stuff soon if I'm going to do anything. Well, goodnight all! post comment

I should be sleeping... [30 Jun 2005|01:22am] That's right folks, it's that time of the night again where I sit down and type random shit to make myself try and forget that which I usually have already forgotten. I pulled everything off the Xanga site and am going to try and put it here as soon as possible, but not now. I copied it into Word and at a size 9, Times, it took up over 25 pages. Ugh! I'm not going to have fun back logging all this shit. Oh, and it's storming outside. Just a little note from my brother's Xanga account that I found today (well, more than a little but an excerpt none the least): "once again i think that I have something interesting and worthwhile to say but once i sit down it sounds just like every other autistic drooling self absorbed loser with a computer...raaa! oh well that happens, one of the good things about being incredibly self absorbed is that you forget about your faults pretty quick...any hoo, today was the last day of school(yay!!) so now i have the whole summer to dick around and skate with my team(Mogwai) and sleep till my dad wakes me up for lunch. that also means that i wont update this page probably until school starts because I have dial up at home and it takes a year and a half, and contrary to popular belief I do have a semblance of a life.. okay travis is here so now i can put on some decent music and mosh to it for shits and giggles..." That taken from his on June 6th. He found mine first and left a post but I didn't see it. Anyway, this will have to be short cuz the weather is getting worse. L8R post comment

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